Vanilla/sub marriages

[Ta****]

How do you navigate your relationship and kinks when married to a vanilla? My husband and I are stuffing because he's not an alpha so I end up taking that role in every day life as well as some in the bedroom. It's really hard on me. Looking for help advice and what that looks like for other people.

[su****]

You discuss your likes and wants and be open about it. We discovered that we liked the same things without judgement and had made our relationship stronger

[ea****]

Have you considered an open relationship? Or bringing others into the bedroom with you two?

[Cypresswillys]

Talk about it.... find ways to talk about it.....

[up****]

I would like to say it will work but I was in a similar situation ended up splitting up.

[Cypresswillys]

If you don't try to suggest hint and talk about it some other option may come about which leads to losing the love of your life and changing the household for your kids.then end up waking up every morning with the words I'm sorry.
Find a way to talk about your desires and fantasies

[Lockonly]

Isn't marriage like that anyway? spouses complete each other, if one completes what is missing in the other, it becomes exactly a couple, everyone is different, everyone has good and bad sides, first of all you have to accept this, Marriage is so much more than sex, you are two people who have promised to continue their life together. If they ask how to be a good wife? My answer is, if there is a war, I say it should be the person I can go to the death with in that war.

[Da****]

For u having to be the alpha and u want him to,the best thing is to demand him to do whatever it is,if its taking over or whatever it is...but remember u a alpha trying to turn him into one,so be demanding and controlling,....be his teacher

[Da****]

And demand him to obey and do as u say

[Da****]

All u doing is training him to become what u desire

[Bu****]

Stop wasting time!!

I was in a vanilla relationship for 25
Years. You are not gonna live forever. Why spend one more day not saying anything? Talk about what you want. You deserve to be happy too.

[Deleted Member]

I have been in 2 vanilla marriages and I've been married 3 times and divorced 3 times. Communication is important if that doesn't work, then try getting him a mentor if he wants to try. If he doesn't then try to see about opening your marriage if that doesn't work then you'll either have to give up ever having it or unfortunately move on.

[Ed****]

Show him exactly how and when he can be dominant. Let him practice, and actually be submissive, tell him what you do and don’t like but actually listen to him when he tells you to do something, suck his c**k and tell him how much you like when he’s stern. He will get there if you do that, trust. My fiancé wants to be submissive but it’s hard for her to let go and so it’s harder for me to be assertive sometimes because I care very deeply for her and don’t like seeing her upset. She has to be willing to take some discomfort and not get exactly what she wants in order to allow me to be dominant.

[cl****]

Be honest with him tell him your needs ,desires and wants

[Da****]

I'm with the tell him yo desire be open with him..but I do agree also if u been doing that for a hot minute...then f**k it move on

[be****]

There IS hope! When I finally opened up to my husband about my need to be more submissive, he was very open to it. Now we’re having the best sex of our lives and our day to day relationship is so much better as well.

[Da****]

Good keep that up....whatever u did to get that....keep doing.....because u dominant....remember...your in control of your story......your the author.....

[Ta****]

I guess I wasn't clear. I'm a switch but my default position is sub. Being the alpha is very draining for me.

[Gw****]

Making better life partner choice is a thing

[Deleted Member]

Find a black alpha bull and cuckold your husband

[Ob****]

I think marriage/living long term with someone takes effort to keep it fresh and fulfilling, and that’s in all aspects, sex or otherwise. Two different personalities living together, that grow and change over time… hard work sometimes lol.
Have really open and honest conversation with your partner about how you feel with regard to your sex life and other parts of the relationship. And have some possible suggestions ready. Like, if you’re over taking responsibly for house chores and duties, divvy them out more fairly. Eg Mon, wed, Friday - you cook dinner while tues, thurs,sun - he cooks dinner. Make conditions clear, like, cooking involves coming up with the meal idea yourself, making sure you have ingredients and cooking it (the other washes up and is otherwise not allowed to get involved). You wash clothes, he is responsible for folding, etc etc.
You could do the same in the bedroom. 2 set days a week he takes dominant role, another 2days you take it. And make conditions clear again. The dominant has to come up with the scene , toys, etc. I reckon this could lead to some fun times!! And maybe for 3 other days, there’s no expectations…. (Depending on how often you like sex lol).

[Ob****]

Sorry for my mammoth msg! 😂

[Jo****]

Communication is key. You have to talk about what you like and not and if you want your husband to take a more dominant role you have to let go in a few topics and accept that, in the beginning, it's not gonna be very good but it'll improve with time. You can also discuss adding another person but that's too complex I think.

[1V****]

Communication is key and being open about what you desire in the bedroom. If he knows your not satisfied completely to your liking then I'm sure you will do more to make sure you are. Especially if he loves you. Men almost always want there woman satisfied sexually because of she's not he will think she'll look else where for it

[ChristySub]

I'm in the exact same boat. My husband is vanilla and I've needed to be dominant in our home life and bedroom in the psst and I felt like a massive piece was missing from me.
After speaking to him about it he tried being dominant which just didn't work at all and ended up with me domming him, which he found he loved....I didn't like in the slightest.....putting a long story short, I now have a dom who is my fwb. I'll warn you Its been a tough road with jealously, nre energy etc but am getting there. I need both men in my life now