Why is distance the only thing that matters?

[Deleted Member]

Worst community ever

[Deleted Member]

Tuesday at 02:03 PM, LittleSoulTease said:

To some, an hour is nothing to others, way more time than they have, or are willing to give up of their own⏳️

Not wanting/hoping for long distance is understandable.

A lot of people don't have the means to meet others' expectations on- How many times they meet? Who travels to who? For how long? Is it meeting in the middle ever?🤔

For me personally, I'd never want long distance.....BUT...if I met someone worth interacting with online frequently and we eventually got the chance to meet? Sure, I would.
It still isn't ideal in any sense, but it is worth it for the right person.

If I'm talking about any new person, even in this country, who wants me to take a train/bus to them?
Absolutely not.🚩
I don't have the *** to be hopping on trains anytime a man is in this country and wants me to meet. Usually, it is seemingly and very obviously for easy, NSA sex anyway.
I don't have a car either, and wouldn't risk the time, effort, my own safety, a panic attack, them being underage or older than made out, the unknown of a new area, new travel, potential ghosting, potential to be lost or not even a match in person for like, 70 quid one way on *** I don't have lying spare for any online, who could also be a catfish, married, anything really.

If I speak to someone for a while, and there's potential there, we could agree to meet in the middle or something✨️
But I do understand the ladies points entirely here.

Are you kidding me? You literally have nothing to back that up except for your own cynicism. I honestly have no idea why I'm getting such backlash over asking a question. A question that had nothing to do with a long distance relationship at all.

[Th****]

You're literally asking about distance. 

Some people don't want to interact with others not in their area. They have the right to make that choice. 

 

Also, they could be using distance as an "easy out". An excuse, and not the actual reason they don't want to interact with you. 

[Deleted Member]

The fact that I mentioned distance, didn't mean I was asking about long distance relationships. Distance is the only variable used in a pass-fail manner by a very large number of people, and I was curious about why. I wasn't attacking the people that use that criteria, like you did me. I'm just tryna understand why it's used in an all or nothing way. Especially by those that also list "friend" in their bio.
(and no, I'm not demanding that everyone be my friend, just like I wasn't demanding that people talk to me, as at least one person tried to say before claiming I was disrespecting boundaries, and did do for no reason other than to smear me. The same goes for the person that assumed I was mad just bc someone said no. There was no proof of any such thing. The only reason to say that was to attack me on the basis of her own faulty assumptions. It served no other purpose in the discussion).
I did nothing more than try to understand, and instead of tryna understand, you made assumptions and attacked someone that had zero animosity towards anyone. All I had was a question. A f**king question. I didn't say anyone was wrong for what they choose to do. I simply explained the reasons for why it didn't make sense to me. It a question. It wasn't an attack. I honestly have no idea why this turned hostile.

[Li****]

2 hours ago, Deleted profile said:

Are you kidding me? You literally have nothing to back that up except for your own cynicism. I honestly have no idea why I'm getting such backlash over asking a question. A question that had nothing to do with a long distance relationship at all.

I'm not kidding you...
You've opened a topic up, with questions to us all in the community to comment on, giving advice as well as another perspective.

Call it cynicism, I find it realistic/being logical. I did note I'd consider meeting if I found someone potentially suited.
There are absolutely tons of criminal convictions, laws, protection acts, recorded incidents, I could go on, which back up and show reasons why someone may not want to meet, travel, have an LDR.
You're acting as if I've personally scorned you. Reality being, I wanted to highlight another viewpoint.

[ge****]

2 hours ago, Deleted profile said:

The fact that I mentioned distance, didn't mean I was asking about long distance relationships. Distance is the only variable used in a pass-fail manner by a very large number of people, and I was curious about why. I wasn't attacking the people that use that criteria, like you did me. I'm just tryna understand why it's used in an all or nothing way. Especially by those that also list "friend" in their bio.
(and no, I'm not demanding that everyone be my friend, just like I wasn't demanding that people talk to me, as at least one person tried to say before claiming I was disrespecting boundaries, and did do for no reason other than to smear me. The same goes for the person that assumed I was mad just bc someone said no. There was no proof of any such thing. The only reason to say that was to attack me on the basis of her own faulty assumptions. It served no other purpose in the discussion).
I did nothing more than try to understand, and instead of tryna understand, you made assumptions and attacked someone that had zero animosity towards anyone. All I had was a question. A f**king question. I didn't say anyone was wrong for what they choose to do. I simply explained the reasons for why it didn't make sense to me. It a question. It wasn't an attack. I honestly have no idea why this turned hostile.

I see you've spat your dummy and left the building on the assumption (mainly) that people have been attacking you personally - which for the most part they've not - people have provided plenty of answers to your question and reasons why they would use distance as an initial criteria not to engage with someone.
.
Criteria we all use to some extent all the time - as I said further up those initial criteria may be based around age, distance, height, physical attraction etc and employed before deciding to engage further to find out if there's a connection and chemistry - after all what's the point in establishing a connection and chemistry only to be frustrated when you find out someone lives too far away or is 80 and housebound or not physically attractive to the other person etc?

[La****]

In my case I am unable to travel due to health issues

[Je****]

9 hours ago, Deleted profile said:

You're literally saying I have no right to ask a question? I'm not trying to argue or change anyone's mind. I was just curious why it's such an issue.

I don't believe i said that anywhere? By me saying it's no ones business someone's reasons, sure you can ask, but you aren't owed the answer. Everyone has their reasons and that's theirs. 

 

9 hours ago, Deleted profile said:

What's so horrible about wondering why someone won't say hi to another person that shares the same interests? I'm not asking why no one wants a long-term relationship. I get that. I'm just asking what's wrong with talking to someone to see if there's anything there.

Also i don't believe i said this either? 

I can only apologise if i did?!. 

Everyone is free to say hi to anyone and see what interests are there. That wasn't disputed?! 

I am very lost on that. 

 

 

[Je****]

6 hours ago, Deleted profile said:

The fact that I mentioned distance, didn't mean I was asking about long distance relationships. Distance is the only variable used in a pass-fail manner by a very large number of people, and I was curious about why. I wasn't attacking the people that use that criteria, like you did me. I'm just tryna understand why it's used in an all or nothing way. Especially by those that also list "friend" in their bio.
(and no, I'm not demanding that everyone be my friend, just like I wasn't demanding that people talk to me, as at least one person tried to say before claiming I was disrespecting boundaries, and did do for no reason other than to smear me. The same goes for the person that assumed I was mad just bc someone said no. There was no proof of any such thing. The only reason to say that was to attack me on the basis of her own faulty assumptions. It served no other purpose in the discussion).
I did nothing more than try to understand, and instead of tryna understand, you made assumptions and attacked someone that had zero animosity towards anyone. All I had was a question. A f**king question. I didn't say anyone was wrong for what they choose to do. I simply explained the reasons for why it didn't make sense to me. It a question. It wasn't an attack. I honestly have no idea why this turned hostile.

This is very very sad to read. 

I personally didn't read all comments as an attack against OP. 

To read that he most likely has is a bit annoying and upsetting. Possibly because he's also read me that way. 

 

The advice and content on here is great imo. 

 

And to answer his question of why do people assume long distance when distance is mentioned? Because people are looking for relationships.... And distance matters. 

Not the random hook ups he assumed at the beginning. 

Sad post really, seems he left. Best of luck to him. 

But he was very wrong in how this community is. People here are fantastic. I'm sorry he didn't see that 😞

[Deleted Member]

To me, I think OP only wanted to hear what he wanted to hear, and was annoyed he was not getting what he wanted.

@Finally_Jen was on point "Not the random hook ups he assumed at the beginning".

The OP wrote this...

The point I was trying to make was, why is distance the only factor some people look at? What's wrong with saying hi to someone that shares the same interests as you do, and ""See What Happens""?

In my life every guy only wanting hookups has said "Let's see what happens". Red Flag!!

[Th****]

@seonnyI did very briefly glance at his profile and didn't make it past the first little bit. It was full of stereotypical red flags that would cause many to avoid. Whether from simple blundering ignorance or something more, who knows. 

@CopperKnob I also received a dm where he continued to say the same things I guess hoping for what he wanted to hear. 🤷‍♀️

[ge****]

52 minutes ago, ThaliaVirago said:

@seonnyI did very briefly glance at his profile and didn't make it past the first little bit. It was full of stereotypical red flags that would cause many to avoid. Whether from simple blundering ignorance or something more, who knows. 

@CopperKnob I also received a dm where he continued to say the same things I guess hoping for what he wanted to hear. 🤷‍♀️

And now I'm sulking because I didn't get a DM from him...is it because I live too far away you think? 😂🤣

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, ThaliaVirago said:

@seonnyI did very briefly glance at his profile and didn't make it past the first little bit. It was full of stereotypical red flags that would cause many to avoid. Whether from simple blundering ignorance or something more, who knows. 

@CopperKnob I also received a dm where he continued to say the same things I guess hoping for what he wanted to hear. 🤷‍♀️

So... I guessed correctly. Red flags, and he was a wall. Saying we are a bad community. Hmmm... maybe, there are people here looking for real relationships, than the Mystical Fantasy.🤔 Thank you @ThaliaVirago.💖 

Edited March 30, 2023 by Deleted Member
Misspellings

[littlemiss37]

The thing also with long distance is u don't get to c the person in the rest of there life to c what they r actually like . I'm happy for the pple that ldr works fkr them that is good .for me I tried it and it didn't work c

[At****]

Accessibility. I need a partner I can have easy access to. If I had a bad day and just need physical contact I don't want distance to become an obstacle to me getting that. If I want to grab dinner with them, again, I want it to be easy. Has nothing to do with "hook ups" I guess I struggle to see why that was your go to thought as to why people want local.

[Ke****]

Distance is, and is not, an issue for me. I live in an isolated area with difficult travel links but I don't mind making the effort. Half of my search area is the North Atlantic 🙃 But with my life and job I love, I wish to stay where I am and that would require the other to relocate for a full time ltr which is what I'd like to have. It's so hard here. 🤣

[Je****]

6 hours ago, seonny said:

To me, I think OP only wanted to hear what he wanted to hear, and was annoyed he was not getting what he wanted.

@Finally_Jen was on point "Not the random hook ups he assumed at the beginning".

The OP wrote this...

The point I was trying to make was, why is distance the only factor some people look at? What's wrong with saying hi to someone that shares the same interests as you do, and ""See What Happens""?

In my life every guy only wanting hookups has said "Let's see what happens". Red Flag!!

I wasn't implying this myself. 

 

But i can see where you're coming from. 

Hes said everyone is looking at location for hpok io purposes... But perhaps location matters for relationship purposes. Its all in how we perceive it

[Bu****]

Yikes. This devolved quickly.



If this person is the one for you—distance won’t matter.

If they are not, you could be inside them, or they you, and it would still feel empty and sad.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Finally_Jen said:

I wasn't implying this myself. 

 

But i can see where you're coming from. 

Hes said everyone is looking at location for hpok io purposes... But perhaps location matters for relationship purposes. Its all in how we perceive 

1 hour ago, Finally_Jen said:

I wasn't implying this myself. 

 

But i can see where you're coming from. 

Hes said everyone is looking at location for hpok io purposes... But perhaps location matters for relationship purposes. Its all in how we perceive it

Sorry if I misread it, but it stuck in my head after the OP wrote "What's wrong with saying hi to someone that shares the same interests as you do, and ""See What Happens""?

This is only my experiences, and the only time I heard this is when a guy was only looking for hookups regarding long distances. 

 

[Th****]

@seonny It was all "I'm the domliest Dom, the one true dom" I think he actually did use the words "one true dom" which is super 😬😬

@gemini_man I'd also bet he only sent dms to women

 

[Ms****]

If you aren’t interested in ltr it makes sense to talk outside your local connections! I find a lot of people do travel for work and could possibly be in your neck of the woods at some point!!

[ge****]

9 hours ago, ThaliaVirago said:

 

@gemini_man I'd also bet he only sent dms to women

 

Oh I know - tongue was in my cheek 😉 

[Th****]

Yes, I knew , same here, though after I realized it may not have come across that way but can't edit while waiting to be approved by mods. 

 

9 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Oh I know - tongue was in my cheek 😉 

 

[Deleted Member]

Maybe people aren't prepared to up sticks and move half way across the country/world.. maybe they just want to find someone a little bit closer to home because they need their family close by 🤷‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

Its always rough making connections or friends from a long way away and then realising 'Oh... i like this person' you cant blame someone for not following through. Long distance is incredibly difficult.