Deleted Member Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 Hey everyone! I'm pretty new here but from what I can tell this seems like a safe place! I've been an on and off crossdresser for years but only in private and recently have been exploring this more. So I recently planned on going on to a bar while dressed up! I pulled up to the bar! I had my heels, LBD, accessories and wig. However, I chickened out at the last second and never got out of my car. Does anyone have any words of advice or encouragement they could offer?
ka**** Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 you will shine so bright and be the best most authentic version of you if you let yourself do what feels right. more people will gravitate toward ur energy and youll feel better too. just be safe because there are a lot of hateful people out there :(
Pl**** Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 Not a crossdresser, but the first thing I'd say is that it's okay to chicken out. Don't be hard on yourself. Sometimes, you're not going to have a good time anyway if you're not comfortable enough. You might find it easier to go with some friends or acquaintances for support, so maybe reach out to some people. Not being alone and having the support of others doesn't just help get you get out of the car. You'll probably just have a better time in general if you go with some people that you know will support you.
Al**** Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 Don’t beat yourself up too much about this at all. Do what you’re comfortable with and maybe start out small with just walking around the block or something. Baby steps friend. You’ll get there. Also know you’re beautiful and fabulous! Carry that with you. Be the main character and take up space where ever you are.
Deleted Member Posted May 20, 2023 Author Posted May 20, 2023 You definitely did NOT chicken out. You got all dolled up and got all the way to the bar. Chickening out would be planning it and then not even getting ready. I'm pretty damned proud of you for getting as far as you did. Next time you will be posting pictures of all the people buying you drinks, I'm sure!
ge**** Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 Ultimately nerves got the better of you - happens to people every day in all manner of situations, so don't be hard on yourself. . You didn't say whether the bar was a regular one, or one that caters to dressers, if it was a regular one that certainly won't have helped with the nerves. . Maybe seek out local bars or clubs that cater to dressers, some I believe allow you to dress once inside, so that could help with the comfort factor. . Or seek out online communities specifically for CDs/TVs and build some local connections there that you could go with on future.
Em**** Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 I use to be that way. But you did the first step. You got there You didn’t get out of the car, Oh well. Dont beat your self up. You got there. What type of bar? I say. Because I was on and off crossdresser Then started going out dressed It was hard at first Then I did it. After you do it. Your in there. The people might not be so friendly, But thats what my mind would tell me. Just be there and be confident People are more excepting then I thought would be. I say imagine doing it. You were all ready there. Mind my words But don’t be a sissy, But if you are? I’m the Empress You get dressed You get there You get out of the car And you walk in there. If not. I will get my paddle, And paddle you in there. You can do it. It will just take a few times It did me.
me**** Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 I suspect my goals and the community I live in are different than yours, but a couple of weeks ago I wore makeup for the first time outside of the house. I practiced putting on my face a number of times several days before the event, and the event I chose was queer friendly to begin with, which really helped put me at ease. I also was otherwise dressed in a masculine manner and I chose to keep my facial hair as is. I haven’t been that happy in a long time and would do it again in a heartbeat.
do**** Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 21 minutes ago, vampvain said: Get out of the car now!!! WHIP You think your comment was cute? Made you feel better about yourself? Well let me tell you what it really did. It showed who the real whip is. I said it and I meant it.
do**** Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 Move at your pace and what you feel safe in. Like what was suggested, try like minded places first. Maybe even out of town for the weekend where no one knows you and free yourself. Then build your confidence. It's no race to be accepted but desperately needed. Know yourself and trust yourself and you'll be fine.
Deleted Member Posted May 20, 2023 Author Posted May 20, 2023 Thank you everyone! I appreciate all your kind words and suggestions! To answer a few questions, it was a local gay bar, but was unsure if they catered to crossdressers, kind of a dumb thought I know. Since it was local I was nervous about running into people I may know on my first time! This part of my life has been kept a big secret but I think I would be happier to start to be more open with it. Unfortunately I don't have any friends in this world to go out with me or even help make sure I looked good 😈
Al**** Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 2 hours ago, LordFarquad203 said: Thank you everyone! I appreciate all your kind words and suggestions! To answer a few questions, it was a local gay bar, but was unsure if they catered to crossdressers, kind of a dumb thought I know. Since it was local I was nervous about running into people I may know on my first time! This part of my life has been kept a big secret but I think I would be happier to start to be more open with it. Unfortunately I don't have any friends in this world to go out with me or even help make sure I looked good 😈 Always ❤️ Maybe you can find a bar that’s a bit further away from your area so you’ll feel a little more comfortable going through with it as well. The environment and you feeling comfortable in it is also very important as well.
lo**** Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 Years ago when I was hanging out at a local gay bar with a VERY well known drag show in a side room, I had multiple conversations about make up, etc with drag queens. Several would come to me, we'd talk fashion and make up. Was a great time. If you want help with that sort of stuff I *highly* recommend finding a place near(ish) you that has a regular drag night, and see if you can find a friendly drag queen willing to give some tips. They know all sorts of tricks like how to hide stubble, etc. Amazing wealth of knowledge!
Cr**** Posted May 21, 2023 Posted May 21, 2023 Just wanted to say with your great taste in movies (Shrek mainly), you will destroy the competition in all aspects of life!
wa**** Posted May 21, 2023 Posted May 21, 2023 Personally it's not a thing for me, but I was friends with a guy that did regular drag shows, and honestly you might want to find a drag bar, or just go to a drag show, those guys are pretty amazing and friendly and likely the best place to start, they can help you feel more comfortable and might even be able to give you se advice or tips to help you out.
cl**** Posted May 29, 2023 Posted May 29, 2023 I'm not knowledgeable in cross dressing but find places where you can feel comfortable and just do what you do. Have fun, do whatever dont let your ***s overtake you.
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