Advice on how to attract girls as a trans man

[Deleted Member]

@gemini_man beige is an off color so I reckon off beige is unsightly.

I did not mean to pontificate either transformation is easy, far from it. My experience is from a trans ally AND a man whose community is deeply masculine cis male. But I believe that trans lady’s are more accepted in my community then trans men. Therefore the bar to being accepted by masculine cis men is higher. I offer my apologies to anyone I have offended.

[Deleted Member]

Honestly just be yourself. It's never easy when the people you are attracted to aren't attracted to you, but it's part of life. Particularly as a man.

If you try to change yourself to start attracting more women, you'll lose a part of yourself.

With patience you will find a woman who is into you for who you are as much you are into them.

I do agree with some of the posters on here that your profile does not exactly scream masculinity, but that's ok. Not all men are super masculine. Just be the man you want to be. Be confident about that man and you'll find a woman who is into you.

[Deleted Member]

@Finally_Jen I agree with everything you said except “Their opinions don’t matter…”. When you are a cis male, lady’s make up the rules for entry into dating. So their opinion is more important than you think. Secondly, most lady’s do not consult their cis gender male friend first. They show off their interest to their other lady friends first. And then their lady friends, whose experiences you do not know, have more weight initially.

This is what men have to navigate. Opinions do matter as a man.

[ey****]

there's no magic formula to attract women

or decent men as it happens.  

Don't buy all the "women have it easier" nonsense because in het set ups they're dating men - and while it is likely to get more "attention" as a woman, this attention isn't necessarily good attention.  It's usually low value.

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As a trans man, it is going to be difficult.  Cis men think they have it hard, well, you also have to account for people's prejudices and lack of understanding.

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Now, I kinda don't know the best way to phrase it.  So for example - I have played with trans women to different degrees, subs and Dommes, and - there are traits I find attractive.  

But, if someone looking very masc, perhaps with a beard, or other kinda masc traits sat down to the point I assumed they were male and said "oh, I'm a trans woman - wanna play" then I really don't find that kind of attractive.  It might be they're, like, "i am trans - but I love my beard" or whatever, and that's cool.  OK. But I *personally* do not find that attractive and many other het men would not find that attractive

So, kinda, if you're a trans man but present femme, then, I aint gonna judge - you do you absolutely - but you may find that women-attracted-to-men do not find that attractive on the whole.    You may find a bit more luck in LGBTQIA+ spaces and this is one of the reasons why (some) trans folk only seek out other trans folk - because there's more likely to be acceptance and understanding. 

[Ar****]

4 hours ago, Jefe-410 said:

@Finally_Jen I agree with everything you said except “Their opinions don’t matter…”. When you are a cis male, lady’s make up the rules for entry into dating. So their opinion is more important than you think. Secondly, most lady’s do not consult their cis gender male friend first. They show off their interest to their other lady friends first. And then their lady friends, whose experiences you do not know, have more weight initially.

This is what men have to navigate. Opinions do matter as a man.

Still no. It might be your experience. It might the experience of many other cis males. It especially might the experience of many other cis males in the circles and communities you move it. And yet, still many other cis males have different experiences. The world and the people in it are too diverse to pigeonhole the way you do here.

As an example, you say that when you're a cis male it's the ladies who "make up the rules for entry into dating". I'm sure most men will find the only women who make any rules for them about how their personal dating life operates are the ones they allow to. What even are these rules you mention? Do you not know of any cis men at all who have rules, boundaries, set practices and expectations of their own when it comes to entering into a new dating relationship? Do you have none yourself, or do women just ignore yours? I'm not trying to be confrontational, I'm trying to understand where you're coming from.

Secondly... as a cis het male who has always experienced female/female-presenting friends coming to me for relationship and dating advice, I can't get onboard with that next comment either and I know I'm not the only cis het guy with my experiences. I'd go into detail of some of examples from this week alone, but don't want to detract. I'm aware you said "most" don't... maybe it's less of a gender issue and more to do with quality of trust engendered by those from whom advice is solicited. If more men were able to be sincere friends with women without agenda, perhaps women would consult them for their insights more often?

We're all navigating the same ocean, no gender is controlling the eddys and currents, and the opinions of those who don't accept us on the waves are not worth giving thought to.

[ey****]

9 hours ago, Aranhis said:

it's the ladies who "make up the rules for entry into dating".

I often have further thoughts on this and comments like this.

But, first of which is that men make up a load of rules in dating and relationships whether they realise it or not.   If you can decide to watch a sporting event on PPV on a whim, or pints after work, or whatever - but there's a partner who seemingly has to ask for similar - then there's an uneven field - and this exists in an awful lot of relationships.   

But also that men in general should have their own rules, criteria, etc. of who, how, where, when they will and won't date.  It may be that some of this rules them out of a lot of stuff but it's rules they/we should form to help us avoid bad dates or for our own safety.

There were some posts elsewhere where apparently there were guys who were meeting someone for the first time, for play, and it being in a Motel out of town and they'd find the person they were they to meet with other people who would rob them, or that they were inviting people into their home for play and then consensually getting tied or doing facesitting (to the point of ***ness) and then, again, getting robbed (although the concept of being facesat to the point of pass out is probably a lot more dangerous than being robbed) and these are some stuff men should think about - it's actually a little how some get scammed, because they'd rather chance 'anything' than set reasonable standards.

Of course, not that it's their fault if they are mugged in a Motel, or scammed - but again, some basic dating rules they should also set is a layer of protection. 

[De****]

I can't even imagine the stress of what you're going through but I know lying about it isn't gonna be any good, for you or the people you're involved with. You're awesome and You deserve better, be true to who you are and open about it with those around you and you'll find the right ones for you..... Sounds easy right 😅

[eu****]

Ok so nice hearing from all none
trans men. I am a trans man actually I'm bi trans switch poly.
In your community there are connections you can advertise for yourself or find woman that are in to cis trans men.
Now I'm not sure what type of women you are into Dom or feminine,that only you can advertise for.It is true we are over looked for trans weman the body part we should have! Men and weman overlook us go figure.
There are fetish gatherings in your area I think.Better yet join FetLife and I'll help you as much as I can please text me.
I maybe able to help you I haven't had much success on this app.

[La****]

I find you very mysterious and attractive. Just keep being you. Don't put your sexual gratification on a back burner. Keep being descriptive in your wants and wishes.🌬💋

[Deleted Member]

probs shouldn’t just lie to people about being cis, very dangerous cus some people will react badly or violently

[eu****]

Hence" most react badly or say they'll show and stand you up.What ever there are a lot of jerks don't be discouraged be honest who you are all was even
woman can be visious and can hurt you just like a man.You will be rejected so grow a think skin,but then again trans woman
have more luck than trans men.
Go on line on get ask Fet Life and ask were the LGBTQ groups are it's safer for you hun there a lot of haters that want to hurt us😉💞

[eu****]

There's a lot of haters so yes be care full and most want trans a woman you may not want your gender now,but a lot of men and women do.Dont get discouraged
there will be a lot of rejection be honest and do go on lines and ask
Fet Life to help you find the LGBTQ group they'll help and word of mouth just be patient it will happen.Like I said we are on to different opposite sides you want what i have and vise versa.
But contact me if you were in Oregon I know cic tran women.
I want to help!😉🥰

[Jeromiah]

Friday at 09:01 AM, Rhum0 said:

So I don't know if this will help, given I'm butt ugly, but in my experience passion is the most attractive thing a person can have. Be bold, talk about things you love, and be open minded. Stick to who you are, and someone will love you for you.

Haha sounds good. To be honest last time I spoke passionately about my interests it scared the bloke to death! It was quite amusing actually I just enjoyed his discomfort lol. I told him my plans to rule the world! He couldn’t see the fun passion imagination of it all

[Jeromiah]

When I was young I started dressing solely male with short hair and I’m not going to lie I looked hideous and everyone told me I was average to ugly looking. Since I grew my hair and dressed sort of half way between people have found me more attractive so no I won’t cut my hair because I look ***y awful. Heck, there’s a man behind the counter at my local one stop corner story and he’s got hair longer than mine coloured pink and he even braids his hair and he still identifies as male so why should I cut my hair?
I’ll start wearing suits if I need to dress more manly, I’ll even stop wearing makeup (apart from foundation. Need that as other wise my face is red raw with eczema. Need to cover that shit up. And eyebrows. Need darker eyebrows to look more manly.m) but the hair stays guys.
Go look up dearhyacinthus on instagram. He is a trans man but he doesn’t look traditionally manly. He recently got top surgery and dresses like a femboy sometimes and a 17th century man the rest, wearing mainly pastel colours including pink, wears makeup and has longish hair. So far nobody is telling him he doesn’t look manly enough to be a trans man. So far everybody just validates his looks and he dresses similarly to me. I dress more manly than him so far, as you can see my clothes are darker.
I appreciate all the encouraging comments guys. And the ones with the judgemental misinformed comments about me not looking manly enough need to do research. You must realise that you can dress and look however you want whilst still having a certain gender identity.

[Deleted Member]

Beauty in a person is from within and if some people can't be bothered to look within u then they're not worth your attention... You're way better than that... I heard this somewhere, if u want people to like or love u, u must like and love yourself first...

[eu****]

Compliments,coffee small talk ask how open is the girl or woman you have desires twords pursue once again compliments hair,makeup,close physical attribute nice legs do you work out,do you want to go hot tubing and just ask are you bi sexual.And become her friend first and then you have to disclose who you are!

[eu****]

Talk about supporting the LGBTQ feel out through conversation and you find out who's open to you 😉