da**** Posted February 7, 2023 Posted February 7, 2023 what are the red flags? Can you play devils advocate here
Deleted Member Posted February 7, 2023 Posted February 7, 2023 We guys get rejected ALL the time. Just say it straight up, and most will respect it and move on. If he decides to get heated or take it in a nasty direction, that calls for an immediate block.
Chloebear Posted February 7, 2023 Posted February 7, 2023 I’m pretty direct about red flags - I say this concerns me because of this… and therefore I won’t be continuing contact… if you go for facts, more objective stuff, it can be more constructive and less emotional to deliver. Good luck 🤞
Deleted Member Posted February 7, 2023 Posted February 7, 2023 3 hours ago, SeanDGF said: Thank you so much for actually thinking of this. People have just straight up blocked me three times now! I had built a connection with each of them. I still don’t understand what I did wrong. I would absolutely tell them RESPECTFULLY what’s going wrong, and that you feel the best thing to do is end it. If they take it well, then just say your goodbyes and let them say theirs. If they take it badly, block them. But PLEASE, tell them why you’re ending it. If they’re anything like me, just blocking them without saying anything or not giving them a chance to explain will put them in such an emotionally *** state. The most recent time it happened to me was literally yesterday, and I don’t remember the last time my mood was this low. If you tell them what you see as a red flag, it may make them less likely to do that again if they find someone else. So speaking from experience, please help them out. Everybody deserves love in some fashion, so before you end it, please point their behaviors in the correct direction. Oh man, I'm so sorry for that bro. It's a crushing feeling, I know exactly what you mean. If it helps, try to convince yourself they may have been too nervous or afraid to tell you that they weren't interested, and blocking was the least confrontational action. I know it's a crushing feeling, I hear you, but try not to let it destroy you. When it happens to me, I try learning from my mistakes if I can, and then move on and try again with someone else. That's just the state of things for us guys, we have to face rejection nonstop before we find the one, just as the ladies have to deal with overwhelming DMs on their ends...
re**** Posted February 7, 2023 Posted February 7, 2023 Best advice be straight forward. Trust me easiest way to do it because otherwise it's like leaving the door open
Je**** Posted February 7, 2023 Posted February 7, 2023 Just let him know it doesn't work out between you 2
Deleted Member Posted February 7, 2023 Posted February 7, 2023 Just be honest with them about not being interested anymore, if they still keep contacting you then block them.
za**** Posted February 7, 2023 Posted February 7, 2023 There must be 50 ways to leave your lover - Paul Simon
st**** Posted February 7, 2023 Posted February 7, 2023 7 hours ago, Carrolltoncple said: The best way I've found is the "two positives and a negative" method. A little compliment, a thank you very much, and the "but I just don't feel: the connection, or like we're a good fit etc." If you've ever watched Shark Tank they usually do a pretty good job of that. Encouraging the contestant a little bit then "for that reason I'm out" If that doesn't work then there's always the block, report...restraining order 😉 What you refer to is the sandwich method ... positive negative positive.
Deleted Member Posted February 7, 2023 Posted February 7, 2023 You cant all ways let them down gently, some time you have to be frank and just say to them, I am sorry but this is not going to work I wish you all the best in what you are looking for
UK**** Posted February 7, 2023 Posted February 7, 2023 Personally I think there are many different ways and it depends on the person you are talking to, how long you've been talking and to what level that conversation has got. It also depends on you and what you are comfortable with. You can just not reply to his messages and hope they get the hint Say politely "I'm sorry but I don't feel we are compatible" Explain in detail what aspects make you come to that conclusion. This and the previous can open up a debate about their opinion compared to yours and you may not want to go there. "Thanks but no thanks" Block Delete your profile! The length of time you have been talking and the level of discussion about potentially meeting for me make a more detailed reply more deserving. As others have said, being cut off with no reason can often be soul destroying and far better to hear that it's happening, than to just have nothing. If you have red flags, they are your red flags and it doesn't matter if they agree. Be firm, these are the reasons I don't want to take things further. If they politely say "thanks for letting me know, good luck in your search", then great, all is good in the world. If not then it's time for the block.
Ar**** Posted February 7, 2023 Posted February 7, 2023 5 hours ago, slut_tamer_97 said: That's just the state of things for us guys, we have to face rejection nonstop before we find the one, just as the ladies have to deal with overwhelming DMs on their ends... For some perhaps, I'd consider it a matter of context though. Guys are only going to face non-stop rejection if they keep constantly throwing themselves at almost everyone and anyone without being a bit more select; we also don't have the monopoly on being rejected/blocked, that can and does regularly happen to others too.
ey**** Posted February 7, 2023 Posted February 7, 2023 6 hours ago, slut_tamer_97 said: . That's just the state of things for us guys, we have to face rejection nonstop before we find the one, just as the ladies have to deal with overwhelming DMs on their ends... I sometimes use "applying for a job" analogies because there is somewhat fairness if you pick up the newspaper and there are 1000 jobs and you apply for them all, you are going to receive far more rejections than even interview invites. Because you're not suitable for the role (or, if you are, showed no evidence of that in your application) So it is set up for rejection. This is even with odds in your favour because all 1000 jobs want someone to do them and while most would prefer nobody than someone unsuitable, there's still the odds here that you are suitable or someone is desperate - however, of course, you might start going to interviews and find the travel time is too much. The pay is too low. The hours are unsuitable. The role is horrible. If however instead of applying to all 1000 you instead ask two questions, "Am I suitable for this role" and "is this role suitable for me" it narrows it down and the amount of rejections is going to be a lot lower. Mind, you still need to show this in your application, if it's written in crayon or is just "any questions just ask" it projects work onto them and no matter how good you really might be you're going in the bin. But it might be you narrow down these jobs and - there are zero. But you know there are places you would be suitable for (and would be great for you) so you speculatively apply. You still might get rejected. You might not even get a reply. Online dating is kinda like speculatively applying, partially because the companies kinda do have to have someone fill the role whereas individuals do not actually *need* a partner - if a lady says she would like a Dominant (or a sub) and 100 apply, but none of them really appeal to her, she doesn't need to pursue any. The same should be true of guys. That you could wake up tomorrow from a message from a lady and instead of trying to mentally make it work, you can just.... be like... this person doesn't interest me. But yeah, the more people you message the greater the percentage of rejections. I reached out to 3 people last year on here (a whole three!) and only one flat out rejected. The other two we talked for a bit and then it fizzled. But that was still a 66% response rate Mind. I probably should reach out to more, but I dunno... some of my low contact rate is actually a bit of a self-confidence thing (woah, I talk a lot for someone who struggles with self confidence!) but, I dunno, perhaps it doesn't hurt so much to be selective (equally I have been meeting folk and playing with folk from other means of meeting people)
Ni**** Posted February 7, 2023 Posted February 7, 2023 “Hey, I appreciate the interest in me, but I don’t think it is going to work out. I wish you the best, and good luck in finding what you’re after”
littlemiss37 Posted February 7, 2023 Author Posted February 7, 2023 @slut_tamer_97for me its not abandoning me. It was how he doesnt want to talk but wont block me . As if othere womens fall through he has me as back up . Nah because im worth more than that tbh . I have blocked this person on fetlife . Anyway life goes on and there is a guy in glasgow i think im interested in neway x
ey**** Posted February 7, 2023 Posted February 7, 2023 16 hours ago, littlemiss37 said: How do u let someone down gently? I hate doing this . There is red flags with this guy x no one actually is entitled to 'nice'. especially not someone with red flags. There is a saying "it costs nothing to be nice" but that is actually a lie - Continuing to be nice to people with harmful/toxic behaviors only creates reward feedback loop encouraging them. And THAT is a heavy cost. It also has the cost to you of the emotional labour in trying to be nice, to let someone down gently, when really - chances are it's just a stranger you owe nothing to. Sure. It might suck for him if he gets up to tomorrow and can't contact you any more because they've hit the "thanks but no thanks" button - but that's on him. Continuing to try to be nicety or tip toe around things is labour on you. Which you don't owe. At best. Absolute best. Before you hit the no thanks button you could do a line which is to say, "unfortunately you're not what I'm looking for right now" and that's it. Make that the limit.
littlemiss37 Posted February 7, 2023 Author Posted February 7, 2023 15 minutes ago, NiccoloV said: “Hey, I appreciate the interest in me, but I don’t think it is going to work out. I wish you the best, and good luck in finding what you’re after” I had messaged that this morning and it whent good . Im also attending events twice a week to search for a dom in person x
Wo**** Posted February 7, 2023 Posted February 7, 2023 It’s easier than you think… ”I’ve thought about this and I don’t think you are a right match for me. “ The end.
Se**** Posted February 7, 2023 Posted February 7, 2023 15 hours ago, slut_tamer_97 said: Oh man, I'm so sorry for that bro. It's a crushing feeling, I know exactly what you mean. If it helps, try to convince yourself they may have been too nervous or afraid to tell you that they weren't interested, and blocking was the least confrontational action. I know it's a crushing feeling, I hear you, but try not to let it destroy you. When it happens to me, I try learning from my mistakes if I can, and then move on and try again with someone else. That's just the state of things for us guys, we have to face rejection nonstop before we find the one, just as the ladies have to deal with overwhelming DMs on their ends... @slut_tamer_97 Thank you, man. It’s just tough to learn from your mistakes when you don’t even have a clue what your mistakes were. Hell, a few days before she blocked me, we were talking on a phone call and she said “I can’t wait to marry you.” It was as sweet and sincere as I’d ever heard her, which is saying something. Like… she promised me that she’d make sure nobody would ever hurt me, and she broke her promise by hurting me herself. With all the stress I’m going through with college right now, it’s so hard to have any hope of finding someone that will stay with me forever.
lu**** Posted February 7, 2023 Posted February 7, 2023 Well this app has a great not interested auto text and then just block them. Don’t waste your time or energy on them anymore . You deserve better .
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