BDSM relationship: how to get over a breakup?

[Ba****]

Do things you enjoy. Even if your partner(s) enjoyed it too, do what you enjoy. Its easy to get lost in the feelings from a heartbreak, but its still easy to move past it if you know what you need/want to move past it. Best of luck to anyone that is going through a breakup.

[Pe****]

Tuesday at 04:54 PM, naughtynat said:

Have a huge amount to say on this and would absolutely love to.
However, my mouth would run away with me. The woke/p.c brigade will have a warrant out for my arrest 😏 Plus I’ve been fairly well behaved hahaha.
Lots of mindfulness and self love guys. Remember you’re worth it…don’t accept anything less 🥰💖Take care x

Well said my girl 😘

[gl****]

Church.

[BestKept]

pornhub

[Deleted Member]

Get under someone new

[pa****]

Focus on the pros and cons of the situation . Stay true to yourself remind yourself of the cons you both went through in the relationship and focus on the pros I'm not dealing with those cons you endured and remind yourself of all the positive potential for new experiences to come in the next few steps in your life. I know it's easier said than done. Loneliness is a void that can't just be filled and when its left Hollow it deteriorates you from the inside out.... I always found strength in being more involved with friends and family focus on your support group whoever they may be however many of them you may have always try your best to keep your head up and stay positive you got this

[pr****]

let it be the catalyst to a better relationship & a start to a new beginning! be on your own for a bit, gather yourself, and relish in the time you can attend to other needs you may have. grieve the loss as much as you may need, be it days to months, and once you feel ready let yourself find another dynamic. yes that same spark or that same person may not be replaceable, but think about what else there is to come and understand better may be in store ❣️

[Deleted Member]

Personally when a Vetting/Dynamic ends i like to evaluate what were the pros and cons of the relationship, what i can take away and learn to look out for, if there were any preference changes, then it's always good to get yourself into a routine, reset your headspace before moving forward. To me if a Vetting/Dynamic doesn't work out then it's like two puzzle pieces that didn't fit. When your putting together a puzzle you don't get sad that the two you have in your hands don't fit you just accept they belong somewhere else on the board and keep looking for the right one. As long as you strive for your happiness and endeavor to look towards the good things it makes working through the negatives worth it. Hope my view point helps.

[He****]

4 hours ago, OniSins said:

Personally when a Vetting/Dynamic ends i like to evaluate what were the pros and cons of the relationship, what i can take away and learn to look out for, if there were any preference changes, then it's always good to get yourself into a routine, reset your headspace before moving forward. To me if a Vetting/Dynamic doesn't work out then it's like two puzzle pieces that didn't fit. When your putting together a puzzle you don't get sad that the two you have in your hands don't fit you just accept they belong somewhere else on the board and keep looking for the right one. As long as you strive for your happiness and endeavor to look towards the good things it makes working through the negatives worth it. Hope my view point helps.

That makes perfect sense for a Vetting or Dynamic situation, but it's not always about that. Sometimes the puzzle pieces are a perfect fit, there are other things that are the problem, that don't need to be. 

[Deleted Member]

We as human beings can't grow from comfort. The way we better ourselves is through experiencing ***. We cannot become better versions of ourselves without it. It is the tool in our lives we need to utilize to grow and become stronger. My advice is to fully experience the *** of a breakup and look for how it will make you better and stronger.

[hi****]

It sucksssss. Subsanctuary on Reddit brought me a lot of comfort when I needed.

[BruiseWayne]

To make it less ***ful? I'm not really sure that's possible if I'm being perfectly honest. You just have to go through it. It'll take as long as it takes, and there's no sense beating yourself up over it if you're not healing as fast as you might want to. The cold hard truth is that sometimes you might NEVER get over it. Not really. Sometimes a person was such an integral part of your life that no matter what you do there's always going to be reminders of them floating around.

 

And it's not like you're going to get rid of the memories of your time together any time soon either.

 

The best advice you can give/get is probably not to go rushing into something with someone else just to give yourself some comfort an relief because that relationship is only destined to fail. It's not really fair to the other person and it's only going to make you feel worse if you fuck up something that could've been real with someone else you connected with because you weren't quite ready to be with someone else yet.

 

You have to the ability to be honest with yourself and be able to make the right decision, which is kinda hard when there's feels involved. Believe me, I know.

[al****]

Personally i find it difficult to end relationships to a person I have formed an emotional attachment to. So weather it’s a happy or sad ending it’s an ending nonetheless and I feel a sense of loss. I feel it only appropriate to go through The motions of tbe grieving process. The time I need to go through certain stages of that process would vary depending on the situation. But it is a loss nonetheless and it’s something that requires adjustment and self love and self soothing. I personally tend to isolate when I’m going through any type of emotional turmoil but I really don’t recommend that at all. But I’m also a highly sensitive person so I try not to bleed my feeling or emotions because I *** they will be too much for others. I like to try o pick so something about myself I woukd like to improve and kind of focus on a self love self improvement project to focus on to keep my mind focused. If there happened to be any type of negative stuff involved in the ending that affects me and the way I feel then that’s what I focus on. And I typically accept the fact that there will be a lot of tears involved

[He****]

2 hours ago, alwaysthenewgirl said:

Personally I find it difficult to end relationships to a person I have formed an emotional attachment to. So weather it’s a happy or sad ending it’s an ending nonetheless and I feel a sense of loss. I feel it only appropriate to go through The motions of the grieving process. The time I need to go through certain stages of that process would vary depending on the situation. But it is a loss nonetheless and it’s something that requires adjustment and self love and self soothing. I personally tend to isolate when I’m going through any type of emotional turmoil but I really don’t recommend that at all. But I’m also a highly sensitive person so I try not to bleed my feeling or emotions because I *** they will be too much for others. I like to try o pick so something about myself I would like to improve and kind of focus on a self love self improvement project to focus on to keep my mind focused. If there happened to be any type of negative stuff involved in the ending that affects me and the way I feel then that’s what I focus on. And I typically accept the fact that there will be a lot of tears involved

I could of written this, after 6 weeks I still have tears everyday. The stupid thing is we didn't break up because of anything either of us did, it was because of something we have no control over, I would of stayed he didn't want me to, that's all I can say about that. Yes I've become best friends with the internet, and I talk to lots of people and as soon as they mention anything sexual I run. I have now figured out why I'm taking it so hard, because it ended with no warning, everything was going great for 2.5 years and then radio silence. He didn't ghost me, he tried to explain, but he didn't give me the chance to say how I felt, and what I would of done. I lost my husband of 36 years a few years ago, same thing everything normal one day and gone the next. To me the loss is just as the same so I know I'll grieve the same. Not sure I can ever do this again. We will see, ha one of his favourite sayings. 

[He****]

On 3/25/2023 at 6:08 AM, BruiseWayne said:

To make it less ***ful? I'm not really sure that's possible if I'm being perfectly honest. You just have to go through it. It'll take as long as it takes, and there's no sense beating yourself up over it if you're not healing as fast as you might want to. The cold hard truth is that sometimes you might NEVER get over it. Not really. Sometimes a person was such an integral part of your life that no matter what you do there's always going to be reminders of them floating around.

 

And it's not like you're going to get rid of the memories of your time together any time soon either.

 

The best advice you can give/get is probably not to go rushing into something with someone else just to give yourself some comfort an relief because that relationship is only destined to fail. It's not really fair to the other person and it's only going to make you feel worse if you fuck up something that could've been real with someone else you connected with because you weren't quite ready to be with someone else yet.

 

You have to the ability to be honest with yourself and be able to make the right decision, which is kinda hard when there's feels involved. Believe me, I know.

I love my momento's the little things he would see and think of me, a keyring, a mug, a postcard with a saying, a saying we said everyday. My purple stuffy, he's my Lila Monster and will always be on my bed, and the music, thousands of music files, how can get rid of those. I can't. I do know though that I can't connect with anyone else, you are right there. Most of all he helped me get through stuff that I didn't even really realise I was still holding onto, all the way back from when I was a kid. He made such a difference in my life, gave me something daily to look forward to, now there's nothing. 

[al****]

1 hour ago, Hels1920 said:

I could of written this, after 6 weeks I still have tears everyday. The stupid thing is we didn't break up because of anything either of us did, it was because of something we have no control over, I would of stayed he didn't want me to, that's all I can say about that. Yes I've become best friends with the internet, and I talk to lots of people and as soon as they mention anything sexual I run. I have now figured out why I'm taking it so hard, because it ended with no warning, everything was going great for 2.5 years and then radio silence. He didn't ghost me, he tried to explain, but he didn't give me the chance to say how I felt, and what I would of done. I lost my husband of 36 years a few years ago, same thing everything normal one day and gone the next. To me the loss is just as the same so I know I'll grieve the same. Not sure I can ever do this again. We will see, ha one of his favourite sayings. 

I’m not on here a lot but if reaching out ti someone else who can relate will help you with your process feel free

[littlemiss37]

1 hour ago, Hels1920 said:

I love my momento's the little things he would see and think of me, a keyring, a mug, a postcard with a saying, a saying we said everyday. My purple stuffy, he's my Lila Monster and will always be on my bed, and the music, thousands of music files, how can get rid of those. I can't. I do know though that I can't connect with anyone else, you are right there. Most of all he helped me get through stuff that I didn't even really realise I was still holding onto, all the way back from when I was a kid. He made such a difference in my life, gave me something daily to look forward to, now there's nothing. 

I can tell u it does get better . I'm having to do a clearout because holding on to stuff is giving me fake hope and I need to let the stuff and him go . If u ever need to talk I'm a pm away x

[littlemiss37]

Friday at 07:08 PM, BruiseWayne said:

To make it less ***ful? I'm not really sure that's possible if I'm being perfectly honest. You just have to go through it. It'll take as long as it takes, and there's no sense beating yourself up over it if you're not healing as fast as you might want to. The cold hard truth is that sometimes you might NEVER get over it. Not really. Sometimes a person was such an integral part of your life that no matter what you do there's always going to be reminders of them floating around.

 

And it's not like you're going to get rid of the memories of your time together any time soon either.

 

The best advice you can give/get is probably not to go rushing into something with someone else just to give yourself some comfort an relief because that relationship is only destined to fail. It's not really fair to the other person and it's only going to make you feel worse if you fuck up something that could've been real with someone else you connected with because you weren't quite ready to be with someone else yet.

 

You have to the ability to be honest with yourself and be able to make the right decision, which is kinda hard when there's feels involved. Believe me, I know.

That's y I tell doms that r friends that I'm not ready and working on me . To b a better version of myself mostly for me and for my kids and a future partner x

[Xi****]

No idea, had a ddlg dynamic with a girl for a year that ended up quickly full on relationship. Ended later last year after 7 years and she moved out and I still feel completely lost.
We're still friends so that helps. Having bpd does not, however, I just feel empty

[littlemiss37]

6 hours ago, Ximrats said:

No idea, had a ddlg dynamic with a girl for a year that ended up quickly full on relationship. Ended later last year after 7 years and she moved out and I still feel completely lost.
We're still friends so that helps. Having bpd does not, however, I just feel empty

Sorry to hear that . I also have bpd also known as eupd . Pple don't understand it at all tbh . When a dynamic ended I felt I lost everything including myself . Began to build myself back up again. ***. I had to tell the guy I can't have him messaging me because I can't move on . He moved on quick enough but that's for him to deal with not me . I personally think he was emotionally involved with someone else tbh x

[Xi****]

19 hours ago, littlemiss37 said:

Sorry to hear that . I also have bpd also known as eupd . Pple don't understand it at all tbh . When a dynamic ended I felt I lost everything including myself . Began to build myself back up again. ***. I had to tell the guy I can't have him messaging me because I can't move on . He moved on quick enough but that's for him to deal with not me . I personally think he was emotionally involved with someone else tbh x

Yup, it can be a complex and vicious condition. You can't evem begin to describe the feelings of emptiness, it feels mental and physical. Almost like I don't exist on my own.
We ended it last year but it's not coming up to what would have been an anniversary. I don't really even have any family. Her family became my family and I don't really have anyone I can be myself around up here anymore, closest being an hour and a half drive away which I'm happy to make but she has a toddler so gotta work around that and don't get to see each other that often.
The feelings of isolation is making it very difficult to learn to be myself again, yet when I'm around like minded people or others who understand, it's like a switch has been flipped and I can be me, back from whatever void I inhabit alone