My sub is disobediant, please help...

[To****]

This is actually the first time for me being an online dom, and I'm still figuring a lot of this out... I find it difficult to make my sub obey. If I think of punishments, she doesn't want to do them or finds ways to make them easier for herself, and then she teases me for getting outsmarted by her... She's being impolite to me and starts teasing me randomly when we're on the phone. She's really bratty and I want to put her in her place. Does anyone know some tips or punishments I can try to give her?

Your help is much appreciated!

[Pa****]

Ginger in the butt is interesting punishment, Can be very ***ful. But In end if she won't obey maybe it's time to move on. Not super knowledgeable about online d/s dynamics because they don't interest me. Seems kinda like she wants you to come tame her in person.

[Deleted Member]

Online is pointless unless the sub is 100% obedient. Go for her ego and pride, tell her she is a useless sub and not worth your time. If she doesn't behave still then drop her

[Deleted Member]

Tell her she is useless and not worth your time, if she doesn't behave then drop her

[ge****]

Is this all on-line and you've never met? If so how long have you known her, and how well do you know her? What's been discussed in terms of the type of dynamic you have, boundaries, limits, rules etc?
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Are you even sure she is a she, and not just someone stringing you along?
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Whatever the case, you're very limited in what you can actually "do" with on-line play, especially if the other person is not as committed to it, or seemingly committed, as you might be - about the only option open to you is to close the connection, or threaten to, if they don't behave, and tell them you won't indulge them further until they are ready to comply.

[To****]

27 minutes ago, Pandorite said:

Ginger in the butt is interesting punishment, Can be very ***ful. But In end if she won't obey maybe it's time to move on. Not super knowledgeable about online d/s dynamics because they don't interest me. Seems kinda like she wants you to come tame her in person.

I wish i could tame her irl, I think both of us would like that but she lives in America and I'm in Europe, so its not gonna happen anytime soon... Maybe you're right about moving on but it's only been a couple of days and I want to give it a chance first. I mean I'm new to being a domme so I'm guessing the reason she's not obedient is because of something I'm doing wrong due to a lack of experience... the ginger punishment sounds fun though I'll keep that one in mind!

[pr****]

Or you really JUST are NOT DOMINANT. OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE SOUNDING LIKE YOU ARE THE REAL SUB AND SHES a bottom Dom. You don't seem like you are a Dom at all cuz u sound like all other wanna be doms thinking that being dominate means being a bully. ... You do know that submission is earned rite?? And that the sub (in the end is REALLY the one who's in charge) and if she's doing this to u online then she's probably playin u man... U didn't send any *** to this person did u??

[AProperDom]

Brats hate being ignored. If she doesn't do what she's told, ignore her for a period of time. If she continues, extend the time.

[ey****]

if it's new it's going to take time for you both to make it work 

but genuinely; it sounds like you're not finding this arrangement enjoyable and it's probably not going to get any 'better'.  That her style doesn't really align with yours.  That's OK, it's compatability.

 

It is worth a conversation that basically you need to agree what works for you both because if the overlap isn't there, it's not going to work

[To****]

20 minutes ago, prosper390 said:

Or you really JUST are NOT DOMINANT. OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE SOUNDING LIKE YOU ARE THE REAL SUB AND SHES a bottom Dom. You don't seem like you are a Dom at all cuz u sound like all other wanna be doms thinking that being dominate means being a bully. ... You do know that submission is earned rite?? And that the sub (in the end is REALLY the one who's in charge) and if she's doing this to u online then she's probably playin u man... U didn't send any *** to this person did u??

Jesus man no need to be rude about it. Like I said, this is my first time being a domme and sure, I'm learning and confidence also comes with experience. Maybe I need to be more dominant but it also takes some time and experience to get there... No I didn't send her ***.

[To****]

22 minutes ago, PerryDom said:

Brats hate being ignored. If she doesn't do what she's told, ignore her for a period of time. If she continues, extend the time.

Im pretty sure this is the only real option I have... When I first mentioned I might start ignoring her she reacted shocked but then she said she wouldn't care about it... I think she's trying to make me think it wouldn't work so im not gonna try it.

[Ma****]

Your profile says you are equal Dom, sub, that maybe part of the problem, also as PerryDom says, ignore her, see if that makes a difference, if not then it's not right for you,

[Em****]

It doesn’t sound like you two did much vetting/negotiating before diving into a dynamic. It’s important because that’s how you establish which punishments and behaviors you’re both ok with, and avoid running into problems like this. I saw someone suggest ignoring her, that’s a terrible idea. That will likely cause more issues, especially if she’s someone with trauma related to abandonment or being ignored.

[Driver0143]

Most wanna be doms in here are not who you should get advice from especially ones that attack you for asking for help they do make books that can actually help you and once you understand the dynamic and the communication is key to all of it you’ll be just fine but as always watch out for those that don’t understand that

[Deleted Member]

Online can be very difficult with brats. They need real repercussions to thier actions and so it’s up to you as a Dom to identify what they really likes that is non-physical, and deny them of that. If they need communication, take it away. If it’s praise, take that away, or better yet sprinkle in some ***. If they like gifts, don’t provide. Refuse guidance until they comply. The trick is, brats are bratty because it’s playful for them. They shouldn’t really want to hurt you. If they do, then they may not really be for you. Being dominant is about interplay between you and an opposing ***. As a person just now exploring that concept, the first step is always knowing what you want and how to get it. Learn the buttons to push early.

[Cheekysub247]

A point of view from a 'brat'(partly) and someone who has done online....
The connection, the commitment, the trust has to be there. That takes time. Even for online only. Ive only done online that would hopefully/eventually lead to actually meeting. There are days my confidence is very low and i cant do whats asked, but my 'dom' would know this from discussions, there are days im in a 'bratty' space but im never disrespectful and follow a punishment given. Being a 'brat' is not an excuse, its just harder to focus some days.
It sounds like her hearts not in it if im honest, or maybe to much too soon. 'Brats' can be a delight in the right hands 😊

[Deleted Member]

57 minutes ago, PerryDom said:

Brats hate being ignored. If she doesn't do what she's told, ignore her for a period of time. If she continues, extend the time.

This is not a Brat. It is a person using Brat as an excuse to overstep. People like this gives Brat a bad reputation.🤦‍♀️

[Ch****]

I have had to end online relationships because I was unable to get the submissive to follow even basic rules and punishments. You’ll learn and get better over time.
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Anyone who shits on you about not being a “real dom” is a cvnt, and should be ignored. Stupid people think they know everything, intelligence is knowing how little you know.
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When you remove contact with her, tell her why, how long it will be for, and what you expect her to do and say when you restart it.
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Do not just ghost her.
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Talk about what punishments she hates, and what she likes.
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Tell her, after the lack of contact, that she will need to do a punishment she hates to show she is trying to be better for you.
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Do not make the mean punishment cross her limits though!
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When she does, tell her she’s a good girl (or whatever works in your dynamic) and praise her for being a good submissive.
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If she doesn’t, tell her you will need to give her some alone time again to think about her actions, and will speak to her in a few days.
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See if that works.

[DaddyDom2287]

My advice. Find out what she really likes, and I mean REALLY likes. And then take it away. If it is messaging you, break contact for a day or two. There is no such thing as "Taming" a bratty sub. You have to earn their respect and trust. But it is definitely a feat to finally gain her trust and respect

[TheDeathRictus]

Ignore anyone saying to stop messaging as a form of punishment, that's confusing and upsetting for a sub even when explained. Frankly, if you can't punish them except by f**king off why not just break up and hope that teaches them? See, it's dumb.

There are things you can do, find out if she likes pictures of you/nudes/pets etc and withhold those, withhold praise because she's misbehaving, etc. Tell her that you've told her how to earn these back and remind her about her punishments she's not done. Also, in my experience, few subs enjoy punishing themselves they enjoy the Dom doing it as part of the experience so that should also be considered

[Deleted Member]

13 minutes ago, NineInchNailsYou said:

Ignore anyone saying to stop messaging as a form of punishment, that's confusing and upsetting for a sub even when explained. Frankly, if you can't punish them except by f**king off why not just break up and hope that teaches them? See, it's dumb.

There are things you can do, find out if she likes pictures of you/nudes/pets etc and withhold those, withhold praise because she's misbehaving, etc. Tell her that you've told her how to earn these back and remind her about her punishments she's not done. Also, in my experience, few subs enjoy punishing themselves they enjoy the Dom doing it as part of the experience so that should also be considered

I don’t think anyone here is talking about ghosting. Messaging and communication is different. You can message a person simple, one sided things. That’s not communication. Communication is a back and forth. It requires listening as well as speaking. And ghosting is different. I would hope that before to go silent, a person makes sure that they define the reason why, and a reasonable timeframe that the communication will resume. AND an expectation of how the sub intends to rectify the problem. Brats get their enjoyment out of causing friction. They feel like the dominance comes from overcoming their challenges and figuring out their little puzzles. BRIEFLY Cutting communication (IE, giving them the satisfaction of getting your attention) Can be a method of punishment, but only if you KNOW your sun well enough to know that they will understand that it is not a personal attack and that it is about the play.

[AProperDom]

1 hour ago, kiseu said:

This is not a Brat. It is a person using Brat as an excuse to overstep. People like this gives Brat a bad reputation.🤦‍♀️

Fair point.

[To****]

1 hour ago, Emilyv24 said:

It doesn’t sound like you two did much vetting/negotiating before diving into a dynamic. It’s important because that’s how you establish which punishments and behaviors you’re both ok with, and avoid running into problems like this. I saw someone suggest ignoring her, that’s a terrible idea. That will likely cause more issues, especially if she’s someone with trauma related to abandonment or being ignored.

It's true, we met on the app Petme and we kinda just jumped into it without discussing a lot. I feel like the solution lies in communicating clearly with her to know what she wants out of being a sub for me and what I want from her as a master... We're both kinda just winging it I think and it's creating a messy situation because she doesn't make me feel like I'm in control most of the time, although she seems to want me to be in control... It's a bit confusing but the only way to get clarity is to talk to her about it ig.

[TheDeathRictus]

20 minutes ago, CallMe_daddy said:

I don’t think anyone here is talking about ghosting. Messaging and communication is different. You can message a person simple, one sided things. That’s not communication. Communication is a back and forth. It requires listening as well as speaking. And ghosting is different. I would hope that before to go silent, a person makes sure that they define the reason why, and a reasonable timeframe that the communication will resume. AND an expectation of how the sub intends to rectify the problem. Brats get their enjoyment out of causing friction. They feel like the dominance comes from overcoming their challenges and figuring out their little puzzles. BRIEFLY Cutting communication (IE, giving them the satisfaction of getting your attention) Can be a method of punishment, but only if you KNOW your sun well enough to know that they will understand that it is not a personal attack and that it is about the play.

I'm a brat tamer, with a lot of experience irl and online with brats and to almost any sub this is considered a very bad way of punishment and a massive red flag, if I had a sub friend come to me asking for advice in the situation where their Dom used their attention as a punishment I'd say it's toxic and the dynamic should be questioned. I can understand taking a day or two to reflect once in a while if someone has deeply offended you etc, but the advice previously given was several days of no talking, then almost in the next breath discussing earning a subs trust and respect....frankly I wonder how you could if you might vanish any minute if you deem it so. A D/s dynamic requires more trust than a normal relationship and I think some people forget that

[Submarkg]

Are you for real ?? Made me laugh reading it ..If its not working for you as you wish and Im guessing she does not respect you …..Walk away ..Simple as that …