Deleted Member Posted May 29, 2023 Posted May 29, 2023 Do subs think much about there doms taking a break And who they’re going to go to. I love my breaks but if it’s classed as cheating because my partner can’t or won’t then what’s the point of dating somone kinky? Thoughts, people with experience or just people with an opinion feel free to share experiences or opinions.
fromthinair Posted May 30, 2023 Posted May 30, 2023 I could be reading this wrong but not everyone who is ‘kinky’ wants to share/ take breaks from each other. Especially if you’re ‘dating’ as you’ve put it. That all has to be discussed beforehand.
ge**** Posted May 30, 2023 Posted May 30, 2023 Not entirely sure I understand the question - why would a dominant taking a break be classed as cheating? Or even mean they're going to anyone? . Perhaps a little more background and specific information might help.
ey**** Posted May 30, 2023 Posted May 30, 2023 what do you mean by "taking a break?" from the relationship as a whole? from a play aspect of the relationship? from D/s ?
Deleted Member Posted May 30, 2023 Author Posted May 30, 2023 22 minutes ago, gemini_man said: Not entirely sure I understand the question - why would a dominant taking a break be classed as cheating? Or even mean they're going to anyone? . Perhaps a little more background and specific information might help. That’s what I was wondering as well. Is it cheating because they’re just not in control. I mean when it comes down to it we’re all human and sometimes we need breaks, in any aspect of life. If I were in a relationship with a dom and he needed a break, I would love to comfort him for once….🤗
in**** Posted May 30, 2023 Posted May 30, 2023 Usually when I think of “taking a break” relationship wise, I think of neither person going to anyone else.
BruiseWayne Posted May 30, 2023 Posted May 30, 2023 I might be wrong, but what I THINK the OP is trying to ask is if it's wrong for them to go to someone else to get their kink 'fix' if their Dom decides they want to take a break from Doming for a while? In which case the answer is simple, if you do it behind their back then yes it absolutely is not okay. If not then how would that be cheating? As long as they've already said you were allowed and you're not just assuming they'll be okay with it without asking first then I'd say it was fine. Otherwise you need to talk to them before even considering anything like this. It has f**k all to do with kink. Any breach of trust between you and your partner that involves another person is cheating.
we**** Posted May 30, 2023 Posted May 30, 2023 I mean I hope this isn't unnecessarily harsh, but have you ever considered taking a break with him? Both domming and subbing can be an intense chemical flood. It may be wise to give the body a break from time to time. Not a lot of research has been done on the long term health consequences of most kink lifestyle. And what limited amount has been done is largely scare tactics and propaganda to encourage people to steer away from it.
ca**** Posted May 30, 2023 Posted May 30, 2023 Are you in a relationship that also has the d/s dynamic or is this just a d/s dynamic between you both? Many kinky people are also monogamous Poly and kinky don't necessarily go hand in hand
Veterra Posted May 30, 2023 Posted May 30, 2023 If the relationship boundaries include monogamy, then yes it's cheating. If your partner needs a break and you want to have someone to fill the void then that must be discussed and consented to prior. I get it, and I've built poly relationships that reflect my need to take a break or fill needs that one person can't. It's ok to do that and can be healthy. You can't necessarily expect one person to fill your every need and vice versa.
Deleted Member Posted May 30, 2023 Author Posted May 30, 2023 A follow up. As I may have been less clear that I thought. The question isn’t, “cheating good or bad with reason ?” My question was more, how do full time subs view this? Anyone in this situation what was you “solution” after all it may just be a compatibility issue. The “breaks” in question to clear things up or dom/sub breaks so you take a break from your role to try the other or maybe just go vanilla or even still be dom but switch from pleasure to *** things like this where it’s a dynamic shift that your partner may be less that comfortable with. The cheating part can be considered a concern more than a talking point
ge**** Posted May 30, 2023 Posted May 30, 2023 Sorry I'm still not 100% sure I'm any the clearer - I *think* what you're saying is not taking a break from a partner, but taking a break from a particular role within that partnership either to switch roles, or not have those roles at all - but that the partner may not be happy with that change? Is that right? . If so then I'm still not sure where cheating comes into it? . Either way it's something to discuss with your partner and understand why they're not happy with the change of roles and explain to them why you want to make that change, and see if either agreement can be made or compromise reached.
Je**** Posted May 31, 2023 Posted May 31, 2023 If your partner won’t let you be with other people what’s the point of dating someone kinky? Really?
Je**** Posted May 31, 2023 Posted May 31, 2023 8 minutes ago, JenLynne said: If your partner won’t let you be with other people what’s the point of dating someone kinky? Really? Not every kinky couple are open to non-monogamy. this is a bit of an ignorant comment. Each relationship and dynamic is different but being kinky doesn't mean people aren't monogamous or that monogamous people are wrong.
Chloebear Posted May 31, 2023 Posted May 31, 2023 11 minutes ago, Finally_Jen said: Not every kinky couple are open to non-monogamy. this is a bit of an ignorant comment. Each relationship and dynamic is different but being kinky doesn't mean people aren't monogamous or that monogamous people are wrong. She’s quoting the op here…
Chloebear Posted May 31, 2023 Posted May 31, 2023 I’m a little unclear on the break thing too, I’ve not had a Dom that had breaks. As others have said it’s to do with the communication you have. If you stop playing with your Dom for reasons of experimentation etc. have you agreed that you can play with other partners? If so, then there’s no issue here. Some do have poly relationships as subs, it is just difficult to manage from a Dom/me’s perspective so keeping it outside of the time you are playing together makes sense.
Je**** Posted May 31, 2023 Posted May 31, 2023 1 hour ago, Chloebear said: She’s quoting the op here… I didn't see a comment from the OP stating this. I'm lost now.
Je**** Posted May 31, 2023 Posted May 31, 2023 3 hours ago, Finally_Jen said: Not every kinky couple are open to non-monogamy. this is a bit of an ignorant comment. Each relationship and dynamic is different but being kinky doesn't mean people aren't monogamous or that monogamous people are wrong. Yes the OP’s viewpoint that there’s no point in dating someone kinky if you can’t be with other people is ignorant. I’m glad we agree
Je**** Posted May 31, 2023 Posted May 31, 2023 1 hour ago, Finally_Jen said: I didn't see a comment from the OP stating this. I'm lost now. The original post says it
Chloebear Posted May 31, 2023 Posted May 31, 2023 4 hours ago, Finally_Jen said: I didn't see a comment from the OP stating this. I'm lost now. It’s in the main post. You’re correct though, it’s an ignorant point of view. It sets an expectation of kink on demand or sex with multiple without agreement of discussion, which is contrary to the ethos of poly.
Je**** Posted May 31, 2023 Posted May 31, 2023 1 hour ago, Chloebear said: It’s in the main post. You’re correct though, it’s an ignorant point of view. It sets an expectation of kink on demand or sex with multiple without agreement of discussion, which is contrary to the ethos of poly. I reread it and I still have no clue to how its relevant to a dominant taking a bit of a break from his role. Unless I'm completely wrong. Nothing makes sense here.
Je**** Posted May 31, 2023 Posted May 31, 2023 37 minutes ago, Finally_Jen said: I reread it and I still have no clue to how its relevant to a dominant taking a bit of a break from his role. Unless I'm completely wrong. Nothing makes sense here. The original question is about doms taking a break and what to do in the meantime. They asked about going to someone else and stated that if it’s considered cheating to be with someone else when your partner isn’t willing then what is the point of dating someone kinky. Implying that kinky people are all non monogamous, which I took issue with
Deleted Member Posted June 1, 2023 Author Posted June 1, 2023 I'm sorry and not trying to be rude but this post doesn't make sense.
ey**** Posted June 1, 2023 Posted June 1, 2023 as the post still isn't clear - here's some caveats to cover any possibility 1) what constitutes as cheating is set in the boundaries in your own relationship. if you're unsure if scenario x is cheating or not then ask your partner 2) if a relationship *as a whole* is 'on a break' then seeking other partners is fair game, you're not in a relationship. BUT. If your first thought to a relationship break is "let's find other partners" then how serious are you about resuming the relationship you're on a break from? Should you just end that relationship 3) If a relationship *in general* is continuing but a kink/play/Ds/whatever element needs to be relaxed then a lot is in the context of why this is and how the two can work together on this to make it work. Some people find if too much is expected from them / their role / etc. then it doesn't work for them so you need a balance. Your first priority should be in working on this relationship, rather than immediately looking elsewhere
Recommended Posts