Does the word "New" put people off?

[St****]

I have had an interest in Topping/Domming since my late ***s, but because of events in my life, have not had much experience to back it up, so I put "New" in my status so as to be honest, but I feel that's putting so many would be potential partners off, not giving me or anyone else a similar chance to grow.

Not trying to say I should lie, but am I shooting myself in the foot by showcasing it so openly?

[Br****]

It’s better to be honest but new tends to have a connotation of inexperienced and not knowledgeable in the community. I think people automatically assume you don’t know how to do things safely or what a healthy kink dynamic looks like. I would just add to your profile that you are new in the terms of actually doing anything but you’ve been interested in it for years. Continue to do your research and state that you’re always open to learning and becoming more experienced

[AN****]

Even though I'll admit, a lot of people do look for more experienced doms. It would be even worse to lie about your experience. Being a dom takes experience, but it should also come to you naturally imo.

[Be****]

Everyone has to start off new to the scene so hopefully people should think back to when they were new and help others

[Re****]

Wasn't everyone new at some point?

[cl****]

As an experienced sub I am put off by new doms with no experience

[Sp****]

It’s not shooting yourself in the foot. Any experienced sub/bottom will likely be able to tell you are new from talking to you for any length of time. That’s not shade, but experience is something that’s hard to fake.

I commend you for being so forthright in your status, but I’d say that in my experience, *all* Dominants want new submissives, but most submissives don’t want new Dominants. Once again, based on the perception that experienced=trustworthy=safe(r)

As a parallel path, maybe try and befriend an experienced Dom in your area, most are happy to pass on what they know, and some of us old guys are pretty sharp. They could also help broker introductions within the community.

Just my $0.02

[bl****]

It wouldn't necessarily put people who could be potential partners off. If you put it in your bio they're at least ready for it. It might put some people off. But there's always someone willing to be patient.

[Deleted Member]

For me personally, it’s not the new that puts me off. It’s once I start asking about what resources have they used to learn how to be a dominant. Books, classes, etc. I need to know that if I’m going to scene with a new dom that they understand what they are doing. I’m putting my safety in the hands of another, I want to know that I will be protected and safe.

[ey****]

So of course

firstly everyone was new once and people are generally understanding.   

next off is of course that honesty is always the best policy

but also... no one is owed a chance and very few people were actually gifted one. And those that were, is rarely blindly.

If it is something you are interested in; in the modern era there is very little reason to have no experience.  From books and blogs. From online videos. To in person discussion groups and workshops.   One of the first events I went to was a workshop which went through a lot of the basics of impact play and as well as me getting to experience what some things felt like (by a very enthusiastic Domme) I also got opportunity to hone some of my skills.  Someone literally watched me with implements on a willing bottom and helped me with posture and control.

With the resources that exist there's no reason not to proactively be working on your own experience, while making friends - which may also lead to more.

But then also one of the first lessons anyone in the lifestyle should learn is.... patience is your friend.   It aint a sprint it's a marathon.  But just by being active in the race gets you noticed. 

[St****]

I need to start going to munches, local events and talk to others more versed and show willing it seems, so until I do that, this apps a waste of my time. I can have all the safety nets and foresight to know what to look for, but nothing is going to change

[De****]

I think that you need to find a sub or switch who wants to learn and grow with you. Regardless of experience, every pairing requires partners to learn about each other. You will always have to learn limits and pleasures regardless of your experience. I would recommend you talk to an experienced Dom as well as sub you are not interested in for advice.

[Th****]

For me, since I've been deprived of going into subspace for 6yrs, when someone tells me they're new it's off putting because of my reason. I'd rather enter into s relationship with someone who has experience versus someone who doesn't. But, there's always the possibility of it happening naturally between 2 people.

[Ba****]

For me, it's not having a lot of experience being a Dom. I'm putting my safety in the hands of others, I need to know that they know what they're doing.
Most of my kinks are harder things, so having someone who knows what they're doing, is everything.
And like eyemblacksheep said, there is almost no reason someone shouldn't have experience.

[We****]

I'm going to break this question down a bit.

Are there people who will not want to play with you because you are new to kink? Yes. Some people want experienced partners, just like everything else in life.

Are there people who will be more than happy to learn with you or to show you the things they have learned in kink? Again yes, there are even people who value this role they can play for their tops.

Is it a good idea to conceal or gloss over inexperience? Hell no. Worst case, you won't start conversations with people who don't want someone who is new.

[Or****]

I would suggest trying to find classes, or munches in your area. Engaging within your local community if you have one can be very beneficial

[St****]

4 hours ago, BabyBoyNate said:

For me, it's not having a lot of experience being a Dom. I'm putting my safety in the hands of others, I need to know that they know what they're doing.
Most of my kinks are harder things, so having someone who knows what they're doing, is everything.
And like eyemblacksheep said, there is almost no reason someone shouldn't have experience.

That's, not experience, that's knowledge - reading books, getting first hand advice, learning from courses or YT whatever, it's all kniwledge: that's why Doctors don't come put the gate swinging and SHADOW a doctor - they lack experience but have the knowledge

[St****]

3 hours ago, OrchidEclipse5 said:

I would suggest trying to find classes, or munches in your area. Engaging within your local community if you have one can be very beneficial

That's what I took from what was going on here: need to find munches not be on an app designed for already integrated people to find someone

[ey****]

10 hours ago, StormlightShield said:

I need to start going to munches, local events and talk to others more versed and show willing it seems, so until I do that, this apps a waste of my time. I can have all the safety nets and foresight to know what to look for, but nothing is going to change

my advice to anyone, regardless of their experience or lack of - is to keep diverse where to seek both partners and opportunities and also of course a golden rule is - you never stop learning

my story isn't entirely fair in the sense that when I returned to the kink scene in 2013 I already knew a number of people at the local fetish party via the goth or metal scenes and I did end up playing with someone I knew from there.   But, simply by turning up led to that opportunity.

Mind. The first work shops I went to I didn't know anyone that was there.

[Ma****]

I think the word “new” especially scares submissives who don’t want new Doms. Which in turn created an environment for newer Doms to have trouble exploring. But I think newer Doms and submissives should be more encouraged to join groups of all sorts in order to explore and get to know themselves better.

I do believe though that dating apps for Doms with little experience are a bad place to start.

Me, personally on the other hand, enjoy submissives that are “new” to the scene. I personally love teaching and mentoring and exploring together with them. But that’s also more acceptable in society. Because you want leaders to have experience. Leaders with little to no experience aren’t fit to lead UNLESS they find a strong submissive who is willing to guide them in the right direction.

[mu****]

It depends on my mood weather I'm the paishent guiding hand lol so to speak or the one who just sits back and enjoys not having to tell her what to do so to answer your question myself no the word new is not a put off or turn offi think it's a turn on when she looks up @ me with those deer in the headlight eyes

[Je****]

I wouldn't say the word "new" would put me off per se, but I don't feel any particular draw to someone, unless the physical attraction, kink aligning and possibly location and age preference aligns for me also. If these aspects are in play, I am much more intrigued to speak with someone, find out how new they are and what they wish to find, and have guidance in. 

I am experienced in many aspects, but not a D/s dynamic, but I am very knowledgeable on it due to my time and research over the years since I joined this site. If someone was wanting to learn with me I would be happy (again the above being in play also) but if someone was wanting me to baby them through everything, with 0 knowledge, or any interest in their own research and so on, then no, I wouldn't want to enter something like that.

At the end of the day, we were all new once, and it's really down to how that person puts themselves across. 

We get this argument on here all the time, people seeking for "experienced" people, but in part that, to me, is to cut out time wasters and people not serious on the lifestyle, and others it's pure laziness and wanting walked through it with 0 effort on their part. 

For me, it's the vibe, draw in, compatibility and attraction that decides it, new or not. And ofcourse, I expect this to be the same on the potential person's side also. 

[Deleted Member]

For me it's about knowledge, experience comes with experience. New doms aren't an issue, however someone who comes to you saying I think I want to be, a dom or a switch, then wants you to teach them every single aspect of what they want to learn is a bit much.
One of the things about being submissive is not having to think, plan and teach. That's basically being a sub acting like a dom.

[Or****]

12 hours ago, StormlightShield said:

That's what I took from what was going on here: need to find munches not be on an app designed for already integrated people to find someone

Munches will have a mix of new and experienced people. But getting involved in the community you have the opportunity to learn so much from those around you. While experience is important knowledge is power, if people see you going to classes learning ect they are more likely to want to play vs. someone who has no real knowledge and just want to experiment.

[d3****]

Yes