Subs thought process and understanding it.

[Syndall]

Hello, I have a few questions about intentions and the thought process of a sub. The sub being the girl that I'm seeing. I'm not wanting to jump to conclusions on anything and that's why I'm asking a community that has a little more insight than I.

A little while ago I had my sub get on her knees and beg for something. She did so without issue. She was super nervous to do it, but alas she did it without complaint. Later she sent me a message asking me if I liked having power over her and that even though she was nervous to do it she would do it again, because it was what I wanted and made me happy for her to obay the request.

I admit I've never really asked a question like if I liked having power over someone. Even in a D/S relationship I've always been under the belief that even though she is my Sub/Pet she is still an equal and more or less my Queen above all else. I suppose I'm a little conflicted, because I feel she is wanting me to have power over her. I don't know. I a little confused about it. Any thoughts about it would be awesome!

[ey****]

This is quite common; you see someone as an equal who wants you (or you want to) treat in a way that is seen as lesser.

I'd kinda say, this can take a little getting used to - but - if this is something she likes, is something that appeals to her interests and appeals sexually, then you're still feeding into and fulfilling her likes and needs.   It's not treating someone as less.

[Deleted Member]

My partner is also a sub in the bedroom and role play but like yourself is my queen, my equal in every other way. But I totally get your question. It depends on how your partner is in their general life and whether she's been ***d in the past. This doesn't have to be physical ***! It seems a role that she likes, and can be healthy play but be careful because it could also be a underlying issue that you forfil or feed. Ask her what she gets from it

[Nikki_Hexy]

A Dom and a sub are equals in many ways, the sub gives the power to the Dom in trust and respects that you will keep them safe. Just remember to talk about how you both feel about scenes and ideas honestly. As a sub this willingness to serve is one of the highest honours a Dom can receive. Its love, trust, respect and honesty. I think a lot of people see it wrong, in a way you are simply tending to your subs needs and your sub is tending to yours in return. Not sure if i have rambled but hope it helps

[BigPolly]

If you are struggling with this then don’t look on it as ‘having power over her’ but simply as ‘she trusts you enough to hand her control over to you’ Being allowed to trust someone enough to put yourself in such a *** position is a huge honour for the Dom but also such an amazing & exciting position for a sub. She is your equal but she has asked you to take the lead, take away her control & use your position in a way that will bring you both such immense pleasure. Allow her to honour you & serve you in the way that she wishes & with your command you can push each other to places neither of you have been to before

Edited May 27, 2019 by BigPolly

[Deleted Member]

It's about wanting and needing to hand over control to someone else and the trust that goes with that.If you can understand submission and the pleasure a gets from kneeling and offering themselves,mind and body you understand part of the way we feel.Sometimes it's nice to live outside of a Dom-sub way of thinking.Personally for me my mindset tells me 24-7 i am a submissive,and very happy to have discovered that.

[Silentsiren]

I know this may sound a little weird but treating her as you do have power over her may actually help make her feel like your queen. 

Personally one of the things I like about being dominated is it helps make me feel like I am truly desired by that person. There's something so good about knowing I hold such a strange power over a person that the release all of their lust and furry on me.

Also I can get shy sometimes and even if I want something or am feeling good I wont speak up or try to pull away. So if I'm dom knows this, and knows I'm enjoying it even if I try to pull away. They wont stop until I feel good unless I use my safe word

[Deleted Member]

Some opinions here, obviously their personal ones.

there are no general rules on how to run your own relationship. Its about what you and your sub have decided how to behave. I had sub who didn't think they had control or are equal. Some subs think women are lower than men, some like the fact that the Dom is in control. 

all that talk about the sub is in control doesn't make any sense, but some like to think so. Its been on and on for years like the hen and the egg

 

[Deleted Member]

There are many reasons to sub. I like flouting a taboo and handing myself over to be used for a man's enjoyment and accept, at least for then, to have being pleasurable to another as my purpose and value. I tried doing this just through sex, but BDSM allows me more exotic, interesting, dramatic, and deeply gratifying ways to enjoy feeling used. Too, in my mundane life, I am very independent and strong-willed, and sometimes it is a blessed respite to give up control to someone who will let me really bathe in not being in control.