Your First Munch

[PickyPrincess]

I love munches.🥰 It's a great place to meet like minded people, learn new things and dip your toes into this fascinating kinky pool. So it concerns me when I get told by many newbies that they felt unwelcome.

I am hoping this posts brings up new ideas and perspective for the newbies, the helpful people that suggest others to attend munches and for the hosts of the munches.

Suggest the new people message the hosts and tell them they are shy and if they could climatize to this new group of people. 

Suggest the new people realize this is an already existing social group so many people will already know each other. Cliques may be formed. This is the same for stamp collecting groups or kink groups. You can't walk into the group and expect to interact the same way. You need to slowly interact, let them know they can trust you and learn who you can trust. You can't go in expecting warm and fuzzy or to find a play partner right away. It's a vanilla social that talks about food as much as kink. 😂

Suggest the newbies go to multiple events and network. With males, females, Tops and bottoms. Just like job networking you might find a match through another person. Become a familiar face BEFORE you go to fetish events. Even try to attend with new friends you made. 

Suggest that the hosts check who is attending if advertised online and message the new people. Welcome them and help them enter this new scary but exciting world. Ask if they need someone to meet them outside they event and bring them in, etc.

Suggest the host to notice new people attending and greet them and try to sit them with friendly people that will welcome them.

Kink can be scary and kinda ***.. its nice to do baby steps. Not jump into the deep end of the pool.

Any other thoughts? 🥰

 

 

[Is****]

Hopefully I'll be going to my first munch next month : just hope my sleep schedule is sorted by then. I'll take your note about contacting the host before time to note my anxiety/shyness. Only problems are I'm useless at remembering names and faces and dislike social events...It'll be interesting nonetheless 😁

[go****]

Any recommendations on finding or getting invited to munches? (Englewood, NJ area…)
Thanks

[Is****]

  44 minutes ago, golan said:

Any recommendations on finding or getting invited to munches? (Englewood, NJ area…)
Thanks

Expand  

Finding munches seems to be the easiest bit IMHO: on Fetlife there's a huge selection and even on here if you use the "Browse->Events" section you should be able to find some in your area.

[go****]

Thank you issac

[Ki****]

I am a newbie. I’ve been in here just a little over a year. I didn’t know anything about kinkiness even though I knew I was different and I liked crazy sex the other day I put up a post to ask for help from males or females the only response I got was from a few males. No women reached out to help me. It makes me think well fuck are they jealous or something was wrong or they threatened by me why couldn’t they reach out and help me or say hey let me be your friend I mean for crying out loud if it was me and I was able to help them. I would introduce myself and let them know if they have any questions or if they need any help to just let me know either text me or they would ask me for my phone number I’d be more than glad to help them, but not in here I haven’t had one single girl except for two girls that I know one is pixie dust and the other one is diamond and 69 even reach out to me and say hello so maybe some people should take note be more friendly and don’t be so threatened by a new person they’re just trying to find their way  out of the closet to

[littlemiss37]

I offer to take pple to events on public transport to help them especially if they r shy x

[Yo****]

I do plan on going to a local munch at some point but I’m not ready for that yet. 

I sometimes default to comedy when nervous or anxious and this is quite often not well thought out and inappropriate. 
 

I don’t want to make a bad impression and once I understand the etiquette and expectations, I might pluck up the courage. 

[no****]

Is there a website for these munch events?

[Si****]

How does someone find these places close enough to home? I’m dying to go and I have a few friends that might be interested.

[Is****]

  53 minutes ago, nossliw said:

Is there a website for these munch events?

Expand  

Not that I'm aware of, but if you select Browse and then Events here, you should be able to find some in your region. Fetlife.com also tends to have quite a listing.

[ey****]

literally google findamunch 

[ThumperG]

  On 3/22/2023 at 7:52 AM, Mistresskimber469ing said:

I am a newbie. I’ve been in here just a little over a year. I didn’t know anything about kinkiness even though I knew I was different and I liked crazy sex the other day I put up a post to ask for help from males or females the only response I got was from a few males. No women reached out to help me. It makes me think well fuck are they jealous or something was wrong or they threatened by me why couldn’t they reach out and help me or say hey let me be your friend I mean for crying out loud if it was me and I was able to help them. I would introduce myself and let them know if they have any questions or if they need any help to just let me know either text me or they would ask me for my phone number I’d be more than glad to help them, but not in here I haven’t had one single girl except for two girls that I know one is pixie dust and the other one is diamond and 69 even reach out to me and say hello so maybe some people should take note be more friendly and don’t be so threatened by a new person they’re just trying to find their way  out of the closet to

Expand  

I've been in this community for long time and I'm ALWAYS open for a friendship ok? Pixie Dust truly IS an amazing woman to connect with and one of my friends here. Feel free to message me anytime. 😉💜😎

[Si****]

Thanks eyemblacksheep I never realized there were so many places around here but your suggestion worth thanks bro by the way, love the chair

[PickyPrincess]

  On 3/22/2023 at 3:57 AM, IsaacClarke said:

Hopefully I'll be going to my first munch next month : just hope my sleep schedule is sorted by then. I'll take your note about contacting the host before time to note my anxiety/shyness. Only problems are I'm useless at remembering names and faces and dislike social events...It'll be interesting nonetheless 😁

 

One great thing at munches is many of them have name tags!!😂😂Ask the host. It will alleviate alot of your anxiety. 

Expand  

 

[PickyPrincess]

It is very helpful if you message the host and ask them to meet your outside at a particular time. They can send one of there extrovert attendees to meet you if they are busy.

 

Much easier than walking in alone and unsure where to go or what to do. 🥰

[PickyPrincess]

There should be NO etiquette, rules, protocol or anything at a munch. Other than common sense and regular politeness. You treat the Doms, subs, Tops, bottoms, kinksters, females and males all equally and the same 🥰

[Yo****]

See that’s already useful for me know. One thing I’ve noticed since joining up and looking around is there are a lot more (forgive me if I word it wrong) strong willed and no nonsense people here, plus some terminology that I’m not sure on.

For instance, I see a lot of profiles saying do not dm me unless we’re fiends, which I’ve never really come across before. Does that mean I can’t talk to them in person too? Probably not but still, I don’t want to get it wrong.

Then there’s ’I belong to my daddy and I am his’ can I talk that person? Again probably but…

I’ve seen newbies asking questions get several rude replies for not knowing the correct terms for things, what if I get one wrong?

With all my life’s socialising taking place in a vanilla world, its scary and I wouldn’t know where to start really. 

I think because consent and red flags seems to be discussed and open more in the kink world, well compared to my world but I’ve not been on the dating scene in 24 years, it makes people (correctly so) more strong headed in dismissing what that don’t like or want or wastes their time and that’s daunting for someone who’s not equipped just yet to handle that. I know this one is a ‘me’ issue.  

Edited March 27, 2023 by Wes-80
Spelling

[PickyPrincess]

Ahh good to bring up. 😊  You do not need permission to talk to anyone at a munch. No titles or honorifics, etc.  Anyone attending understands this.  It's vanilla casual social. You approach it like any other group.. stamp collecting or business networking etc. 😂

 

[Is****]

Ah @yorkshirebiker not only are we just about the same age, same gender and quite close geographically to each other, but are both in the same sort of situation (new to the scene/social side of things). For finding communities/munches, I've found fetlife.com quite useful and I'm hopefully going to next month's Mansfield Munch (say that fast 3 times ;) ): they all seem quite friendly online and Fetlife's kinktionary helps expand on some of the terminology (I know fet/fetish.com has its own "List of kinks/fetishes" and "Events" but fetlife seems more community orientated than "meeting people" here.

[Yo****]

@IsaacClarkeWe do seem to be in a similar position. I’ve joined up on Fetlife too so I’ll probably bump into you over there too. 

@PickyPrincess good to know, I’ll still be a nervous anxious wreck but at least I won’t have to worry about stepping on someone toes or speaking to somebody I shouldn’t. Joining a munch would be something I need to discuss with my wife before hand anyway.