Is there a general timeline for vetting?

[al****]

I’m curious when vetting someone is there a general timeline during the process of getting to know someone that you are supposed to be focusing on specifically the kink aspect? Personally i don’t find the sexual part the first thing to be delved into and focus on all the important specific details until we have established a level of comfort and trust first. Does this seem to make sense for others? I know there is no right or wrong way as far as what works for me personally but I’m curious to hear what works for others and I’m always open for ideas and suggestions and improvement. In my mind I feel like obviously you would want to establish the type of dynamic is wanted and needed to assure you are compatible but I feel like primarily focusing on solely the sexual aspect of it kind of turns it into a sexual hook up type or as I jokingly say a booty call and I am clear that I desire more than the sexual aspect of it.
Opinions please and thank youZ

[La****]

There is absolutely no set time frame or really a set process for vetting someone. You should vet your potential partner until you feel comfortable or until you have built a level of trust you require for the next step. Over all this is still a relationship you’re building so no set rules.

[do****]

You said it yourself, there is no right or wrong answer. Everyone is different and it depends on the people involved. Some people have themselves together and are ready to go with consent. Some like the build up, the mental foreplay before taking action. Etc , etc., etc. Whatever it is, to each their own with consent, safety & pleasure. Great question, will receive a million and one answers, and all will be right 🤣

[ge****]

You're right in that there is no right or wrong way, only your way, and that may even vary from interaction to interaction and person to person.
.
Whilst sites like this are geared to kink and helping you find it, many lose sight of the fact we're also individual people and that matching on a non-kink level is just as, if not more, important than matching on a kink level.
.
I don't think there's anything wrong with aspects of kink being discussed early on, but more at a high level to establish understanding of the other person rather than full on and being the *only* thing under discussion.
.
It may also depend on what you're looking for, a quick fix and then it may be more kink heavy from the off, though even then it would be important to me to know the other person as a person a little. Something longer term and a relationship then kink would take more of a back burner initially.

[do****]

I cosign all of what he said ☝🏽

[Do****]

Kink discussion can be a commonality to start the conversation on, discuss preferences and experiences whilst you get to know each other. Then the conversation develops. With some you might feel you have connected fairly quickly, whereas others you might want to chat with for a bit longer before you have a feel for who they are and how connected you are.

[Deleted Member]

Totally agree, no right or wrong way and I've done it differently many times. Some I've met very quickly as the chemistry was there right from the off and we got to know each other when we were together then built the kink and sex up and discovered we had limits that were essentials for the other. Others I can be vetting for weeks and it didn't even make it to the meeting stage so one set way doesn't work for everyone. But I do agree that getting to know someone as themselves and not just a list of kinks is a good way of vetting, especially if you're wanting a relationship and not just a kink dynamic

[ey****]

you can talk kink any time.  talking kink could even be part of your vetting - as it can make sure you've similar interests and are on a similar wavelength

there's no real timescale, but if you want to jump into play immediately you may be premature - and if it's taking a while, then, chances are it's not going to work 

[Deleted Member]

I find I just chat until we are both comfortable then slowly start
Just my opinion I’m sure others will say different

[Ha****]

Vetting is an ongoing process. In the first instance to get to know each other well in a broad sense to determine whether a dynamic can be started and to build trust. Once the dynamics have started, the process continues and you get to know each other in depth, which increases trust and makes the dynamics more stable.

[Deleted Member]

I like to spend a bit of time getting to know people and yes your right it normally best to establish what your looking for so both parties are clear before entering in to anything
I also find the scene is changing Iv spoken to two this week who can’t even be bothered to engage in conversation properly about what there looking for
Personally as a Dom/master that doesn’t put me in a frame of mind to want to invest my time and effort in to somebody

[ey****]

also - absolutely. vetting is continuous

there might become a point when you decide you're happy to share personal info, or meet, or play, or have a coffee, or have a relationship, or do this, or do the other

but the points you feel happy with each might vary on context

and if someone has passed your own kinda barriers to trust, they have to stay there. So if someone seemed ok but then starts doing negative behaviours, you can still say no and step back or end things

(i.e. you meet. you play. so far so good. you play again and you're not entirely happy with some stuff. it might be enough you go, no what, goodbye, or it might be a case that you stop and talk with each other but you might want more social times before playing again) 

[Deleted Member]

Read and listen to the prevailing remarks which seems to be vetting is continuous. You have a radar built in. Use it and be cautious. You are going to put yourself in a situation where there may be no going back. I think you must spend time together, before engaging in kink behaviour, to get to know each other and to see indications of ‘odd’ behaviour indicating character traits that you may want to avoid.

[Deleted Member]

I value your insight & your willingness to gain an understanding 1st... Bravo!
But, I concur with a continuous vetting bc that has been my experience with seeking a good fit.

[ta****]

Vetting is absolutely continuous, it’s also been my experience trying to seek a good fit. Personally trying to vet rn for a dom/sub dynamic

[al****]

All great insight