How to submit

[Deleted Member]

Hello guys. I have a question. I am frequently meeting with a dom (not 24/7 d/s dynamic) but I don’t feel such a strong mental submission towards him. In my last d/s situation, I really felt like a submissive but now with the new one not so much. Is there a way to cultivate it or does that mean that we don’t click together ? I would appreciate any thoughts.

[Di****]

He ain't it...onto the next

[Deleted Member]

I would give it a go and speak to him directly about it.. if it goes better then it was just a communication problem if not then you are not for each other

[ne****]

I have always felt that the more I felt taken care of by a dom the more submissive I became naturally.

[Deleted Member]

Do you click on other levels? Is it strictly just sex or are you also friends with this person as well?
Could you soend some time with them where sex wasn't on the cards just to see if you do actually "click" with them? I think you need to just go with your gut.. if the "spark" isn't there then you can't *** it

[en****]

It means that he is not a proper Dom. I see it in the responsibility of said Dom to make you feel like it. To make you want to be submissive. If he doesn’t, he is certainly not doing it right

[Deleted Member]

Do you get what you need out of it, or is the pleasure lacking because you’re not able to fully submit?

[Deleted Member]

Hi, so I am relatively new to this world but my brief exposure has taught me if there's no "click" with your play partner no matter what else it isn't going to work. Don't get me wrong it is still possible to have fun but I've only found one person who I think about daily who makes me want to be more than I am.

[Deleted Member]

He may not be the dom for you if you feel like you can Dom them

[Da****]

By the issue that you are having to “train” your Dominant, you would have to take an active role and teach. This isn’t a bad factor, but it goes opposite of what you are looking to do. You are looking to be taught and directed, which is submissive. This may be why college students are attracted to Professors. The student attraction may be gone if the Professor has to be taught by the student. I don’t know any Doms that train Dominants. So you probably need to find a new one. ~ Dante

[Deleted Member]

i totally understand that. i think time may help but id say you don't click 🤷‍♀️ sometimes you can just tell at a first meeting ykno.

[Deleted Member]

There are different fits between various Doms and subs. Your new Dom may not be in touch with the things that turn you on, eg Authority, voice and tone. There is an element of surprise that is necessary to keep the anticipation levels up. Also meeting a Dom who meets you halfway with boundaries and limits. You may not be reaching your ideal levels of being submissive with your current Dom.

[ey****]

it might be you're not a good match

however, there's stuff you know will work for you, because it's worked before. Raise them.

[ma****]

What is your relationship with him? How long have you known him for?

Why don't you feel like a submissive?

I personally think that, when that happens, it might be due to lack of something. Are you in a committed relationship? Do you need committement? Does he provide aftercare? Are your needs (mental, emotional, physical etc) met? Does he put effort into offering you the consistency, communication, empathy, honesty, attention or anything else that you might need and crave? Do you trust him with your life? Has he really earned your trust? Has he proven to you that he's got your best interest?Just because you are submissive, it doesn't mean that you have to settle for anything less than you need.

[Deleted Member]

Bring the subject up with him
You should be able to talk about anything and everything with your Dom

[do****]

No mental stimulation, no situation. Mental connection is the most important part in any dynamic. How is it even fun, pleasing or worth doing if your mind is not into

[St****]

Have you talked to your dominant about this?

[Deleted Member]

I have discussed my turn ons, limits etc. he is very respectful and open communication. However I don’t feel so mentally stimulated by him. There is no “spark”

[Deleted Member]

Women ignore 99% of men. What was so special about this one? Doe’s he provide for you? Doe’s he treat you well? Are you better with him than without him? You need to ask yourself some serious questions. Submission is natural not selective. A man is judged at face value and you should too. You don’t get endless try’s at being in a kink relationship. At some point you will pick up bad habits other D’s know how to tell. It’s like a weak uncomfortable man. If a woman is strong and secure it is impossible for her too be submissive. It’s an oxymoron. I
Here too help not bash. I would like to see our community be healthy not trashy or dangerous.

[Ji****]

Submission isn't a conscious secession. It occurs organically when it's right. Trust and respect are the key, and security.

[Ji****]

Sorry... typos everywhere... decision* not secession lol

[CopperKnob]

21 minutes ago, LucianCastro said:

Women ignore 99% of men. What was so special about this one? Doe’s he provide for you? Doe’s he treat you well? Are you better with him than without him? You need to ask yourself some serious questions. Submission is natural not selective. A man is judged at face value and you should too. You don’t get endless try’s at being in a kink relationship. At some point you will pick up bad habits other D’s know how to tell. It’s like a weak uncomfortable man. If a woman is strong and secure it is impossible for her too be submissive. It’s an oxymoron. I
Here too help not bash. I would like to see our community be healthy not trashy or dangerous.

So you don't see strength in submission
.
OP, for me personally, I'm not submissive until I have a connection with someone and that only comes with trust, respect and a bunch of other things. Basically, they need to be in my head. It's a choice who I submit to, I can play pretend but it's artificial and I get nothing from it at all.

[Se****]

So, there are a few things I’d like to pick up on with this, granted they are merely my thoughts and opinions based on my experiences and others may disagree

Firstly not every person who has a submissive side can or will (naturally and easily) submit to every person who has a Dominant side (and vice versa, although we never seem to question this 😡). A person who identifies as submissive may be able to “***” themselves to appear to submit  to please another but this is not likely to give either part real pleasure ultimately (I’m sure there will be many who disagree). 

I have generally found there is a certain “something” when you meet another person in a D/s sense (sometimes even just speaking on the phone you “know”). That spark/X-factor whatever it is, it (imo) has to be there. AND generally from a relatively early stage. 

Now, onto what you can/should do unfortunately nobody can answer that but I guess the best bit of advice has already been given. Speak openly, honestly and clearly with your Dom, it may be he feels the same, it may be you could scene together without being D/s or maybe you’ll become great friends or everything will work out how you hope. Point is, first thing to do is discuss more. 

I hope you find what you’re looking for and I hope my comment hasn’t come across as rude or condescending. X

[pr****]

Why is ever hating on her? There really needs to be moderators on this app. Frankly idk if there is a way to fix the “spark” or cultivate one, but if he’s not doing it for you then find someone else, it’s like a relationship

[He****]

If you are not feeling it you are not feeling it. Maybe you just need to get to know him better, see what further connections and things in common you have, if after that you still are not feeling it then end it. No point in going on if there's nothing there. As a sub you should have strong ties to your Dom, after all he's the one you will give your trust to. Possibly you just don't click, nothing wrong with that, it happens. Just don't drag it out unnecessarily.