Deleted Member Posted May 8, 2023 Posted May 8, 2023 So recently i decide that i should not open up to people or getting attached to people too soon...as it only puts me in a bad situation, but a person told me that by doing this i might not be able to gain any sort of experience and grow and that i should open up amd if anything happens learn from it...but i only see it as hirting myself and just repeating the process. What to do? Im clueless...
ge**** Posted May 9, 2023 Posted May 9, 2023 There's a difference between opening up to others (as in being honest about who you are and what you are looking for) and getting attached too soon - the first is desirable, and not something you should shy away from, the second is something you need to be very careful about, especially if the feelings aren't reciprocated. . As for not gaining experience, that's another thing altogether - there are many things that play into that, including being open and honest with others.
ma**** Posted May 9, 2023 Posted May 9, 2023 When we are ***, we give the opportunity to others to hurt us. If someone hurts us when we are ***, that means that they are not the right person for having it in our lives. As someone who gets attached pretty quickly, I can understand where you are coming from. When we are hurt because we got ***, it is pretty easily to start withdrawing and it can be difficult to trust anyone else and opening up to them... getting hurt might leave irreparable wounds. If you open up or not, it's fully your decision. I could suggest you just to open up and be careful. Perhaps you could surround yourself with supportive people who you could open up to when you start being *** with new people.
ca**** Posted May 9, 2023 Posted May 9, 2023 I think it depends on the person I had my guards up for four years then met someone who I just melted for and it's been awesome I'm 100% open and honest about everything
JourSans Posted May 9, 2023 Posted May 9, 2023 Attachment isn't something we can turn on and off like a tap but I definitely think it's worth keeping your eyes open - you might fall for someone fast but if they ask you to lend them £5k 2 weeks after you met them you can't let attachment blind you to the likely reality.
Deleted Member Posted May 9, 2023 Author Posted May 9, 2023 Personally I have lost more potential great partners from being closed off than being open but it really does depend a little bit on context. Opening up isn't messaging someone 24 hours a day and not being accepting of personal space, time etc. If you are developing feelings for someone I think its mostly the right thing to express it as long as its phrased correctly "I am developing feelings for you" or "I don't want to put pressure on you but if you feel the same I'd like us to be exclusive" Putting yourself out there = greater risk of being hurt but also a greater reward. Looking back I have never regretted expressing my feelings bur I have definitely regretted bottling them up and losing someone great because I wanted to protect myself. Once again within reason if someone likes you and you like them its going to be good news to express it and if they don't like you or want something casual it is probably better to know early.
Da**** Posted May 9, 2023 Posted May 9, 2023 Sounds like these others have said what I essentially would have said. I have to open myself up. Its how I work. It's part of the risk that one runs. You just have to learn to not allow your emotions to control your brain. Not easy.......but it is essential. At least for me.
Go**** Posted May 9, 2023 Posted May 9, 2023 Be open, but guarded. At the end of the day if you’re vetting properly it’s about getting to know someone first to see if words and actions align. If they don’t it’s okay to say not for you at minimum you got out of your comfort zone and got a friendship out of it, or at minimum got out and got to know someone. Always honor what you feel is right for you, there is no right or wrong here. You can keep it general until you feel you’re in a safe space.
fr**** Posted May 9, 2023 Posted May 9, 2023 The summary of what most of us are saying is “no risk, no reward”.. opening up is a risk that can be very rewarding with the right person. Peace ✌️and love ❤️ OP..
Gigglesthru*** Posted May 10, 2023 Posted May 10, 2023 Take chances but keep everyone at arms length. My worst experiences are with people I have known for years. I was just outed by an ex friend of 13 years. Don't trust anyone, especially they gossip about others because then they are gossiping about you as well
ki**** Posted May 12, 2023 Posted May 12, 2023 Ugh I feel this so much! I have been hurt repeatedly in the past because I jave allowed myself to get attached too early and to have let them in. I'm trying to learn from that and to not let people in, but when you do that you could miss out on something really special.
Mi**** Posted May 13, 2023 Posted May 13, 2023 The only way to learn is to take chances... and the only way to find something special is to be honest with yourself and those around you .. honesty, trust, and communication are the foundation of any type of relationship... but first, it takes an inward evaluation. Be honest with yourself first and foremost.
Deleted Member Posted May 13, 2023 Author Posted May 13, 2023 I believe the analogy "you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs" applies here.
eu**** Posted May 14, 2023 Posted May 14, 2023 Walk through your *** and proceed with whatever happens adapt.
co**** Posted May 24, 2023 Posted May 24, 2023 Any form of attachment; be it traditional or more modern, indelibly runs the risk of your trust being broken, and emotions harmed. It's unfortunately as churlish and grim as whom has more leverage. If the issue of attachment and loss is something beyond what you'd consider normal, then it may be worthwhile to look into the psychological literature to pinpoint the cause (adhd, bpd, so-called attachment styles, childhood trauma) and ways to mitigate or allay your concerns. I hope this adds to the body of responses here and provides additional food for thought.
Jo**** Posted July 10, 2023 Posted July 10, 2023 you're likely js suffering from poor judgement and the effects of supply and demand
Deleted Member Posted December 18, 2023 Author Posted December 18, 2023 I've been taken advantage of, emotionally and mentally, with trust issues ingrained in my psyche, and have a 100% strike out rate for dating apps, but i'm still here and trying. I like to live with a dose of absurdism to keep me looking on the bright side.
Deleted Member Posted December 29, 2023 Author Posted December 29, 2023 I feel this is a natural trait built in us as a way to naturally connect with the other person we are talking to when talking on related topics, and we fell a sense of trust in the other person. Tho not everything has to be said as your open to how much you want to share as you see comfort
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