A letter to Dominants

[Va****]

15 minutes ago, FETMOD-BD said:

OK Play nice please - Don't make me get the POINTS stick out. 

I guess when your quote gets pulled, your comment gets pulled too. Lesson learned.

[Ta****]

The victim blaming needs to stop. Nobody, no matter how fiercely they vet someone can predict every possible reaction and spot every red flag. Getting dropped by someone has nothing to do with a failure on one’s own part “choose better” and everything to do with the simple fact that everyone is responsible for their OWN actions, and Doms who cannot or will not accept the responsibility that they hold someone’s wellbeing in their hands and act accordingly do not have any business tampering with someone else’s life.

[FETMOD-BD]

14 minutes ago, VanIsleBorn said:

I guess when your quote gets pulled, your comment gets pulled too. Lesson learned.

Nope - was just sitting waiting for a Mod to approve it.

[Je****]

53 minutes ago, zephyrhills617 said:

Like usually I'm demonize for saying the truth and automatically label the devil without even getting to know me. Which is the true problem you all what to assume without getting to know someone. Because yall were actually learning and choosing by personality, yall wouldn't be complaining all the time about the guys you choose. You would've figured it out before taking the next with them. And if yall were really choosing by personality, the bad people would be lonely and the good people would be happy. Not from what I see. And give me a break, before I started speaking out none of yall would even reply to my respectful emails. But when I good man gets fed up and speaks up, he's labeled the devil and it's his own fault because of what he said. Doesn't explain the time when he kept silent. Maybe you need to think beyond your personal vendetta you were brainwashed it.

Lmao honey your original comment automatically labeled all women, who you definitely don’t know personally, as shallow and responsible for the actions of all the men they’ve ever dated. You haven’t bothered to get to know the vast majority of women but you’ve already decided they’re all just as horrible as whatever few women you’re really mad at.

This comment reads like you have very little experience with relationships and people. It takes months or even years to really know someone. Some people are very good at lying and hiding their true agenda. You form a relationship with someone because you see potential and the relationship develops over time. Sometimes it ends, sometimes it doesn’t. You can’t wait to get into a relationship with someone until you know literally everything about them. No one would ever form a relationship again lol.

Your view of relationships is very childish and simplistic. As is your view of women. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you are the reason you’re lonely, not the women you think owe you something.

[Va****]

19 minutes ago, FETMOD-BD said:

Nope - was just sitting waiting for a Mod to approve it.

Lotsa learning to do, obviously. ;-}

[cx****]

Idk my submissive says I have control over her life and everything but then does not submit when I want some or in public we have a concert yes but it’s like it doesn’t exist

[Pe****]

This is why vetting is so, so important.
.


If someone claims to be single to me, I’d expect at some point to be invited there.
.

Are they available at all times? Obviously apart from work etc.
.

Do they expect tasks to be completed and honourifics to be used before any established dynamic?
.

I started my BDSM journey as a sub and wished I had this sort of advice. We learn the hard way sometimes

[Deleted Member]

I feel like people suffering with what you describe here just don't have clear expectations.

If your collar can be taken away and your dom doesn't have any comprehension of what the collar means to you, why on earth did you let them out a collar on you?

If communicating doesn't help, or you already discussed it, then they are just an a***hole and there's no reason to ask them to pretend that they are not.

If you don't share an understanding of what things like that mean to each other, then you didn't take the time to communicate it and you are both at fault for rushing things.

And if it's the case that they do care and communicating about it once resolves the issue, then there is no issue and it's just a process of you learning each other.

[CopperKnob]

2 hours ago, zephyrhills617 said:

Like usually I'm demonize for saying the truth and automatically label the devil without even getting to know me. Which is the true problem you all what to assume without getting to know someone. Because yall were actually learning and choosing by personality, yall wouldn't be complaining all the time about the guys you choose. You would've figured it out before taking the next with them. And if yall were really choosing by personality, the bad people would be lonely and the good people would be happy. Not from what I see. And give me a break, before I started speaking out none of yall would even reply to my respectful emails. But when I good man gets fed up and speaks up, he's labeled the devil and it's his own fault because of what he said. Doesn't explain the time when he kept silent. Maybe you need to think beyond your personal vendetta you were brainwashed it.

Imagine making some really blanket, destructive comments alluding to victim blaming and then expecting people to respond kindly to you, calling you a good guy rather than to call you out.
.
Imagine telling the OP and others commenting here to take some personal responsibility when you struggle to do the same
.
Ironic

[gift_of_beli]

The response both balanced and somewhat disturbing I think reflects all the thoughts worries and concerns of someone stepping into the lifestyle and the self awareness and strength of the sub as to the level they can let go along with the trust of the domme. Personally im still learning, discovering especially about myself but the one thing I have realised is that I must retain the strength and determination to recover if it doesn't work and a lot of that perhaps holds me back or puts off a lot of dommes as a result of my own lack of articulation via written word. Lots of introspection but at the end of the day it strikes me that the key here as so many have articulated is that regardless of the level....caring about people should be the most important thing.

[Ta****]

38 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Imagine making some really blanket, destructive comments alluding to victim blaming and then expecting people to respond kindly to you, calling you a good guy rather than to call you out.
.
Imagine telling the OP and others commenting here to take some personal responsibility when you struggle to do the same
.
Ironic

Blames victims
.
Gets called out
.
Cries victim

[Deleted Member]

Online dom/situation...I'm not being talked to or played with cos I have a sore back and am lying down. It felt a bit rubbish. Upfront conversations about expectations and aftercare or just care in general ought to be had. That's what I'll do next time rather than feel I'm no use to him right now do not worthy of talking to

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, cxmcxzzler69 said:

Idk my submissive says I have control over her life and everything but then does not submit when I want some or in public we have a concert yes but it’s like it doesn’t exist

Submission and free use are very different things. I’m free use to my dom meaning at no point do I not give him free access to any part of my body. That was my choice and something I asked him for. I would ask your sub what submission means to her. What does that encompass for her? Express to her that you are interested in free use. Research what that means and how she feels about it.

[Bi****]

Communication is important, I’ve had subs who just disappeared because something made them uncomfortable or they didn’t like saying they didn’t like something at the time. No one can know what they’re doing to saying wrong if they aren’t aware.
Silence is never good for either partner

[cx****]

Fire fox she also says though that she just wants me to take it to put in the work of making her feel like I want it but at times she comes home from terid or sore but says just take it I get so confused

[Pe****]

6 hours ago, zephyrhills617 said:

That's what happens when you choose a dom by looks. The pretty boys come on here all the time doing that. If you're gonna base who you choose on the profile rather than talking to them and finding out who they are underneath, you're always gonna have this problem. It's just like regular dating, yall will purposely take the handsome piece of garbage over the guy you'll treat you right then complain about the dudes who are clearly garbage. That's why I have zero sympathy, yall are choosing these guys who prove that they are garbage.

And of course we choose men by looks🙄
I can tell you for a fact that the majority of women do not do that. My friends and myself and all of the women I’ve spoken to on here do not. We take the time to get to know someone and for the majority it’s men that think they can do better because when things don’t work out for them, they come back to us asking for another chance.
I’ve personally had 3 subs come back to me in the last month asking for another chance.
.

So for us women who just give the pretty boys a chance and then get our hearts ripped out… that’s in your head alone my friend

[Deleted Member]

I think one of the most important things in this lifestyle is patience. You’re looking to make a very unique connection with someone that takes a lot of communication and trust and you can’t rush that. Be patient in your search and take the time to really get to know what it is you are looking for and making sure that any potential dominants are capable of giving you the experience that you want.

It can take time to find the right person for you, but in the end your patience is worth it. The last thing you want is to be wasting your valuable time and energy on people that talk a big game only to leave you unsatisfied, frustrated, disappointed and wondering why you bothered in the first place.


Remember, be patient and take the time to learn about each other, learn what each other wants, learn about the human behind the title and form a mental connection before a physical one.

[Pe****]

6 hours ago, JenLynne said:

Lol right it couldn’t possibly be the men who are fault for their own bad behavior! It’s the women who chose them who are to blame. And where exactly did you see anything about looks in this post?? You’re projecting your own insecurities onto this post.

Yessss

[Pe****]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

Imagine making some really blanket, destructive comments alluding to victim blaming and then expecting people to respond kindly to you, calling you a good guy rather than to call you out.
.
Imagine telling the OP and others commenting here to take some personal responsibility when you struggle to do the same
.
Ironic

Was sitting here with my 🥤 waiting for you 😂👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻😆

[Ta****]

21 minutes ago, PervyPenelope said:

And of course we choose men by looks🙄
I can tell you for a fact that the majority of women do not do that. My friends and myself and all of the women I’ve spoken to on here do not. We take the time to get to know someone and for the majority it’s men that think they can do better because when things don’t work out for them, they come back to us asking for another chance.
I’ve personally had 3 subs come back to me in the last month asking for another chance.
.

So for us women who just give the pretty boys a chance and then get our hearts ripped out… that’s in your head alone my friend

Exactly. Same mentality that makes some people see a guy with a woman who’s physically “out of his league”, and they say “he must be rich or have a huge…” Maybe he’s just a great person, and she recognizes that. 🙄

[An****]

Totally agree 💯 per cent! How can a Submissive ever trust you or any other Dom again? She built her world around you, as Firefox-red says she has given you her world, her trust, which has been taken away, it takes time, loyalty, communication, commitment from both parties to build it all again, time totally lost, can she trust again. Can you remember as a kid ever been locked in a totally dark room, no way out, you cant see where your going, no one to lead you, feeling around to find support of something you recognise, like the lights have all gone out, is it *** you feel first? Is it the thought of no-one knowing your there, or their ever coming back. But just remember you had this once, it was ***, frightening scary. Imagine how a Sub feels, you've just blindfolded her, her sensory feelings are all on alert, then your not there to support her anymore! Until, until she hears your voice! Imagine yourself in that position. Put yourself in her position, would tou want that done to you? Because although as adults it might scare you now, but that's what silence is like, or as best as i can put it. We may be Dom, but being a human being doesnt mean leaving someone in the dark. Go back, explain, talk and discuss, if its not right for you both, be a man and admit it, its called communication. If you lost your phone, trust me youd be lost too without it! So think before you jump and ghost or dump without excuse. Because once people hear and mention it about you, Subs wont want to out their trust in you. Just my opinion.

[CopperKnob]

24 minutes ago, PervyPenelope said:

Was sitting here with my 🥤 waiting for you 😂👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻😆

I need to gain control of these thumbs honestly, a mind of their own! 😂

[Li****]

Because I can't quote the original post, this is towards the original post and person themselves (this had to be cleared up) - "🖤"

[fo****]

24 minutes ago, LittleSoulTease said:

Because I can't quote the original post, this is towards the original post and person themselves (this had to be cleared up) - "🖤"

Tell the old guy what a black heart means

[Li****]

21 minutes ago, forgetyousawme said:

Tell the old guy what a black heart means

It still represents love and/or affection, despite its dark shade. Some use it to represent their love of all things emo, goth, alt. More recently, it has been seen to be used for the BLM movement.
Put simply, I use it to express my love from an alt girl 😉 😌