Just needed a place to vent

[Deleted Member]

I posted a week ago about advice for winning my wife back and received comments from many of you that have helped a lot and have put to use a lot of what was advised to some good results. Wife and I are talking openly about our needs and expectations and a lot of what has been learned has been sobering but in short it seems like we both want to make an effort to get to know each other again and rekindle things. I know it’s only been a week but it’s been an intense week. On top of that we are receiving my dad for week to spend with us and it has triggered a lot between us. We talked it through but then a couple of other things happened in the last couple of days and thing’s haven’t gone as smoothly and I just needed to vent as I’m out in the rain walking and running things in my mind. Thank you for humoring me.

[Cu****]

A pleasure to help. Keep talking and listening to each other openly together.

[ma****]

That sucks man similar situation the biggest thing to focus on in my opinion is that now you guys are at least able to communicate and talk stuff through that's critical as long as you can do that tempers will flare words will be said but you can get through it

[ma****]

The hardest thing in someone's life is to link it and intertwine it with another but I think that we need that s*** you know otherwise we wouldn't feel the urge to do so if you guys can talk stuff through and actually hear each other side man you got something rare don't let petty s*** get in the way

[aq****]

Don’t be one dawg you can always find another wife marriage is supposed to be final if she wants to leave don’t stop her save yourself from the stress n heart break

[Deleted Member]

It’s clear y’all care about each other patience is key and understanding is loving 🫶🏽🫶🏽

[Deleted Member]

58 minutes ago, aq2100 said:

Don’t be one dawg you can always find another wife marriage is supposed to be final if she wants to leave don’t stop her save yourself from the stress n heart break

In back to back "sentences" you say "you can always find another wife" and "marriage is supposed to be final".

Clearly you have a lot to work on for yourself before you try to give advice to anyone

[Cr****]

If you and the wife want to make things work, you'll find a way. It's of course easy to say from anyone who wants to be a keyboard marriage counselor, and even easier to hear, but it's a TON easier (and cheaper) to stay together than it is to divorce. Have you considered going to see a sex therapist, to see if there's something they can suggest to rekindle that spark?

[au****]

Love is always worth fighting for, being true to yourself, and at the worst case make it amicable.

[Nothere-4932]

Hope works out the way you want it to family always complicates things but just be honest with her and if it is meant to be it will be.

[Deleted Member]

Start by "dating" again. Take her out show her off. Maybe see a marriage counselor as well. Good luck!

[He****]

Someone on here suggested a sex councillor, I'm in Australia and I went to A BDSM sex councillor, so if we have them here you would have to have them there. They are easy more understanding of this LS so much easier to talk to. Love is worth fighting for.

[mi****]

People in love can make anything happen no matter what, if you really have put everything in and it still doesn’t work than one of you is lying and they don’t care as much as they say you do. Fight together not each other.

[Deleted Member]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I hope all your kind words come true.

[Hermes4u]

If you want to chat, just reach out. We are here to support you.

[DarkArts1066]

My advice, right now, is go back, and find those things that got you together in the first place. Revisit who you ‘were’ as a couple when you first met. Those people are still there inside you.
You have both taken the biggest, bravest - and hardest step already… you are talking again.
Find the common ground - even if it’s just walking in that rain - together.

I wish you both all the luck in the world.

[Deleted Member]

16 hours ago, Hels1920 said:

Someone on here suggested a sex councillor, I'm in Australia and I went to A BDSM sex councillor, so if we have them here you would have to have them there. They are easy more understanding of this LS so much easier to talk to. Love is worth fighting for.

We actually had a chat about this this morning. For reasons I can’t go into we thought it best that we spend some time away from each other this week to reflect. I started the letter writing thing my individual therapist suggested. Got some of the raw emotion out of the way before we chatted this morning over coffee. It’s going to be a long road ahead for sure and a couple therapist is an excellent idea.

[Leisa]

Remember what brought you together in the first place. Oftentimes throughout a relationship, be it kink or not, people tend to lose their identity along the way and morph into someone that neither they nor their partner recognize. Bring yourselves back to basics and rediscover what makes you uniquely individual. Many relationships fail because of how much each person involved changes. While both people change and evolve throughout your journey, there should still be a core of who you were in the beginning. My marriage ended when he did a complete 180, no longer remotely resembled who he was in the beginning, and was unwilling to tap back into that person. Best of luck.

[mo****]

Sounds like this thread is dancing on the line of narcissistic personality types. You marry or date someone but once narcissist *** happens they turn into Mr. Hyde and is completely different in every way...psychopathy at it's finest. I was with man for 21 years and it was great for 15 then absolute hell. Never saw it coming. Did not think he had capacity for such cruelty until the divorce and now I'm at war with someone who planned out the end long before he started it. Very disorienting when someone turns out to be so covertly cruel.

[ma****]

That good I wish my wife can be like that