Struggling with submission

[Fa****]

There has no doubt been a thread on here before but i seem to be on a constant battle with myself.

I know i am submissive and no desire to be Dominant but I'm struggling with not being 'weak'. I know and understand submission is not a weakness, far from it and after battling against it for such a long time i still can't differentiate the two.

Now i am also beginning to think this is playing a part on my failures here. Am i ***ly pushing people/Doms away afraid to submit and look silly?

[Deleted Member]

Perhaps embrace a different subset of sub. You don't necessarily have to be weak, try different variants and see which works for you.

[Welikeittight2906]

Submission is not weakness! Far from it, i feel it takes a huge amount of strength and courage and trust to completely submit to someone. I hope you win your battle and all works out for you. Also here if you ever fancy a chat x

[li****]

I've struggled with this in the past also feeling I am weak cause of my past relationship which was a violent one, as I always saw myself as weak for not fighting back or not getting out quickly enough. Then when I knew I was submissive I again thought I was weak as I'm again letting a Dom take control of my body and mind, but I then realized that this time I had a choice I had limits and actually I was a stronger person. No way are you weak hun and never is that part of your failures here, in time I've learnt that my failures on here and I've had plenty have only made me stronger and a better person never believe you are pushing people away and afraid to submit you will find the right Dom who you will gift your submission to soon hun. One thing to have is patience and I know it's hard hun but I've learnt that all good things come to those who wait. You will find your one in time hun, don't loose faith beaut!!

Edited April 11, 2019 by Lilmonster

[Deleted Member]

The moment you will submit to your Dom, your « weakness «  will come out. For the moment you battle with your strong mind. 

[Mo****]

you'll submit when you're ready to submit. It isn't an automatic thing. When the time is right the right Dom will come along and you'll have the total opposite feelings you're having now. Be patient and enjoy the journey for now.

[Deleted Member]

Hello, I may not be the best qualified to comment on your feelings, but I feel for you not being able to enjoy who & what you are to the full, so I'll throw this out there. Firstly though, excellent words of advice from Lilmonster, who most definitely is fully qualified & experienced...I find she always speaks a lot of sense & with a lot of understanding & is always spot on & I echo her thoughts. You acknowledge that submission is not in itself a weakness, absolutely right, most definitely it is not. Would it help you do you think to try to focus & dwell on the fact that actually in a Dom or Domme/ sub dynamic or relationship the sub is the one with all the power, the one in control. You set the boundaries & limits, it is up to you whether you allow a Dom/Domme to push them & up to you when you choose to use your safe word. As Lilmonster said, you're allowing this to happen because you want it to, it's who you are & you enjoy it - you're in control, you have the power, keeping thinking if that. Unfortunately, part of the human psyche, & the way society has conditioned us, however hard we try not to let it, it's sometimes difficult to always see & focus on the power & positivity that comes with being a submissive. And don't ever feel that you'll make yourself look 'silly' as you say - certainly no real or true Dom/Domme or other submissive would view you that way for having ***s & doubts & succumbing to them sometimes. Consideration & care is very much a major part of a true Dom/Dommes makeup & personality. Tell yourself also that by even being here on the scene & by being so open you've also already demonstrated just how strong & empowered you truly are. Some ladies & men have a desire to but do not act in it, yet here you are. I hope this may help you a little as you endeavour to come to terms & get your head around it & the very best of luck in your continuing search for those who may be right & compatible.

[Deleted Member]

Let’s get one thing straight hun you are no way a failure and you are no way silly you will know when that right one comes along you will get this feeling of wanting nothing more than to please him and as you grow through communication chatting getting to know one another will those feelings of wanting to submit come out it’s like a light bulb literally I think a lot on here don’t take there time in getting to truly know someone they are all rushing of in demanding to know your limits and that’s a big No No I feel the first stages of getting to know someone takes time to truly build on that respect for one another to see if you connect to build trust xx there is no rush and if they are truly interested then they will also want that there are far too many that think they are Dom when really just into kinky play you have every right to be choosy trusting someone takes time xx you are a strong minded woman who possibly needs that direction to grow further on your journey and like most waiting for that right Dom to come along Just remember they have to show you how they can help you on your journey and why you would want to choose them but st the same time you have to show the respect to that Dom ok they might test you through your conversations but that’s a good thing and an exciting thing these dynamics are such a beautiful thing to be apart off I think we all think we fail at something but really we are not we forget that we have this power to direct what way we want our journeys to go on and that is through communication with your Dom Believe in yourself a little more my gorgeous friend stand up tall strut that sexy arse and revel in your power you have xx miss seeing you in chat 💗💗

[Fa****]

Thank you for your replies it is greatly appreciated. 

I have never really looked at my past relationships as abusive as its never been physical but most definitely mental. I had a good friend from here help me with seeing submission as powerful and i understand how/why it is. The battle is with myself, self belief i suppose.

@Lilmonster is indeed a great help and so gratefully appreciated 😊

[Fa****]

16 minutes ago, Beau said:

miss seeing you in chat 💗💗

I pop in every now and again xx

[li****]

7 minutes ago, Fairylight said:

Thank you for your replies it is greatly appreciated. 

I have never really looked at my past relationships as abusive as its never been physical but most definitely mental. I had a good friend from here help me with seeing submission as powerful and i understand how/why it is. The battle is with myself, self belief i suppose.

@Lilmonster is indeed a great help and so gratefully appreciated 😊

You know you can always message me hun. And yes sometimes we can all get into our own heads and think the worst, but believe you are a strong minded person and a beautiful soul hun. 

[Fa****]

Just now, Lilmonster said:

You know you can always message me hun. And yes sometimes we can all get into our own heads and think the worst, but believe you are a strong minded person and a beautiful soul hun. 

😂 I'm rubbish at messaging, feels like I'm always moaning about something!! 😂

[li****]

20 minutes ago, Fairylight said:

😂 I'm rubbish at messaging, feels like I'm always moaning about something!! 😂

Lol 🤣 me too hun but that's what I'm here for to listen hun.x

[E-dUbBs]

a good dom should be able to ease and relieve insecurities in my opinion but to clarify submission is the very opposite of weakness, its YOUR choice to GIVE YOUR control to another, I couldnt do it also don't get caught up in this idea you should fit into a predetermined submissive shaped pigeon hole. there is no such thing as a typical sub or dom for that matter. we all have our foibles. also as ever you also know where i am to chat. kee- the lights shining

[Jed]

Right I might cause an upset here....but firstly let's put being a sub/D type to one side. Now strip it all back to basic human instinct....1. Do you connect with that person 2. Do you have shared interests 3. Do they purvey honesty and integrity 4. Do you trust what they say We often all get caught up in the whole submissive/Dominant archetypes yet we seem to forget that outside of this were only truly building a base foundation for a relationship....its in this very early stage that you can afford yourself an amount off leeway...this getting to know one another is no different to the rest of the world all trying to find their significant other...beyond that were opening ourselves up too our kinks which we all hope fit in with what our ideal partners want but You then are making the choices affording Yourself your own wants and needs!!! I know everyone has mentioned patience and I'm going to say that is the key but take Your time to strip it back to basics...leave the submissive element to one side and trust in Yourself to make the right choices first. I may have rambled a bit there and if you want me to clarify more please do pm me Fairy ok 😚

[Fa****]

Thank you @Jed i know exactly what you are saying x

[Fa****]

@E-dUbBs thank you, i know it is my choice to gift my submission but the point is im still seeing it as a weakness when i know its not.

[Deleted Member]

You're only likely to see your submission as a weakness because others have ***d you to a degree when you've made yourself ***. Theres a verse from the Bible that says "don not cast your pearls before swine", theologically it means something particular but its a good illustration. Don't take what's precious to you and cast it before those that do not appreciate both the gift and you, they'll treat it with contempt and you'll feel wounded. It's also a waste.

[Fa****]

Thank you @Method that makes sense.

[Ra****]

If there is one thing I rarely consider myself of being is weak. It's true that sometimes I do things I know I shouldn't. It's true that sometimes I hurt myself with my decisions. I make mistakes. Sometimes I let things go too far before I stop them when I should have stop them before. But I still don't see myself as week. I have just started exploring what my submission means to me, less than an year now, and it has already taken so many shapes and sizes. I am submissive for a lot of reasons, most of all, I love to please. Second it's a need because I am in control most of the time. But the truth is 1 I only give control to the person I want to give it too, and 2 I only give as much control as I want. When I say stop the person stops. It's a bit of an illusion that the other person is in control sometimes as you have the last word when it comes to what is happening. I am also slightly sadistic and I love to put up a fight sometimes before I fully submit, which isn't everyone's vision of a sub. What I am trying to say here is that you should accept who you are for who you are and anyone that tells you that you're weak can go fuck themselves because they are the weak ones trying to make someone doubt themselves. I am sorry you haven't found what you were looking for yet... It's hard... But give yourself time, when it comes it will be so much better that you waited for the right thing for you, and someone who makes you feel as strong and as beautiful as you are x

[Mi****]

Maybe the D/s dynamic is not right for you at the moment, maybe you would flourish better in a more nurturing dynamic such as Dd/lg or as a pet

[Fa****]

3 hours ago, RavenSass said:

anyone that tells you that you're weak can go fuck themselves 

That would be me 😂😂

[Fa****]

1 hour ago, MissTillysue said:

Maybe the D/s dynamic is not right for you at the moment, maybe you would flourish better in a more nurturing dynamic such as Dd/lg or as a pet

I have thought this too and suppose i am partly little and pet

[Deleted Member]

I think you had the problem I had 8 years ago, I am a submissive to 2 men 1 being my husband. You're submissive in your nature but at the same time society has brought you up to be dominant so that side of your brain considers submission weak. The only thing I can tell you is it TOOK A LONGGGGGG TIME for me to practice, to keep correcting that negative self thinking, to JUST TRUST my Master/Sir. To just let go is probably the hardest thing in the world for women nowadays.

[Deleted Member]

On 4/11/2019 at 11:07 AM, Fairylight said:

There has no doubt been a thread on here before but i seem to be on a constant battle with myself.

I know i am submissive and no desire to be Dominant but I'm struggling with not being 'weak'. I know and understand submission is not a weakness, far from it and after battling against it for such a long time i still can't differentiate the two.

Now i am also beginning to think this is playing a part on my failures here. Am i ***ly pushing people/Doms away afraid to submit and look silly?

Fairy, I completely understand this concept! As a new sub, I feel like by still learning I'm failing and often wondering why and feel like im failing. As sub's we try and push our limits and boundaries to please our Masters yet still battle with our own issues and insecurities. It is hard work, battling with ourselves and trying to please and learning at the same time. But I have faith that you will find what your looking for

 

14 hours ago, RavenSass said:

If there is one thing I rarely consider myself of being is weak. It's true that sometimes I do things I know I shouldn't. It's true that sometimes I hurt myself with my decisions. I make mistakes. Sometimes I let things go too far before I stop them when I should have stop them before. But I still don't see myself as week. I have just started exploring what my submission means to me, less than an year now, and it has already taken so many shapes and sizes. I am submissive for a lot of reasons, most of all, I love to please. Second it's a need because I am in control most of the time. But the truth is 1 I only give control to the person I want to give it too, and 2 I only give as much control as I want. When I say stop the person stops. It's a bit of an illusion that the other person is in control sometimes as you have the last word when it comes to what is happening. I am also slightly sadistic and I love to put up a fight sometimes before I fully submit, which isn't everyone's vision of a sub. What I am trying to say here is that you should accept who you are for who you are and anyone that tells you that you're weak can go fuck themselves because they are the weak ones trying to make someone doubt themselves. I am sorry you haven't found what you were looking for yet... It's hard... But give yourself time, when it comes it will be so much better that you waited for the right thing for you, and someone who makes you feel as strong and as beautiful as you are x

I really needed to read this tonight! I am also exploring my own submission. I also like the struggle and being "***d" to submit, but i am also trying to accept that it is my own choice who i give my full submission too. I have recently learnt that there is a big difference between enjoying rough sex and being a sub. I submit fully to my Master, who has been nothing but patient, kind, caring, considerate and everything I could have asked for. My biggest *** is messing it up and not being enough for him. Its a horrible feeling to have and one im trying to get over