My wacky first experience as a female sub *fail*

[subprincess342]

Ok so I'm new to all this and of all places I stumbled across a sexy male dom on a Christian dating app.

I saw his GQ handsome face and I just rolled with it! It came pretty natural to me. Yes Sir, anything you want Sir. He is a marriage minded dom so he is asking me can I cook? Can I clean? I need to know how to make him an excellent cup of coffee (I don't even drink it), to win brownie points I asked him what his favorite meal was? Steak - medium rare. Ok I will make it. I also have to wash his car. Take care of our future kids. Church on Sunday. Sheesh. Can I really do all this? I would certainly play desperate housewife to be ravaged by him in bed. 

Then the question comes up if I am virgin. I get nervous, after all he is a Christian hardass. I'm thinking this is the dealbreaker as I am very experienced sexually. But no I'm in luck. He says God forgives me, however he will need to punish me for what I've done. I'm thinking yes! He's gonna spank me, slap me, make me walk around naked all day, delay my orgasm until I can't take it anymore! Woo, punish me daddy. I ask him how he will punish me but he won't tell me. 

We keep talking. He says he likes me a lot. I'm pretty much falling in love at this point and ready to move out of the country and marry him. 

Then I learn what my punishment will be: on our wedding night he is going to penetrate me anally as he needs to "take some kind of virginity". Ok guys, I tried anal once and I hated it! I also got scared because he said he wanted to make it "hurt" and I'm thinking to myself, ummm, no? Not how I envisioned my wedding night! I stood in character and told him Sir, I wouldn't do that. But he gets really aggressive quoting the Bible at me about how good wives submit to their husbands in every way.  Things get a bit tense and I basically told him in so many words to F off, totally dropped the submissive act.  

I'm kinda in a weird place now. I think he is super hot. But getting sodomized on my wedding night. ***fully? Am I just too vanilla?

[ey****]

I'd not say you were too vanilla at all; but that everyone, even the most willing, have certain boundaries and that's (one of) yours.   

[BigPolly]

Maybe he’s just a dick that is bullying & abusing you & needs to learn that No means No. You’re a sub not a doormat.

[Ra****]

One thing I've learned is that good looks are nice in fantasies but a man that actually takes you where you want to be and gives you want you need is much more important than any look. Beauty comes and goes, *** comes and goes. What is on the inside usually doesn't change all that much.

[Deleted Member]

awww hun. no your not to vanilla.

[Deleted Member]

I dont think that you are vanilla. You just have anal as your hard limit. He needs to understand that a no is a no,  maybe he is not  a real dom as he didnt understand it was a hard limit for you. Please look up what limits are, hard ones as well as soft ones, and safewords, these are very important and please make sure that your future dom(s) know what those are for you. Your submission is a gift, not something that they should walk ober and ***. Hope things work out for you. Also please note that looks are not that important he is gonna grow old too. 

Dont worry about asking more advice/questions, we are a pretty friendly community and you are welcome to join us. 

[Deleted Member]

Are you sure he is a Dom?

That is that he understands the idea of D/s and the idea of consent?

Shame he's so pretty or you would not be having this dilemma. ... and no, you are not too vanilla, a hard limit is a hard limit.

[Deleted Member]

Well good you told him to do one but if he starts quoting scripture just remind him what the bible says about loving his wife as Yeshua loves the church, sacrificially and setting aside his own life for his bride.

[subprincess342]

Thank you all for being hella cool, it may have been a rocky intro to kink but the community seems awesome! As far as my Sir, we aren't communicating at all right now. He is so cold, haughty, and distant. Good for the role play, bad for establishing boundaries. I'm imagining that he would probably devise worse punishment for me if I cave in - but he's already pushed me to my limit! Perhaps we just aren't a good match :(  Perhaps, like was said, he is an ***r or wants to be a dom but isn't familiar with "da rules" of consent et all. I suppose my one barrier around being a good sub is establishing trust. I don't trust easy, but I do like how the element of danger gets my adrenaline going. Doing anal could potentially be a soft limit if I know for sure my precious butt will be ok and in good hands (also if it wouldn't be a frequent punishment) but the fact that he seemed keen to inflict *** sent me a different indicator. Tricky stuff people. Edit: How do I smooth things over? Should I as a sub apologize for my infraction and try to reengage/negotiate? 

Edited March 4, 2019 by subprincess342

[BigPolly]

Apologise for what? Because you were honest about something that you don’t like & makes you anxious so he took a big stupid childish huff over it in order to emotionally blackmale you?!......

or you apologise because he won’t respect your limits? 

Or maybe you want to apologise because he such a good Christian that he’s quoting the bible to try & get what he wants regardless of your thoughts or feelings.

personally I think you need to go on the lookout for a real man, one who treats you decently & respects you both outside & inside the bedroom. 

 

[Kikkik]

Hi subprincess. I read your story and felt I needed to reach out. I have had similar experience more often than not. Previous doms have ghosted me because iv stood up for myself when they pressure me or I feel they are being dishonest. Things like this can be frustrating but keep trying. Like other members have said your not a door mat or they to be exploited. Hope you find what your looking for.

[Deleted Member]

Don't appologise. You have nothing to appologise for.

As others have said your limits are your limits . If your arse is off limits then that is the end of the matter. If that can't be respected then it's *** and not D/s. Do not be bribed, wheedled, blackmailed, bribed or cajoled into offering up your arse. From what you've said he'll have no idea how to do it anyway.

Keep looking. There are actual Doms out there.

[Deleted Member]

Rules and boundaries are there for both sides , and respect of this and your feeling is a must honestly he just sounds nasty . No respect of your boundaries wtf .

[Deleted Member]

Do not say sorry . Stick to your guns girl .

[Kikkik]

9 hours ago, Kikkik said:

Hi subprincess. I read your story and felt I needed to reach out. I have had similar experience more often than not. Previous doms have ghosted me because iv stood up for myself when they pressure me or I feel they are being dishonest. Things like this can be frustrating but keep trying. Like other members have said your not a door mat or not there to be exploited. Hope you find what your looking for.

 

[Deleted Member]

Woah! I registered just to respond, I feel kinda strongly about this one.

 

Im male, and a dominant. Also, I cook, I clean, and maintain my house. Not always, but I'm a very capable human. Im also an adult and can take care of myself.

My sub also does these jobs. We're people too, we have a home and a kid, and a lot of normal life stuff.

My sub also submits fully to me. We have roles in the kink world and she plays hers and I play mine and we love it! Also this was FULLY consented to, discussed and agreed upon, mutually, well before hand. We formed a bond before she submit to me. 

Nothing that goofball told you is fundamentally about dominance and submission. That sounds like using people.

BDSM is absolutely not ***. *** is not dominance. Some abusive people try to prey on subs. Especially new subs. This isnt kink, it's just ***. Run screaming from that person!

 

Your wishes and limits matter and are critical to maintaining a d/s relationship. Some people CHOOSE to waive this later on, but not initially.

[subprincess342]

Guys guys. Thank you so much for all your input. You were right after all. The plot thickens: I decide to do a reverse image lookup on google to get some background info about Sir. Yes he is real. The name he gave me checks out. I find his Linkedin page and couple other work related sites of his and think "Haha look who has the power now! I could ruin you! Muahahaha". As he mentioned, he works in politics and has a PHD, he even interned at the UN. Wooty woot. Very polished and accomplished, indeed. Must admit, I'm very sapiosexual so reading the political musings on his blog was a major turn on! However, I lurk his facebook page and many indicators point out the fact that he is not a true Christian. Quite the opposite. He has a taste for Satanic death metal and dark stuff. Should I be surprised? I'm not judging anyone who enjoys metal, I used to be a stoner metal gal myself but I've changed now. Not my cup of tea and this guy is a big phony! My last words to him were "I should expect this type of perversion from a Catholic." And those will stay my last words. Hopefully, I don't offend anyone by saying I'm sworn off Catholics now. This is the second one that turned out sexually pushy and creepy. Well, back to my Bible study lol. Back to boring, lonley, horny life. Maybe one day God will send me the dashing dominant man of my dreams to give me a nice whipping for my love crimes. If so I will run back and share with you all. Until then...cheers guys!

[Mi****]

Talking about marriage and wedding night punishments with someone you have only chatted to online is the stuff of fantasies (and should remain there) This guy is definitely not the Dom for you and you should run as fast as you can in the opposite direction, in my opinion

[Deleted Member]

I guess talking about marriage isnt wrong, thinking of the future is what are taught to do afterall.

Well princess i think you did a good thing and hopefully you will find your dashing partner soon. Have fun and take care till then is all i can advise you to do at this point.

[KCurious]

Hey subprincess, there maybe thousands of questions filled with uncertainty what both your futures be like  but you may already know the answers yourself or you may not, it is what it is. The lifestyle he wants and what you want may not be the same and may not be right for you or others or what you expected to have together.

If you want to be together and everything to  work in your relationship , try talk to him and tell him your thoughts and feelings - communication is hard and sometime you think twice whether or not to even talk to him. 

One decision can follow the next , that’s not to say  you can’t explore and enjoy the adventure of this lifestyle. However if just if your out because of desperation and not because you really want this guy or even love him. You should wait for the right one to come along love you and care about you most of all know what you need and always will understand you no matter what the obstacles are. 

 

All the best ! I wish everything works out for you and have an amazing sweet *** journey !  😊☘️

I apologise if I have offended you in anyways.