Genuineness in the Community

[Du****]

15 minutes ago, DyingForLife said:

My side argument is that if more men took time to read books, they would start exhibiting better manners because as vocabulary increases, so does our communication skills, and while it doesn't solve the issue, it creates a major step in the right direction.

I wholeheartedly agree with you. The ability to articulate - and thus communicate - our thoughts and feelings, truly is key to a more positive society. If I were to reduce the argument to a mere personal example, however, I would have to say that “hey ur hot wat u up 2” is… well, it’s a step backwards. Into a dumpster. On the edge of a ravine. Filled with effluent.

[Dy****]

18 minutes ago, DuchessFeuille said:

I wholeheartedly agree with you. The ability to articulate - and thus communicate - our thoughts and feelings, truly is key to a more positive society. If I were to reduce the argument to a mere personal example, however, I would have to say that “hey ur hot wat u up 2” is… well, it’s a step backwards. Into a dumpster. On the edge of a ravine. Filled with effluent.

I'd enjoy reading the research that led to this conclusion.   😆🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😆

[CharleyMo]

This is so true so many ‘Dom’s’ thinking they have the right for obedience with giving nothing! The relationship between a sub and dom is one earned through respect. I only want to give my body, my emotions to someone that can look after them

[ge****]

16 hours ago, DyingForLife said:

My side argument is that if more men took time to read books, they would start exhibiting better manners because as vocabulary increases, so does our communication skills, and while it doesn't solve the issue, it creates a major step in the right direction.

Oh for sure the problem is that's one very big IF you have in there - most men either won't do that or are totally blind to the fact they need to

[TheSpicyCleaner]

On 4/29/2023 at 9:14 PM, gemini_man said:

Thing is, sadly, it doesn't matter whether it's BDSM/kink related or plain vanilla hook ups - you'll always get men who sign up to sites like this and behave in the ways you describe.
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I was on a well known UK swingers site for several years and you saw exactly the same behaviours there as you do here.
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Unfortunately there's not a great deal can be done about it - men like that will always be around - all you can do is call them out for their behaviour and block/report if necessary.
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Sad I know but until there's a complete societal change in attitudes, it will always be as it is.

✨This✨

[JourSans]

On 5/1/2023 at 9:47 AM, gemini_man said:

Oh for sure the problem is that's one very big IF you have in there - most men either won't do that or are totally blind to the fact they need to

Are you both suggesting men are semi literate ?   I mean I don't think that's true, at least no more so for men than women, and in any case I really doubt increased literacy is a cure for a lack of manners, self awareness, sex obsession or whatever else is the root cause of the behaviour being called out here.   

[CopperKnob]

6 minutes ago, JourSans said:

Are you both suggesting men are semi literate ?   I mean I don't think that's true, at least no more so for men than women, and in any case I really doubt increased literacy is a cure for a lack of manners, self awareness, sex obsession or whatever else is the root cause of the behaviour being called out here.   

Can you offer a suggestion as to the root cause of the behaviour's displayed by some here?

[Dy****]

2 minutes ago, JourSans said:

Are you both suggesting men are semi literate ?   I mean I don't think that's true, at least no more so for men than women, and in any case I really doubt increased literacy is a cure for a lack of manners, self awareness, sex obsession or whatever else is the root cause of the behaviour being called out here.   

It's not a solution,  but it's a factor.  The objective increase in reading activity would support widening one's vocabulary,  which would have positive effects on communicating and listening. 

 

And more directly, it would have an impact on the choices a man would make in their communication patterns.

Instead of directly suggesting sexual activity as a primary introduction, men who increase their reading habit, and thus improve their vocabulary and their critical function in word choices, they would potentially have pause to stop their previous tactics, and employ different strategies to produce conversations resulting in intimate partners.

In the end, it would help make them a little less one dimensional.

[ge****]

1 hour ago, JourSans said:

Are you both suggesting men are semi literate ?   I mean I don't think that's true, at least no more so for men than women, and in any case I really doubt increased literacy is a cure for a lack of manners, self awareness, sex obsession or whatever else is the root cause of the behaviour being called out here.   

Not suggesting that in the slightest - DFL makes some very good points though that I can't disagree with - I was more coming at it from the angle that many men on sites like this don't read, take in, and act upon, what's in front of them.
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Whether that be profile text of women that clearly states preferences, or that they don't want to be barraged with sex chat, or cock pics etc - or forum threads that give relevant advice as to how to approach sites like this.
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I mean as an example - how many times do we see a thread started by men looking for advice because they are struggling to interact with anyone, where they never return to the thread, or don't appear to.
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That is the kind of thing I meant.

[Ha****]

2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Can you offer a suggestion as to the root cause of the behaviour's displayed by some here?

Evident that this is an extremely hard form of *** and ***, everyone who has been active in the community for decades knows that. The disadvantage of practicing this form for years is that it changes into natural behaviour. You can think anything about it, as long as you keep in mind that one of the core values of this community is that kink shaming is not done.

[Ta****]

2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Can you offer a suggestion as to the root cause of the behaviour's displayed by some here?

The internet gives people a false sense of security. They learn quickly that there’s no risk of getting their teeth knocked down their throats when they hide behind a screen, so basic human decency is the first thing to go out the window.

[Ha****]

9 minutes ago, TallBastard said:

The internet gives people a false sense of security. They learn quickly that there’s no risk of getting their teeth knocked down their throats when they hide behind a screen, so basic human decency is the first thing to go out the window.

A typical reaction from a failed C film production, first shoot then talk.

[CopperKnob]

14 minutes ago, TallBastard said:

The internet gives people a false sense of security. They learn quickly that there’s no risk of getting their teeth knocked down their throats when they hide behind a screen, so basic human decency is the first thing to go out the window.

Pethaps, I mean that is until they find themselves in my inbox where my metaphorical fist is heading towards their equally metaphorical mouth when i'm in the mood.
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I have my own theory, essentially stemming from insular lifestyles, a lack of opportunity for in person socialisation = low mood/inability to pick up on social cues appropriately = poor basic communication skills = a lack of response from others to messages = frustration, anger and resentment = increasingly inappropriate behaviours online which "proves" to them that it's not their "fault" and that we all have too high expectations/think too much of ourselves and so the cycle, for them, continues

[Ta****]

7 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Pethaps, I mean that is until they find themselves in my inbox where my metaphorical fist is heading towards their equally metaphorical mouth when i'm in the mood.
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I have my own theory, essentially stemming from insular lifestyles, a lack of opportunity for in person socialisation = low mood/inability to pick up on social cues appropriately = poor basic communication skills = a lack of response from others to messages = frustration, anger and resentment = increasingly inappropriate behaviours online which "proves" to them that it's not their "fault" and that we all have too high expectations/think too much of ourselves and so the cycle, for them, continues

I mean you’re not wrong

[ey****]

the lack of tone and body language on the internet is a big issue and also a bit, that folk don't always see things as being a real person on the other side

very much kinda, "if she likes my message - great - if she doesn't, meh - it's just pixels on a screen" 

I think also there's folk feel they have to bullshit a little who they are - we've had plenty of threads from people who say they feel they're not given a chance because they lack experience (despite an obvious answer staring in face) so others then feel a little - if they bullshit *who would know* (this is very common when people talk about 'olden ways') 

Obviously this is easier if you're 50 and claim to have 30 years experience, than if you're 23 and claim to have 5.  

[JourSans]

12 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Can you offer a suggestion as to the root cause of the behaviour's displayed by some here?

I don't think it's to do with literacy - that is almost to suggest highly educated men don't act like that. 

 

As a man who doesn't act that way it's hard for me to say. I find it surprising so many men do act like that - not in the sense I doubt they do but in the sense being male hasn't given me an insight into why.  

[Ha****]

6 minutes ago, JourSans said:

I don't think it's to do with literacy - that is almost to suggest highly educated men don't act like that. 

 

As a man who doesn't act that way it's hard for me to say. I find it surprising so many men do act like that - not in the sense I doubt they do but in the sense being male hasn't given me an insight into why.  

Evident that this is an extremely hard form of *** and ***, every self-respecting member who has been active in the community for decades knows that. The disadvantage of practicing this form for years is that it changes into natural behaviour. You can think anything about it, as long as you keep in mind that one of the core values of this community is that kink shaming is not done.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, HarshDictator said:

Evident that this is an extremely hard form of *** and ***, every self-respecting member who has been active in the community for decades knows that.

I think the issue is there's always folk who are fairly new.  Or, didn't embrace the community side.

1 hour ago, HarshDictator said:

The disadvantage of practicing this form for years is that it changes into natural behaviour.

Some things do, some don't.

Things that generally work, thrive and grow

things that do not, get left

but also that something which worked does not always.  Learning is a continuous process.  Any self-respecting member who has been active for years knows this and grows with it. 

1 hour ago, HarshDictator said:

You can think anything about it, as long as you keep in mind that one of the core values of this community is that kink shaming is not done.

The kinda problem, I guess, is that kink shaming does happen. And most people can be guilty of it.

For example, everyone is like "no - don't kink shame" but then the responses when someone says their kink is buying someone gifts, or that their kink is being paid - that then goes straight out the window (as if the whole financial side doesn't massively predate the entire concept of scene and community)

or if someone only really comments to disagree.  

I think it's important for many folk to be more self aware.

[Ha****]

17 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

The kinda problem, I guess, is that kink shaming does happen. And most people can be guilty of it.

For example, everyone is like "no - don't kink shame" but then the responses when someone says their kink is buying someone gifts, or that their kink is being paid - that then goes straight out the window (as if the whole financial side doesn't massively predate the entire concept of scene and community)

or if someone only really comments to disagree.  

I think it's important for many folk to be more self aware.

Staying with the theme of this OP, which is the language that seems to annoy many here. As I said, the cause is simple, an extreme form of *** and *** that turns into natural behavior. Nothing to condemn or shame anyone's kink.