Just a lesson.

[se****]

My personal opinion: when it comes to this kink/bdsm lifestyle, I don’t think it’s for everyone. And that’s not a bad thing. So many people take a their first step into this lifestyle, and picture their role. and not enjoy it. That doesn’t necessarily mean you or your partner did anything wrong within your roles, it could simply just mean that this isn’t for you.

I speak on this because I’ve seen a lot of people complain about their first experience, and the usual response they get is That they’re doing something wrong, or their dom/sub wasn’t the right one. It doesn’t have to be either. Maturing is realizing when something just might not be for you, instead of always blaming yourself or someone else.

You can get on a rollercoaster for your first time, and just not like it. Doesn’t mean that you’re afraid of heights, or the person next to you smelled weird. It could simply just not be for you. Everything isn’t for everyone. If you truly aren’t feeling that fulfillment and joy in playing your role, then you might want to take a step back or maybe even a different approach. It’s doesn’t always have to be because “you’re not a real x y and z”

[Bk****]

True speak fella

[Deleted Member]

Not that I'm going to do it, but I could now ask the question here what the difference is between the sub and slave roles. Or I could ask about the difference between Dom, Master and Owner roles. Out of 100 answers, maybe 1 person gives a correct answer. Now that you start this OP with the words "just a lesson", my question is what is the lesson to be learned from this? This is neither a lesson nor advice, at best it is your personal observation.

[Deleted Member]

I think sometimes people hold off diving into BDSM because of shyness/ ***s, and then it becomes a big thing when they finally take the plunge. There's a lot of pressure and expectation attached to it then, and, just like losing your virginity, it's not like it is in the movies. It takes time to find the right person to connect with, it takes time to find yourself within it.

For some people you're right, it was not the thing they were looking for and their search needs to go on, but for others, they need to relax and explore and take their time. The first time is not the be all and end all. (Thank God. Mine was in the back of a Jeep in a dimly lit parking lot. Hardly the stuff of dreams.)

[Ic****]

Good point

[ch****]

Huh ?

[Deleted Member]

I think it takes time though. And it depend on the person. It’s not something that’s simply done once and then say nope don’t like it. There’s so much to the lifestyle that you can make it how you want/need it to be for yourself and your D/S. But that takes time. Time to find the right person, time to find out your own likes/dislikes, and time to decide if this is what you truly want. But I will say if your first experience isn’t a good one or with “fake” then it can make one self internalize and wonder “what did I do wrong”. Some people will use their first experience as a learning tool moving forward and others will simply give up. Just depends on the person.

[ka****]

Something that you think might be a fetish for you when you are alone, might completely change when another person is involved as well.

[Deleted Member]

When a person enters their first dynamic the idea of what that dynamic looks like is different to the idea of it .. are you a little/ an old school sub, a switch, a brat, a slave .. A traditional D, a caregiver D, a D or a Master.
Finding your role takes time. Growing your dynamic together takes time. You may find you just want kinky fuckery in the bedroom and not want a 24/7 dynamic .. take time to discover your needs and your role .. and you will find a fulfilling relationship 🙂

[Deleted Member]

*the reality vs the idea I meant ...

[de****]

I agree. Many people are interested in the idea of things, but when it comes down to it, they don't want it.
Which is totally fine, just let it be what it is.

[Deleted Member]

Thank you but my first experience was great. The only problem is he was 29 and didn't have his shit together so had to let him go.

[BruiseWayne]

3 hours ago, depravedsoul said:

I agree. Many people are interested in the idea of things, but when it comes down to it, they don't want it.
Which is totally fine, just let it be what it is.

A lot of people are very unrealistic in their expectations. Especially in kink. And especially submissives looking for a dominant sometimes.

 

I think on top of that in this day and age we're all kinda guilty of Goldilocks Syndrome to one degree or another whether we're willing to admit it or not too.

[de****]

9 hours ago, BruiseWayne said:

A lot of people are very unrealistic in their expectations. Especially in kink. And especially submissives looking for a dominant sometimes.

 

I think on top of that in this day and age we're all kinda guilty of Goldilocks Syndrome to one degree or another whether we're willing to admit it or not too.

That might be.
Personally, my first experience that was mixed. My second experience was exactly what I was looking for in a d/s dynamic.

[Pd****]

I think porn hurt this community a lot too. People expect it to be like the videos and it’s just not that

[BruiseWayne]

7 hours ago, depravedsoul said:

That might be.
Personally, my first experience that was mixed. My second experience was exactly what I was looking for in a d/s dynamic.

Sounds like you got very lucky. Took me a few tries but I found exactly what I wanted too. Ultimately it didn't work out, but still. So yes, it can and does happen.

 

Regardless, I think a lot of people are still very unrealistic in their expectations. Especially for what a dominant person is supposed to be.

[Deleted Member]

I totally agree! In a similar boat is people trying to be switches when they’re not. Trying to *** yourself into a role you’re not isn’t going to work and being in a dynamic where you’re forcing yourself is harmful to both parties. My first “dom” was a sub trying to *** herself to be a switch and it’s really permanently damaged my subspaces. I’m still very heavy into kink and have two wonderful doms, a switch and dom, but my first dynamic still affects me and my current ones

[Il****]

You know you speak facts! I am uncertain what I am but definitely a submissive bitch whole likes wearing dresses

[Ba****]

I dont think BDSM is something you should just dive into. I researched and learned long before I entered my first, actual, BDSM relationship. I knew what I liked, what I might like, and things I didn't want to try because they weren't something I even liked researching. I don't think ill ever understand why some people just jump straight into a BDSM relationship before they do indepth research. Might be the autism though, so idk.