So you think you're a Dom?

[ey****]

There is no such thing as a "true" Dominant.   Because every Dominant has some characteristic about them which someone else would say a "true" Dominant would never do!

So the concept of "true" is a fallacy.

But also - "earned it" from where?!  Most roles are just self-appointed however we try to dress it up.    Like "I am a Dominant with 25 years experience and I've had 10 subs" - wow, that's a lot of sub - were you sh*t so none of them stayed? But, OK, serious time... "I can call myself Dominant cos I've got 25 years experience" ok, but you're not MY Dominant and you haven't earned it from ME - so therefore continuing to use it is self-appointed.

 

[CopperKnob]

Ah, the old "one twue way" baloney 😴
BTW, someone mentioned to me recently that in IT, the alpha program is always 💩 it's the beta version that tends to run 🤷‍♀️
Dominance and submission mean different things to each of us.
There is no one way to be dominant. It's not something you do. I could be in a room with 10 Dtypes all holding floggers and not feel submissive to a single one of them. As an stype, I decide who brings out my submission. It's partly choice but it's mainly a reaction to someones vibe/character etc. It's who you are to me that matters.
Let's not gatekeep what labels mean in the world of kink which is essentially a world of liberation. It's not, stick everyone in a box and be done with it. I don't want a Dom straight off of a conveyor belt that looks and behaves like everyone else. Thankfully it won't happen, mainly because we're all human before any labels we apply to ourselves

[HamCoBondage]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

Ah, the old "one twue way" baloney 😴
BTW, someone mentioned to me recently that in IT, the alpha program is always 💩 it's the beta version that tends to run 🤷‍♀️
Dominance and submission mean different things to each of us.
There is no one way to be dominant. It's not something you do. I could be in a room with 10 Dtypes all holding floggers and not feel submissive to a single one of them. As an stype, I decide who brings out my submission. It's partly choice but it's mainly a reaction to someones vibe/character etc. It's who you are to me that matters.
Let's not gatekeep what labels mean in the world of kink which is essentially a world of liberation. It's not, stick everyone in a box and be done with it. I don't want a Dom straight off of a conveyor belt that looks and behaves like everyone else. Thankfully it won't happen, mainly because we're all human before any labels we apply to ourselves

The same way a switch can be completely dominant with one person and completely submissive towards another

[th****]

I think that what makes a dom, rather than just someone who likes being dominant, is an understanding of the responsibilities of being one. Too many people use it as an excuse to make submissive partners do what they want without understanding proper dynamics of power exchange of that the power you yield in those exchanges comes with obligations - to understand and respect the boundaries of the person you are playing with, to ensure everyone get what they need from a scene which involves understanding WHY your sub likes what they like and aftercare both physical and emotional. Kink becoming more mainstream seems to have led to an influx of people who have no understanding of the above or worse, a disregard for it. Any idiot can call themselves a dom, but from what I am told sadly very few embody what it is to be one. My two cents

[QXX666]

Cogito, ergo sum… so yes I am. 
If a Dom doesnt have the mindset to start with then he won’t go far. After that it’s basically a private matter.

 

[Levi-5296]

Yea is that not the basic prerequisite for Dom/sub encounters? Trust, consent and comfortability. 

If all three of those conditions are not met for all people involved then then it's impossible to know if everyone is having a good time. At least that's how I see it. 

After all it's not fun if not everyone involved is feeling 100% comfortable.

To me this kind of thing is very important if boundaries are not clearly defined and clear about what they want and expect I find I just cannot Dom well.

 

 

[ho****]

Many doms do know what it means. Are there some who are just in this for control purposes? ..sure, but there are subs who are here for quite the same reason.

Example: My husband is my primary dom, and to me, he's amazing at it, but he recently had a "sub" who didn't seem to have a clue about or a care for explicit consent, to top it off she wanted 24/7 attention, which wasn't a great fit for him or us as we have a relationship of our own, plus children and lives, but she wanted full time all the time. She claimed to be a bratt, but her definition of that was acting an ass in public to other people, not him. She claimed to be a sadist, but coward at the idea of and physical punishment.
So when he didn't pay attention to her not stop pic messages for an evening, she sent him a message the next morning reading, "I can't do this, I'm out."
To which he decided was for the best.
Then she decided to delete her profile on her...oh well, but then few days later and she's back on here, he clicked on her profile and moments later he's blocked.
So does that mean he doesn't understand being a dom...or that they were not a good fit.

[Ka****]

She sounds like a dumba**

[4R****]

True, but IMO it hardly scratches the surface about what A Dominant is. That said, nobody could really define what makes a Dominant (many have tried) as there are so many intricacies and facets to one’s personality. Therefor one can only state what a Dominant is ‘to them’ rather than generalising. 

[BruiseWayne]

As long as you aren't doing anything unethical or abusive you're doing kink the 'right' way.

 

I think some folks see people who aren't good at being a Dominant or a submissive yet ( or at all really ) and take it as an opportunity to call them 'fake' or whatever.  Either that or they get butthurt over some form of rejection or another and they're just lashing out.

 

Being bad at being a D or s doesn't exempt you from calling yourself one though and there's always the chance for you to improve. Nobody starts out being great at anything really.

 

Even those amongst us who have natural inclinations towards either side of the slash still had to spend years honing our abilities and learning things before we got any good at what we do.

Edited February 13, 2023 by BruiseWayne

[be****]

This new girl I’m talking to…I’m learning that with her. She has been let down a lot in life, and I’m trying to build her back up. I’ve realized it’s so much more than just the bedroom.

[Deleted Member]

Let’s do another thread about subs

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, PillowPrincess1 said:

Let’s do another thread about subs

For people to tell subs how to behave/act/what their submission 'should' look? That'll go well 🤣
I volunteer for you to post your thoughts (dictation) first 😉

[Su****]

There is an alpha which is a primary in a house. There are submissives. But no alpha submissive, it is a misused made-up term used in the community.

[ey****]

3 hours ago, Suncoast said:

But no alpha submissive, it is a misused made-up term used in the community.

spoiler : all terms are made up

[Le****]

This sounds more like an outburst... And yeah, many men say dom buy they just want an easy f**k. Maybe you just never met a real dom, yet...

[Deleted Member]

If you really want a quick easy way to check if a Dom is for real, ask to see their medical care kit. If all they got is a cheap first aid pack they picked up at Walmart, just say no. Any Dom worth their salt will have a comprehensive supply of aftercare equipment. Various bandages, wraps, gauze, Neosporin, alcohol, peroxide, burn ointment, etc... They'll know what is required for aftercare and be equipped to render whatever care is needed.

[al****]

Oh yawn. Worry about your own situation. How other people play their roles is none of your business.

[al****]

10 hours ago, ***Daddy said:

If you really want a quick easy way to check if a Dom is for real, ask to see their medical care kit. If all they got is a cheap first aid pack they picked up at Walmart, just say no. Any Dom worth their salt will have a comprehensive supply of aftercare equipment. Various bandages, wraps, gauze, Neosporin, alcohol, peroxide, burn ointment, etc... They'll know what is required for aftercare and be equipped to render whatever care is needed.

Not everyone enjoys that level of *** that requires medical attention. Do you and enjoy it but you’re not dictating what’s “real” that’s real for you but not everyone else.

[QXX666]

17 hours ago, ***Daddy said:

If you really want a quick easy way to check if a Dom is for real, ask to see their medical care kit. If all they got is a cheap first aid pack they picked up at Walmart, just say no. Any Dom worth their salt will have a comprehensive supply of aftercare equipment. Various bandages, wraps, gauze, Neosporin, alcohol, peroxide, burn ointment, etc... They'll know what is required for aftercare and be equipped to render whatever care is needed.

Real Dom 😂😂. mine got scalpel, gun stapler, tooth extraction ***ps, jigsaw, chloroform and a mars bar, is that ok? 

[Deleted Member]

In my opinion while yes every true Dom has his own style, if all you are is a dominator in the bedroom and nothing else you aren’t a real Dom. If you don’t care about making your Sub feel safe physically mentally emotionally etc and all you want is to boss someone around you aren’t a real Dom. And if you tell your Sub exactly what they want hear and you don’t mean a word of it, just so that you can get what you want then you aren’t a real Dom.

[BruiseWayne]

On 2/17/2023 at 7:15 AM, alyxfrost said:

Not everyone enjoys that level of *** that requires medical attention. Do you and enjoy it but you’re not dictating what’s “real” that’s real for you but not everyone else.

I saw this in another thread too... People think that how they like to do things and what they expect out of another person applies to EVERYONE else for some strange reason, and as a result everyone who falls outside of that to them isn't 'real'

 

Christ, I'm a sadist like that and I don't have any of that shit, nor have I ever been asked if I did before.

 

Go ahead and call me 'fake'. I dare ya.

[Deleted Member]

February 17, alyxfrost said:

Not everyone enjoys that level of *** that requires medical attention. Do you and enjoy it but you’re not dictating what’s “real” that’s real for you but not everyone else.

It's not about ***, people can get hurt during just regular rough sex or what if something happens like if you're going at it in the shower or just standing up and you slip or lose your balance? As a Dom you should have things on hand to be able to take care of injuries that might result from that.

[Deleted Member]

February 17, QXX666 said:

Real Dom 😂😂. mine got scalpel, gun stapler, tooth extraction ***ps, jigsaw, chloroform and a mars bar, is that ok? 

😂 good planning for fun not so much for afterwards. C+

[QXX666]

6 hours ago, ***Daddy said:

😂 good planning for fun not so much for afterwards. C+

How about the Mars bar ?