Don't be that guy (What is consent)

[up****]

This thread is insane, zRyan has been corrected by two different mods and is still choosing this hill to die on😂😂

Also I just wanted to apologize to anyone receiving dick pics when they don’t want to. Yeah as a guy, I might get sent a couple but nowhere near what you gals have to put up with.

[ar****]

They need to be blocked.
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It's mentioned especially in the Code of Conduct. They have no place to lose their shit, they are violating the rules of the platform in the first place.

[Charms]

I think so men know just how bad things women on here have to deal with some should join as a woman just for a few days an they then can see just how bad it gets.

 

As soon as I get a dick pic I block them. An any time iv been harassed by men mods have soon taken care if the problem for me. I 1s had a man who would join on here with a new profile every time I blocked him. I took lots of screen shots an was realy helped an supported by the mods.

 

Sadly it will always happen an there's only so many hours in a day an only so many mods. But iv always been helped an supported  for witch I'm greatful 

 

 

[Tickler101]

I STILL don't understand why guys do that. Especially when it is now clearly that girls actually DON'T like it...go figure 🙄

[ar****]

It should be pretty simple to create a pm chat filter for the app that would prevent users from sending pictures unless implicitly accepted by the recipient.
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It's like mopping the floor with the tap still running, but at least women may get some more peace that way.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, zRyan_NY said:

I am no way condoning what happened but I do feel the need to play devils advocate here.

I have met MANY women on here who actually find the unsolicited pictures on her a form of “degrading” and very much so enjoy it. Your bio doesn’t give any indication you do not want any. Also in order to even view the picture you must click past the warning. This app is filled with a ton of thirsty guys and also creeps.

I think you should understand that on a kink app like this something you don’t enjoy plenty of others do. It’s sort of the whole premise of kink is not to gatekeep.

Your post is purely opinion and is sort of an issue in the community lately because new people will read this and believe you know more so they will take it to heart. At the end of the day Fet implemented the warning so if you don’t want to look at it you aren’t ***d to see it just the blurred warning label. Also, “consent” is the wrong word here. If you ever scroll your feed you will see tons of naked people which you haven’t given consent to see.

Regardless that is just my opinion. You are in fact on a kink site and shouldn’t be so surprised nor upset if you have any experience with fet at all. It is the norm. I just hate those who shame people because they themselves don’t personally like something but there are tons of others who very much so would enjoy an “unsolicited” picture.

Last point - did you actually read there terms and services of the app? You in fact gave full consent to everything and anything that goes on here. Moral of MY rant don’t gatekeep. Just move on and enjoy your day.

1. Degrading and *** requires consent like any other bdsm play. 2. One must complete an age verification to see NSFW pictures in their feed; legal consent is obtained before you see a parade of dicks. 3. You are siding with predators and defending your questionable opinion despite site moderators explaining you are in the wrong. 4. I have dick pictures as a hard limit, yet I still receive them. You can point the finger at Char for not listing it on her profile, but it doesn’t matter. A predator doesn’t understand the word “no” and it appears you struggle with it as well.
Hey, you should expect this from fet users. Why don’t you just move on and enjoy your day?

[Deleted Member]

In my state, it’s now illegal to send unsolicited nudes. There’s a reason for this. Consent is key. And shaming you for not wanting it is just wrong. Thanks for this topic.

[Ca****]

5 hours ago, Taboofun21 said:

Agree. He tried to shame you privately. Shame him publicly. Maybe it will deter other assholes like that from doing the same thing.

Nope. Jackhats like this think they did nothing wrong. In their minds, if you’re on a fetish site, you can be spoken to and treated like a cheap whore because that’s what they think women are. I wonder whether some of them even LIKE women??? Homosexual denial perhaps? Don’t know. Just block them.

[Ca****]

5 hours ago, Taboofun21 said:

Agree. He tried to shame you privately. Shame him publicly. Maybe it will deter other assholes like that from doing the same thing.

Nope. Jackhats like this think they did nothing wrong. In their minds, if you’re on a fetish site, you can be spoken to and treated like a cheap whore because that’s what they think women are. I wonder whether some of them even LIKE women??? Homosexual denial perhaps? Don’t know. Just block them.

[do****]

5 hours ago, kree90 said:

You send dick pics, don't you?

🤣😂🤣

[do****]

Apologies Char for that disturbance in your box. I think that this is a good discussion that needs to be had and can be solved with reason. Char stance is in her LS, she requires "consent" before coming at her explicitly. Respected. zRyan_NY stance is in his LS and his view and understanding of others LS from his experience is that consent is not required for sending explicit photos. It's actually a part of their LS. Respected. I think the point being missed is everyone has different LS and how they go about it. The rule should be "do not impose your LS on another's LS unless you know they are compatible". I see this no different than a heterosexual imposing their LS on a member of the LGBTQIA+ community or vice versa. We must remember everyone is different and their LS MUST BE respected. Get to know a person through a human being interaction first before engaging further. It will circumvent the confusion. How hard is it to ask to see or if the other person wants to see? It's not hard. I ask to see women in lingerie and if they want to see my soldier a lot. With failure and success. I'm still here. I'm still standing. I'm still strong. Antwoine Fisher mentality. Ask yourself, who's driving the car, you or your desires. If it's your desires, someone might need to check your basement 🤷🏾‍♂️

[Deleted Member]

28 minutes ago, doubletrouble129 said:

Apologies Char for that disturbance in your box. I think that this is a good discussion that needs to be had and can be solved with reason. Char stance is in her LS, she requires "consent" before coming at her explicitly. Respected. zRyan_NY stance is in his LS and his view and understanding of others LS from his experience is that consent is not required for sending explicit photos. It's actually a part of their LS. Respected. I think the point being missed is everyone has different LS and how they go about it. The rule should be "do not impose your LS on another's LS unless you know they are compatible". I see this no different than a heterosexual imposing their LS on a member of the LGBTQIA+ community or vice versa. We must remember everyone is different and their LS MUST BE respected. Get to know a person through a human being interaction first before engaging further. It will circumvent the confusion. How hard is it to ask to see or if the other person wants to see? It's not hard. I ask to see women in lingerie and if they want to see my soldier a lot. With failure and success. I'm still here. I'm still standing. I'm still strong. Antwoine Fisher mentality. Ask yourself, who's driving the car, you or your desires. If it's your desires, someone might need to check your basement 🤷🏾‍♂️

I made this point earlier on. I don't state on my profile that I'll be receptive therefore, to your point, a person should ask. Doing so without asking is assumed consent. Anyone in a dynamic with me has assumed consent on a pre agreed green list. A stranger has no assumed consent. If you aren't sure, don't. As you said, ask.

[ge****]

5 hours ago, arnhem961 said:

It should be pretty simple to create a pm chat filter for the app that would prevent users from sending pictures unless implicitly accepted by the recipient.
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It's like mopping the floor with the tap still running, but at least women may get some more peace that way.

They've actually done this albeit slightly differently - don't know if it works for ALL NSFW pics but I was sent one recently (with my consent) and the pic was blurred out with a button for me to press *if* I wanted to see it.

[BigPolly]

I love this post & I know I sound like my mum (not that she’s kinky) but I find my replies saying the same thing of ‘back in my day’….. joining a Kink or Fetish app is not consent to send someone pics of your dick. If you went into a Fet or Kink club & whopped your knob out randomly, you’d be removed. An app is a gateway into a community, not a reason to overstep consent.

The BDSM, Fet, Kink community was built on respect, trust, safety, consent & understanding but unfortunately now immaturity & self importance takes over. Sending a pic of your cock to someone isn’t kinky, some may love it & find it exciting but it’s not a kink it’s just a quick ‘needy’ hook up.
If someone isn’t into your needy ways that’s fine but you’re on a kink site where kink shaming is frowned upon so if you send your dick pics to someone & they decline, then follow the same rules as the rest of us, grow up & instead of childishly attempting to shame them for rejecting you, move on & try & find some one who is consensually looking for random pics of cocks. 

[ey****]

Like, on every level it's unacceptable (and, similar to my comments on another thread - the men doing it may plead dumb, but they *know* it's unacceptable)

first off... dun dun dun

"this is a fetish site"

yep, and there are assorted waivers associated with signing up to a fetish site that you may stumble upon content you don't want to see - which could include writings about certain kinks or dynamics, or assorted adult photos.   But there is a measured difference between opening forum posts, browsing profiles - and someone sending it in your inbox - and that's where a lot of waivers differentiate.  

"not mentioning something isn't permitted, means it is permitted"

This goes against the basics of consent.  Nor overrule the laws of the land.   Like, I was at a party the other day and there were no express rules listed anywhere saying I couldn't take a dump in the middle of the floor.  But if security ejected or warned me for it, and I said "there's nothing in your rules saying I can't do this" you can see how this is not going to end well.  

But it's like when we talk limits.  If someone says "OK, my limits are *** and ***" the default of the other person shouldn't be "OK, so I can break your neck and empty your bank account" 

there is no argument in favour here.

So, at it's simplest.  The men doing this KNOW it's inappropriate.   This is before we get into more and more territories bringing out different legislation against it.  Some of the wording differs but the concept is the same.  And ignorance of the law isn't defence.

And if anyone thinks, "she hasn't expressly said not to, therefore it's ok" has little concept on consent and, as such, probably isn't ready for fetish dating.  Or dating in general. And should probably grow up. 

[JourSans]

9 hours ago, Charms said:

I think so men know just how bad things women on here have to deal with some should join as a woman just for a few days an they then can see just how bad it gets.

 

As soon as I get a dick pic I block them. An any time iv been harassed by men mods have soon taken care if the problem for me. I 1s had a man who would join on here with a new profile every time I blocked him. I took lots of screen shots an was realy helped an supported by the mods.

 

Sadly it will always happen an there's only so many hours in a day an only so many mods. But iv always been helped an supported  for witch I'm greatful 

 

 

I can believe it.   I was oblivious to the level of street harassment women get (I knew it was a thing - but not so common) until my daughters got to 13-14 years old.   My eldest avoids walking in certain areas of her city (she doesn't drive)  because of it.    It's a huge issue - the sending of unsolicited pics is just an extension of that really.   

[Firefox_]

Uh butthurt ego when their cock attention doesn't get the "omg yay let's chat" effect. I'm curious if that ever actually works tbh lol
Its very much to do with consent and it's so frustrating when they act like being on this site is a reason to just ignore anything like that because hey, you're on here, you must enjoy it.

When people sign up to fet, they can choose what they're looking for on their profile. Publicly. The fact you can search for just friends or education should show you people don't necessarily sign up to this site to be bombarded with dick pics against their wishes/consent. And even if they're looking for a partner, I'd be wanting someone who actually chatted to me like a human before engaging in that kind of activity.

[Je****]

14 hours ago, zRyan_NY said:

I have met MANY women on here who actually find the unsolicited pictures on her a form of “degrading” and very much so enjoy it. Your bio doesn’t give any indication you do not want any.

Yeh and most of those women probably consent to being degraded. Another kink you don't *** people to do/see against their will. 

 

Also her profile doesn't give any indication she doesn't want any??? Give your head a wobble. 

What is this world coming to that unless someone actually states don't send me your cock, that means they're game. Even more scary is men like you, who think its ok because its simply a kink site, or condoning men using their cocks unsolicited as a means to get attention. 

It. Is. Not. Right. It. Is. Not. Okay. There was NO CONSENT.

 

This whole place thrives on consent and communication.  In no way shape or form is it OK to throw nudes about because you're here. 

 

Also some people don't have the 18 plus feature active to see random nudes. So someone in that case doesn't want to see them... and anyone who does post nudes... gave consent for them to be viewed by anyone with the 18 plus check marked. 

Plus there's a big fuckin difference in seeing things in a newsfeed,  and actually dming someone your dick. 

Plenty of of times the dick pics I've received haven't been blurred for us to click on it to view. All depends on what the site computer interprets it as.

 

You're part of the problem..  and literally backed up the gaslighting element she mentioned by trying to insinuate she was kink shaming men who can't act like normal human beings. 

 

Keep it out of random womens inboxes. 🙄

 

Edited May 15, 2023 by Finally_Jen

[Je****]

Well I've just caught up on this whole thread. 

 

Two mods intervening and still he persisted. 

Red flags 🚩 right there. 

I stand by my comment. 

No one and I mean no one, any gender, should ever have photos of genitals sent to them cus they should "expect " it or haven't explicitly said otherwise. Its common sense.

And yup ,  women walking past in public don't shout out random that they don't want a guy flinging their cock out at them in the street so surely its ok to do that eh... 🙄

 

Utter nonsense.  Thank god for the rest of you speaking up here and for mods clarifying.

[uk****]

This is the funniest thing I've seen in years, his viewpoints are that laughable. If this guy is really a software engineer he must be so much fun to work with.

Edited May 15, 2023 by ukmarky

[Ch****]

Well said

[Pe****]

18 hours ago, honey_and_killabees said:

1. Degrading and *** requires consent like any other bdsm play. 2. One must complete an age verification to see NSFW pictures in their feed; legal consent is obtained before you see a parade of dicks. 3. You are siding with predators and defending your questionable opinion despite site moderators explaining you are in the wrong. 4. I have dick pictures as a hard limit, yet I still receive them. You can point the finger at Char for not listing it on her profile, but it doesn’t matter. A predator doesn’t understand the word “no” and it appears you struggle with it as well.
Hey, you should expect this from fet users. Why don’t you just move on and enjoy your day?

👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

[ar****]

9 hours ago, ukmarky said:

This is the funniest thing I've seen in years, his viewpoints are that laughable. If this guy is really a software engineer he must be so much fun to work with.

He's probably a good one too. Programmers tend to thrive on logic and finding loopholes. And in a way I do agree with him that the CoC could have been more explicit. I mean, it literally reads:
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"- In the spirit of living up to our community values and adhering to law in some countries, sending unsolicited non-consensual dick pics or related content (cyberflashing) isn’t cool. If reported by another user, users will receive a warning, if there are multiple reports, users will face a ban."
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The "is not cool" is pretty weak, and the rule is dodgy as it relies on someone actively reporting, and it will only result in a warning. Only when there are multiple reports, the offender will get banned.
.
That text can be rewritten as:
- Cyberflashing (sending unsolicited non-consensual content, including dick pics) is prohibited. Upon discovery (or reported by another user), users will receive a warning, or (at moderator's discretion) a ban.

[do****]

8 minutes ago, arnhem961 said:

He's probably a good one too. Programmers tend to thrive on logic and finding loopholes. And in a way I do agree with him that the CoC could have been more explicit. I mean, it literally reads:
.
"- In the spirit of living up to our community values and adhering to law in some countries, sending unsolicited non-consensual dick pics or related content (cyberflashing) isn’t cool. If reported by another user, users will receive a warning, if there are multiple reports, users will face a ban."
.
The "is not cool" is pretty weak, and the rule is dodgy as it relies on someone actively reporting, and it will only result in a warning. Only when there are multiple reports, the offender will get banned.
.
That text can be rewritten as:
- Cyberflashing (sending unsolicited non-consensual content, including dick pics) is prohibited. Upon discovery (or reported by another user), users will receive a warning, or (at moderator's discretion) a ban.

I can agree with the revision. FET should look into that. Thanks

[ge****]

Perhaps the merits of technicalities such as the wording of the Code Of Conduct (which ironically abbreviated spells COC!!) would be better either on a different thread, or better still as a direct suggestion to admin via the feedback option.
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Likewise any further discussion of a certain users posts which have been done to death.
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To get back to the point I think the majority on this thread agree that sending unsolicited explicit pictures is both not right nor consensual on the part of the recipient - sadly it is something that is rife on sites like this and that some men (and let's face it it is men, not sure I've ever heard a man moan that a woman has sent him an unsolicited pic of their genitalia - or if I have it's rarely) do think it's OK to send such pics.
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Partly it comes down to misconceptions about sites such as this, with the thinking being that because it is sexual in nature that it gives a green light to be sexual from the get go, partly it's the "bravery" of being effectively anonymous, and various other factors besides - none of which are OK.
.
Unfortunately I'm not sure there's anyway to completely eradicate it, though hopefully the laws that are starting to appear to prevent such actions will be applicable across all media regardless of whether they are adult in nature and will have a positive effect, though sadly it will still be reliant on users reporting incidents and then sites taking action against offenders - and I *** that many will go unreported beyond that for *** of exposure (of being a member of sites like this) to the appropriate authorities by the very people seeking protection.
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What it does show however is just how far men still have to go to move away from the caveman mentality.