Should I find a new sub?

[Deleted Member]

I was in a monogamous D/s relationship for 2 years, however we broke up around the end of January. The problem is she still views me as her Dom and I still view her as my sub, yet the expectations we have for eachother are to move on. Not that it’s something I’d want however the decision to separate was mutual. I’m wondering if I’m making a mistake in staying and hoping things would start up again, because I believe with actual effort we could make it work. But if I’m wrong I’d have decisions that have to be made

[ey****]

if you can make it work have a conversation together on how to make it work

if you're both done then sever ties as it's fair on neither of you

[hi****]

It would depend how healthy your dynamic and relationship was in the first place. Are you wanting to continue, and she isn’t?

[cum4meSlowly]

She is an ex for a reason. It is a break up because it is broken. However on the other hand if you think it can be fixed, then talk it out and if both want to give it another go learn from your errors. Otherwise give it up and move on when you are comfortable. Good luck

[Scottishdombull]

Looking at this and seeing mixed messages. First the break up in January but both seeing the other as their Dom/sub partner.
If you both have expectations to move on then do so then you are hoping that thibgs can be patched up and start back up again.

Make up your mind.
You either want to rekindle the relationship or separate. However you need her thoughts on this and stop this in limbo state and take the necessary steps of reconiling or ending all non friendzone relationship

[CopperKnob]

You've made a decision. You've said that the separation was mutual.
Just because you think you could make it work, doesn't mean she does.
No one here is able to tell you what to do other than talk it through with each other. Make a decision and stick to it

[Deleted Member]

46 minutes ago, cum4meSlowly said:

She is an ex for a reason. It is a break up because it is broken. However on the other hand if you think it can be fixed, then talk it out and if both want to give it another go learn from your errors. Otherwise give it up and move on when you are comfortable. Good luck

Much appreciated

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, hilaryyy-gg said:

It would depend how healthy your dynamic and relationship was in the first place. Are you wanting to continue, and she isn’t?

It was healthy throughout most of it, however after about a year and a half we had a traumatic event happen to us and pretended to be okay about it. Communication went from constant to minimal, despite living together we spent very little time together whether it was work or going out with friends, and most conversations turned into arguments at random points and usually over small things. Between the two of us there was also a large increase in drug or alcohol use as well. We both realized this and came to the conclusion that we were both in denial about being okay with what happened, and that the relationship was no longer a healthy one. We made the decision that separating would be the best thing to allow us to come to terms with what happened, and that maybe there’s a chance of trying again in the future once we do, as the love is still there but there are still issues between the two of us that need to be resolved

[He****]

If the love is still there then no matter what happened, if you can fix it, do. Go see a BDSM sex councillor have couples therapy. I am a big believer in love, and hard work sometimes pays off. I was in a LDR I love him still, I'm on the same sites as him now so he remembers I'm still around and when I leave my country to go to his for a few months maybe he will sit down with me and we can talk it out. It's not as dramatic as yours seems to be, but it is something he feels strongly about, obviously I won't go into it, but it's fixable if he lets us. You won't know unless you give it a go, I personally am sick to death of the there's plenty more fish in the sea that I get told on here, I don't want to date a fish. Do it, the worst that could happen is you end up where you already are, the best thing is you end up happy. Won't know until you give it a go.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Hels1920 said:

If the love is still there then no matter what happened, if you can fix it, do. Go see a BDSM sex councillor have couples therapy. I am a big believer in love, and hard work sometimes pays off. I was in a LDR I love him still, I'm on the same sites as him now so he remembers I'm still around and when I leave my country to go to his for a few months maybe he will sit down with me and we can talk it out. It's not as dramatic as yours seems to be, but it is something he feels strongly about, obviously I won't go into it, but it's fixable if he lets us. You won't know unless you give it a go, I personally am sick to death of the there's plenty more fish in the sea that I get told on here, I don't want to date a fish. Do it, the worst that could happen is you end up where you already are, the best thing is you end up happy. Won't know until you give it a go.

I appreciate the feedback and believe me I’ve gotten more than enough of the “there’s plenty fish in the see” as well and I’m sick of it

[DaddyDom2287]

Ok here is my take on it. And as I have not read all the other comments so I am not sure if it's been stated. You CAN have a D/s Dynamic WITHOUT being in a romantic relationship. I have done it on a couple of occasions. You just have to be open with each other and set boundaries in the beginning, as well as what the expectations are. I am a type that I would much rather f**k one of my ex subs or even one of my ex romantic partners than to f**k someone new. So, you just need to communicate and really see what feels comfortable for the both of you. Ask her if being your sub but not being in a romantic relationship is of interest to her. If so, sit down and come up with days and times you are to have your playtimes. Mine were from Friday evenings to Sunday evenings and sometimes Monday mornings. but you would of course plan them around your schedules and what works best for you two. I hope this helps.

[Dr****]

If you’re trying to part, ideally, you should offer to help her vet her new Dom

[Deleted Member]

Time for a sit down with your Sub. Obviously, something is there😘 Communication is the key to everything. Communication & honesty.