Looking for ideas

[Oc****]

2 hours ago, brattitude said:

Thank you, I would tend to agree. I think you can go through the motions and perform a particular act but it's still just a performance. If we are accepting of so many kinks, we have to be accepting of people who don't have any just the same.
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Yes, we did 2 different quizzes that go through various labels and ideas. He was a ***y tiny bit of a voyeur on one of them, but talking about it afterwards it wasn't something he particularly wanted to try out.
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Non-monogamy is just cheating in his mind, but I think it would be a way to sayisfy that want without trying to change who he fundamentally is. But it's also a very difficult path and I'd be hesitant to jump to that without due consideration.

You are right non monogamy is a great way but unfortunately if he feels it's cheating then that may not work.also if you guys are so far apart on these topics you may need to reevaluate the relationship. If both of you can't agree then it won't work, one of you will always be giving up what they want and that's not good. Resentment will come eventually.

[ge****]

2 hours ago, brattitude said:

Thank you, I would tend to agree. I think you can go through the motions and perform a particular act but it's still just a performance. If we are accepting of so many kinks, we have to be accepting of people who don't have any just the same.
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Yes, we did 2 different quizzes that go through various labels and ideas. He was a ***y tiny bit of a voyeur on one of them, but talking about it afterwards it wasn't something he particularly wanted to try out.
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Non-monogamy is just cheating in his mind, but I think it would be a way to sayisfy that want without trying to change who he fundamentally is. But it's also a very difficult path and I'd be hesitant to jump to that without due consideration.

Definitely something to think very carefully about - ultimately you may have to accept his lack of interest and decide how important kink is to you vs your relationship.
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Harsh I know and don't mean to be but that's what it boils down to if no compromise can be found.

[JourSans]

Out of interest what kind of activities would be enough from him to satisfy your need - I'm just wondering how inflexible he's being.   I'd have thought most men would be happy to try a little role playing and experimenting if their partner was the one pushing for it.   

[ge****]

One other thought - has he given any indication as to why it's not for him? Could there possibly be an element of *** behind his lack of interest? That *** could be because he doesn't want to let you down, or the idea of hurting you physically is something he struggles with? Or could be as simple as he has a pre-conceived stereotyped view of what BDSM/kink is and doesn't want to appear ridiculous. Or possibly even it goes against his core values of how he believes men should behave towards women.
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Of course it may be as you say that he's just not in the slightest bit kinky, but some thoughts to throw out there all the same.

[Hu****]

I've got a friend of mine in the same situation. Even worse we (her and I) both want to engage with each other to satisfy her but can't because he's monogamous (she's not but hasn't been able to have other male partners due to OPP). My personal idea is to take the two of them to the fetish night at the club in town along with my gf and just maybe see if he likes watching or maybe getting blown by my girl. It seems to me a lot of people don't understand other people's needs until they experience it themselves so 🤷 wish me luck I guess? Give that a try and let me know lol

[Deleted Member]

Be honest and up front. I mean if he really lives you, seems to me he'd be willing to satisfy you... unless you have one of those one sided arrangements

[ge****]

7 hours ago, moistcougarvixen said:

Be honest and up front. I mean if he really lives you, seems to me he'd be willing to satisfy you... unless you have one of those one sided arrangements

The counterpoint to that though is that if the OP really loves her other half (and I am not suggesting she doesn't, just illustrating a point) she'd accept that it's not for him.
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Sometimes it's not about one sided arrangements but respecting each others likes and dislikes.
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If this were any other interest that was non-sexual there wouldn't be an issue or a dilemma e.g. if she was into knitting but he wasn't, she'd just join a knitting club to share that interest with others - where it gets complicated is the sexual/kink angle.
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Neither person is "in the wrong" but it's a dilemma all the same.

[ge****]

10 hours ago, HungBull89 said:

I've got a friend of mine in the same situation. Even worse we (her and I) both want to engage with each other to satisfy her but can't because he's monogamous (she's not but hasn't been able to have other male partners due to OPP). My personal idea is to take the two of them to the fetish night at the club in town along with my gf and just maybe see if he likes watching or maybe getting blown by my girl. It seems to me a lot of people don't understand other people's needs until they experience it themselves so 🤷 wish me luck I guess? Give that a try and let me know lol

Whilst your idea is good in principle, what if your friend's partner refuses to even go to a fetish night? Or gets there and is even more turned off the idea?
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It's a tricky situation for sure, but not something that can be ***d

[br****]

13 hours ago, gemini_man said:

One other thought - has he given any indication as to why it's not for him? Could there possibly be an element of *** behind his lack of interest? That *** could be because he doesn't want to let you down, or the idea of hurting you physically is something he struggles with? Or could be as simple as he has a pre-conceived stereotyped view of what BDSM/kink is and doesn't want to appear ridiculous. Or possibly even it goes against his core values of how he believes men should behave towards women.
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Of course it may be as you say that he's just not in the slightest bit kinky, but some thoughts to throw out there all the same.

This is definitely something I could ask more about. He equates a lot of elements of a D/s dynamic with the idea that it's abusive or 'wrong'. He doesn't understand why you would treat someone like that.
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As you say, if it was something like knitting it wouldn't be the same issue. It may just be that he doesn't like metaphorical knitting.

[ge****]

55 minutes ago, brattitude said:

This is definitely something I could ask more about. He equates a lot of elements of a D/s dynamic with the idea that it's abusive or 'wrong'. He doesn't understand why you would treat someone like that.
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As you say, if it was something like knitting it wouldn't be the same issue. It may just be that he doesn't like metaphorical knitting.

Definitely sounds like an avenue to explore and it's not an uncommon thing either - the difficulty is showing someone that contrary to being abusive it's actually something you desire.
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Maybe take a more refined approach and rather than the full on whips and chains thing, show him the softer side of kink, silk ties rather than rope for example, blindfolds and similar and build from there.

[do****]

5 hours ago, gemini_man said:

The counterpoint to that though is that if the OP really loves her other half (and I am not suggesting she doesn't, just illustrating a point) she'd accept that it's not for him.
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Sometimes it's not about one sided arrangements but respecting each others likes and dislikes.
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If this were any other interest that was non-sexual there wouldn't be an issue or a dilemma e.g. if she was into knitting but he wasn't, she'd just join a knitting club to share that interest with others - where it gets complicated is the sexual/kink angle.
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Neither person is "in the wrong" but it's a dilemma all the same.

Spot on 👍🏾

[br****]

3 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Definitely sounds like an avenue to explore and it's not an uncommon thing either - the difficulty is showing someone that contrary to being abusive it's actually something you desire.
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Maybe take a more refined approach and rather than the full on whips and chains thing, show him the softer side of kink, silk ties rather than rope for example, blindfolds and similar and build from there.

Thank you, these have all been really helpful comments!

[Mi****]

I was married 15 years where my ex was vanilla and I never could satisfy myself and was very depressed. I never knew I’m sub but I felt I hide my desires. It’s hard when two people are not on the same page but I believe if you love each other you both can talk and compromise. Xx

[Deleted Member]

Re evaluate how important being a sub is to you and go from there

[Mi****]

Strong communication will open up doors. Express yourself freely. Compile a list of "easy" things for him to try. Talk about one. See if he wants to try. Yes it will be hard.... but I have learned you can't *** the kink within. It's husband choice. Then it's ultimately up to you on how you I u want to proceed with the relationship.. either forget kink, have an open relationship, or sadly end it.

[pe****]

I feel like all are very good advice

[li****]

Ok