wo**** Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 Background: As a Dom, I have experienced some Brats in my past. Most of those Brats thrived in the challenge of gaining a reaction - so my way of playing along and prompting that action was to not let them have that reaction until they had pushed hard enough/far enough while intentionally trying to playfully push back. This provided them with a fulfilling experience that we both enjoyed. I was faced with a different situation recently by someone and am seeking to help. A Dom/Sub dynamic that has also, at the agreement of both, turned into a full relationship as well. The Dom, in an effort to build a strong foundation for the relationship, kept focus on building that foundation rather than indulging the Brat side of the Sub. As time went on, it became apparent that this was creating an issue. The Sub has a burning desire to Brat, but when minor bratting behaviors begin, the Dom, sidestepped/avoided thinking it would prompt more reactions. Instead it has prompted resentment and a feeling of rejection in the Sub. The bratting aspect has been thoroughly discussed, but never successfully fully vented. Question: As a Dom or Sub, what are ways that you begin the first initiation of a “bratting” situation? As a Brat, how do you want your Dom to respond to your bratting? What is encouraging vs off putting? As a Dom, how do you successfully encourage a Brat to continue moving forward with the situation? Any insight is welcome and appreciated.
ca**** Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 Similar to a safe word, Think about an initiation signal for you and your partner
wo**** Posted June 4, 2023 Author Posted June 4, 2023 Knowing it is happening isn’t the issue - it’s learning and understanding the ways in which each side progresses things. Discussions pre and post occur, but if you don’t sync in the moment, it can feels awkward and out of sorts.
Ho**** Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 Great questions. I’m interested in the responses because I’ve never been particularly adept with brats. But, if you’ll also allow my curiosity; were you engaged to assist by the Dom or the sub?
wo**** Posted June 4, 2023 Author Posted June 4, 2023 They each have a vested interest in resolving this issue because it is seriously impacting their relationship.
CopperKnob Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 Whilst building a foundation for the relationship are there any aspects of a D/s relationship in play? I ask because if they are and it's only the bratting that the Dom sidestepped I can understand where the subs frustration stems from. . Brat behaviours will be part of the subs identity as a sub, it's what likely affirms the dominance and submissive aspects of the relationship and I'd argue that they need to be incorporated into any foundation building if other aspects of D/s are being explored in the early stages. Example, if I tease (sometimes) it's because I want to feel someone's strength mentally/physically. If I don't, after having that discussion, I know that the relationship won't work out. I'll get frustrated and bored and I'll walk away. . If the relationship is new, is the Dom always able to pick up on the more subtle bratting? Does the sub know when it's appropriate to brat? Does the Dom recognise why the sub brats and are they capable of responding as the sub needs? . It seems that it's as simple as having another conversation about needs/wants and where the pair are in the relationship.
wo**** Posted June 4, 2023 Author Posted June 4, 2023 Copper - intelligence and perspective as always. Thank you! There were several other aspects of a D/s relationship in play as they vetted and there was discussion about bratting, but no actual scene/scenario. Understanding the need for it, both are comfortable with it but with different perspectives on ability to read signs and to respond appropriately. Both are committed to making it work, was just curious as to perspectives of others of how their interactions flow. Some brat for discipline, some for attention, some for a reaction, some for release. There are many reasons and both understand that. It’s just coming to an understanding of the flow that seems to be the trigger currently.
lolli-leigh Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 for me my brat play is an intrinsic part of me as a person. However this has been a Learning journey for me. Key points for me are a brat sub needs to recognise the reasons they brat ie for attention, feelings of anxiety, wanting play. Responce then from a Dom needs to different for each situation ie a hand on your subs leg in social situations can reassure them, a stern look or one word can let them know you are noticing them misbehaving. Communicate as always is key, clear boundries from the get go about what is acceptable and when is key for brats. We love to intice the reaction from our Doms and to try and out smart them but one thing is very clear for me we would never want to upset or disappoint them. Have a check 9f my profile for notes on a Brat Munch that I did, it may help.
CopperKnob Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 4 minutes ago, wolf2u said: Copper - intelligence and perspective as always. Thank you! There were several other aspects of a D/s relationship in play as they vetted and there was discussion about bratting, but no actual scene/scenario. Understanding the need for it, both are comfortable with it but with different perspectives on ability to read signs and to respond appropriately. Both are committed to making it work, was just curious as to perspectives of others of how their interactions flow. Some brat for discipline, some for attention, some for a reaction, some for release. There are many reasons and both understand that. It’s just coming to an understanding of the flow that seems to be the trigger currently. Time then to become more familiar with each other which it seems they're willing to do. I wish them well Also, a sensible post about brats!
wo**** Posted June 4, 2023 Author Posted June 4, 2023 Copper - it seems there are many posts/threads/comments on how to Brat and how to not overstep as a Brat. But I think that it would be interesting for more Brat perspectives to be out there for people to see. Hence why your insights are always welcome! You have an amazing way of writing that helps others to understand without degrading/judging unless it’s deserved. What are some atypical Brat behaviors that fall outside the norm? How do you WANT your Dom to respond? Does the dismissal of your bratting bring more? Does it motivate you or depress the urge? Is it a challenge or a loss of interest? Thank you for continuing your positive influence in this realm on this site! As always, much appreciated.
CopperKnob Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 44 minutes ago, wolf2u said: Copper - it seems there are many posts/threads/comments on how to Brat and how to not overstep as a Brat. But I think that it would be interesting for more Brat perspectives to be out there for people to see. Hence why your insights are always welcome! You have an amazing way of writing that helps others to understand without degrading/judging unless it’s deserved. What are some atypical Brat behaviors that fall outside the norm? How do you WANT your Dom to respond? Does the dismissal of your bratting bring more? Does it motivate you or depress the urge? Is it a challenge or a loss of interest? Thank you for continuing your positive influence in this realm on this site! As always, much appreciated. Firstly, I swear, I'm going to die on a hill telling everyone that I'm not a brat 😂 . But seeing as we're delving into my psyche... . When I was a lot younger and before I had come across anything to do with BDSM, all I knew was that I craved someone who could 'get the better of me'. I'd tease to try and get that response and I'd keep pushing/escalating when I didn't until I just gave up trying. It wasn't pretty but I guess in my defence, I didn't know what I was doing or why. Not to the degree that I understand myself now and, as far as I'm aware, all of my partners at that point were vanilla so I was basically setting them and any potential relationship up to fail. Ultimately though, I'd just distance myself . But, if I were a brat, I can tell people why, the ways in which I do it and what response I'll need. Whether I continue to escalate in the moment/over a period of time or, whether I just stop will depend on the other person, where we are in the relationship and where, if anywhere, I see things going. . I guess though in a new relationship, despite having the above conversation, it still takes time to get to know each other, their personalities/character and how their mind works. I'm also mindful that until I'm in a relationship, that conversation has taken place and consent on both sides has been given that I won't 'brat' and that's sometimes hard because I'm a naturally sarcastic/jokey person and it can sometimes be misconstrued. But, if I 'brat' outside of a relationship/consent I know that whatever my need is at that time, it's not going to be met and so again, I'm setting myself up for failure (and to also look like a complete knob) . I posted a thread called 'when is a brat not a brat' a while back. . As far as a/typical brat behaviours, I guess it comes down to individuals. There's always a lot of chat about googly eyes and glitter but honestly, whilst it sounds "fun" you cannot clear that 💩 up. It also seems pretty staged rather than spontaneous
Deleted Member Posted June 4, 2023 Posted June 4, 2023 I generally start bratting by saying something gently teasing and gauging the reaction. For me, that's what it's mostly about: amusing you. I like little pranks, too. I read the above about them not being spontaneous, but to me it shows I was thinking of ways to tease you in advance, creating little in jokes. I don't brat all the time. Sometimes it's not appropriate. Sometimes I'm not in the mood; sometimes you're not. The key element of bratting, imo, is being able to read the room and knowing when to be playful, and when not to.
wo**** Posted June 5, 2023 Author Posted June 5, 2023 Char_ Thank you for that insight. That seems logical. How would you expect/want the one you are with to encourage your Brat behaviors?
Deleted Member Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 12 minutes ago, wolf2u said: Char_ Thank you for that insight. That seems logical. How would you expect/want the one you are with to encourage your Brat behaviors? Play with me. Banter back. Let me get myself in deeper and then spring a funishment. Outdo me, if you can. Outmanouvre me.
sa**** Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 I've found myself in a very similar situation and while I'm comfortable with things and as the dynamic is am worried my princess may not be receiving what she needs. It's hard (for me) once the threshold of a real world relationship has been established to carry on the dynamic without still putting on the things social norms and training have taught me about relationships and being a man. Following and grateful to those who share their insights. Sometimes I think allowing things to progress beyond just a simple FWB/dynamic was a mistake. But it's early yet. Thanks
sa**** Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 In reading my post I was reminded of Robert De Niro ina movie explaining why he could only do certain things with certain women and not his wife. "She kisses my kids with that mouth, u think I'd wanna do that and then see her kiss them?" LOL. Sorry, thought it was funny but is also kind of how I feel. Thnx
Ba**** Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 As a brat, playful banter back at me is amazing. A Dom that'll let me poke them repeatedly (childish, yes, but I'm a little too, so it works for both) and then suddenly grab my hand to stop me and tell me off in a firm way, yes. If I poke him and he just gets annoyed at me, that's off putting. I'm if bratting off verbally, banter is amazing. Dom snapping back with something is always a go to. A Dom ignoring that? No. I couldn't be with a Dom that ignored me trying to get a response. I also brat by just sharing weird ass facts, so their weired out reaction is what I'm going for there.
Flash129 Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 Ok now I’m not claiming to be a man that knows everything but one thing that I do understand is that brats are not that way because they want to change. As a matter of fact that is the last thing you want them to consider. You get involved with a brat because that is the type of relationship you enjoy. Just expect them to be bad and enjoy the experience. If they go out in public with you and are getting what you might consider out of hand then keep that in mind whenever you get home and it’s time for their punishment. The worse they are the more fun things become. I honestly just enjoy the ride and I understand that she is doing exactly what you really want her to do. Don’t ruin the fun moments and definitely don’t discourage how they are acting. Love the brat behaviors and enjoy how you two enjoy life at home. Never kill their spirit.
wo**** Posted June 5, 2023 Author Posted June 5, 2023 I totally agree that the worst thing you can do is try to change a Brat. It is one of the greatest things to enjoy - the playful banter back and forth.
Flash129 Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 1 hour ago, wolf2u said: I totally agree that the worst thing you can do is try to change a Brat. It is one of the greatest things to enjoy - the playful banter back and forth. Oh yes that is the whole point. Without that it is just a waste of time. I enjoy everything about it. Oh and the sex is well it is just that much better because of their attitude and such.
Deleted Member Posted July 14, 2023 Posted July 14, 2023 On 6/5/2023 at 1:15 AM, Char__ said: Play with me. Banter back. Let me get myself in deeper and then spring a funishment. Outdo me, if you can. Outmanouvre me. This! All the love for this comment! I love it when I know I'm on the edge and I've got a choice step over and get what's coming to me or head back into the safe good girl territory. It's very much a mental gymnastics kinda thing 😁
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