Treat people with respect

[Deleted Member]

There are nice people on this site real people that will help others , be kind and don’t think with your bits , don’t just send cocky pics and ask for women’s kik details it’s disrespectful get to know people and talk ,don’t jump in chats with requests ,stop treating the opposite sex as meat and watch out for them fake dom/dommes too just saying

[Hisbabygirl]

Very well written

 

 

[ey****]

it seems over simplified, but it's true 

the more you get in the habit of treating others with respect - being kind, being helpful - dealing well with any form of rejection, so on, the more it becomes natural everywhere.  

In turn - this does ultimately boost your chances of getting what you want

[Hisbabygirl]

I totally agree! I get so sick of feeling worthless and juat being asked for a pic.   Then turned away after a pic...

[Deleted Member]

I think I this line should be added:

"Please behave as if the people you are talking to are in the same room as you, basically talk to them as you would in real life"

[ey****]

4 hours ago, Sid636 said:

I think I this line should be added:

"Please behave as if the people you are talking to are in the same room as you, basically talk to them as you would in real life"

I dunno - at assorted events I've seen people approach others horrifically!   I think there needs to be a general understanding of boundaries in general

[Deleted Member]

Thats what I meant, a general way you treat a stranger, be polite, respectful and learn to take no for an answer. 

Edited June 23, 2019 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

Well said Rumble mate!

[Qu****]

Well said rumble, a lot of that goes on in chat and the unsolicited messages. Just because we’re on a site like this doesn’t mean we’re ‘fair game’ 😤😡 

[Deleted Member]

Amen

[Deleted Member]

What’s that about? The white knight wake up 🤣🤣

stop talking in the name of subs, it’s patronising and sexist. They are big enough to fend themselves and if not then they could ask for the doorman 

[Mz****]

4 minutes ago, FabSeverus said:

What’s that about? The white knight wake up 🤣🤣

stop talking in the name of subs, it’s patronising and sexist. They are big enough to fend themselves and if not then they could ask for the doorman 

I disagree. Very often subs as you label them, though they weren't specified in the original post, don't speak up, they put up with rudeness, borderline ***, harassment and being laughed at, humiliated even because they think they have too.. especially when new to the ideas of BDSM..they don't always have the confidence to call someone out on their behaviour..

It's interesting that a call for the use of basic manners and a little consideration makes you laugh so hard, provokes you to try and belittle someone that sees that as wrong..

[Deleted Member]

I do have lots of comms with subs so I am aware of their inbox trash. I guess he was talking about subs cos I don’t see a Dom/Domme complaint about this kind of messages. 

And most of them ignore messages or know how to use the block button. 

I was more laugh at his sudden outcry rather than the situation. As you don’t know me it’s presuming a character of me that’s wrong.  

Lets ended there 

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, MzJax said:

I disagree. Very often subs as you label them, though they weren't specified in the original post, don't speak up, they put up with rudeness, borderline ***, harassment and being laughed at, humiliated even because they think they have too.. especially when new to the ideas of BDSM..they don't always have the confidence to call someone out on their behaviour..

It's interesting that a call for the use of basic manners and a little consideration makes you laugh so hard, provokes you to try and belittle someone that sees that as wrong..

Very well said Mz Jax! Woman as a whole seem to get a lot of *** and harassment from "people" with a lack of basic manners.

I applaud Rumble to speaking up regarding the issue, but sad that someone had too!

The fact someone can't see this as a positive statement for all those voices that don't get heard for whatever reason is also sad and very disappointing!!

[Mz****]

10 minutes ago, FabSeverus said:

I do have lots of comms with subs so I am aware of their inbox trash. I guess he was talking about subs cos I don’t see a Dom/Domme complaint about this kind of messages. 

And most of them ignore messages or know how to use the block button. 

I was more laugh at his sudden outcry rather than the situation. As you don’t know me it’s presuming a character of me that’s wrong.  

Lets ended there 

Perhaps then you should have considered asking why the sudden outcry instead of instantly presuming "white knight" alert..you'd then know, as I do, because I asked the OP, it was in response to some rather unsavoury comments flying round the chat room, and subsequent conversation, newbies to the site not knowing about the ignore and block functions on site and the need to have to use them at all.

 

"As you don’t know me it’s presuming a character of me that’s wrong." 

As for this, you're of course correct, I can only go by what you say, or how you present what you say and form my opinions from that..as will every else who sees it..though they may not reach the same conclusions as I have.

"Let's ended there"

Agreed.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, SirRob999 said:

Very well said Mz Jax! Woman as a whole seem to get a lot of *** and harassment from "people" with a lack of basic manners.

I applaud Rumble to speaking up regarding the issue, but sad that someone had too!

The fact someone can't see this as a positive statement for all those voices that don't get heard for whatever reason is also sad and very disappointing!!

Thankyou guys

[Queen1973-8889]

I agree

[Wo****]

Submissive doesnt mean "easy" or "fair game"

 

Thank you Rumble.

 

 

[mirandagrey-2818]

I'm late to comment on this conversation, but  speaking as a sub-ish woman, I greatly appreciate Rumble's post.  I have been harassed (including posting rude comments on my public wall), I tell them to stop and they continue.  If I block them, they just subject the next sub they come across to the same disrespectful treatment. 

I think many wanna-be Doms confuse being a bully with being dominant.  Yes, there are subs who get off on being humiliated and degraded, but if I don't expressly say that on my profile, don't assume I am one of them.  In the truest sense, submission is not something a person is bullied into.  Consensual submission is given by free will.  When you are condescending, you largely decrease your chances of a woman (or at least me) respecting you enough to choose you as a Dominant in her life, even for cyber or NSA.

To have  male Doms like Rumble speak his views on how to treat people, inexperienced subs can see/learn that Domination does not equal disrespect, insults, harassment and ***.   And hopefully, inexperienced Doms can see/learn that, too.  Treating people well doesn't detract from your Dominance, it adds to it, in my opinion.  Anyone can act like a jerk.  The Doms that I've truly connected with knew how to treat me with value while still coming across a confident, desirable Dom.   I don't speak for all subs, as of course, everyone is different with different preferences, but I have never heard one say, "He's not for me because I want to find someone who will treat me worse."

[Deleted Member]

I agree with the whole treat people online as if you are in real life. It would serve a lot of people well on here if they remembered that. 

I mean, when was the last time you went over to a woman in a pub and instead of saying Hi you just flopped your cock out on the Bar?? 

 

[ey****]

to expand on something I said above.  I'm fairly active - and while not as active as I'd like certainly in my time I've been to a lot of different places and have been to a few Femdom clubs - and, well, I've been to more than one and seen bad behaviour - one of which there was a game where the subs had to approach people to help them with tasks... and some of the approaches were just, shambolic; interupting conversations, slumping on people; kinda thrusting the sheet at people and grunting "here's my sheet" - absolutely no manners.

And at another, again, pushy guys floating from people to people and actually getting arsey and aggressive that people wouldn't drop kinks with a stranger.

Mind, I've seen arsey behaviour from Dominants also...

I think people, in general, sometimes need to work on manners when approaching strangers.

[Jaim-e13]

I apologize if I relive a past topic, but I think this is the best place to ask.
Secondly, I apologize if my English is not very good, my native language is not English and I may make a lot of mistakes in my text.

I have little experience in the world of BDSM, although I have always frequented forums and other social networks apart from Fetish.com in several countries. In my search for knowledge, I have always tried to approach people by being kind, but unfortunately I never or almost never get answers to my messages.  
To give an example. I am dom and would like to be able to have contact with both submissive and other dom people (men and woman), simply to exchange knowledge. I always greet politely and ask if they would be willing to start having conversations about the BDSM, and the sad reality is that even though I speak politely I never or almost never get an answer back.

I understand that I'm dominant, but first and foremost I'm a person and everyone else deserves the same or more respect than I deserve regardless of whether someone has the role of submissive or dom, so why do I never get a response to my educated messages? Should I be tougher on the submissive? What happens when I write to the dom so that they don't answer either?

For me that goes just against what it would be to be a good dom, because first to dominate someone I think you have to know what is what a submissive seeks to be able to give, yes, in the way I consider, but I think that if first you do not know the person and you ask yourself, or just want to learn more about what a submissive feels to be dominated, I think I have to be educated as I am in any situation in my day to day outside the BDSM.

I don't ask for appointments, I don't ask for photos, I'm not rude, I just want to start convensions and learn, but it seems to me that I'm following the wrong path.

Any suggestions?

[ey****]

8 hours ago, Jaim-e13 said:

why do I never get a response to my educated messages?

potentially multiple reasons.   has the person you sent it to actually read it.  have they had multiple messages from strangers recently and, ultimately, see no value in replying.

that, as polite as your request may be - is it one that requires time or labour from the other person in order to respond to you?

8 hours ago, Jaim-e13 said:

Should I be tougher on the submissive?

absolutely not. they may be submissive but are not YOUR submissive.

8 hours ago, Jaim-e13 said:

What happens when I write to the dom so that they don't answer either?

you accept you're not owed a reply and move on.

8 hours ago, Jaim-e13 said:

Any suggestions?

Personally, I feel if you have specific questions you're looking for answers to - it's much better to put them out in the open on the forum than by asking a stranger.

[Jaim-e13]

18 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

potentially multiple reasons.   has the person you sent it to actually read it.  have they had multiple messages from strangers recently and, ultimately, see no value in replying.

that, as polite as your request may be - is it one that requires time or labour from the other person in order to respond to you?

absolutely not. they may be submissive but are not YOUR submissive.

you accept you're not owed a reply and move on.

Personally, I feel if you have specific questions you're looking for answers to - it's much better to put them out in the open on the forum than by asking a stranger.

 

Of course I understand that someone doesn't want to respond, doesn't have time, doesn't want or any reason, and of course I respect her.
It's just a surprise for me, to try to talk to people with good education and never find someone who agrees to answer any questions that may occur to me, when I see that there are people who comment on the walls of other people without any kind of education or respect, and sometimes even get positive feedback.

Many times I don't have time to write in the forums, and other times I can't contribute too much to the conversations due to lack of experience, but I always try to read the forums when I have free time. Beyond the fact that in the future I could go to BDSM events to try to meet people, I feel that no matter how hard I try in a social network, I won't be able to form strong bonds of friendship and exchange of opinions.

 

Thank you for your reply.

[ey****]

there's a lot I think is always important to consider.

when you see people writing on each others walls you don't know the nature of their relationship.   They may have previous rapport from chat, forums, etc. to know that seemingly unacceptable comments are actually acceptable.  It's about rapport.

I know it can be difficult if you feel that there are threads you can't contribute to - but, for example, if you have a question it's much more likely to get a response if thrown to the floor (i.e. public in the forum) than sent to someone in PM who might be wondering why it was sent.

Bonds and rapport can build quite quickly.  It's just sometimes a case of being in the right places.   It's just important that if you are interested in something (i.e. the kink scene) there's a lot where ultimately you're responsible for your own learning - and nobody has the time really to individually guide any/every one - so the more time you spend on yourself, the better you become to deal with - perhaps there becomes a forum where someone asks a question and it's like "hey, I read this cool blog on this - and while it's not something I'm experienced in the blog suggested..."