Lilmama12 Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 I am married and new to being a submissive. I have just entered a relationship with a Dom outside of my marriage in which he sent me his 36 rules. A day after sending the rules he said he forgot to tell me about another rule “Your husband can’t fuck you, you can only fuck him”. Is this a normal rule or is he crossing some boundaries?
ey**** Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 do you agree with the rule? does your husband? if no to either - chuck it out. It's also a little convenient he sent you rules to agree to then sent this one presumably after you'd agreed big red flags a go go
Nikki_Hexy Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 I'd say that yes you may have agreed with rules 1 through 36, you didnt agree to this additional rule. So some talking may be due. And if your Dom effects your marrage then i would see that as a lack of respect. Big red flag to me too
BigPolly Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 Exactly what @says!.... Is your husband part of your play? Or Cuckold etc? If not then none of the rules should include your husband. If this play is totally outside of your marriage then all aspects should remain so. Your Dom should have the respect to not put you in an awkward position. Also you have the right to say ‘NO’ to anything you’re not happy with. It is down to you to hand whatever control you want, to him. If you have limits then he must respect those limits. Also rules are to be ‘discussed & agreed to by both parties’ not one sided. You’re his sub you’re not a doormat
Vi**** Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 I’m presuming this is outside your marriage and your husband doesn’t know. I’ve been in a similar situation and I keep things separate. With regards to rules you can discuss and change them as you feel fit. Everyone is different and just cos some rules worked for him with others they won’t for you. X
Ma**** Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 if there is an "extra" rule that you didn't agree with then it needs to be discussed, if your not comfortable with it then you can't agree to it,
Lilmama12 Posted June 19, 2019 Author Posted June 19, 2019 My husband is aware of it but the DOM is not, my husband wants to be my DOM but I don’t see him as above me I see him as equal and I told him I couldn’t do it. He was of course upset but he is allowing me to do it because I enjoy it, he proposed that I at least give him a chance to see him in this way if I continued with this DOM. He explained it was hard for him to know that his wife was being dominated by another man and that his own wife wouldn’t allow him to dominate her, he said it destroys his pride as a man, but that he loves me and wants me to be able to enjoy myself even if it hard for him to deal with. Then this came up out the blue yesterday and I’m not sure if this typical dom behavior or not and I want to enjoy myself but not ruin my marriage either. Another question I have is how long before a dom typically gives his rules and what he expect from his sub? And is it normal for him to ask me questions prior with my responses matching almost all the questions I answered? We have been communicating for almost a month now and have already met twice for play and I am just now getting rules
ey**** Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 Yep - if you don't see your husband as your Dom, then - you don't see it that way. This is a conversation to potentially have with him that this isn't a sleight on him, that you want to enjoy your marriage as just that. I would suggest agreeing rules and boundaries for any prospective relationship with your husband - these could well be unique to your situation. I play outside of my marriage but our rules include that my wife has to know about intentions, she has a right to veto and I can't do anything that affects our relationship : so for example, I couldn't do a week in chastity because that affects our relationship i.e. we can't have sex. You might have similar boundaries, it depends on what works for you. Rules and their introduction can be on a case to case basis - I think if I was taking a sub on (or being taken on by a Dominant) that rules should be bespoke and may be a little living. If a Dom has a pre-decided set of rules for any relationship then of course these should come out as soon as possible, so there are no surprises, but I think... well... there should be no surprises but rules could become introduced as you get a feel for each other and create rules that understands the others circumstances. If someone came to me with a bunch of pre-set rules I know there'll be a bunch I can't do. So, let's not waste time.
Ra**** Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 I cant keep myself quiet on this one. I always try to stir away from critisizing something. Whatever reasons you have to not accept your husband as your dom please please please do not say it's because you dont see him as above you. D/s might be about power exchange but if any man or woman on earth thinks he/she(or any other nominations of gender) is above me they can go fuck themselves! A Dom has only what I give to him. No more and no less. I obviously see the most worthy person of that devotion to become my husband. You dont and that is fine. Just as long as you're not saying that just because you are submissive that a dominant partner is above you.
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