Questions about different dynamics to help build my understanding of different types of Doms.

[MissParadoxical]

I'm quite new in my understanding of the bdsm community I'm sure I'll come off as quite ignorant. I'm typically familiar with dominant masculine personalities that are commanding and demanding. Yet then I see personalities that are of a serving nature as well, asking their sub about their needs and desires. I don't quite understand that dynamic. How someone can take care of another while still maintaining the dominant role in a relationship. Perhaps as a brat I just don't relate well to that dynamic but I'm curious about it and how it works. If I have a Dom asking me what they can do for me I immediately feel in control and it's like an opening for me in the power play to kind of walk all over them. I want to understand the appeal behind more nurturing dominant figures and how they're able maintain respect while also ensuring the contentment and desires of their sub. I know there's a billion different dynamics unique to each relationship. I simply seek answers as to how dynamics like these work, why others find them appealing and any info you guys can provide to help me gain further understanding. Thanks for reading o/

[Fl****]

It's basically like a parent and child in a sense. Especially with a brat. A parent cares for and nurtures a child and if they allow it the child will *** that and walk all over them. The parent can't let that happen. I can nurture and care for a brat serving them and taming them at the same time bc I am still dominant in both situations and I reward good behavior and punish behavior they know I don't and won't allow period but I will care for them in both situations they are my sub therefore to me they are mine to care for and nurture and love and also punish when needed thatvis the role that I chose

[om****]

As a Dom I always want to know what feels good to my partner. Plus it is important to communicate limits. But that being said each relationship is different.
I had one sub who was bratty and wanted ***, *** and for me to be rough as ‘punishment’.
I had a different sub who enjoyed edging and being deprived of orgasms. She did not however like ***.
In both relationships I was definitely the Dom. But being a good Dom means knowing what is best for the submissive too. That can only be done through communication.

[To****]

When a dom asked you what he can do for you that's what they're supposed to we're supposed to ask you what bad habits you want broke so let's say you want to focus more on your career or you don't feel like you get enough exercise he would set those as your guidelines and if you break them he would step in You're not in control You're far from it you have told him what your bad habits are and he is correcting them

[om****]

In both relationships… when the women were being brats, they were seeking ‘punishment’ it’s just what was the best punishment was not the same for both

[ph****]

Needs and wants are for both Doms and subs. Your needs and wants have to be fulfilled. You’re an individual, no one knows what makes you tick. I have to ask questions to vet as well as get to know a potential. Granted, I’m what’s referred to as a soft or intimate Dom, so while I come with many of the qualities that the majority of Doms come with, I’m also looking to nurture my sub and watch her come out of the cocoon as the butterfly she’s looking to be.

[Catsailor69]

As a Master who owns my submissive, there are many dynamics involved in asking a submissive their needs and desires. It’s essential to know the inner workings of the submissive.
Exercising dominance and knowledge what a submissive needs and desires are an asset to know how to reward and deny a submissive what they believe they want and need. It’s also useful as a discipline by denying them what they believe desire and need when they are misbehaving.
Honesty, sincerity and submission to the Master about such intimate insights of a submissive is most helpful for many reasons. It’s not always an offer of being of service to the submissive, though there are some dominants who may be doing just that.

[am****]

I believe I've most often fallen into the category of the Caregiver Dom. The best way I can describe the dynamic is that I'm the director, and my sub is the star. I know what she's capable of, and I set the scene tailored to her needs so that she can shine for me. As the director, my job is to make sure that my starlet is comfortable, but it's also my job to push her to give the best possible performance. When she thinks she's given all she can, I comfort her. I encourage her. If I set a goal, I expect her to meet it. But we're in it together. As long as I play within the predefined limits, there's no telling how far we can go. And then there's aftercare, just like with any other Dom.

[do****]

Keeping a submissive safe and pleased is one of the main components of the dominance. Long story short

[Ta****]

Like any functional relationship, being dominant, and even more so being a Dom, does not mean only taking from the dynamic for their own personal gain. It may be a controversial opinion, but a Dom can only be given control by a willing and consenting sub, and in that sense, the Dom serves to provide the experience the sub desires every bit as much as the sub serves the Dom via obeying their commands within the boundaries of the sub’s established limits. At the end of the day, a Dom and a sub are two sides of the same coin, each serving their purpose within the dynamic. They each exist for the other’s pleasure. Their own pleasure is merely a byproduct of that.

[Ba****]

Like @phantumsaid, needs and wants are for both Doms and subs.
But as a little, brat, pet, doll, and sub, the 'appeal' of a more nurturing Dom is to have a secure person. To have someone who'll take the time to ask, "What do you need right now?"
As an autistic person, that could be what I need at times. Is for my Dom to ask, "is there anything I can do?" Because, for me, I do need someone to grab my hand physically walk me somewhere quieter because I've been masking my whole life. Having a nurturing Dom that sees that and understands that, will be part of them being my Dom. To physically *** me to get away from it all. Not only because I'm a brat, but also because I'm a little. It's just because while I like my Doms being rough and mean in bed, them taking the time to check in on me, both in and out of bed, helps to remind me that they care. Thats all.
Not saying that a non-nurturing Dom doesn't care, but I need that reminder, so that I can let be rough and mean.
I hope this helps.

[Clarakink]

I always start by asking what a lesson wants, what are their limits. And during I will check in to see if they are OK.
That is sensible and caring. Doesn't mean I don't dominate them and cause beautiful *** and punish if they make mistakes or step out of line.
Being a Dom, doesn't equate to being a selfish brutal arse.
Far far from it in fact.

[Clarakink]

Just now, Clarakink said:

I always start by asking what a lesson wants, what are their limits. And during I will check in to see if they are OK.
That is sensible and caring. Doesn't mean I don't dominate them and cause beautiful *** and punish if they make mistakes or step out of line.
Being a Dom, doesn't equate to being a selfish brutal arse.
Far far from it in fact.

Typo...
What a sub wants.

Not a lesson.

[Dom4Sub]

I was told I'm a pleasure Dom. I have very few limits of what I will do for a woman to make her cum as much as possible. There's passionate domination. Affectionate yet still showing the woman I am in control. Here's a prime example. The first woman that made me realize my Dom side loved to be flogged. She moaned in ecstasy every time she would be flogged. Would make her cum hard. Which in turn got me off from her reaction. After me and her had separated I found another sub who claimed she liked to be flogged. I started light to see where her limits were and she screamed and begged for it harder. And when I did she did the same, screaming in ***, begging to be hit again. It was a complete turn off. I'm not there to cause ***, I'm there to inflict pleasure, ecstasy, and fullfil my subs darkest fantasies of being used as a sexual object for my pleasure.

[Deleted Member]

Because while wanting to be in control also wanting to know they are able to make you feel good and wanting you to actually enjoy what you are experiencing. It doesn’t necessarily mean handing you control but making sure you like what’s happening, there’s a line between being dominant and just being abusive. It could also be soft questioning to find things to reward you with or opposite and punishment down the line.

[Bi****]

I’m a daddy but more a pleasure dom than a regular dom. I don’t like controlling in ways you won’t enjoy

[Ju****]

3 hours ago, Dom4Sub said:

I was told I'm a pleasure Dom. I have very few limits of what I will do for a woman to make her cum as much as possible. There's passionate domination. Affectionate yet still showing the woman I am in control. Here's a prime example. The first woman that made me realize my Dom side loved to be flogged. She moaned in ecstasy every time she would be flogged. Would make her cum hard. Which in turn got me off from her reaction. After me and her had separated I found another sub who claimed she liked to be flogged. I started light to see where her limits were and she screamed and begged for it harder. And when I did she did the same, screaming in ***, begging to be hit again. It was a complete turn off. I'm not there to cause ***, I'm there to inflict pleasure, ecstasy, and fullfil my subs darkest fantasies of being used as a sexual object for my pleasure.

I'm the same. I don't get anything from flogging or beating a sub. But, let me know where the edge is for her and I'll see how long I can keep her there until she's begging to cum, and c over and over until she can't think.

[Vi****]

It’s not that you don’t understand. The Dom you described is not the Dom you’re looking for. Not everyone wants to be dominated the same way or else there would be a store that mass produced them. Now I can go either way. But for me I’m asking because 1. To figure out your mindset. 2. To see if you are the type of woman you described that you are. Which truthfully you all are just give you air and opportunity. 3. How to either effectively conquer you or get you out of my space and spirit. Hope THAT helps.

[ja****]

Well, try to take advantage of the “opening” and see what happens :)

[d3****]

The truth is as much as they wish to believe that they have respect and obedience they don’t soft dom’s will always loose the power over a submissive because of that behavior but most nowadays want that fantasy of a clearing loving softness with a so called hard side take it form someone who has bin a part of the harder and more extreme side of the lifestyle that most subs that start off with soft doms end up in the darker side

[MissParadoxical]

Tuesday at 10:45 AM, jawadelomari said:

Well, try to take advantage of the “opening” and see what happens :)

That made me laugh. You're trying to get me in trouble 😂 😭

[Dom4Sub]

Monday at 11:45 PM, JustAPleasureDom said:

I'm the same. I don't get anything from flogging or beating a sub. But, let me know where the edge is for her and I'll see how long I can keep her there until she's begging to cum, and c over and over until she can't think.

The only time I enjoy anything, including flogging, is if it makes my sub moan with pleasure. As for edging, I've only done that as a punishment lol. For me I want to make my sub cum as fast and as much as possible. I even had a sub that could cum on command. At any given time could just tell her to cum and she would. What I enjoy the most is when my sub says "oh my God I can't stop cumming!"

[Ju****]

36 minutes ago, Dom4Sub said:

The only time I enjoy anything, including flogging, is if it makes my sub moan with pleasure. As for edging, I've only done that as a punishment lol. For me I want to make my sub cum as fast and as much as possible. I even had a sub that could cum on command. At any given time could just tell her to cum and she would. What I enjoy the most is when my sub says "oh my God I can't stop cumming!"

I'd love to get a sub to that point.

[Je****]

On 6/4/2023 at 2:09 PM, MissParadoxical said:

How someone can take care of another while still maintaining the dominant role in a relationship

Okay, so I haven't read all comments so forgive me if I a repeating what someone else is saying. I also feel I am going to come across as brutal here...

 

 

 

For this quoted bit..

Something is seriously wrong if someone does NOT have a caring role while in any dynamic or relationship. If someone does not take care of you, it can lead very quickly into an abusive situation, one taking advantage or just an overall s**t show, that, let's face it, isn't real.

A true real dominant does care for any submissive or partner they have. By caring and asking questions, they ARE showing they are dominant. By giving a shit about their sub/partner. By having kindness, compassion, respect and being a decent human being.

The minute they don't take care of their sub/partner means they're unfit and should take a good long look at themselves and what they're doing. 

 

On 6/4/2023 at 2:09 PM, MissParadoxical said:

If I have a Dom asking me what they can do for me I immediately feel in control and it's like an opening for me in the power play to kind of walk all over them

Moving onto this one. This is just not okay in my eyes. 

When a dominant is asking what they can do for you, shows they are communicating. Taking into account your thoughts, wants, needs and willing to hear any boundaries and make sure you're as safe and comfortable as you should be.

Your outlook however?.... Sorry but it's nothing shy of ignorant and disrespectful. That is not a brat. This tells me, based off what I have read, that you are not in any position to have a dynamic, simply for the fact you feel you are/can walk over them. For doing what they are meant to be doing. That is not what a brat does. This mindset is completely wrong. 

It doesn't sound like you understand dynamics at all. I get the power play bit sure, but he (I am assuming) is doing everything right to keep you safe and make sure the dynamic is on point, and you just see it as a way to walk over them. You need to rethink some things perhaps. Someone communicating and keeping themselves and you, right, does not mean they are a doormat. Nor does it mean you should ever dismiss their dominance and just walk over them. 

It's simply communication. If they cannot do that without being a mat to wipe your feet on, then they and the dynamic isn't for you. They deserve better, least this is how I have percieved it. 

Sorry it's not a nice comment from me, but this has kind of shocked me. I hope you find answers and a dynamic where you feel good sure, because I certainly don't wish you to fall into a dynamic where someone doesn't care about you or your needs. Because that is a whole new level of wrong.

[4R****]

On 6/4/2023 at 2:09 PM, MissParadoxical said:

Perhaps as a brat

Nope - I don't see you as a Brat - what you've described is not bratting. 

 

On 6/4/2023 at 2:09 PM, MissParadoxical said:

If I have a Dom asking me what they can do for me I immediately feel in control and it's like an opening for me in the power play to kind of walk all over them.

Oh dear - you have much to learn!

Maybe you should read this: www.fetish.com/topic/26336-what-makes-a-good-dom/
and this: www.fetish.com/topic/30378-are-brats-using-the-wrong-title/
and this: www.fetish.com/topic/33610-an-introduction-to-bdsm-arch-style/

Then do some further research............