Edging advice

[Tasha10]

Hi guys new here looking for advice. Me (dom) and the wife (sub) the other night were doing some edging but it git to the point where i had edged her that many times when i told her she could cum she just physically couldnt.... well i felt shit for pushing her too far to the point she got up and left the room after giving up trying to cum. We spoke about it after and she said she felt angry as she wanted to cum but just couldnt and it lefr her so frustrated. Just wondered if anyone else had similar experiences or advice? I know next time not to push her tht far.

[Re****]

Personally I would say learn from the experience and discuss together how this can be avoided in the future, communication is key, perhaps introduce a word like a safe word for your wife in such a situation which can alert you not to push any further?

[sissyslave52]

She is a sub...while she can be dissappointed...she has no right to be angry.  As for you as her dom...if you wanted her to be able to cum as a reward then that falls on you...but you only answer to your own conscience.  First explain to your sub that you understand her dissappointment but she does not have the right to be mad and storm out.  Then explain to her as her dom that once in a while you need to push her boundaries and that sometimes when experimenting sometimes everything does not happen like you want.  But you are her dom and she needs to accept that there will be times that you need to push her boundaries.

[ey****]

3 minutes ago, sissyslave52 said:

She is a sub...while she can be dissappointed...she has no right to be angry.  As for you as her dom...if you wanted her to be able to cum as a reward then that falls on you...but you only answer to your own conscience.  First explain to your sub that you understand her dissappointment but she does not have the right to be mad and storm out.  Then explain to her as her dom that once in a while you need to push her boundaries and that sometimes when experimenting sometimes everything does not happen like you want.  But you are her dom and she needs to accept that there will be times that you need to push her boundaries.

I don't think this at all helps the issue at hand and instead projects your OWN fantasies into someone else's problem.

If you read the post - the OP is also unhappy she didn't get the ending he also wanted.  

[sissyslave52]

OP?  You mean her dom?  And the fact that he too wanted her to cum was addressed.  I stated as her dom he was responsible ...but whenever pushing boundaries and experimenting things dont always go perfect.  But someone like you may think that life is perfect.  A little piece of advice...there are no guarantees in life.  As for the Dom/sub relationship...if this a simple one evening game that is different...but if this is a real Dom/sub relationship then my advice was perfect.  If it was a one time game...then he should apologize and suggest they not play this game for a while or maybe not at all because it is not his intention that the GAME upset her

[ey****]

Yep - of course things don't always go perfect.  He's asking for advice to improve the experience for both of them - not to be like "hey, you have no right to be unhappy"

As for "real" - that's a rather pretentious attitude.  Everyone has different approaches and it's all "real"

[SubSlut11]

I am newer to this, so correct me if Im wrong.

Subs are humans... they can feel whatever they want to feel. Respect is what to look out for... which yes, a Dom could choose to punish their sub for storming out of a room. However, like eyemblacksheep stated, the OP is looking how to improve the situation so that edging can be done more successfully next time.

Communication is key. We all have scenes that dont necessarily go as planned. Talk about it, don't push as hard, and Im sure next time will be great!

[Tasha10]

Thanks everyone for the input! Any further input is appreciated. As we are new to the d/s relationship im trying not to push too hard on the sub as im not wanting her to run to the hills and say this isnt for her. We were doing scene only but have decided to do 24/7 for a trail to see how things go i we have gone through a list of do's and donts so we are clear about hard and soft limits and also the things she would like to happen.

She is what you would say a bratty sub.... any input on that subject would also be appreciated.

[Ra****]

Sometimes in life we go through things that are frustrating. Not all experiences happen the way we want them too. I cannot imagine this being the first time something didn't go right. All you guys can do is learn from the experience. For you as her Dom, you have to give yourself a break because you were trying to push her but you just went too far, but also she didn't safeword or say stop. Even though the Dominant party is always in control the responsability falls over both parties. A sub should also say stop when it is too much. Bad experiences happen to everybody... Learn from it is all you can do.

[Tillysub]

I have had this experience also and yes, it can be very frustrating, I also find that it is unpredictable - I couldn't tell you how long I would be able to edge and still cum at the end of it. I would experiment with it together but also allow her to play on her own with it too so she can get a better idea of how much she can handle and when it is enough. Communication, as always, is key. She is bound to be frustrated and need to express this in some way so allow her to do so....you an also reflect with her your own frustrations and feelings of guilt (unwarranted though they may be) and this can help you grow in your dynamic together.

[Re****]

On 4/29/2019 at 5:26 AM, Tasha10 said:

Thanks everyone for the input! Any further input is appreciated. As we are new to the d/s relationship im trying not to push too hard on the sub as im not wanting her to run to the hills and say this isnt for her. We were doing scene only but have decided to do 24/7 for a trail to see how things go i we have gone through a list of do's and donts so we are clear about hard and soft limits and also the things she would like to happen.

She is what you would say a bratty sub.... any input on that subject would also be appreciated.

Hi, me and my hubby are also embarking on 24/7 and are also new to this lifestyle, if you'd like like a chat any time drop us a line. 

[Deleted Member]

On 4/29/2019 at 12:07 AM, Tasha10 said:

Hi guys new here looking for advice. Me (dom) and the wife (sub) the other night were doing some edging but it git to the point where i had edged her that many times when i told her she could cum she just physically couldnt.... well i felt shit for pushing her too far to the point she got up and left the room after giving up trying to cum. We spoke about it after and she said she felt angry as she wanted to cum but just couldnt and it lefr her so frustrated. Just wondered if anyone else had similar experiences or advice? I know next time not to push her tht far.

Please let me know if you find a solution to this.

[Deleted Member]

Hi Tasha10, i sympathise with you because you did so well to keep your wife on the boil for an extended time and were then unable to tip her over the edge when you wanted. As others have already said, you need to know the signs and a codeword may help but by the time she is getting amgry, beating the mattress and clawing at the sheets, i feel she is beyond rational communication.

The most likely key to your success is to hold something back. What is it that always makes her cum hard and quickly? If it is direct g-spot stimulation, the one i find most useful, don't use it or use it sparingly for edging. Use other ways of stimulating her to drive her repeatedly to the edge until you judge that she cannot take any more, then use that way to *** her to cum. Good luck.