Message behaviour problems

[Ch****]

1 minute ago, doubletrouble129 said:

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 such articulation! So on point. The purpose of your comment is "don't be a dick". Practice patience and humility in all your engagements, whether it's reciprocated or not. You did your part being the best you. If it's not reciprocated, oh well, life goes on. There will be more engagements and chances for communication pet ***ves to be met. We engage to search for what we like and don't like, not to change people. If their manners are not to our liking, we have the option to disengage communication. I think we have a right to express how we would like to be communicated with, but not the right to hold people to it. Just the right to discontinue communication if they do not follow. Great morning conversation starter. Thanks

Then why would you even message someone in the first place if you have no respect of basic courtesy for them. As is said at the very beginning of this a simple I can't chat now resolves alot of the issue, how easy is that

[do****]

33 minutes ago, Chiana said:

Then why would you even message someone in the first place if you have no respect of basic courtesy for them. As is said at the very beginning of this a simple I can't chat now resolves alot of the issue, how easy is that

It's very easy to do, but not ever one was raised the same, went to the same schools, etc. Customs even vary from country to country. There might be a country where this type of behavior is normal and acceptable. I do not know. It's just for me, I bring to much to the table to tripping over a waiting on a response from a woman. Life is too short. Oh well, next one up to bat

[ar****]

I disabled realtime notifications, because I found them too distracting. I also can't always tell in advance when I'll be available for messaging because I don't give that a lot of priority in my life. Plus, my energy for social interaction fluctuates and having to apologize for possibly not living up to others' expectations doesn't do much good either. I'll gladly spend energy when I'm really involved in a communication, but idle smalltalk is hardly something I spend much time on.

[Ch****]

8 hours ago, DarkArts1066 said:

“Once upon a time, in a Galaxy far, far away……….”

There was a world without mobile phones, or mobile devices of any kind.

A telephone was exactly that. A telephone. If you wanted to speak with someone - who wasn’t in the room with you, you would use this device. It was, to all intents and purposes - instantaneous.

For conversations which were less important, we had the fax machine, and before that, the ‘Telex’. These were not quite instantaneous. If the place you were sending a fax - or telex to was closed (out of business hours perhaps..) then you received the fax or telex when they opened.

If the subject of your conversation did not require an immediate response, one could write a letter, or send a postcard.
Now, a letter could take a couple of days - or a couple of weeks. There are documented cases of postcards actually taking years to arrive at their destination.

Fast forward now to the modern, progressive technological world.
If I send a text…. I expect a reply now.
Not in a few hours - now.
Why are you not standing, phone in hand, waiting for my message to arrive ?
I need to tell you- immediately, that I am “on the train”. It’s important that you know that, because I might not walk through the door at 6:47 every weekday evening.
Sometimes it might be 6:48.

If I send an email, it’s because the content is critical to the state of world peace… or at least to let you know that I am “on the train”.

We have Snapchat, TikTok, Telegram, KiK, WhatsApp ……..
Why have you not liked my picture/post/comment/meme of me “on the train” ?

We still have the telephone ……….

Nobody uses the telephone.

What ? - actually “speak” with someone ???
Weirdo.


My point ?


We are now conditioned that an immediate reply is expected. Demanded.
If you don’t reply to my message, then you are rude, disrespectful, ghosting……

Let’s assume the worst- automatically.
Why is that ?

OR - maybe that train I am trying to tell you I am on is in a tunnel - or a cutting, and I have no signal ?
(Most mobile phone service providers claim 99% network coverage. Yeah, right.)

Maybe, in the middle of our naughty chat (which you have instigated) my five year old has fallen in the garden, and cut, bruised or broken a body part, and requires my immediate or undivided attention - inconveniently for the three minutes you need me to help you get off ……

Sometimes - the unpredictable - or Maternal/Paternal instinct takes over, and you ……….. yes - you, are not the most important person in the room -which I am not currently sharing with you.

(That last comment is NOT aimed at anyone in particular !…. Just in case you were wondering.)

I will award a special prize to anyone who can accurately tell me the purpose of my (slightly tongue-in-cheek) comments above….

I’m happy to wait…. In fact, answers on a postcard - if you like ?

Prize to most amount of word salad that isn't even funny 🤣

[Deleted Member]

This has often happened to me. I don't take it personal, think they weren't so interested, and move on. For me, the right person would not jeopardize a potiential connection.

[Ch****]

3 minutes ago, seonny said:

This has often happened to me. I don't take it personal, think they weren't so interested, and move on. For me, the right person would not jeopardize a potiential connection.

That is the thing, they had gone out of their way to get my attention by bombarding me with lots of messages. When I then finally start replying and things are moving back and forth straight away, in mid conversation with no warning gone for like 13 hours and thinks they are going to pickup from where they left off with zero explanation...it takes 2 seconds 

[Deleted Member]

11 minutes ago, Chiana said:

That is the thing, they had gone out of their way to get my attention by bombarding me with lots of messages. When I then finally start replying and things are moving back and forth straight away, in mid conversation with no warning gone for like 13 hours and thinks they are going to pickup from where they left off with zero explanation...it takes 2 seconds 

It has happened to me, and feel you.💖 I don't say anything, and put them in automatic "Never Meet". Don't get me wrong, I do get disappointed, but it's just the way it is like ghosting.🤷‍♀️

[Th****]

Yeah. It’s mainly being “Ghosted” and it’s very rude.

[Cheekysub247]

I only think of ghosting if its moved onto another platform of chat(off site) THEN chat stops.  If it didnt get that far then its just chit chat for me. I keep friend only chat on site, but everyone different x

[ge****]

Ultimately it comes down to expectations and perception - whilst it can be confusing when a conversation dies mid flow, expecting an immediate response is maybe expecting too much, at the end of the day you're conversing with a complete stranger who you don't know what is going on in their life, or even if they're as invested in the conversation as you are.
.
I have conversations all the time on here and other messaging apps where things go quiet and then pick up again, sometimes days or weeks later, and don't expect either an explanation or apology - I just accept the other person is busy or whatever.
.
Now of course it comes down to context too - but ultimately I don't expect anything from a complete stranger I've not chatted to before, or don't know that well, and don't consider it rude or anything else if things go quiet.

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, gemini_man said:

Ultimately it comes down to expectations and perception - whilst it can be confusing when a conversation dies mid flow, expecting an immediate response is maybe expecting too much, at the end of the day you're conversing with a complete stranger who you don't know what is going on in their life, or even if they're as invested in the conversation as you are.
.
I have conversations all the time on here and other messaging apps where things go quiet and then pick up again, sometimes days or weeks later, and don't expect either an explanation or apology - I just accept the other person is busy or whatever.
.
Now of course it comes down to context too - but ultimately I don't expect anything from a complete stranger I've not chatted to before, or don't know that well, and don't consider it rude or anything else if things go quiet.

Case in point, Gemini and I will chat for a few days then go quiet for days/a few weeks before conversing again, just like I do with others here. Both of us take it for what it is, neither of us feel that the others being rude, it's just that that conversation has come to a natural conclusion or one or both of us are busy with life

[Deleted Member]

For me, was only mentioning the men was planning to meet. I don't care how busy anyone is. If I never met them, and behaved as most of us experienced... they are No Go.  Additionally, I take it as they are not responsible people regarding me. I don't know how they treat others.

Edited April 23, 2023 by Deleted Member
Misspellings

[Ami-babi]

I've recently just gone through this. They told me they were gaming. So I was asking questions like do you like this or that. They replied but not in the conversation sense of " I like this wbu" so when I said I didn't think we would go anywhere. They then said I was full of my own self importance and they had been busy with family. If they had said that, instead of just answering the questions, then I'd have given peace. Now they have blocked me!

[Da****]

I agree with @Chiana. It is upsetting to be put on hold without an explanation. Especially in the middle of a conversation. Just let the person know. It's called respect.

[FreddieJobbs]

I haven’t gone through this yet on here but I have on other dating apps. One blocked me over the phone she never gave me any hints that she was angry she even said to me she was going to call me back very soon as she was at her job doing something important. Several hours have past and yet no phone, so I made the phone call, and got a automated message that phone number is no longer service. 🙄

There was another one where things were going smoothly that the only thing caused the long pause was a vacation trip with her family. She said she would reach back to me after her trip to Cancun but she never contacted me back either and I eventually unmatched with her too. Now, given that this during the holidays but still in about a week or so you would them to call you back right?

[RainbowTea]

This is a rather ableistic take and expectation, sorry to say but it has to be said. 😬
People really need to stop assuming every time someone goes "silent" and doesn't respond for more than 15 minutes that there's automatically a "rude" reason behind it or that they're being rude, intentionally or otherwise. And not responding within a day or 2 is not "ghosting" either. 🤦🏻‍♀️

The reason it's ableistic is because for all you know, the person could have any kind of health condition that literally affects their ability to respond sometimes. They could be disabled in some way, they could be a neurodivergent who is suddenly experiencing some form of temporary debilitating condition, or an Autistic "shutdown" - when that happens it often comes on suddenly without warning, and during that time many people will go completely non-verbal, and most times aren't even capable of processing someone's attempts to communicate with them. They can't even answer simple questions by loved ones who are concerned and trying to help. And most shutdowns last anywhere from minutes to hours but some can even last for days, and it can take a long time to recover from them. And that's just ONE of many examples. Another is someone with ADHD gets distracted looking something up, goes down a rabbit hole (with or without hyperfocus kicking in), and before they know it, hours have passed before they even remember they left a conversation on hold. And that is NOT something that can controlled no matter how "hard" someone with ADHD tries - so ableistic answers like "just try harder" are not solutions. And while yes, if something does comes up the person could easily say what happened after the fact, but maybe keep in mind that some people are masking their conditions *just to survive* in social situations, because too many people are ableists who would refuse to understand or even believe them anyway even if they did try to explain? Maybe some people are tired of being ***d into an emotionally taxing song and dance trying to explain to every person who asks, WHY they simply literally can't function like an abled/neurotypical - EVERY SINGLE TIME they have a blip in functionality.

Like, it's really not that deep sometimes and certainly not all about you, so maybe don't take it the wrong way if you don't actually know what happened. For me, if someone I'm chatting with is too rude/ignorant/ableistic to understand this and is just going to make false, lazy assumptions, then they're really not someone worth my time and effort in trying to have them in my life. Better to simply move on and find people who will actually be decent enough to not jump to conclusions without knowing the situation and the facts. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It's not "rudeness" when someone is either having a health crisis or their biology is literally affecting their response times in some format. It IS however rude and ableistic to assume everyone is automatically just being rude, ghosting, etc, and to automatically place the blame on someone who may be entirely innocent of any wrongdoing. And to expect everyone you interact with online to *always* reply within 15 minutes in every single interaction just isn't reasonable. Life happens. Health issues happen. Shit happens. It's only a problem for *you* if you automatically assume the worst out of every case when someone doesn't get back to you right away. Or when they show reluctance to explain what happened, because 95% of the time we know that neurotypicals just won't understand and don't want to understand.

[Ch****]

44 minutes ago, RainbowTea said:

This is a rather ableistic take and expectation, sorry to say but it has to be said. 😬
People really need to stop assuming every time someone goes "silent" and doesn't respond for more than 15 minutes that there's automatically a "rude" reason behind it or that they're being rude, intentionally or otherwise. And not responding within a day or 2 is not "ghosting" either. 🤦🏻‍♀️

The reason it's ableistic is because for all you know, the person could have any kind of health condition that literally affects their ability to respond sometimes. They could be disabled in some way, they could be a neurodivergent who is suddenly experiencing some form of temporary debilitating condition, or an Autistic "shutdown" - when that happens it often comes on suddenly without warning, and during that time many people will go completely non-verbal, and most times aren't even capable of processing someone's attempts to communicate with them. They can't even answer simple questions by loved ones who are concerned and trying to help. And most shutdowns last anywhere from minutes to hours but some can even last for days, and it can take a long time to recover from them. And that's just ONE of many examples. Another is someone with ADHD gets distracted looking something up, goes down a rabbit hole (with or without hyperfocus kicking in), and before they know it, hours have passed before they even remember they left a conversation on hold. And that is NOT something that can controlled no matter how "hard" someone with ADHD tries - so ableistic answers like "just try harder" are not solutions. And while yes, if something does comes up the person could easily say what happened after the fact, but maybe keep in mind that some people are masking their conditions *just to survive* in social situations, because too many people are ableists who would refuse to understand or even believe them anyway even if they did try to explain? Maybe some people are tired of being ***d into an emotionally taxing song and dance trying to explain to every person who asks, WHY they simply literally can't function like an abled/neurotypical - EVERY SINGLE TIME they have a blip in functionality.

Like, it's really not that deep sometimes and certainly not all about you, so maybe don't take it the wrong way if you don't actually know what happened. For me, if someone I'm chatting with is too rude/ignorant/ableistic to understand this and is just going to make false, lazy assumptions, then they're really not someone worth my time and effort in trying to have them in my life. Better to simply move on and find people who will actually be decent enough to not jump to conclusions without knowing the situation and the facts. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It's not "rudeness" when someone is either having a health crisis or their biology is literally affecting their response times in some format. It IS however rude and ableistic to assume everyone is automatically just being rude, ghosting, etc, and to automatically place the blame on someone who may be entirely innocent of any wrongdoing. And to expect everyone you interact with online to *always* reply within 15 minutes in every single interaction just isn't reasonable. Life happens. Health issues happen. Shit happens. It's only a problem for *you* if you automatically assume the worst out of every case when someone doesn't get back to you right away. Or when they show reluctance to explain what happened, because 95% of the time we know that neurotypicals just won't understand and don't want to understand.

You know nothing of what actually happened. And you said it yourself about jumping to conclusions...you have just done that yourself 

[RainbowTea]

👀👀👀🤦🏻‍♀️ maybe chill tf out and grow tf up. Did you even bother to read my points instead of jumping right to baselessly attacking and childish behaviour and being rude right off the bat? No, clearly you didn't. All you had to do was be a decent human being by being mature, acknowledge that you shouldn't jump to conclusions in most cases (like you're clearly doing now), and move on. It literally costs you NOTHING to be decent but here you are attacking a neurodivergent person who's making a very good point and calmly showing you the ableism in your assumptions. Maybe don't speak over neurodivergent voices. Imagine being this ableistic in 2023. Aand blocked. I have no time, patience, or interest in continuing discourse with rude arrogant immature NTs who just wanna pick fights instead of listening when someone makes a point.😬🤡

Edited June 10, 2023 by RainbowTea
Typos and edited sentences

[Ch****]

4 minutes ago, RainbowTea said:

👀👀👀🤦🏻‍♀️ maybe chill tf out and grow tf up. Did you even bother to read my points instead of jumping right to baselessly attacking and childish behaviour and being rude right off the bat? No, clearly you didn't. All you had to do was be a decent human being by being mature, acknowledge that you shouldn't jump to conclusions in most cases (like you're clearly doing now), and move on. It literally costs you NOTHING to be decent but here you are attacking a neurodivergent person who's making a very good point and calmly showing you the ableism in your assumptions. Maybe don't speak over neurodivergent voices. Imagine being this ableistic in 2023. 😬🤡

Who do you think you are taking to? You started talking totally rubbish about a situation that wasn't the case at all . You wasn't involved in the interaction. You added a ton of what ifs. And come to a conclusion.... hypocrite!

[JourSans]

Maybe just take people as they are - if they drop in and out of conversations and you don't like it just drop a hint - like hey what was so much more important than replying to me ?   That's probably more than a hint but I'm sure you get the idea. 

[RainbowTea]

20 hours ago, Chiana said:

Who do you think you are taking to? You started talking totally rubbish about a situation that wasn't the case at all . You wasn't involved in the interaction. You added a ton of what ifs. And come to a conclusion.... hypocrite!

Lmfaoo no, that's literally not what happened at all and stop backtracking. You were the one who firstly jumped to conclusions about EVERYONE who doesn't respond to messages right away, then posted a huge generalisation about everyone's messaging habits, making extremely sweeping judgements about again, EVERYONE, who "doesn't message back right away or state why they can't respond anymore" and claimed that "everyone" who does this is being "rude" - you did NOT make this about "one person" or "one instance" of it happening, so you can just stop with the gaslighting and projection. Because it wasn't until after I pointed out the issues with your assumptions about people's messaging habits, that now all of a sudden you're trying to claim that you were only speaking about one or 2 specific instances, with this completely BS statement of "oh you weren't there". Lmao I don't need to "be there" when you're talking about the conclusions you jump to about EVERYONE who doesn't respond right away, by claiming everyone who does it is just being "rude". Stop trying to gaslight about the meaning of your own statements to make it seem like you weren't making the sweeping generalisations you actually made. YOU stated in your very first statement about "all people" who don't message back right away are being "rude" - YOU said that, not me. And btw gaslighting doesn't work on me so nice try. All I did was calmly let you know WHY those sweeping generalisations and assumptions are toxic and ableistic. You're only backtracking now because YOU want to 1) be ableistic trash and 2) speak over neurodivergent voices on an issue that very clearly affects neurodivergent people across the board (and not just NDs), who simply don't feel like it's even remotely fair to jump to conclusions about people who aren't immediate responders.

Like this may come as a shock to you, but people who have unreasonably high expectations about messaging and actually get offended when they don't hear back from someone within 15 minutes just comes off as being too clingy/needy, and this unreasonable expectation is actually a big red flag to the rest of us. This on top of your hugely ableistic toxic attitude is just... yikes. 🚩🚩🚩👀😬

How about instead of being rude & toxic by going off attacking an actual neurodivergent, you could just do the right thing by learning from the voices of a marginalised group, and acknowledge your ableistic attitude and behaviour. You're making this issue all about you when it isn't, and now you're trying to talk over said actual neurodivergent who is was only trying to point out to you WHY that particular sweeping generalisation is ableistic in the first place. Get tf over yourself and again grow tf up. The only one being a hypocrite here is you. Just stop trying to pick a fight with a neurodivergent over something that has a very real negative impact on *actual* neurodivergents. Last time I say this but if you're not a neurodivergent & this isn't an issue that affects you then DON'T speak over neurodivergents. Sit tf down and actually LISTEN to neurodivergent voices when they're trying to explain why a certain expectation is ableistic. I never insulted you but you immediately devolved into insults and being immature when you easily could've just said "agree to disagree" and moved on. Do better. I'm so fcking done with ableistic neurotypicals like you. 🤡

[Ch****]

1 hour ago, RainbowTea said:

Lmfaoo no, that's literally not what happened at all and stop backtracking. You were the one who firstly jumped to conclusions about EVERYONE who doesn't respond to messages right away, then posted a huge generalisation about everyone's messaging habits, making extremely sweeping judgements about again, EVERYONE, who "doesn't message back right away or state why they can't respond anymore" and claimed that "everyone" who does this is being "rude" - you did NOT make this about "one person" or "one instance" of it happening, so you can just stop with the gaslighting and projection. Because it wasn't until after I pointed out the issues with your assumptions about people's messaging habits, that now all of a sudden you're trying to claim that you were only speaking about one or 2 specific instances, with this completely BS statement of "oh you weren't there". Lmao I don't need to "be there" when you're talking about the conclusions you jump to about EVERYONE who doesn't respond right away, by claiming everyone who does it is just being "rude". Stop trying to gaslight about the meaning of your own statements to make it seem like you weren't making the sweeping generalisations you actually made. YOU stated in your very first statement about "all people" who don't message back right away are being "rude" - YOU said that, not me. And btw gaslighting doesn't work on me so nice try. All I did was calmly let you know WHY those sweeping generalisations and assumptions are toxic and ableistic. You're only backtracking now because YOU want to 1) be ableistic trash and 2) speak over neurodivergent voices on an issue that very clearly affects neurodivergent people across the board (and not just NDs), who simply don't feel like it's even remotely fair to jump to conclusions about people who aren't immediate responders.

Like this may come as a shock to you, but people who have unreasonably high expectations about messaging and actually get offended when they don't hear back from someone within 15 minutes just comes off as being too clingy/needy, and this unreasonable expectation is actually a big red flag to the rest of us. This on top of your hugely ableistic toxic attitude is just... yikes. 🚩🚩🚩👀😬

How about instead of being rude & toxic by going off attacking an actual neurodivergent, you could just do the right thing by learning from the voices of a marginalised group, and acknowledge your ableistic attitude and behaviour. You're making this issue all about you when it isn't, and now you're trying to talk over said actual neurodivergent who is was only trying to point out to you WHY that particular sweeping generalisation is ableistic in the first place. Get tf over yourself and again grow tf up. The only one being a hypocrite here is you. Just stop trying to pick a fight with a neurodivergent over something that has a very real negative impact on *actual* neurodivergents. Last time I say this but if you're not a neurodivergent & this isn't an issue that affects you then DON'T speak over neurodivergents. Sit tf down and actually LISTEN to neurodivergent voices when they're trying to explain why a certain expectation is ableistic. I never insulted you but you immediately devolved into insults and being immature when you easily could've just said "agree to disagree" and moved on. Do better. I'm so fcking done with ableistic neurotypicals like you. 🤡

I have Au thanks, not something I like to broadcast. I'm not the one who's having a meltdown over this . Anyway you are getting reported for ***

[Ky****]

in my case its usually a problem with online dropping out if it happens in mid convo

[FETMOD-KF]

hey folks - come on

the forum isn't the place for personal disputes.

please desist in bickering and we can talk about the subject in hand.  if there is dispute then please resolve privately - it's not something others can really input on

and, there is no place for name calling 

[Ch****]

1 minute ago, FETMOD-KF said:

hey folks - come on

the forum isn't the place for personal disputes.

please desist in bickering and we can talk about the subject in hand.  if there is dispute then please resolve privately - it's not something others can really input on

and, there is no place for name calling 

Close it down please