Guess I'm clueless?

[sa****]

Do yourself a huge favor, and show this, exactly what you wrote here, every word, to him. You don’t need subjective thoughts, guesses, or advice from strangers who’s prejudices you don’t know about or understand.
Be Open and Honest in all your relationships, always. Open and Honest. Even if it’s going to hurt someone, even if it’s going to hurt you, even when you’re afraid to be. Be Open and Honest. Ask him the questions you’re asking us because he’s the only one who knows the truth. Hopefully he will be open and honest with you, and then you’ll have your answer.

[ti****]

Just be friends?

[Ca****]

He’s boring. You are gorgeous. He’ll wish later he hadn’t used you.

[Setrion]

I'm with CopperKnob on this one. I don't think I read the same OP the rest of the responders did, because it sounds like he didn't do anything wrong, or even much of anything at all.

You had sex, he asked to be friends instead, and now you are friends. He has not made any moves to imply to you that you might be more then friends, there have been no implications of sex or dating, you are just friends. This is not him leading you on.

I have to advocate Occam's razor here and say take him at his word. He just wants to be friends, and you are just friends.

If you're not okay with just being friends you need to have a conversation with him about that. And whatever you do, don't fucking ghost him. Ghosting is never okay.

[De****]

Since the guy doesnt take part in our conversation here, and i cannot ask him about the subject, i suggest we only look at you and we do that with an approach of simplicity - So that you dont invent any funny beliefs about yoirself which are realy not needed.
So you had a nice evening with the guy, both of you wanted to have sex and you did.
Thats nice!
Today the guy is wanting friendship and if you do too thats awesome.
He is not interested in having sex at the moment, and you should look at it with such simplicity.
If you want tobe his friend go for it.

The inner talk about you being enough or not, your body pretty or not, you am idiot or not, him being too horny or noy enough - all that talk is realy sucking your energy and misusong it while the answers dont matter at all.

If you relate to this approach of simplicity,
Let go of all those thoughts and the need to know, enjoy the friendship if you'd like, and maybe you can have sex one day if that happens, or not, and keep smiling and loving yourself!

[sh****]

Sounds like he's hiding something , is actually into guys and wanted to see if maybe things changed , or he was talking to multiple girls at once and was doing "research.". Either way I wouldn't get hung up on it. He will probably try and come back the moment u find someone u like. I'm looking at you and from what I can tell sweetie u will do just fine. Your a hottie and maybe he just likes something a lil different than what you are, but trust me when I say your looks are gonna turn on pretty much most of us adult men all day ;)

[to****]

Your not an idoit he was just a jerk I’m sorry

[ge****]

1 hour ago, toker408 said:

Your not an idoit he was just a jerk I’m sorry

Whilst I agree the OP is not an idiot - I disagree the guy in this case should be automatically labelled a jerk based on the details provided, which don't include his side of the story.
.
As I said further up there could be any number of reasons behind his thinking and not all of them bad.
.
The *only* way the OP will know the actual reason is by talking to him not a bunch of strangers on an Internet forum, who can come up with any number of wild theories as to the reasons behind it, all based on one side of the story.

[Wo****]

8 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Whilst I agree the OP is not an idiot - I disagree the guy in this case should be automatically labelled a jerk based on the details provided, which don't include his side of the story.
.
As I said further up there could be any number of reasons behind his thinking and not all of them bad.
.
The *only* way the OP will know the actual reason is by talking to him not a bunch of strangers on an Internet forum, who can come up with any number of wild theories as to the reasons behind it, all based on one side of the story.

exactly…just because someone has an OP doesn’t mean they are right or wrong.

To be honest the guy sounded like he cares about her and did right by himself and her.

More details are needed but I would be guy is far from a jerk.

[Wo****]

19 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

I'm confused, perhaps I read it wrong.
.
You met a guy. You had sex which you enjoyed but, after the fact, he told you that he wasn't attracted to you although wanted to be friends and so now, you're doing things friends do, go to the gym, make dinner, watch telly?
I mean, I could understand if he ghosted you after sleeping with you but you've got someone who appears to have communicated their wants/boundaries which you appear to have agreed with (else why would you have continued any sort of relarionship with him) and you have a new friend as a result?
.
If there's confusion maybe it's worth having a conversation with him for clarity?
.
You say in comments you don't want to play games and yet you're considering ghosting him?
.
I also agree that comments would be very different if this OP had been from a male presenting profile. I also find it interesting as to which comments you've chosen to respond too.

i think you are 100% accurate…

the people who are saying this guy is an idiot or using her are projecting.

Could there be more? sure…!
but just from OP words…he sounds genuine.

That ghosting shit is lame…if anything the she doesn’t deserve him as a friend, he can do better.

[Deleted Member]

I, for one, am not messing with anyone I'm not attracted to soooo, that's just wierd. I would appreciate his feedback and just move on, don't stay friends with him.

[Ge****]

When I met my best friend Chloe, it started off as sexual tension, followed by sex one time and then followed by plutonic activities for the rest of our relationship. And she felt the same exact way that you felt. She expressed herself to me and asked me literally those same questions that you're asking this community. And the truthful answer that I had to give back to her was that I enjoyed our conversations so much that I didn't even think about sex. We go on these awesome adventures and take badass pictures together, and we're just so busy living life that sex doesn't cross my mind. I would catch her bending over to grab something out of the car a little extra provocatively, or brushing up against me with her chest, just a little hints and you know green flags. That I chose to ignore, one day I had to tell her, that our friendship means so much to me that I'm not willing to risk it by adding sexual stress and feelings into the mix. I'm sure that it is you, but that doesn't mean that there's a problem, it just means that you're awesome hope this helps

[Ca****]

There’s nothing genuine about using someone for sex and then telling them they aren’t attractive to you. She was feeling a connection and they had sex only to find out he isn’t interested. If he wasn’t interested he shouldn’t have had sex with her.

[YorkshireBiker]

These are genuine questions:

How many people use someone for sex then want continue a non sexual relationship? 

Wouldn’t a jerk just carry on using you for sex, while knowing this is potentially stopping you from meeting someone who would actually give you what you need?

Edited May 21, 2023 by YorkshireBiker
Edited for missing word

[Lu****]

When I first read it, I did think maybe he is doing the friends things to keep you around as a FwB but on my second read I felt I may have jumped to conclusion of the guy being a douche and then read some of the comments my view have shifted again to has the OP walked into this with rose tinted glasses and ignored what this was set out to be in the first place. You see where I'm going with this? How the mind boggles! Have the DIRECT conversation with the guy and don't be afraid to voice what your wants and needs are don't focus on what his are. I hope you will get the clarity you need.

[Wo****]

2 hours ago, LunaMaeve said:

When I first read it, I did think maybe he is doing the friends things to keep you around as a FwB but on my second read I felt I may have jumped to conclusion of the guy being a douche and then read some of the comments my view have shifted again to has the OP walked into this with rose tinted glasses and ignored what this was set out to be in the first place. You see where I'm going with this? How the mind boggles! Have the DIRECT conversation with the guy and don't be afraid to voice what your wants and needs are don't focus on what his are. I hope you will get the clarity you need.

i think this is a good example here of views can be shifted by public opinion.

I honestly don’t think there are any bad guys in this issue.

They just need to talk and OP may have more hope then he does and if that is the case….perhaps she just can’t have this guy as a friend.

It will probably hurt them both but one of them appears to care about the other in a different fashion.

Don’t ghost the guy….talk! You cant have a healthy anything if you can’t communicate.

[JourSans]

I'm with the  what's he done wrong group.   You had consensual sex - now he would like a platonic relationship - you've not been used - you may be disappointed his wants don't align with yours but that's life.  

 

Easiest thing would be to ask him though.

[JourSans]

On 5/19/2023 at 3:50 AM, searchingformyslave said:

. Three i know this’ll probably make a lot of people upset but i mean it in the most respectful way, I see you’re 39. And as you age your sex and attractiveness value will decrease, and become less desirable. It’s hard to come to terms with but that’s just life.

I don't think that's true for everyone.    

[Hi****]

He playing you like a Playstation PS4

He's only looking for a friend with benefits an just waiting to see when the next time he get to Clapp cheeks

[no****]

Not an idiot at all, just lower your expectations and don’t try to interpret others. Do you want to be with this guy long term knowing that he can make you feel the same way again and again …
If yes, just accept the limitations and enjoy … the ride. If not , just look for others and don’t hesitate to experiment… My 2 ence worth …

[en****]

He's a f**king a**hole. He should have never had sex with you if he wasn't attracted. He's so arrogant that he thinks after sex you would be hooked on him. He's gonna keep you lingering around for same thing. I'm not big into ghosting as a go to move. But this guy deserves it. Make him second guess himself and wonder wtf is wrong with him. I read your profile looks great. Your outta my league so I wasn't gonna contact you. Good luck and drop this fool... 💗💋💋💋

[sa****]

Ideally, consent is everything. Anything (to be) happening must be discussed in advance and agreed upon by the participants…..

How do you arrive at a consent issue from the OP’s post? She said nothing about any issues with, or lack of consent. She Did say “had a great night…”

[Wo****]

9 hours ago, enkelly69 said:

He's a f**king a**hole. He should have never had sex with you if he wasn't attracted. He's so arrogant that he thinks after sex you would be hooked on him. He's gonna keep you lingering around for same thing. I'm not big into ghosting as a go to move. But this guy deserves it. Make him second guess himself and wonder wtf is wrong with him. I read your profile looks great. Your outta my league so I wasn't gonna contact you. Good luck and drop this fool... 💗💋💋💋

Please don’t listen to this guy….Nothing in OP states he’s doing anything like this.

Sex happen…he clearly didn’t like it or realized the mentally attraction wasn’t enough to continue to be intimate.

Whatever reason, OP has not made it seem like he is even trying to fuck.

Talk to him like an adult, not a child.

[Deleted Member]

Friday at 02:50 AM, searchingformyslave said:

Something i wish a lot of women understood. Is not all, but most men are like this. Not all truths are pleasant. Sometimes as a man (not all) you’ll get horny enough to the point where you’ll f**k anything, so anyone who’s available you’ll take. I can’t lie like I’m perfect, I’ve done it in my past a few times. We don’t even have to be sexually attracted, it’s just better then nothing. And also, I don’t know you personally so i can’t say but from my experience. Not all women have good sex, some women have terrible sex. No one likes to come to terms with that because no matter how much spicing things up in the bed room you try, you can’t change the way your body feels or what your body looks like. But typically most guys won’t tell you that you’re not good in bed, and you’ll come across one guy who’s honest or just blunt and it comes as a shocker. I don’t think he’s playing games with you, I mean he told you the straight truth. What I’d suggest is be more selective with who you has sex with, and give it a little bit more time. because not everyone is always who they appear to be in the beginning. Two, if you are going to end things with him, I wouldn’t suggest you ghost anyone. But instead, just tell him that you feel uncomfortable and you don’t want to continue. Three i know this’ll probably make a lot of people upset but i mean it in the most respectful way, I see you’re 39. And as you age your sex and attractiveness value will decrease, and become less desirable. It’s hard to come to terms with but that’s just life.

Well; despite your lack of confidence in me (lol) I'm just fine and he's the problem, not me. I've sorted things out, but can't seem to delete ot update this post, due to glitches. Better work on your attitude soon or 30 is gonna hit u like a ton of bricks, cuz the road goes both ways buddy.
Being a d bag is not a sexy trait.

[Deleted Member]

Friday at 02:53 AM, orlando745 said:

To him you're just something to do when there is nothing to do! Most guys are like that, you wouldn't be the first and wouldn't be the last!

I'm sure all the men out there are thrilled that you're making your voice heard as the representative of the male gender. It's sure to increase the chances of you ever getting laid. There's men and then there's scumbags. Unfortunately they all come in the same packaging, some just have less substance. Must be a sad and pathetic way to live.