Guess I'm clueless?

[se****]

Something i wish a lot of women understood. Is not all, but most men are like this. Not all truths are pleasant. Sometimes as a man (not all) you’ll get horny enough to the point where you’ll f**k anything, so anyone who’s available you’ll take. I can’t lie like I’m perfect, I’ve done it in my past a few times. We don’t even have to be sexually attracted, it’s just better then nothing. And also, I don’t know you personally so i can’t say but from my experience. Not all women have good sex, some women have terrible sex. No one likes to come to terms with that because no matter how much spicing things up in the bed room you try, you can’t change the way your body feels or what your body looks like. But typically most guys won’t tell you that you’re not good in bed, and you’ll come across one guy who’s honest or just blunt and it comes as a shocker. I don’t think he’s playing games with you, I mean he told you the straight truth. What I’d suggest is be more selective with who you has sex with, and give it a little bit more time. because not everyone is always who they appear to be in the beginning. Two, if you are going to end things with him, I wouldn’t suggest you ghost anyone. But instead, just tell him that you feel uncomfortable and you don’t want to continue. Three i know this’ll probably make a lot of people upset but i mean it in the most respectful way, I see you’re 39. And as you age your sex and attractiveness value will decrease, and become less desirable. It’s hard to come to terms with but that’s just life.

[or****]

To him you're just something to do when there is nothing to do! Most guys are like that, you wouldn't be the first and wouldn't be the last!

[Ni****]

Definitely sounds like at that moment he was just looking for sex but if you find the situation weird I would say its probably best to talk to him about how you feel on the subject and decide if you still want to be friends with him from there, but at the least I think you should tell him how everything's made you feel, if he really does want to be your friend and enjoys your companionship then hopefully he will be understanding about it at the least.

[ki****]

My male friends call it “post nut clarity” and honestly as a high sex drive female I’ve done it too in my past

[Ki****]

The problem is not you but him. He is incapable and not honest. Bite the bullet and move on. Tell him what he made you feel and that he lost you with his behaviour. He is not worthy of you. You are courageous to make this post and soon you will be over with this. Sending you hugs

[Wo****]

He told you the trust and apparently likes you as a person.

He isn’t attracted to you and no you don’t have a shot.

Right now if you ghost him then you are the ass/

You are taking it too personal, you aren’t going to be attracted to everyone and at least he came clean with you.

[Ro****]

Very pessimistic. Perhaps he originally was after a quick root, but what if he finds that he actually does like youbas a person, but doesn't want to have it physical. Or potentially perhaps he wants you to get to know him romantically.

[ge****]

Can totally understand the confusion given the circumstances but the *only* way you're going to possibly know the truth is to be up front with him and outright ask him what the deal is.
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Ghosting him or just going along with it is for sure not going to provide any clarity, and asking on a forum like this is only going to add to the confusion with wide and varied responses and offers from those claiming to be better than him.
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There are numerous possible reasons he's been like this, and not all of them bad, but only he can tell you the *actual* reason.
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So my advice to you would be to sit him down and talk openly and honestly, tell him how confused you are and then decide if you cam accept an ongoing friendship or if you need to walk away.

[Sm****]

2 hours ago, 11Sophia11Rose11 said:

Well; instead of applying all of mankind's condition to a scenario, maybe try instead to view people on an individual basis, rather than just grouping them together and looking at them like statistics. It's not right to judge one person based on other people's typical reactions regardless of their gender. If it were flipped; what would you say then. I imagine you would still find a way to say something rude or make it about your " struggle" as a man.

Sure, there’s some nuance to some of the comments, but I was intending to address the overwhelming majority as well as add the nuance from my own experience. Not struggling “as a man”, not judging others, just confused why people get upset when someone points out the reality of what is likely to occur when genders reverse.
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The first half of my comment was meant about this particular case. I’m unsure what about my earlier comment sounded like “looking at them like statistics”, but open to hearing what led you to thinking that.
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Not at all intended as rude, but I can’t stop people from taking things as they will. If everyone were dog-piling the reverse roles but would flip their behavior with the opposite gender, I’d point that out regardless.

[Deleted Member]

Post nut clarity is akin to waking up the morning after a bender next to your sergeant’s wife. Blue balls can be a helluva thing. But yeah, he isn’t into you, so you’re just wasting time with him that you could be spending bonding with an actual potential husband.

[x2****]

Prob been said many times in comments. Buy truthfully from a blokes perspective there is no chance of a real relationship with that guy. But also truth he would and does peob f**k anything he can he a man most of us will and i know many woman on the scene who do the same.
Buy now for the positives if you also enjoy spending time with him why let the anniying things like normal relationship bullock's get in the way just enjoy the time you guys spend together. If It ends up with naked cuddles and you both enjoy then all good. Free yourself to find what your looking for elsewhere. But never let any man or woman make you feel like that you a repulsive in any way, if he did that then all above mute just forget him and move on.

[Exousis]

Don't ghost him, I appreciate saying no to someone is difficult but good people will appreciate you treated them with respect.

Personally I would say be a bit careful.  It sounds like you enjoy his company, but if you are going to become friends I would set clear boundaries.  A situation where you're friends but occasionally have sex even though he's not physically attracted to you wouldn't be great for your mental health I suspect.

 

 

 

[De****]

Sounds like a confusing and frustrating situation alright but I'd imagine the only satisfactory resolution will come from discussing it with him. The comments here will only really tell you about the assumptions a bunch of strangers are willing to make about a relationship they've only heard one side of. The only way to understand what's going on in somebody else's head is to ask them

[Je****]

If someone makes you doubt yourself. At all... they need gone. You'll be forever doubting yourself and questioning things while he's in your life. It's very rude on his part also. Put yourself first.

[Deleted Member]

Have some confidence and move on. He is setting the bar low so that he doesn't have to maintain a proper relationship. If it bothers you enough to ask about it listen to your gut and move on. Don't ignore your own wants and needs because someone is deciding to give you the bare minimum after you gave the most (your body/intimacy) . Do yourself a favor and onto the next. Recipe for disaster to accept such precedence and low standards

[Pe****]

He’s definitely keeping you hanging in case he wants another hook up. It’s not fair for him to do that.

[Gundu]

4 hours ago, eoinexploring said:

Sounds like a confusing and frustrating situation alright but I'd imagine the only satisfactory resolution will come from discussing it with him. The comments here will only really tell you about the assumptions a bunch of strangers are willing to make about a relationship they've only heard one side of. The only way to understand what's going on in somebody else's head is to ask them

Very well put.

[Deleted Member]

Give yourself a break from beating yourself up here. You are not the problem, he is.
I’d advise you to move on and find someone who connects with you better

[StrictMaster44]

He's the idiot. Not you. He's just using you. Dump him and run

[Deleted Member]

Move on from him, he's just using you, can do better x

[CopperKnob]

I'm confused, perhaps I read it wrong.
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You met a guy. You had sex which you enjoyed but, after the fact, he told you that he wasn't attracted to you although wanted to be friends and so now, you're doing things friends do, go to the gym, make dinner, watch telly?
I mean, I could understand if he ghosted you after sleeping with you but you've got someone who appears to have communicated their wants/boundaries which you appear to have agreed with (else why would you have continued any sort of relarionship with him) and you have a new friend as a result?
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If there's confusion maybe it's worth having a conversation with him for clarity?
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You say in comments you don't want to play games and yet you're considering ghosting him?
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I also agree that comments would be very different if this OP had been from a male presenting profile. I also find it interesting as to which comments you've chosen to respond too.

[ar****]

Ideally, consent is everything. Anything (to be) happening must be discussed in advance and agreed upon by the participants.
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If he abided by this, then at some point you probably agreed to be restrained, and do the "crazy things". But something tells me the agreement wasn't clear on both sides.
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I think the FET community should create a template consent form, especially for newbies. It would serve 2 purposes: not only record what kind of actions people would be (dis)allowing, but also teach newbies that it's OK to cherrypick actions performed and you don't need to have sex or even be nude.
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It would be good if people could rely on a safe introduction to kink, instead of interactions like this.

[Ki****]

He is definitely the idiot, and you need to get rid of him

[YorkshireBiker]

There seems to be a lot of people here saying he’s using you and you should put a stop to it. I’ve read through this twice to make sure but I’m not sure what people think he’s using you for, friendship?

If I’ve missed something then please let me know, I'm new to this and probably a bit naive, but you had sex and a good night, but then he decided it wasn’t for him, and wanted to be friends, which it sounds like you are. 

Obviously we can’t speak for his thought on this but does he know you’re not completely comfortable in this friend dynamic? Does he have commitment issues that are blocking him?

[Br****]

That could be perceived as a compliment in one sense - that he still seems keen to want to stay in touch...suggests he genuinely likes you in some way otherwise he'd likely have ghosted once he came to the decision he wasn't 'attracted' to whatever it was. He's been quite honest and respectful with you which is a good quality to have.

Yet at the same time i can imagine that can have a negative outcome and leave you feeling insecure & less confident etc...

If you got railed and night got crazy, sounds like you both had fun. Maybe he isn't as attracted to you physically as you'd both prefer, but he definitely is attracted to you in some way for him to still be showing you so much interest and attention!