Let’s talk rejection!

[se****]

I want to know different opinions on this. Which one do you feel is worse, or bothers you the most. If you text someone, someone new of course. And they 1: send you the automated “not interested” message, 2: just ignore your message, or 3: they tell you themselves that they’re not interested.
Personally i think 3 is best rejection you could get.
Being hit with the automated “not interested” message is kind of weird to me, like you didn’t even have a conversation with this person and you just dismissed the entire convo.
Being ignored has to be the worse though, we’ve all been rejected before lol. There’s been fewer times I’ve messaged someone, even if it wasn’t for a conversation. I probably just wanted to ask a question. And they’ll view my profile, and just not respond. So like you saw my message, and went to my profile instead of answering. Then just ignored me lol. I feel like that’s a bit ego driven. But that’s just me. I wanna know what every else things about these scenarios.

[un****]

rejection is rejection some are worse than others being the automated one is cold and sterile not particularly my taste but its cordial being ignored is whatever and a personal rejection can either be really nice or really bad either way rejection sucks but its a free world people have a right to respond how they’d like regardless of how the person on the other end feels so you just have to learn to roll with it

[ey****]

for me, honestly, it's whatever the other person is most comfortable with

they can probably tell they're not interested by looking at my message and profile

and, interestingly, on the no response - I did get a message from someone who I had initially messaged several months ago.    They'd missed that I'd messaged them amongst the noise and we're now having a nice chat.  

Which incidentally now means all 3 people I messaged in 2022 have responded and had at least a conversation.

[Ji****]

If someone messages me without having read my profile, they'll get an automated message. I just assume they've put zero effort in so I return the favour. In the event they do read and/or send a longer response I'll just say, thank you for the message but no thank you. I try not to ignore where I can but I think this app can be kinda manic for everyone, like most dating apps, so sometimes people just forget. I wouldn't take it too personally. If someone doesn't respond they probably aren't worth your time to begin with.

[Suckyourtoes]

I agree that number three is the most courteous way to reject someone but I’m sure there are some people who don’t want to take no for an answer so it might lead to further messages. I haven’t been on here long but it kind of seems that people put up a lot of obstacles to meeting. It seems like the closer they are in distance the less interested in meeting they are. A lot of my longest conversations have been with people overseas.

[ey****]

the thing to remember with point 3, of course, is the area of entitlement

"I messaged you - therefore you owe me a detailed explanation as of why you do not wish to engage in conversation with me"

[Al****]

I've been rejected by being ignored after conversation. I think I'm too straight forward or most likely weird. Sometimes I accidentally just ignore people, sometimes unaware. Some sites are way to crowded and we can't be on our phones all day in order to get each message even open. By the next day some get buried, I've been really chewed out for that one before. I'd rather be rejected straight forward and know why, it might help in the long run.

[Sh****]

I’ve also been surprised to see Helena people have been inactive on this app.

[CopperKnob]

I don't see how they're different. The outcome is the same and from one message, there's no connection whatsoever. The only difference between the options given is that no.3 results in emotional labour on the responders part.

[Deleted Member]

This has been said a few times on the forum, but apparently it requires saying again. You aren't entitled to a response. Lots of women chose not to respond rather than saying no thank you bc they have received a lot of *** for giving a polite no. The "No thanks" automated is also a protective measure. If you haven't had ump*** abusive "fuck you, you're a fat cunt anyway" messages for simply saying I'm not interested thanks, then youreally can't get it.

[Deleted Member]

Many won't reply no by message because that's allowing a foot in the door by replying, for a hope, a glimmer of a chance for the person who sent the first message or because they know if they reply in a message to say no thanks, there's often a possibility of some insult & ***.

[NowIAmTheMaster]

I approach it with the mindset that no-one owes me their time or an explanation of why they don't wish to spend it with me, and vice versa.if someone doesn't answer, fair enough it wasn't to be.

I prefer using the bland automated "not interested and hide" now when someone I'm not interested in messages me. I tried being socially polite and writing it myself, but that always lends them to think I want to keep messaging even when I've clearly said I'm not interested.

Expecting people to take time to tell you they're not interested is the height of entitlement. Nobody owes anyone else an explanation, and nobody deserves to be harassed for not being interested in someone.

[DeviantInside]

1 hour ago, Char__ said:

This has been said a few times on the forum, but apparently it requires saying again. You aren't entitled to a response. Lots of women chose not to respond rather than saying no thank you bc they have received a lot of *** for giving a polite no. The "No thanks" automated is also a protective measure. If you haven't had ump*** abusive "fuck you, you're a fat cunt anyway" messages for simply saying I'm not interested thanks, then youreally can't get it.

This. Honestly I don’t send many messages anyway and never have but I have also never been islets by any rejection, or lack of response. People are allowed not to like or be attracted to me. It’s completely fine. And not everyone will be comfortable with any form of saying “not for me” over another. That’s completely ok. I don’t know their life, inhibitions, hang ups, triggers or comfort zone. I’m also never going to be everyone’s cup of hot beverage. It doesn’t matter. If someone doesn’t want to engage for whatever reason that’s completely fine.

[DeviantInside]

1 minute ago, DeviantInside said:

This. Honestly I don’t send many messages anyway and never have but I have also never been islets by any rejection, or lack of response. People are allowed not to like or be attracted to me. It’s completely fine. And not everyone will be comfortable with any form of saying “not for me” over another. That’s completely ok. I don’t know their life, inhibitions, hang ups, triggers or comfort zone. I’m also never going to be everyone’s cup of hot beverage. It doesn’t matter. If someone doesn’t want to engage for whatever reason that’s completely fine.

Upset not islet… autocorrect

[NowIAmTheMaster]

5 minutes ago, DeviantInside said:

Upset not islet… autocorrect

Of course, after all, no man is an islet...

[Ba****]

So, I would say that 3 is the worst. But that's my RSD talking.
As for looking at your profile and then ignoring you, it's probably because they were looking at your kinks/limits. I'll look at someone's profile when they message me so that I can see if their kinks/limits are similar to mine.

[DeviantInside]

10 minutes ago, NowIAmTheMaster said:

Of course, after all, no man is an islet...

Genuinely made me laugh

[ey****]

as a further

there's a guy who is/was on here who admitted that he didn't take no for an answer.  So if he got a polite rejection he would, effectively, challenge it.

He claimed this technique had a good success rate in changing someone's mind, but if nothing else it would effectively *** someone to engage with him until they hit any form of 'no thanks' or block

the difference between him and some others is that he admits it. 

[Da****]

Not answering is the worst. Gotta appreciate honesty

[DeviantInside]

23 minutes ago, D***992 said:

Not answering is the worst. Gotta appreciate honesty

Ok. I’m really not trying to be antagonistic. And I can appreciate how it can feel when you put yourself out to message someone and it can feel like just basic human respect would mean at least a cursory response… but (and you knew there was a but… sorry) no one here owes anyone else anything here. It would be nice but you have no idea how many messages they have to deal with daily/hourly. How many of those messages are worthy of a response (according to their own personal criteria, which they are entitled to). What they are looking for. How many other priorities may be taking up their time or concentration. And other things I may not be taking into account here. If someone doesn’t respond it doesn’t necessarily show any slight or rejection. It may just mean not right here or now. It may mean you’re great but not what suits them. It may mean any number of a 1000 things. It may just mean they only have so much time/energy to commit to responding to people and you’re not the person that caught their eye. All of which are fine.

[Al****]

I was just saying on another post how exhausting it may be to constantly have to write that you’re not interested “politely” (the button is there for a reason) Especially when certain people are sending weird messages that are specifically against what you’re not looking for. As a woman the experience will always be different and you’ll never truly understand.

[se****]

I hope a lot of you actually are reading the thread before replying to it. Never once did i say we’re entitled to a response, but we all have preferences. Yes, either way you’re being rejected but it’s always a better way to go about it. Like someone can say “no thank you” or say “f*ck off” either way you get the same result, but you clearly see how the first one would’ve been a lot better. This post is just to see how people prefer/take their rejection. Never once said we we’re entitled to get a response. Yes there were implications that it would be nice to always get a response, even if the response is a respectful rejection.

[DeviantInside]

5 minutes ago, searchingformyslave said:

I hope a lot of you actually are reading the thread before replying to it. Never once did i say we’re entitled to a response, but we all have preferences. Yes, either way you’re being rejected but it’s always a better way to go about it. Like someone can say “no thank you” or say “f*ck off” either way you get the same result, but you clearly see how the first one would’ve been a lot better. This post is just to see how people prefer/take their rejection. Never once said we we’re entitled to get a response. Yes there were implications that it would be nice to always get a response, even if the response is a respectful rejection.

Fair point. You didn’t say that. That doesn’t mean it won’t be read that way by some people so my response wasn’t actually aimed at you, just on the topic and my thoughts on it. And I will say this here, as I tend to most places I post. These are just my thoughts. I’m not the expert arbiter or authority. All are free to reject, dismiss, or decry anything I say.

[Suckyourtoes]

The woman I’ve been with for the past two years was a mild rejection but I was able to show her the error of her ways.

[Al****]

27 minutes ago, searchingformyslave said:

I hope a lot of you actually are reading the thread before replying to it. Never once did i say we’re entitled to a response, but we all have preferences. Yes, either way you’re being rejected but it’s always a better way to go about it. Like someone can say “no thank you” or say “f*ck off” either way you get the same result, but you clearly see how the first one would’ve been a lot better. This post is just to see how people prefer/take their rejection. Never once said we we’re entitled to get a response. Yes there were implications that it would be nice to always get a response, even if the response is a respectful rejection.

I want you to also be aware that I don’t just to do so as well. It truly just depends on the person and the message as well. However with the intrusive things being said to me it’s hard not to just hit that button lol