Please help, was i a terrible person and wrong to block them?

[Deleted Member]

I’m a sub and I’ve had similar experiences, but as all people well practiced in the lifestyle will tell you a dynamic is about communication, consent and trust. Three things this ‘dom’ hasn’t had with you, more he has made demands to a complete stranger.
You’ve done the exact right thing ❤️

[Deleted Member]

BrattyBabyG, that is exactly correct. People like him are dangerous yo new submissive women. They prey on their lack of knowledge, and take advantage of it, to fulfill their perverse sexual desires. They don't have any concern for the new submissive that is scared and wants to trust so badly.

[Ob****]

Oh sorry you had this experience. I had something similar, I also blocked them. Being a sub doesn’t mean you have to submit to anybody. With communication, trust and respect a sub may choose to submit if she wants to. Nobody has the right to demand or *** it, in vanilla or kink worlds. Take care ❤️

[Deleted Member]

I was on another BDSM site, there was a thread on there similar to thos one. What I call a wannabe Dom posted on it saying that when a person sahs they are submissive, they are opening themselves up do any Dom to come in a claim them and own them. As I told them, submission is earned, not demanded expected, or implied.

[ju****]

He is a fake dom, no dominant worth their weight will demand submission right away. There is a vetting process that should always be done first. If that doesn't happen then it's a huge red flag

[Deleted Member]

Most that call themselves “Dominates” are not true Doms, there is absolute protocol and vetting to make sure the dynamic is right for both parties involved, submitting can be a slow or quick process, but it requires a level of trust and must be grounded in honest dialogue.
Block him and move forward, don’t submit to anyone without knowing they have your best interests involved first.
This is an amazing lifestyle, and can bring forth such incredible insight into you and your desires, don’t give up…. Just take your time and don’t hesitate to block or say no.

[Ho****]

It's unfortunate that ***rs use "Dom" as an excuse to do whatever they want with little to no consent. Seen this stuff before. Something I've told subs (friends) before is if they are completely unaware or unwilling to talk about negotiation and / or contracts ... Run, they only wanna hurt you.

[Em****]

Had a similar situation. He was very ***ful, but it oddly turned me on. So, I did what he asked for a few hours. Same night, we video. After the initial conversation was done, he said I have to submit to him. He wanted 100% loyalty. We live 1200 miles apart and I don't even know your last name.
I told him I'm not jumping into a completely loyal long distance relationship when I just got out of a 15 year one.
Havent heard from him since.
I think-- if the come off as "too ***ful" at the beginning, they really don't want to treat you like a human. I'm always a human/woman before I'm anyone sub/slave.

I'd say go on about your day, if he does start back up, block him then report him

[co****]

Assuming OP is being honest, he's a stranger and you're not a doormat... or are you? If you're looking for that much control and being led by the hand off the bat, then some self-reflection is required, as well as familiarisation with red flags (I hate that term) regarding emotional manipulation; especially towards the beginning phase - that goes for both subs and Dom/mes.

[Br****]

You’re fine, like the first guy said there’s a lot of abusive a**holes that use “Dom” as an excuse for bad behavior. Don’t stress yourself. You’re totally fine.

[Re****]

Girl I get it. I just had to block a guy because I had to tell him no 3 times and he still kept bringing it up no matter how blunt I got.

[Re****]

Like yes. I desperately want to submit but I'm not just going to submit. I'm too new for all that!

[su****]

This is just *** with a cute name to be honest

[Sh****]

That Dom is in the wrong imo. Just sounds toxic, sounds like you dodged a bullet by blocking them. 

[Br****]

So super proud of you for asking this question as an extroverted-introvert I understand how difficult this had to have been. I'm have only been exploring this part of me for about a year. On different site when last year there was a supposed Dom who came at me with demands of I needed to do a bunch of crap I A)didn't have time for (I was attending university fulltime with a major in social work and a double minor in psych and sociology {veterans studies} as well as working part-time as a hostess an a busy Irish pub/sports bar B) didn't care for his attitude and C) dealing with grief in my family my 8 month old grandson had passed less than a year before so i was angry/sad and this guy told me I had to put him before my education and my job lol I told him to "get bent" or feck off but ive dealt with emotionally abusive dbags before. But everyone is telling you truly, this guy is the kind of Dom who gives this lifestyle/choice/need whatever it is and it's different for each person, a bad name. Good job...

[Be****]

He's a fake Noone should demand to be called daddy that's earned you done the right thing in blocking him

[John54]

You can role play the 'You must put me before anything' (and the consequences of not doing so!) scenario but only once both of you have discussed and agreed it. What happened to you sounds bullying and abusive. He'd be off my Christmas card list for sure

[To****]

I think that's a level I would never tolerate. You didn't give him permission to LORD over you already. A true DOM cares for their subs. I had a very strict female DOM, She was demanding in every way possible. If you read my bio, I went into detail. I'm a CD & I agreed to her owning me I did everything from maid dresses during the day while she worked and I was the housemaid, to making sure that dinner was ready by 5:01pm and was fully dressed when she came home I had body inspections for hair, to punishment (***less). One thing that was ALWAYS A CONSTANT was she always made sure I WAS IN AGREEMENT WITH ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING SHE DID before she attempted it If course I got into routine quickly, but I always was confident she would never do anything I didn't agree to I was rewarded with new clothes and things like that but I was NEVER PUNISHED, DEGRADED, TALKED DOWN TO IR ANYTHING unless I gave her permission. This may be an extreme example but I am only showing you that YOU DID THE RIGHT THING BY BLOCKING. NO MEANS NO IN EVEN THE STRICTEST RELATIONSHIP and you 2 didn't even establish a relationship at that point. Of course my story has a sad ending because she got greedy and started having me do things that I normally would not have done, like letting her drunk like minded friends use me in numerous occasions and she was doing that for profit and I thought I was doing it to please go her and get her off. That shows what can happen though even after 4 years. You have to be extremely careful and always pay attention. If you get into a LTR like me in which I thought suited all my kinks, 24/7, even DOMS you trust can ultimately end up f**kin you and not in a good way BE CAREFUL BABY, U DID GOOD!

[Deleted Member]

Before any play or power dynamics are to even be touched upon negotiation is paramount. It ensures that all parties are comfortable and their needs/boundaries/preferences are communicated. This “dom” isn’t following this basic tenet, he is just using this site to prey on women. I come across this as well and delete them promptly and block them if they harass me. This guy was harassing you. If he doesn’t understand or practice the basics of the BDSM lifestyle then he is a predator. I’ve been to dungeon parties where losers like the guy you were talking to were running around harassing and bullying the women there to give him whatever it was he wanted. Guys like that get kicked the f*** out, they don’t belong in our community or anywhere else and that’s their fault. You listened to your intuition when it told you you weren’t comfortable with his behavior and took measures to protect yourself. Building trust with your own inner voice is what will help guide and protect you during your journeys, trust yourself and your feelings. You’ve got this, good luck out there 🫶🏻

[John54]

I agree with @Top2Bottom2 &  @R_Bunny3000. That kind of behaviour gives Doms a bad name and equates it with sexual *** in my view.

[Deleted Member]

Totally. It is sexual *** 120%. Don’t these guys have any dignity?

[Ja****]

This breaks my heart. YOU ABSOLUTELY DID NOTHING WRONG. So many red flags. You have nothing to apologize. It’s actually the opposite. He owes you an apology. That whole don’t talk to anyone else thing is a common tactic for ***rs. Trust you instincts. You’re a sub, not a doormat.

It sounds like you did the right thing here in a lot of ways. You weren’t comfortable with something and you told him that. Your instinct that something didn’t seem right was spot on. And, and this takes a lot of courage, you asked for help when you were doubting yourself instead of just going along with an uncomfortable situation. Also, from this, it seems like your communication skills are far better than you realize.

The only thing I would say is to give that nice guy from the vanilla app a shot. :)

Seriously though, you did a great job with this! I know it takes a lot of positive rein***ment to erase self-doubt so I’ll say it a few more times.

@littlemaelou You did a wonderful job handling this situation! You did a wonderful job handling this situation! You did a wonderful job handling this situation! You did a wonderful job handling this situation!