Need some advice...

[MrsSynn]

Okay, so to heres a bit of background on the situation to kind of give you an idea on what I've been dealing with.

 

My Husband and I have been together for 4 years. We got married in August of 2018. In December my Husband's college closed on him out of no where, he had 6 days left before he graduated, ever since it closed he has been so negative and angers so easily. He directs it at me. He's never hit me, but sometimes he verbally takes it out on me. Every time this happens, he'll apologize, tells me he loves me, and then he'll try to initiate sex. I refuse to play when I'm mad at him, on top of that he just wants it without worrying about what my needs are. He doesn't even tell.me he loves me unless he wants something. He buts me what I need, but gets me gifts to show affection. Material items are great once in a while, but it just doesn't best that physical connection. Our whole dynamic has gone out the window and he doesn't en*** protocol or rules we took so much time to set. He just acts like he doesn't care for it. I've asked him about it and all he does is give a different excuse ('The dogs or someone keeps interrupting' or 'It's too cold.'). The other issue thats such a turn off is his hygiene is terrible. I have to argue with him to get him to shower and care for himself like he should.

 

I've realized I've been ignoring a lot of these issues since we got together. I didn't even realize it till recently. Thats my fault, I will admit that. I've already spoken with him about it bluntly. He acts more affectionate, but it just seems ***d. He still turns his harsh words at me when angry and still tries to initiate sex the way I described above. His hygiene is not any better either and my needs still aren't being met.

 

I love him, but I don't know what to do. What do you all think? Any advice is much appreciated.

[Deleted Member]

Communication is key, and or sounds like you are heeding that phrase, but are you telling him how you feel about it all, or just what the problem is?

[CuriousSissy]

It sounds like he us heading into depression, I think you should speak to a professional

[Tillysub]

It sounds like a really tough situation you are in. He clearly needs time to grieve what he has lost, I mean, all that hard work...it must be soul destroying for him but he’s taking it out in the wrong place.

i agree that he could be sinking into depression and I think he should seek professional help. The flip side of this is that you need to make sure you are looking after yourself as well.

Marriage isn’t easy, you hit these rough patches every now and again but I am sure it will get better for you in time with understanding and work.

 

[Deleted Member]

It might be worth looking into mediation or professional help for your husband? It does seem like he way have come to a halt, unsure of what to do next? And that uncertain feeling, not knowing what's going to happen, maybe being afraid of what's going to happen, could be angering him? Also depression maybe another cause, going off what you said about his hygiene. It will only get worse, doctors trip needed. Also, you need to think about what's right for you, does he make you happy, can you work it out, do you want to work it out? Etcetc. 😘 😘 X

[Nikki_Hexy]

I think @CuriousSissy is right on this, i can sympathise how he has done all that hard work and only had it lost when the finish line was within reach. With depression we start to lose who we are and forget how to show we care so he may be trying to use the material gifts as a way of trying. but talking to a doctor about seeing a psychologist or even getting some meds if even as a temporary mesure to help. Pills helped me a lot and might work for him too.

[MrsSynn]

He was in the US Marines for 5 years. He does suffer from PTSD. He already has his doctors at the VA and they have already given him meds for it, but he refuses to take them. His doctors want to see him, but he refuses to call them back. I've tried to get him to call them. I know I can call for him, which I've done before. He just refuses to go to the appointment. I'm just not sure what to do anymore. I just feel like all I do is give and he just takes.

[MrsSynn]

I've conveyed my feelings to him more than once as well.

[deepak7773]

left him

[Mi****]

My partner is also ex ***s and suffers from PTSD, its a tricky condition and requires professional help. When we first got together my partner stopped taking his meds, in his words "in an effort to feel normal", so I had to sit him down and tell him I would help and support him all I could but he had to do his share and get help and take his meds otherwise I would end the relationship for my own sanity. 7 years on we are still together and although he stil has depression and PTSD episodes he is much better

[RosesHaveThorns75]

Guy I grew up with had PTSD and so do I now....its very disruptive disorder to long term and short term life and can be very disruptive on identity sense of self too....defiantly causes rages when the person gets alarmed or disrupted easily....very tough for sure

[3S****]

I have CPTSD and don't have rages. if anything the violece that caused my condition made me very anti-***, i tune out stress (dissociate) so that helps.

 

I think it's time to seek out help for yourself now. You can't *** him to help himself and the only person you can control is yourself so i think all you can do is make sure you're alright.

[MrsSynn]

Well, talking doesn't seem to work. It just keeps getting worse and now he's been throwing things across the house, not at me though. It may not even be ne that upset him. It could be the littlest thing. For example, the other day he god mad because he didn't cook an egg how he wanted it, he made breakfast sandwiches. When he picked it up, the egg yoke broke and he just got up and threw it at the kitchen window and went outside. He didn't apologize, clean it up, or anything when he came back inside. Just started playing video games. I feel like I'm married to a child to be honest. Thank you guys. This really helps. Gives me a lot to think about and things to consider I didn't before. I'll figure out what I need to do and I'll let you guys know, if you'd like.

[KCurious]

Give him time to sort through his mess , he will somehow come back to you who he once was. 

When he is acting up you could talk him out of it or say talk to me please , I am here for you and always will be. Cuddle him when he’s angry , kiss him when he’s sad ... take the *** away from him. However afterwards ones he a little more calmer try making serious communication or take him to the places you guys used too go where you were all happy let those memories bring back the goodness. 

Any relationship is hard to maintain but if there’s a will to it then it will work but a marriage life is much harder .... 

A person can change overtime without realising how did it happen or why did it happen... but timing may make everything better or you accept who he is now (every bit of him even the badness ) because you love him so much (and there is still goodness in him) and hope that your husband will come back to you with a genuine true happy smile. Another is to give him space to think things through but still be beside him when you or he needs you.

 

I apologise firstly if I have offended you. 

All the best , I hope things get better ! 😊☘️

 

[Deleted Member]

you need to stop your D/s relationship and go back to your marriage set up. He need to grow up, find another college to finish his graduation, not sure how it works in USA so cant give advice on that one, but I am sure if it's a government  instution he's entitled to a place somewhere else? 

Depression is an underlay accumulated from years and certanily not from 2/3 month. It might been hit hard by the closure but not depressed, also its very rare when someone depressed lash out on someone else. They usually against themselves or are very low on energy. But it could happen, I am not psychologist pathologist and its not on this website you would find answer.

But first quit the dynamic is not really healthy to do it in this condition.

as for his hygiene I feel for you, I cant  have a day without 2 showers minimum so...

[MrsSynn]

Thank you to everyone for there advice. It really helped. He's finally getting with the program and actually trying to talk things out with me.