Let’s talk rejection!

[Am****]

If they just send you an auto message it’s dum. Ok I maybe get it if your not anything like what their looking for. But I think I would have gotten along with some woman that just block me or send a auto message their not interested. Idk if most girl on here just so see how may message them for the fun of it or if they are actually looking for something but they don’t like your profile

[Kruntz]

There is always some ambiguity if you don't get a response if they read the message or not. A clean not interested would be fine.

[CopperKnob]

4 hours ago, searchingformyslave said:

I hope a lot of you actually are reading the thread before replying to it. Never once did i say we’re entitled to a response, but we all have preferences. Yes, either way you’re being rejected but it’s always a better way to go about it. Like someone can say “no thank you” or say “f*ck off” either way you get the same result, but you clearly see how the first one would’ve been a lot better. This post is just to see how people prefer/take their rejection. Never once said we we’re entitled to get a response. Yes there were implications that it would be nice to always get a response, even if the response is a respectful rejection.

It's weird how people will write something and others, when reading it, will read something else isn't it.
.
As someone else has said, this topic has been done to death.
.
Bottom line, no one here owes anyone anything so whilst you might "hope" or "prefer" or "expect" one means of rejection over another (and to do so is entitlement) it's really out of your control. All you can do is suck it up, review your approach and be more selective with regards to who you're messaging.

[4R****]

To get back to the original question and not bleat on about nobody being entitled to a response (I agree with this but it’s nothing to do with the original post)….

 

I think the automated message has to be the worst response because it’s cold and final and then out of sight out of mind.

Next I think being ignored after reading the message and then the message deleted. Again it’s a clear no thank you but it’s cold.

The next response has to be a quick no thanks but knowing how hard it is to keep on top of an inbox, I can understand why this doesn’t happen.

The beat has to be the message being read and ignored or unread as it’s still in the inbox giving the recipient chance to reflect or spot the overlooked message and as was said earlier in the thread, this can lead to conversations weeks or even months later. 

 

[Setrion]

I always prefer a "not interested" type message. I do think it is best if this message is a clear "no" however. Sometimes I get responses with too many details like "i'm not interested in an emotional relationship right now" which look too much like a negotiation of boundaries and then I try to ask what it is they are interested in at the moment and get nothing. The clarity the message was supposed to bring isn't realized.

If we were already talking, I consider it rude to ghost someone. You should not end a conversation without ending it. That ending doesn't have to be final though: if you feel like you're too busy in your life to talk but maybe you'll be back in a few months, you can say that. You can also just say you're going to move on, without making expectation that you'll ever return, and that doesn't prevent you from messaging them again in the future as long as you're polite about it. Basically, like in all parts of a relationship, just be honest and kind.

[Al****]

2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

It's weird how people will write something and others, when reading it, will read something else isn't it.
.
As someone else has said, this topic has been done to death.
.
Bottom line, no one here owes anyone anything so whilst you might "hope" or "prefer" or "expect" one means of rejection over another (and to do so is entitlement) it's really out of your control. All you can do is suck it up, review your approach and be more selective with regards to who you're messaging.

Thissssss

[Deleted Member]

I no thx and hide.. why is the person messaging me if they have read my profile and want something other than what I am looking for. I've had s ask me to be their D. Or someone who wants fwb message and I clearly say I don't want that.. I am not going to be persuaded to change my wants and needs because some thirsty person thinks I should ..

[se****]

CopperKnob you clearly just won’t to debate here. Which is cool, but I’m not up for it. This isn’t a topic to argue on.. no one here is saying we’re “entitled” to any sort of response.
.
Regardless of how many times it’s been done, clearly people still go through it. And have opinions on it. Never said anyone “owes” me a response.
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Never said we should be mad about rejection and try to change their mind, no obviously we just move on. And being selective doesn’t change a thing, anyone can reject you.
This thread wasn’t asking “how to stop getting rejected” it’s clearly asking what type of rejection do people think is worse, and clearly a lot of people have answers for it. So we’re not looking for a solution, we’re just sharing our thoughts on that particular situation.
.
So if your thoughts on beings rejected is “rejection is rejection” cool just say that, because no one he’s is saying, we’re supposed to get a response every time, and never supposed to be rejected. And we’re going to be upset about it.
So there’s no need for the entitlement statements or the “just suck it up” statements.

[ey****]

you know - what might be best probably won't happen.

what iiiiiiiiffffff

instead of the 'no thanks' there was a selectable option to give one of a few preset auto responses - which each come with an option to 
a) end the convo permanently

b) end the convo for (say) 3 months

c) keep the convo open

so someone can select from a drop down a reason and whether this ends the convo or not

Mind, I say this.  When we talk about things like esteem and feelings and stuff - I'm not entirely sure so many guys want to hear the reason they get rejected.  

[Ch****]

Being ignored is so bad, I already talked about this on a previous post but
Let me tell you this real story see if we can make all together a point.

I’m in an open relationship, and once me and my girlfriend we where traveling together city from city keeping an eye to our Fet incomes..

So at a certain point we even counted how many messages she received, and it was like 80 messages in like 3 weeks (and just on Fet btw).
End of the story…

Maybe It’s true that we won’t never understand woman being ***ed by messages, even weird one whatever, but on the same way woman won’t never understand being in that bunch of “appliers” and never (almost) stand out of it…
Any considerations about it?

[se****]

But saying “just suck it up” is unrealistic, because being rejected to some people might be more then what it is to you. For different reasons.
Obviously nobody likes rejection or wants to be rejected.
So in some way shape or form, it’s gonna both you a little, or make you feel some type of way. (Maybe not everybody, but a lot)
I asked how does each individual person feel about being rejected, no “how do you think people should take their rejection”
.
Yes, not every message needs to be responded to.
Yes a lot of weird messages come through.
Yes if you get rejected, you obviously shouldn’t be weird about it. But I can’t tell you not to feel some type of way.
So again.
This thread wasn’t looking for a solution, this thread wasn’t asking how to stop getting rejected. It clearly read
“I wanna know what everyone else thinks about this scenario”
And “which one do you feel is the worse”
So I’m not sure what you’re reading here. Because majority of people here, have regular responses to this thread.

[CopperKnob]

30 minutes ago, searchingformyslave said:

CopperKnob you clearly just won’t to debate here. Which is cool, but I’m not up for it. This isn’t a topic to argue on.. no one here is saying we’re “entitled” to any sort of response.
.
Regardless of how many times it’s been done, clearly people still go through it. And have opinions on it. Never said anyone “owes” me a response.
.
Never said we should be mad about rejection and try to change their mind, no obviously we just move on. And being selective doesn’t change a thing, anyone can reject you.
This thread wasn’t asking “how to stop getting rejected” it’s clearly asking what type of rejection do people think is worse, and clearly a lot of people have answers for it. So we’re not looking for a solution, we’re just sharing our thoughts on that particular situation.
.
So if your thoughts on beings rejected is “rejection is rejection” cool just say that, because no one he’s is saying, we’re supposed to get a response every time, and never supposed to be rejected. And we’re going to be upset about it.
So there’s no need for the entitlement statements or the “just suck it up” statements.

It was a statement not an argument. It's about being pragmatic

[Cr****]

Being ignored is the worst because you aren’t even worth the auto-response. I get I’m not everybody’s cup of tea, but a no thank you or I’m not sure we are compatible. That being said, if a Dom reaches out to me with interest in playing, I’ll send them to my Dom. I do notice a lack of respect for that protocol. The first message I get should have an inquiry if I have a Dom and if communication should go through them. Also, if they don’t read my profile and are outside my age range, I simply won’t reply like written in my profile.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, Charlie218 said:

Maybe It’s true that we won’t never understand woman being ***ed by messages, even weird one whatever, but on the same way woman won’t never understand being in that bunch of “appliers” and never (almost) stand out of it…
Any considerations about it?

to a degree you answer your own question

if she got 80 messages in 3 weeks from one site alone, so 4 messages per day

did she have the time, effort and enthusiasm to write to each one to say "no" even if it only took 5 mins to do so (so, 20 mins a day, 7 hours total from the period) 

7 hours writing no is a long time is it not. 

[Al****]

I personally don’t mind it. Once you get out of your feelings about being rejected it doesn’t hurt at all. I’m just aware that someone’s not interested or I’m not their cup of tea at the moment which is fine. Doesn’t matter how I’m rejected, I just take it and move on. I think this post stems from butt hurt feelings as well. You mentioned you just wanted to see how other people feel about being rejected and then in a previous comment projected some type of ego driven reasoning for why someone may have rejected you in the way you didn’t find appeasing. Which seems unfair. Nonetheless, I’ve only been on this app less than a week and I find it a tad bit humorous how many men are hurt and cannot take rejection.

[QXX666]

I don’t feel a thing, just delete the message and move on.
Many posts has been discussed about reasons and excuses related to messages, just read them.

[Deleted Member]

The way this site works is if you ignore the original message the message writer can’t send any further messages. Whereas if you respond to someone you aren’t interested in now you’ve now opened yourself up to countless more messages and possible harassment from guys(or women) who can’t take no for an answer. Then you need to block the user etc. Also as mentioned in an earlier comment it’s rather time consuming to respond to hundreds of messages just to say you aren’t interested. Happy searching all and just remember the value of everyone who does write back to you and isn’t a scammer or a bot - they are like gold. Much love and respect 🤗

[Setrion]

I should also emphasize, as I realize my original post was unclear: There is a big difference between "we were talking and now we're not" and "I sent a message and didn't get a response".

As others have stated, it's not practical for many people to respond to all the new-person messages they get, or even to read them to see which ones are worthy of a response. This also doesn't take into account people who just don't check their account very often and literally haven't seen that they have new messages.

While in many cases it is literally rejection to never get a response (i.e. your message was read and considered unworthy), I don't really consider that a rejection for the purposes of this discussion. That's more like a non-acceptance. Much like a job application, candidates are pre-sorted into people who are under consideration and people who don't even get an interview. The people you don't interview get nothing and that's okay. But once you've started the interview process - a conversation has been engaged with - that is when a rejection notice becomes socially obligated. The form of that rejection notice can really be anything (within the bounds of ordinary politeness) but it is very rude for it to not exist. Somewhat standard, at this point, but rude.

[Ch****]

2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

to a degree you answer your own question

if she got 80 messages in 3 weeks from one site alone, so 4 messages per day

did she have the time, effort and enthusiasm to write to each one to say "no" even if it only took 5 mins to do so (so, 20 mins a day, 7 hours total from the period) 

7 hours writing no is a long time is it not. 

You joking right? Haha
I was just trying to make a point, and to give a real evidence not to define if is doable or not..
Off course everything is doable but, 80 message, just on this app, in 3 week is quite an amount…
It can become for some, worky to keep up with all that..
Hopefully not for everyone though off course…

[Ch****]

2 hours ago, AliaAphrodite_ said:

I personally don’t mind it. Once you get out of your feelings about being rejected it doesn’t hurt at all. I’m just aware that someone’s not interested or I’m not their cup of tea at the moment which is fine. Doesn’t matter how I’m rejected, I just take it and move on. I think this post stems from butt hurt feelings as well. You mentioned you just wanted to see how other people feel about being rejected and then in a previous comment projected some type of ego driven reasoning for why someone may have rejected you in the way you didn’t find appeasing. Which seems unfair. Nonetheless, I’ve only been on this app less than a week and I find it a tad bit humorous how many men are hurt and cannot take rejection.

Can I ask you how many time have you been rejected?

[ey****]

30 minutes ago, Charlie218 said:

You joking right? Haha
I was just trying to make a point, and to give a real evidence not to define if is doable or not..
Off course everything is doable but, 80 message, just on this app, in 3 week is quite an amount…
It can become for some, worky to keep up with all that..

that's my point

so 80 messages.  what guys think she should do is

1) read their message, regardless as of it is "Hey" or a novel.

2) check out their profile (maybe they don't expect that, just a response)

3) respond to "give them a chance" 

or

3a) respond with a well crafted reason as of why she's not interested.

 

So yeah, 5 mins to mull over go nah and write "sorry mate, not interested cos...." works out at 7 hours over the messages

and any she does respond to is time again -I've seen guys ask for "just 30 minutes to get to know me" over 80 messages that is 40 hours.  2 hours per day.  That's savage.

Equally, I mean, what if she is interested in one or two and can't meet all the guys - what she got to do there, "Sorry I'm more interested in someone else, but I'll treat you as an option if that doesn't work" 

it's unreal.

 

I've probably told the story before about the lady who DID spend 2 years replying every message providing it wasn't overly crude or threatening and how so few of the bad messages/profiles ever went anywhere.

[Deleted Member]

To me rejection is rejection, I'm not really bothered in what form it comes. 

[Ch****]

3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

that's my point

so 80 messages.  what guys think she should do is

1) read their message, regardless as of it is "Hey" or a novel.

2) check out their profile (maybe they don't expect that, just a response)

3) respond to "give them a chance" 

or

3a) respond with a well crafted reason as of why she's not interested.

 

So yeah, 5 mins to mull over go nah and write "sorry mate, not interested cos...." works out at 7 hours over the messages

and any she does respond to is time again -I've seen guys ask for "just 30 minutes to get to know me" over 80 messages that is 40 hours.  2 hours per day.  That's savage.

Equally, I mean, what if she is interested in one or two and can't meet all the guys - what she got to do there, "Sorry I'm more interested in someone else, but I'll treat you as an option if that doesn't work" 

it's unreal.

 

I've probably told the story before about the lady who DID spend 2 years replying every message providing it wasn't overly crude or threatening and how so few of the bad messages/profiles ever went anywhere.

Well first of all I don’t have a solution for this, but I’m here to acknowledge and make others acknowledge things based on what I know or based on my experience.

A guy shouldn’t think anything or expect anything just hoping to have a chance.
I’m just analyzing what behind the scene.
I think that acknowledging facts is the best weapon we have to understand each other ( man and woman) otherwise we always go :
Why people don’t respond me?
Or
Why guys oversend messages or why do they send weird messages?
I don’t have the power to change this unfortunately 😅

Empathizing with the other gender’s issues, if it’s done sincerely, it can produce already a huge change…

Maybe I’m a dreamer, but at least I try it my way…

[ey****]

59 minutes ago, Charlie218 said:

Empathizing with the other gender’s issues, if it’s done sincerely, it can produce already a huge change…

I think empathy is really good 

Because firstly it's true that nobody wants to be rejected.  And, that, there are people who struggle to really get responses who might want to ask "OK, what can I do here?"

For the guys perspective he wants to make matches and get somewhere, and wants to know where is going wrong and is maybe struggling if he feels he's getting ignored or things go nowhere.  The want of closure is often claimed, but, "sorry not interested" doesn't seem to cut it for closure.  The want of closure from someone who hadn't even heard of them 5 minutes prior.

For the ladies perspective. The lack of interest could be for many reasons.  It simply might not feel right.  Or they might find the message is weak, profile is weak, person isn't what they're looking for. Or, simply, there's nothing wrong just at that moment of time at that point the message doesn't pique interest.

But while she might realise and empathise how difficult it can be for guys, a lot of women have done the politely written no thanks, best wishes, whatever only to then receive backlash or dragged into a conversation.  This is something else which men should understand. And any form of "But I'm not like that!" then they know that (or tell themselves that) but she doesn't.

If someone sending doesn't get the response wanted and can put it down to a "Ok, she's not interested and while I would have taken it well, others wouldn't" then they might feel a little less disheartened.  Aside from, well, whatever the response she still aint interested, so they're gonna feel disappointed and there's no way to coat that.

[Al****]

6 hours ago, Charlie218 said:

Can I ask you how many time have you been rejected?

On here I can’t count however normally it comes AFTER a person messaged me specifically asking me about things I’m not interested in. Then I have to reiterate what I am into which is exhausting and lets me know they didn’t even look at my page to see if we’d align. Just sent me what THEY thought I’d like. Which is weird and inconsiderate. In real life too many times to count. By men when I dated them years ago and women nowadays.