BDSM relationship: how to get over a breakup?

[purplepie]

It's not only about terminating a contract. Many feelings are involved in a BDSM relationship, and ending it can be pretty ***ful. For some people, moving on is a difficult task...💔 What advice do you have for getting over a BDSM breakup? How to make this process a little less ***ful?

[za****]

Immediately find someone new!

[littlemiss37]

It was online only but my problem is I submitted straight away . But this has leaned me that I want more than the guy could give me and I'm getting my mental health sorted aswell . U can turn a negative in to a positive also . So I look out for red flags . On another site a guy said no long term relationship and I said well u r not what I am looking for because I want long term. Then all of a sudden he said that's what he wanted after saying it wasn't what he wanted . Pple can try and take advantage of newbies like myself . I'd dint know to vet doms . So if u r new I suggest vetting the person first x

[Se****]

I think prt of the issue is that at the beginning of a relationship much time and care is taken to learn each other and to effectively communicate and each party discusses their wants, needs, desires and limits. Generally at the beginning of a relationship people can’t envisage the end and when that person has played a HUGE role in your life and gained your trust and spoken with you every day the loss can be quite devastating. It’s sad to think about but maybe good practice would be to discuss, should the “worst happen” and we split how would you prefer to be dealt with. I also think respect and communication are very important and whilst it may hurt people need to be exceptionally honest - there should be no way that the other part thinks there is any way of things being rekindled (unless there is). My first Dom ended things ambiguously and (despite knowing how I’d react) cut off communication and couldn’t or wouldn’t answer my questions to help me process. I in turn acted completely irrationally and made things a lot worse (and I do accept the blame for that before any further comments are made re this).

[na****]

Have a huge amount to say on this and would absolutely love to.
However, my mouth would run away with me. The woke/p.c brigade will have a warrant out for my arrest 😏 Plus I’ve been fairly well behaved hahaha.
Lots of mindfulness and self love guys. Remember you’re worth it…don’t accept anything less 🥰💖Take care x

[de****]

1 hour ago, FatefulDestiny said:

I think prt of the issue is that at the beginning of a relationship much time and care is taken to learn each other and to effectively communicate and each party discusses their wants, needs, desires and limits. Generally at the beginning of a relationship people can’t envisage the end and when that person has played a HUGE role in your life and gained your trust and spoken with you every day the loss can be quite devastating. It’s sad to think about but maybe good practice would be to discuss, should the “worst happen” and we split how would you prefer to be dealt with. I also think respect and communication are very important and whilst it may hurt people need to be exceptionally honest - there should be no way that the other part thinks there is any way of things being rekindled (unless there is). My first Dom ended things ambiguously and (despite knowing how I’d react) cut off communication and couldn’t or wouldn’t answer my questions to help me process. I in turn acted completely irrationally and made things a lot worse (and I do accept the blame for that before any further comments are made re this).

Well put

[Pe****]

Take time to heal and lots of self care. Not much more you can do.

[Deleted Member]

The hardest part is finding someone else, until you do I don't think we ever get over it.

[gr****]

Talk to your friends in kink world and eventually find someone else

[He****]

5 hours ago, zaragoza620 said:

Immediately find someone new!

and if you were together for a couple of years? do you just turn off your feelings? 

[Deleted Member]

Well there is no real solution you will get hurt and it takes time to get over it but here are a couple of rules that you should follow :
1-never go back with who you broke up.
2-work out or try to improve any aspect of your life because it has to continue .
3-make your ex regret by becoming a better version of yourself that he will never ever get access to in his life.

[Sw****]

After my recent breakup, I had to avoid a lot of things. Activities, shows, sights, and sounds that made me think "This is something I used to do with her".

Fortunately, she and I had pretty different interests, otherwise I'd have to find new things to do with my spare time to avoid those triggers.

[tr****]

best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else .

[littlemiss37]

Willow hels exactly . I'm vetting doms the now . He will always have my first experience of this stuff but he has moved on so I have accepted it and doing the same x

[littlemiss37]

59 minutes ago, mrJhon said:

Well there is no real solution you will get hurt and it takes time to get over it but here are a couple of rules that you should follow :
1-never go back with who you broke up.
2-work out or try to improve any aspect of your life because it has to continue .
3-make your ex regret by becoming a better version of yourself that he will never ever get access to in his life.

Wow I so love this . I asked to get back and he said no . I am now glad he said no because it has helped me m

[Kitten711]

Take time to heal, get therapy, learn your needs and what needs you're willing and able to give a future partner, and Never use someone as a disposable object just for a rebound and hurt them. Just because you're hurting doesn't mean it's ok to use people for your own selfish distraction.

[littlemiss37]

1 hour ago, mrJhon said:

Well there is no real solution you will get hurt and it takes time to get over it but here are a couple of rules that you should follow :
1-never go back with who you broke up.
2-work out or try to improve any aspect of your life because it has to continue .
3-make your ex regret by becoming a better version of yourself that he will never ever get access to in his life.

Exactly and totally right . At the start of the dynamic I put in for therapy to help better my mental health and make it more manageable

[littlemiss37]

1 hour ago, mrJhon said:

Well there is no real solution you will get hurt and it takes time to get over it but here are a couple of rules that you should follow :
1-never go back with who you broke up.
2-work out or try to improve any aspect of your life because it has to continue .
3-make your ex regret by becoming a better version of yourself that he will never ever get access to in his life.

Exactly and trying to better my life for me and my future who ever that will b x

[0L****]

Just take a break of all... No much talk. Some cry. And get back my self love.

[Deleted Member]

Acknowledge the ***, it means there was pleasure and joy. Allow yourself time to mourn. Be gentle with yourself. Take time to connect with your self. Time will help heal.

[MadameStephanie]

The heart is muscle both litteraly and figuratively and like any muscle when it tares, we give it rest and feed with with what it needs to get heal even stronger. The tare of love is the same and it's different for everyone.

[He****]

The problem is when you break up because of something that's going on in their life that they think they don't want to put you through. And because of it they think they can't give you what you want, I didn't get a say, I'm a very loyal person, so if I say I will stick by you, I will. It was only presumed what I wanted, I can give that up in a heartbeat. As for someone else, not anytime in the foreseeable future , if ever. I think I'd rather be alone than go through this again. I am going to move from Australia to Germany just like I planned because there are so many things there I want to do, so that will keep me busy. I guess it is what it is, but it sucks and not in a good way. 

[te****]

Curious

[za****]

As Paul Simon sang, "There must be fifty ways to leave your lover."

[Deleted Member]

Take the time to heal and recover. If you jump back in quickly, it’s just a recipe for mental and emotional disaster. I had to find that out the hard way.