Kink or D/s

[Pe****]

So, how many people here are kinky or into D/s dynamics? I really think the two are confused.
There are people who are dominant but not a Dominant/Domme.
There’s definitely a difference.
For me, being a Domme, I expect a certain etiquette from a submissive.
Thoughts please

[Deleted Member]

I completely agree, there’s a huge difference between dominant and Dom. I have a very dominant personality in a lot of aspects, however, I am in no way, shape or form a Dom and do not want to be. I am however a primal.  As a sub, I get so sick and tired of people coming to me and say that they can dominate me, but then in reality they’re not a Dom and in most cases, they’re also not a dominant person. Some of them I wouldn’t even consider a soft Dom. People need to do a lot more research into this lifestyle, and what things are before they claim it.

[Da****]

Well depending on the kinks, the D/s dynamic whether male female - female male or female female male male is all my belief would be on the kinks of dynamics desired, for my my D/s is submission based on Trust and taking care of my submissive by being able to out smart and tame them and shape their behavior into my desires they have empowered me to take care of

[Deleted Member]

I hold a standard to my subs but behavior varies from person to person. It's like management with my job. Every person requires a different style of management and a different approach

[Deleted Member]

Yeah, I agree entirely. D/s is a mentality, an ideology. Being kinky is just play. D/s is a mindset that continues well beyond just in the bedroom. But I wouldn't say that this is the only platform with confused individuals. There always are and always will be people who will just use a platform for their kinks - there's nothing wrong with having kinks, but my point is there will always be people who take it seriously and people who don't.

[Ni****]

I don’t believe there is any confusion the only difference is what your preferences are. It just differs from person to person.

[Deleted Member]

Hey PervyPenelope, as someone looking to explore I find this a tricky question to answer tbh. The more I learn the more I feel I am drawn to soft or pleasure Dom. So, I'm drawn to a dynamic, particuarly in terms of giving up control but I'm unsure on TPE or hard physical ***. That said, I would still like to experience it at some point to be sure. I guess that's the fun in learning, if I don't try it I'll never know for sure.

[Ta****]

I’ve been noticing more and more people use the term “brat” as a shield to hide behind and justify their shitty behavior. Being a brat is supposed to be the art of playful disobedience, not refusal to respect personal boundaries. I messaged someone offering constructive criticism in their profile, as they were using some verbiage that seemed counterproductive to what they were looking for, and potentially offensive to certain people, and didn’t engage them romantically or sexually in any way. In fact, I told them up front I’m not seeking a dynamic at this time. Within two hours of her reply, they were asking me if I’d be interested in having a contract with them. When I declined, they began pressuring me, saying if I’m not looking for a dynamic I shouldn’t be on this site (see: Looking for Friends/Networking). I made them aware they were crossing a line, and I was going to exit the conversation, they replied “I thought you liked brats, your profile says Brat Tamer”. Ultimately I blocked them, but I came to the realization that there is actually such a thing as “fake sub”. Because of this, my profile no longer says Brat Tamer, because after several years in the lifestyle, I’ve never met a real one. A note to all you brats out there: bratting is supposed to be a fun way to receive a desired punishment from your Dom, not carte blanche to be a shitty person. Don’t be a shitty person.

[ge****]

I don't necessarily think they're confused more D/s is just a subset that falls under the whole "kinky" umbrella that essentially covers everything that is not generally held as "vanilla" and even then it's open to individual definition both of "kinky" and "D/s".
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For some "kinky" might be doing it with the lights on (to use a well worn stereotype) to others it may be something far more extreme.
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Equally D/s can mean different things to different people - for some it will be very etiquette driven and structured, for others it may simply be confined to the bedroom with one person taking control.
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So the key is more about finding like minds who have a similar definition to your own, rather than trying to place an all encompassing definition around what "kink" or "D/s" should be.
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Just because someone isn't your definition of a Dom/Domme or sub, doesn't mean they aren't one - just they're not compatible with your way of seeing it.

[Deleted Member]

You can deffinitely be naturally dominant by nature but not engage in the d/s side of kink. I think the whole D/s thing is in danger of being confused as the be all and end all of kink. There are way more ways of being non vanilla. D/s is not compulsory.

[CopperKnob]

2 hours ago, TallBastard said:

I’ve been noticing more and more people use the term “brat” as a shield to hide behind and justify their shitty behavior. Being a brat is supposed to be the art of playful disobedience, not refusal to respect personal boundaries. I messaged someone offering constructive criticism in their profile, as they were using some verbiage that seemed counterproductive to what they were looking for, and potentially offensive to certain people, and didn’t engage them romantically or sexually in any way. In fact, I told them up front I’m not seeking a dynamic at this time. Within two hours of her reply, they were asking me if I’d be interested in having a contract with them. When I declined, they began pressuring me, saying if I’m not looking for a dynamic I shouldn’t be on this site (see: Looking for Friends/Networking). I made them aware they were crossing a line, and I was going to exit the conversation, they replied “I thought you liked brats, your profile says Brat Tamer”. Ultimately I blocked them, but I came to the realization that there is actually such a thing as “fake sub”. Because of this, my profile no longer says Brat Tamer, because after several years in the lifestyle, I’ve never met a real one. A note to all you brats out there: bratting is supposed to be a fun way to receive a desired punishment from your Dom, not carte blanche to be a shitty person. Don’t be a shitty person.

I absolutely refuse to add labels on my profile because of comments like this.
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I agree in the main with what you've said, some do tend to hide behind the label to excuse shitty behaviour, but not all brat for punishment.
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You may prefer brats who behave in a way that demonstrates your definition of playful disobedience, to elicit a desired punishment, but that's not true for everyone.
By your definition, i'm not a 'real' sub/brat.
I'd suggest it's all about compatibility between two individuals.
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There is no right way to kink. It doesn't matter how you identify. Unless we’re talking about ethics and consent, there is no 'correct' approach to BDSM. None of us are required to fit into a subset or role. BDSM is supposed to feel like Christmas day, not like squeezing ourselves into a box.

[Pe****]

3 hours ago, NyahBBy said:

I completely agree, there’s a huge difference between dominant and Dom. I have a very dominant personality in a lot of aspects, however, I am in no way, shape or form a Dom and do not want to be. I am however a primal.  As a sub, I get so sick and tired of people coming to me and say that they can dominate me, but then in reality they’re not a Dom and in most cases, they’re also not a dominant person. Some of them I wouldn’t even consider a soft Dom. People need to do a lot more research into this lifestyle, and what things are before they claim it.

Totally agree!

[Deleted Member]

I don't particularly use or engage with dominant/submissive as nouns. I think there's a scale of how much people enjoy being or using d/s dynamics that ranges, for example, from a mild "only in the bedroom" up to 24/7 situations. It's when those labels become an entire identity and sticking to them for the sake of performance or perception that I find particularly unhelpful.

As for the divide between d/s and kink, I see d/s as one of the many floating parts of kink. It's part of the wider BDSM umbrella, for one thing. But BDSM also falls under kink which is, for me, very rooted in ideas of subverting traditional social concepts and ideas for varying expressions and experiences of pleasure.

There's also much to be said about the evolution of kink over the last 20 years or so, compared to the older schools of it. It's constantly changing but I wouldn't say confused, unless you consider d/s as a fixed idea that doesn't change with the way people use it.

[Ha****]

Nowadays everyone does what they feel like, they still call it BDSM, although it has more to do with a loose form of kink. The classic form of D/s, M/s and Owner/pet has died out, which makes this whole discussion superfluous.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

I absolutely refuse to add labels on my profile because of comments like this.
.
I agree in the main with what you've said, some do tend to hide behind the label to excuse shitty behaviour, but not all brat for punishment.
.
You may prefer brats who behave in a way that demonstrates your definition of playful disobedience, to elicit a desired punishment, but that's not true for everyone.
By your definition, i'm not a 'real' sub/brat.
I'd suggest it's all about compatibility between two individuals.
.
There is no right way to kink. It doesn't matter how you identify. Unless we’re talking about ethics and consent, there is no 'correct' approach to BDSM. None of us are required to fit into a subset or role. BDSM is supposed to feel like Christmas day, not like squeezing ourselves into a box.

But the thing is that these labels exist, because of the fact that they are meant to distinguish one behavior from another brat play is meant to be about pushing boundaries for punishment and enjoyment. That is why there are brat, tamer‘s and brats.

For example, if you are into ***, you like to be humiliated, or to humiliate somebody else, you wouldn’t want to get with a sadist because a sadist likes to inflict ***. They are not the same thing therefore, they have two separate categories. Just because you like being degraded, does not mean that you like being physically hurt. And just because you like to physically hurt, somebody does not mean you like to degrade them.

Just because you like to push boundaries does not mean that you are a brat. So no, you shouldn’t give yourself that title if that’s not what you want there are certain kinks, that yes, there are no right or wrong way to perform your kink, however, just because your kink is similar to something else, does not mean that you claim the thing that it’s not. For example primal is not the same as primal play and primal is nowhere near the same as pet or furry play. Primal is who you are like being a Dom. However, there are different forms of Dom like daddy Dom, pleasure DOM, sadist Dom, and so on.

There is no right or wrong way to do KINKS such as impact play as long as it is safe and consensual. There is no right or wrong way to punish your brat as long as it is consensual, however, the titles themselves are there for a reason. This isn’t something you can just bend and adjust the title of to make you feel happy. The moment you start doing that, you start adding confusion and you take away safety and consent. Because if somebody doesn’t know what they’re getting into, they can’t consent to it. People, pretending like they are something they’re not is what causes people who are looking for that title disappointment.

If I wanted a submissive I would say that I want a sub on my profile. I don’t want a submissive who wants to pretend to be a DOM but is just a bratty submissive that wants to brat another submissive into being the dominant. And I’ve had that happen. I’ve had somebody tell me they are a Dom and then brat me so hard they were constantly pulling out the aggressive, primal side of me and I hated it because that’s not who I am and that’s not who I thought they were whenever we first started talking. They lied about who they were and it caused me distress, discomfort and frustration.

There is a difference between nobody telling you how to do your KINK and somebody, pretending they have a kink they don’t or trying to change the definition of their kink because they like that title more than the one they fall under.

Oh, and just so you know. I test as a brat as well. However, I am not a brat, because I do not like punishment. And I only push boundaries that I am told I am allowed to push. I do it to be playful and to have fun. It is one of the things that makes me a primal. I’m also not a regular submissive. I am very picky about who I submit to if I do not feel that they are more dominant and stronger than I am I will not submit to them. They have to earn my submission. But again that is what makes me primal. I am also not a fan of all primal play. But primal play is not the same as being primal. That is why there’s two separate categories.

We have categories for a reason. Perform your kink, however, makes you happy with consent. But don’t claim a kink that is not yours.

[Hu****]

7 hours ago, TallBastard said:

I’ve been noticing more and more people use the term “brat” as a shield to hide behind and justify their shitty behavior. Being a brat is supposed to be the art of playful disobedience, not refusal to respect personal boundaries. I messaged someone offering constructive criticism in their profile, as they were using some verbiage that seemed counterproductive to what they were looking for, and potentially offensive to certain people, and didn’t engage them romantically or sexually in any way. In fact, I told them up front I’m not seeking a dynamic at this time. Within two hours of her reply, they were asking me if I’d be interested in having a contract with them. When I declined, they began pressuring me, saying if I’m not looking for a dynamic I shouldn’t be on this site (see: Looking for Friends/Networking). I made them aware they were crossing a line, and I was going to exit the conversation, they replied “I thought you liked brats, your profile says Brat Tamer”. Ultimately I blocked them, but I came to the realization that there is actually such a thing as “fake sub”. Because of this, my profile no longer says Brat Tamer, because after several years in the lifestyle, I’ve never met a real one. A note to all you brats out there: bratting is supposed to be a fun way to receive a desired punishment from your Dom, not carte blanche to be a shitty person. Don’t be a shitty person.

Omg yes! So many people I talk to with "Brat" in their profile are just crappy people, so much so that I now ignore profiles, would be nice for real brat play but not worth the possible crappy attitude from the get go

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, NyahBBy said:

But the thing is that these labels exist, because of the fact that they are meant to distinguish one behavior from another brat play is meant to be about pushing boundaries for punishment and enjoyment. That is why there are brat, tamer‘s and brats.

For example, if you are into ***, you like to be humiliated, or to humiliate somebody else, you wouldn’t want to get with a sadist because a sadist likes to inflict ***. They are not the same thing therefore, they have two separate categories. Just because you like being degraded, does not mean that you like being physically hurt. And just because you like to physically hurt, somebody does not mean you like to degrade them.

Just because you like to push boundaries does not mean that you are a brat. So no, you shouldn’t give yourself that title if that’s not what you want there are certain kinks, that yes, there are no right or wrong way to perform your kink, however, just because your kink is similar to something else, does not mean that you claim the thing that it’s not. For example primal is not the same as primal play and primal is nowhere near the same as pet or furry play. Primal is who you are like being a Dom. However, there are different forms of Dom like daddy Dom, pleasure DOM, sadist Dom, and so on.

There is no right or wrong way to do KINKS such as impact play as long as it is safe and consensual. There is no right or wrong way to punish your brat as long as it is consensual, however, the titles themselves are there for a reason. This isn’t something you can just bend and adjust the title of to make you feel happy. The moment you start doing that, you start adding confusion and you take away safety and consent. Because if somebody doesn’t know what they’re getting into, they can’t consent to it. People, pretending like they are something they’re not is what causes people who are looking for that title disappointment.

If I wanted a submissive I would say that I want a sub on my profile. I don’t want a submissive who wants to pretend to be a DOM but is just a bratty submissive that wants to brat another submissive into being the dominant. And I’ve had that happen. I’ve had somebody tell me they are a Dom and then brat me so hard they were constantly pulling out the aggressive, primal side of me and I hated it because that’s not who I am and that’s not who I thought they were whenever we first started talking. They lied about who they were and it caused me distress, discomfort and frustration.

There is a difference between nobody telling you how to do your KINK and somebody, pretending they have a kink they don’t or trying to change the definition of their kink because they like that title more than the one they fall under.

Oh, and just so you know. I test as a brat as well. However, I am not a brat, because I do not like punishment. And I only push boundaries that I am told I am allowed to push. I do it to be playful and to have fun. It is one of the things that makes me a primal. I’m also not a regular submissive. I am very picky about who I submit to if I do not feel that they are more dominant and stronger than I am I will not submit to them. They have to earn my submission. But again that is what makes me primal. I am also not a fan of all primal play. But primal play is not the same as being primal. That is why there’s two separate categories.

We have categories for a reason. Perform your kink, however, makes you happy with consent. But don’t claim a kink that is not yours.

Of course there are labels, we'd all be lost without language. My point is, putting ourselves (or others) in boxes is only helpful to a point. It can also be harmful.
BDSM is not rigid, it can't be because we're human beings and we all take meaning from different things differently.
I feel that it's typically on one true wayists who have staunch views on labels in effort to maintain the "history" of BDSM but what they achieve is the opposite.
It’s not those that who are “too vanilla” who are diluting our libertarianism or sexual freedom. It’s those who try to define us who are watering us down.
No one has the right to determine how others define themselves or tell others how they identify.
That's exactly where homophobia/transphobia etc stems from

[ey****]

I think one of the first things people forget is that D/s is only a part of BDSM - and not the whole thing.  The entire point of the term BDSM in the first place was to bring together a lot of different, but similar, styles and ideas together under one umbrella. 

The kinda problem is then folk tried to make things all about D/s.   And that confused a lot of things.   Like everyone "had" to be Dominant or sub (or, switch, if such a community acknowledged it) and this kinda tempered people into a structure which isn't right for them.

But it's never "oh, you're *just* kinky" as if that is some form of let down, because being into any form of kink or any form of BDSM is wonderful.  Even if one persons view isn't for you.

Like the folk who liked some ideas which existed in the 90s and seem to think this is how things always were and always should be. That's cool - find the other folk from the 90s.

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Of course there are labels, we'd all be lost without language. My point is, putting ourselves (or others) in boxes is only helpful to a point. It can also be harmful.
BDSM is not rigid, it can't be because we're human beings and we all take meaning from different things differently.
I feel that it's typically on one true wayists who have staunch views on labels in effort to maintain the "history" of BDSM but what they achieve is the opposite.
It’s not those that who are “too vanilla” who are diluting our libertarianism or sexual freedom. It’s those who try to define us who are watering us down.
No one has the right to determine how others define themselves or tell others how they identify.
That's exactly where homophobia/transphobia etc stems from

There’s a huge difference between homophobia and claiming or something you’re not. You don’t think it’s dangerous for somebody to say that they are into CNC when in reality they’re just into spanking? There are labels for a reason. What’s the dangerous is when people take labels and try to make them into something that was not.

Do you want to use homophobia as an example? OK fine how about taking somebody who is gay and then deciding that because they’re gay, they are worthless…. Homophobia has nothing to do with whether or not the label for a gay person is accurate or not…. Actually, it is taking that label and trying to make it into something it isn’t which is what you’re sitting here and trying to do. I get we live in a world where people don’t like labels because the labels are bad. No it’s the way you perceive that label that is bad and that’s on the individual not the label.

Labels help you identify some thing , if I open a jar of peanut butter, I damn well better be getting peanut butter. If I get in a relationship with a Dom he better actually be a Dom, if not, he has no business saying he is, and no business being in a relationship with me. I know I’m not saying that you can’t perform your kink how you want to, but you do not get to identify as something you’re not. Just because you like the word better or you think it makes you sound cool. Because in reality, all it does is make you sound and look stupid.

Bing a Dom does not mean that you have to be 100% in charge of all things at all times, but it does, however mean that you are a dominant person, and that you take charge in certain aspects, what those aspects look like it’s up to you.

Just like peanut butter it can be smooth it can be creamy. It can be crunchy. It can be mixed with chocolate or honey, but it’s all peanut butter.

[Ta****]

2 hours ago, NyahBBy said:

There’s a huge difference between homophobia and claiming or something you’re not. You don’t think it’s dangerous for somebody to say that they are into CNC when in reality they’re just into spanking? There are labels for a reason. What’s the dangerous is when people take labels and try to make them into something that was not.

Do you want to use homophobia as an example? OK fine how about taking somebody who is gay and then deciding that because they’re gay, they are worthless…. Homophobia has nothing to do with whether or not the label for a gay person is accurate or not…. Actually, it is taking that label and trying to make it into something it isn’t which is what you’re sitting here and trying to do. I get we live in a world where people don’t like labels because the labels are bad. No it’s the way you perceive that label that is bad and that’s on the individual not the label.

Labels help you identify some thing , if I open a jar of peanut butter, I damn well better be getting peanut butter. If I get in a relationship with a Dom he better actually be a Dom, if not, he has no business saying he is, and no business being in a relationship with me. I know I’m not saying that you can’t perform your kink how you want to, but you do not get to identify as something you’re not. Just because you like the word better or you think it makes you sound cool. Because in reality, all it does is make you sound and look stupid.

Bing a Dom does not mean that you have to be 100% in charge of all things at all times, but it does, however mean that you are a dominant person, and that you take charge in certain aspects, what those aspects look like it’s up to you.

Just like peanut butter it can be smooth it can be creamy. It can be crunchy. It can be mixed with chocolate or honey, but it’s all peanut butter.

Taking a label and making something it’s not - this is the exact point I was making earlier re: brats. You can like your peanut butter smooth or chunky, but one thing it’ll never be is jelly.

[ge****]

2 hours ago, NyahBBy said:

There’s a huge difference between homophobia and claiming or something you’re not. You don’t think it’s dangerous for somebody to say that they are into CNC when in reality they’re just into spanking? There are labels for a reason. What’s the dangerous is when people take labels and try to make them into something that was not.

Do you want to use homophobia as an example? OK fine how about taking somebody who is gay and then deciding that because they’re gay, they are worthless…. Homophobia has nothing to do with whether or not the label for a gay person is accurate or not…. Actually, it is taking that label and trying to make it into something it isn’t which is what you’re sitting here and trying to do. I get we live in a world where people don’t like labels because the labels are bad. No it’s the way you perceive that label that is bad and that’s on the individual not the label.

Labels help you identify some thing , if I open a jar of peanut butter, I damn well better be getting peanut butter. If I get in a relationship with a Dom he better actually be a Dom, if not, he has no business saying he is, and no business being in a relationship with me. I know I’m not saying that you can’t perform your kink how you want to, but you do not get to identify as something you’re not. Just because you like the word better or you think it makes you sound cool. Because in reality, all it does is make you sound and look stupid.

Bing a Dom does not mean that you have to be 100% in charge of all things at all times, but it does, however mean that you are a dominant person, and that you take charge in certain aspects, what those aspects look like it’s up to you.

Just like peanut butter it can be smooth it can be creamy. It can be crunchy. It can be mixed with chocolate or honey, but it’s all peanut butter.

I think, respectfully, you're missing CK's point - which isn't that labels don't or shouldn't exist - she makes it very clear in her first sentence that they do.
.
She's also not identifying as something that she's not.
.
*ALL* she is saying is that labels only serve a purpose to a point in a BDSM, D/s, kink, whatever context.
.
Labels exist at various levels - to use your peanut butter analogy - you have at the top level peanut butter, but then, as you suggest, you have the next level that is crunchy, smooth or creamy.
.
And so for someone stating their preference is "peanut butter" - further clarification is required as to the type of peanut butter they prefer.
.
Now put that in a BDSM context and there are myriad levels and options beneath each branch of it - each of them defined by individuals - so simply using labels at the top level of "I'm a submissive" or "I'm a little" or "I'm a dominant" is not enough.
.
Even taking it down a level, or several levels from that is not enough, it needs communication and interaction with an individual to truly understand them - so at the end of the day a simple label has little bearing without those further levels of detail that go way beyond labels.
.
To come back to CK's point though the problem with labels is not that they exist, but people who try to define them into neat little packages of "you're a submissive therefore you must....."

[Ta****]

17 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

I absolutely refuse to add labels on my profile because of comments like this.
.
I agree in the main with what you've said, some do tend to hide behind the label to excuse shitty behaviour, but not all brat for punishment.
.
You may prefer brats who behave in a way that demonstrates your definition of playful disobedience, to elicit a desired punishment, but that's not true for everyone.
By your definition, i'm not a 'real' sub/brat.
I'd suggest it's all about compatibility between two individuals.
.
There is no right way to kink. It doesn't matter how you identify. Unless we’re talking about ethics and consent, there is no 'correct' approach to BDSM. None of us are required to fit into a subset or role. BDSM is supposed to feel like Christmas day, not like squeezing ourselves into a box.

My definition has nothing to do with you, but generally speaking, the term brat typically refers to someone who intentionally disobeys in order to receive a punishment which they actually perceive as a reward. If it means something different to you, great, but you don’t need to put words in my mouth by implying my definition invalidates yours. My point was that if someone who would try to initiate a dynamic with a total stranger is indicative of a “fake dom”, the same could arguably be said about a sub.

[CopperKnob]

4 hours ago, gemini_man said:

I think, respectfully, you're missing CK's point - which isn't that labels don't or shouldn't exist - she makes it very clear in her first sentence that they do.
.
She's also not identifying as something that she's not.
.
*ALL* she is saying is that labels only serve a purpose to a point in a BDSM, D/s, kink, whatever context.
.
Labels exist at various levels - to use your peanut butter analogy - you have at the top level peanut butter, but then, as you suggest, you have the next level that is crunchy, smooth or creamy.
.
And so for someone stating their preference is "peanut butter" - further clarification is required as to the type of peanut butter they prefer.
.
Now put that in a BDSM context and there are myriad levels and options beneath each branch of it - each of them defined by individuals - so simply using labels at the top level of "I'm a submissive" or "I'm a little" or "I'm a dominant" is not enough.
.
Even taking it down a level, or several levels from that is not enough, it needs communication and interaction with an individual to truly understand them - so at the end of the day a simple label has little bearing without those further levels of detail that go way beyond labels.
.
To come back to CK's point though the problem with labels is not that they exist, but people who try to define them into neat little packages of "you're a submissive therefore you must....."

And this is where, when people see things as black and white as opposed to numerous shades of grey (🤭), confusion arises.

[CopperKnob]

4 hours ago, TallBastard said:

My definition has nothing to do with you, but generally speaking, the term brat typically refers to someone who intentionally disobeys in order to receive a punishment which they actually perceive as a reward. If it means something different to you, great, but you don’t need to put words in my mouth by implying my definition invalidates yours. My point was that if someone who would try to initiate a dynamic with a total stranger is indicative of a “fake dom”, the same could arguably be said about a sub.

See Gemini's response above

[CopperKnob]

7 hours ago, NyahBBy said:

There’s a huge difference between homophobia and claiming or something you’re not. You don’t think it’s dangerous for somebody to say that they are into CNC when in reality they’re just into spanking? There are labels for a reason. What’s the dangerous is when people take labels and try to make them into something that was not.

Do you want to use homophobia as an example? OK fine how about taking somebody who is gay and then deciding that because they’re gay, they are worthless…. Homophobia has nothing to do with whether or not the label for a gay person is accurate or not…. Actually, it is taking that label and trying to make it into something it isn’t which is what you’re sitting here and trying to do. I get we live in a world where people don’t like labels because the labels are bad. No it’s the way you perceive that label that is bad and that’s on the individual not the label.

Labels help you identify some thing , if I open a jar of peanut butter, I damn well better be getting peanut butter. If I get in a relationship with a Dom he better actually be a Dom, if not, he has no business saying he is, and no business being in a relationship with me. I know I’m not saying that you can’t perform your kink how you want to, but you do not get to identify as something you’re not. Just because you like the word better or you think it makes you sound cool. Because in reality, all it does is make you sound and look stupid.

Bing a Dom does not mean that you have to be 100% in charge of all things at all times, but it does, however mean that you are a dominant person, and that you take charge in certain aspects, what those aspects look like it’s up to you.

Just like peanut butter it can be smooth it can be creamy. It can be crunchy. It can be mixed with chocolate or honey, but it’s all peanut butter.

If i identify as a sub and submission to me means one thing then thats OK. It may look different to the next person identifying as a subsmissive because their submission will mean something different to them and that's also OK.
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As long as each person is able to express what their submission looks like to those that need to know i see no danger.
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I'm unclear why this is so difficult to grasp.
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This is why labels are dangerous...
I'm AFAB, I present as femme, in my mind I may feel that I identify as male.
And yet should I come out, some people will have a huge problem with that. Some people will tell me that I'm female because they'll confuse sex with gender and because how i identify doesn't fit their gender "norms"
Tell me again how telling people how they should identify is OK
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To put things another way...
Someone may identify as a Dom. Just because I don't feel submissive towards them doesn't negate how they identify. I don't get to say, "you aren't a Dominant". What I do say is, "we aren't compatible"