Earning Ones Shield

[Re****]

Yes, I am judging others and that is not good.

[Re****]

At the same time, I am mindful of the fact that there are many who come here with no other reason than to steal/rob pretending to be a domintrix. I'm a bit surprised to such an attitude of indifference concerning that. I would dare say that among many of you female domintrix there's little care or concern.

I'm not new at this..I'm not experienced either. I've spent the last 3 years gravitating towards it.

I've had 2 former girlfriends that were subs before we met and both of them walked away very troubled I'm sad to say. Noelle the first girlfriend of the two committed *** at the age of 29. She was just a baby. The 2nd girlfriend acts as if she has an attachment disorder in the aftermath of what happened.

For the most part, I am better off staying away from here. I consistently encounter rudeness, ignorance, dishonesty and a mild degree of stupidity from some of you.
The reason why I come back is to do with the realization that I........I have a choice as to stay or go. I don't have a say so about whether or not I belong here though. Because I do belong here. Maybe not everyone here is in a agreement with this,but this is an acquired taste. Like many of you or rather us, from the time I was born and many years after that, rather than say ",we're all born into a world we didn't make, it's more appropriate to say that some of us are thrown into a lions den.im not into the bdsm world for fun and if some of you are. .....I better stay out of that.
Anyway, a part of earning your shield keeping the riff raff away. That they not do harm to the community. Oh and by the way, Hana Montana...I was referring to myself as the rat and no one else.

[ey****]

I think a thing is that those who claim they are a Dominatrix and only set out to scam people - and those who claim to be a Master/Dominant/whatever cos they think it's easy, whatever - is, that they get found out pretty quickly.

or at least that's the ideal

But I think then it's still more about using some of these as an identifier and others can still see if they'd be a good match for them.

There's good in trying to protect the community. This site for example doesn't permit selling in any forms save for a very narrow exception (someone outside the US, labelled as a Dominatrix account, if they are approached) but gatekeeping too hard creates an experience paradox

"you can't come in", "why not?", "you don't have experience", "How do I get experience?", "by coming in"

but also creates a false sense of security.   it's worrying how many closed gate communities, even recently, have ended up with people who were vetted and 'earned' their way in who used this as a mask for ***.   

There is, unfortunately, no perfect system.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, Redamusontheheadamus said:

At the same time, I am mindful of the fact that there are many who come here with no other reason than to steal/rob pretending to be a domintrix. I'm a bit surprised to such an attitude of indifference concerning that. I would dare say that among many of you female domintrix there's little care or concern.

I'm not new at this..I'm not experienced either. I've spent the last 3 years gravitating towards it.

I've had 2 former girlfriends that were subs before we met and both of them walked away very troubled I'm sad to say. Noelle the first girlfriend of the two committed *** at the age of 29. She was just a baby. The 2nd girlfriend acts as if she has an attachment disorder in the aftermath of what happened.

For the most part, I am better off staying away from here. I consistently encounter rudeness, ignorance, dishonesty and a mild degree of stupidity from some of you.
The reason why I come back is to do with the realization that I........I have a choice as to stay or go. I don't have a say so about whether or not I belong here though. Because I do belong here. Maybe not everyone here is in a agreement with this,but this is an acquired taste. Like many of you or rather us, from the time I was born and many years after that, rather than say ",we're all born into a world we didn't make, it's more appropriate to say that some of us are thrown into a lions den.im not into the bdsm world for fun and if some of you are. .....I better stay out of that.
Anyway, a part of earning your shield keeping the riff raff away. That they not do harm to the community. Oh and by the way, Hana Montana...I was referring to myself as the rat and no one else.

So the reason the findom issue exists, is that you just don't get the same due dilligance from male subs since there's such a small supply off femdoms, a female sub can reject a dom and there will be a thousand more waiting in the wings to take his place, with those seeking femdoms that's not a luxury they have. It's not great, if you swapped the sexs it would not be tolerated like it is. Problem is stopping it requires collective action from male subs, which is, complicated by the fact that some subset of blokes are into findom, a pretty massive effort that's never going to happen without a drastic cultural shift that also isn't going to happen. It's a moot point anyway because that situation is solved by holding female doms to the exact same standard we currently hold men, and you seem to be complaining about those standards.


Damn that was supposed to be a short aside.

Yeah, your points here are strange and confusing. I think you need to step back a bit and get out of your own head. You seem to be wanting to support the toxic side of dom gatekeeping, the you're a dom cuz you're just built different kinda ideas, while you yourself are falling short of the more positive gatekeeping from the community.

People in this thread have said it better than me and in fewer words but if you really want to be a big strong alpha dom? Learn the skills of whatever it is you want too do, be aware of your limits, be able to ask honest questions. Insecurity is the least dominant trait. When you've put the time and effort into making sure you know what you're doing, when your dominant persona comes from a place of confidence not insecurity, that's when you've earnt yout shield, and you earn it from yourself. Theres no magic button for community validation, you just have to put yourself out there and see how people react.

Sometimes that's gonna be really rude, stupid, aggressive, hypocritical and downright silly, you'll get less of that in person, online communities do just turn people's silly inhibititors off, that's a fact of life. But if you've earned that dom status too yourself it shouldn't matter too you or too whatever subs you find.

[Deleted Member]

Just thought to check your profile, noticed you're actually a sub, or that's what you have yourself tagged as.

I have a feeling you'd have gotten some different responses if you'd have opened with that.

[ey****]

I don't agree about the shortage of female dominants.

online findom is often a bit of a mess. but it's very simple that if it's not for you you don't partake - and it's not permitted on this site anyway.   it often seems worse than it is because there are ladies who might give it a go because of something they heard or read, fail to get the promised riches, and leave.   But then they're replaced by another one.  and another.

if you watch any TV show, or any news article about any form of sex work they always focus on either the high earners (who often exaggerate wealth) or struggle sex workers - and nothing in between.   A lot of the ladies trying online Findom are not what you'd call struggle workers in most cases and so just step back when they don't get the expected income.

Paid Pros have existed centuries and will exist for centuries.  And it's not so much down to a general shortage of Dommes, but in the different reasons people want to visit them or play not always appealing to a lot of women.  

 

But outside of paid circles the problem guys often walk into is that they assume their own misfortune is down to either a surplus of guys and/or a shortage of Dommes. 

The truth is there aren't really ready made Dommes sitting in a dungeon waiting for another guy who "wants to try" - a lot of ladies with an interest in doing some form of Domination might not mention it or even be sure themselves.   Last year I went for some drinks with an old friend who'd been telling me about a guy she was meeting who was into bondage and *** and how much she was really into this - and it worked because it had been someone she'd been dating who broached the idea rather than a complete stranger going "me sub. you Dominate me!" as many guys actually end up doing however they phrase it.

 

The reason there seems to be few Dommes is because, ironically, people gatekeep what a Domme looks like to them and dismisses anyone outside of that idea.  Or that perhaps they limit themselves to online experiences (where online findom lives) rather than actually getting out into a local kink community (where it does not) and it creates a jaded and narrow view.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I don't agree about the shortage of female dominants.

online findom is often a bit of a mess. but it's very simple that if it's not for you you don't partake - and it's not permitted on this site anyway.   it often seems worse than it is because there are ladies who might give it a go because of something they heard or read, fail to get the promised riches, and leave.   But then they're replaced by another one.  and another.

if you watch any TV show, or any news article about any form of sex work they always focus on either the high earners (who often exaggerate wealth) or struggle sex workers - and nothing in between.   A lot of the ladies trying online Findom are not what you'd call struggle workers in most cases and so just step back when they don't get the expected income.

Paid Pros have existed centuries and will exist for centuries.  And it's not so much down to a general shortage of Dommes, but in the different reasons people want to visit them or play not always appealing to a lot of women.  

 

But outside of paid circles the problem guys often walk into is that they assume their own misfortune is down to either a surplus of guys and/or a shortage of Dommes. 

The truth is there aren't really ready made Dommes sitting in a dungeon waiting for another guy who "wants to try" - a lot of ladies with an interest in doing some form of Domination might not mention it or even be sure themselves.   Last year I went for some drinks with an old friend who'd been telling me about a guy she was meeting who was into bondage and *** and how much she was really into this - and it worked because it had been someone she'd been dating who broached the idea rather than a complete stranger going "me sub. you Dominate me!" as many guys actually end up doing however they phrase it.

 

The reason there seems to be few Dommes is because, ironically, people gatekeep what a Domme looks like to them and dismisses anyone outside of that idea.  Or that perhaps they limit themselves to online experiences (where online findom lives) rather than actually getting out into a local kink community (where it does not) and it creates a jaded and narrow view.

This is an excellent explanation of the online domme shortage, but everything you've said doesn't disagree with the fact that it exists. Guys are struggling to find what they want (regardless of how reasonable it is for that to the case) and that is fostering an enviroment where paid services that wouldn't nornally exist can florish. You can see this is in the case in how it's not mirrored by women, they get scams targeting them sure, but not large scale normalised paid kink.

I won't drag this out because we fundamentally agree here. But even what you've said about men lowering their expectations and trying to meet women offline, that's what I was saying, that's the kind of cultural change that needs to happen to change the current state of online femdoms.

[Re****]

In the sense that a person is an accumulation of their experiences, these women that I mention are not the greater part of my interest in being here, but they are still a part of it.

This is not a slam against anyone of the bdsm community. I've been a part of the dating scene longer some of you been alive. The bdsm crowd on average is composed of smarter, more creative and more unique in terms self expression.

Oh, let me say this to anyone who cares to listen. I'm not a sub ....no Mas!! I'm the Red Dom!! The Red Denominator!! No...Wait...is that right? He'll who cares..

Now then, on a serious note to do with shields and iron sharpens Iron. One of my former loves after having been in a bdsm relationship prior to our meeting committed *** at the age of 29. The one thing I repeatedly heard from her along with her best friend was about that to do with dog collar...leash..dog bowl...on all 4s. It was excessive and I could see it affected her in a way hard to describe. She was beautiful, but she was violent and it didn't work out. She was just a baby. Got a motel room in Dallas. Vodka, Valium and elavil overdose and death.

No else was arrested and...ok..but still in the sense that " anything goes " or maybe.but I don't care.........I still remember Noelle Plattman of Jewish descent born and raised in NYC.

I remember someone else that is now a former love and a bdsm kind of gal. A sub who after 2 years with a Dom from some where in the UK is child like at times. Chronic issues with chemicals and self absorbed in a way that was unusual. Maybe it had to the little bitty scars from being caned to an extreme on her3 back. To be in one's early 30s, bachelor's degree in English and teach advanced English when she met him in my opinion. ...she was an accomplished woman. And now. ...she was caught up in the homeless scene.
Today I met, dealt with and removed myself from the. .....you guessed it...scamming monsters. Every day or every time I make the effort to find another love, I repeatedly encounter them.

So now then, it gets back to the issue of accountability once again. Earn these shields. If you don't agree or see the need to do something. ...at least make the effort to do something like pay attention to what is happening around you. Happy 4th of July t

[Deleted Member]

13 minutes ago, Redamusontheheadamus said:

In the sense that a person is an accumulation of their experiences, these women that I mention are not the greater part of my interest in being here, but they are still a part of it.

This is not a slam against anyone of the bdsm community. I've been a part of the dating scene longer some of you been alive. The bdsm crowd on average is composed of smarter, more creative and more unique in terms self expression.

Oh, let me say this to anyone who cares to listen. I'm not a sub ....no Mas!! I'm the Red Dom!! The Red Denominator!! No...Wait...is that right? He'll who cares..

Now then, on a serious note to do with shields and iron sharpens Iron. One of my former loves after having been in a bdsm relationship prior to our meeting committed *** at the age of 29. The one thing I repeatedly heard from her along with her best friend was about that to do with dog collar...leash..dog bowl...on all 4s. It was excessive and I could see it affected her in a way hard to describe. She was beautiful, but she was violent and it didn't work out. She was just a baby. Got a motel room in Dallas. Vodka, Valium and elavil overdose and death.

No else was arrested and...ok..but still in the sense that " anything goes " or maybe.but I don't care.........I still remember Noelle Plattman of Jewish descent born and raised in NYC.

I remember someone else that is now a former love and a bdsm kind of gal. A sub who after 2 years with a Dom from some where in the UK is child like at times. Chronic issues with chemicals and self absorbed in a way that was unusual. Maybe it had to the little bitty scars from being caned to an extreme on her3 back. To be in one's early 30s, bachelor's degree in English and teach advanced English when she met him in my opinion. ...she was an accomplished woman. And now. ...she was caught up in the homeless scene.
Today I met, dealt with and removed myself from the. .....you guessed it...scamming monsters. Every day or every time I make the effort to find another love, I repeatedly encounter them.

So now then, it gets back to the issue of accountability once again. Earn these shields. If you don't agree or see the need to do something. ...at least make the effort to do something like pay attention to what is happening around you. Happy 4th of July t

Accountability means that those former subs you mention, had freedom of will, and were consenting adults from everything you've indicated here.

As tragic as their stories may be, the lifestyle isn't at fault for what happened to/with them and it doesn't sound like their Doms were abusive.

It does, however, appear that you are not only sitting in judgment of their proclivities but also kink shaming. It's not conducive to anything beneficial & I still cannot understand the point of this post.

And yes... you're profile surely did show you as a sub so you may want to revisit that considering more than one of us noticed it. 👀

[Deleted Member]

Just now, Serenity7 said:

Accountability means that those former subs you mention, had freedom of will, and were consenting adults from everything you've indicated here.

As tragic as their stories may be, the lifestyle isn't at fault for what happened to/with them and it doesn't sound like their Doms were abusive.

It does, however, appear that you are not only sitting in judgment of their proclivities but also kink shaming. It's not conducive to anything beneficial & I still cannot understand the point of this post.

And yes... you're profile surely did show you as a sub so you may want to revisit that considering more than one of us noticed it. 👀

*your

[Re****]

No..it's all good no worries. Besides that I'm running for president

[4R****]

On 7/3/2023 at 4:00 AM, Redamusontheheadamus said:

Yes, I am judging others and that is not good.

 

On 7/3/2023 at 4:38 AM, Redamusontheheadamus said:

I'm not new at this..I'm not experienced either.

 

2 hours ago, Redamusontheheadamus said:

So now then, it gets back to the issue of accountability once again. Earn these shields.

 

1 hour ago, Redamusontheheadamus said:

No..it's all good no worries. Besides that I'm running for president

 

 

 

Lets go back to the start of this post and your claim that you've "earned your shield" - judging by many of your comments, and the fact that you yourself have admitted your inexperience, oh and the fact that there are no shields (as has been pointed out in this thread) - you might want to revisit this claim. 

[Ky****]

I'd say you've earnt it when you've achieved the respect of ppl, both those who are prepared to submit to you but also that of other established Dommes/Doms, there are quite a few on these on here who's good opinion is well worth cultivating and I would take as a hallmark

[My****]

I don't see why it's that important to you or any other Dom outside of their relationship with their subs. Proving yourself to be a Dom is going to be between you and the sub, not you, the sub, your ***, the monkeys at the zoo, everyone and their brother and a turkey sandwich.. you seem to be inexperienced in the field of bdsm/kink to be asking this.

[Re****]

Looks like a hater alert has been put out on me...a bunch of ugly doms mean mugging me.

[4R****]

1 hour ago, Redamusontheheadamus said:

Looks like a hater alert has been put out on me...a bunch of ugly doms mean mugging me.

Not in the slightest. That would not be tolerated here anyway.

Equally calling people "ugly" as you have will also not be tolerated  - so I'll do you a favour and ask the FETMOD's not to issue an insults warning in this case. I can't promise they won't but I've asked as I believe everyone deserves a chance to learn from a mistake. 

Your comments have shone a light on your lack of experience and in turn have drawn a negative reaction from a number of people who have lived and breathed this lifestyle for many years. Mainly because you staked a claim that you have won some sort of "Dom" qualification but have gone on to display quite the opposite. That's not hatred or "mean mugging" but genuine feedback!

[Sp****]

13 hours ago, Mystic109 said:

I don't see why it's that important to you or any other Dom outside of their relationship with their subs. Proving yourself to be a Dom is going to be between you and the sub, not you, the sub, your ***, the monkeys at the zoo, everyone and their brother and a turkey sandwich.. you seem to be inexperienced in the field of bdsm/kink to be asking this.

We do not live in a bubble. While I agree that the primary exchange of D/s will be within a relationship, to allow, or endorse that it’s “up to the participants” is misleading and potentially very dangerous. Devil’s advocate here: I’m a misogynistic serial ***r of women. I’ve duped an inexperienced submissive into a “relationship” by telling her that I’m an experienced Dom. Sure, I slap her around when she makes me mad, and I don’t let her have her friends anymore, and I spend her paycheque on beer, but…As long as she and I both think I’m a “Dom”, that’s all that matters as it’s “just between us”…right? Now, you said something about a turkey sandwich??

[Re****]

Oddly enough I am not really accomplishing anything in this thread at all. I was angry when I wrote it.I didn't take the time to be specific about who I am mad at or what the problem is.
I can't stand someone that raises he'll because they want to be the center of attention. That's what I'm doing though.

And....they do what they do best that hurts the most on average. They ignore you. They have their strengths that make them different but still equal.

Then there's another group that doesn't have anything to do with bdsm or any of this .

With the hope of not looking like a complete dope I want answer a question someone asked. Serenity 7- what have you done to earn your shield?

Good question and one thing is for sure..that time has passed. Vanity/arrogance it makes you suffer about the time those lines show up on your face.

It was my first time in that other dungeon. Of the 30 who there only 2 of us were white. The other guy was somewhat broken. So much so he would not speak or make eye contact. I thought from the sores on his head he had scabies, but I was wrong. Just like I thought it odd that he preferred to sit on the floor, but it wasn'ta choice .
I was on edge most of time trying to stay out of the way. Another ginger showed up and he was....I don't know..kinda like a little brother. He was smaller version.
I realized it was truth. Horrible truth...beyond words. The 1st one...those are cigarettes burns on his head not sores. He wouldn't defend himself. Half the time they'd take his tray if they were gone and not looking.

Three came out their cell in boxers with Vaseline on the hand. The other ginger was the one. His mat was on the floor in hallway and mine too. They wouldn't allow those the same color as sheets any place else.

He sitting Indian style legs crossed. Two of them, greased their weapon. He knew what was about to happen. He pulled his knees up to his chest his head down ward to hide his face. I can remember my heart racing and breathing so heavy that a part of me wasn't there. They took a few steps towards him and I don't what to say about it because all I could hear was this voice inside of me warning me not to do so. I stepped in front of him and said to the one closest at front you're not doing that. I didn't move my heart and my legs felt like they'd give out. We stared at one another for not even 2 minutes. He told the other 2 something and they went back to their cell. I was worried about what would follow.
Ginger younger was not able look at me but he left the next day on bond. After what happened he never spoke or looked at me, but I understood. I was surprised I didn't understand where this came from but it came from inside me and it was real.

I can't do that likes that anymore. That's gone along with the other I didn't think much of. It is what it is.

[Re****]

Well...I'm glad you both responded that way because I see the light now. You know you guys remind me of that duo in wrestling, you know pro wrestling. What is that you call yourselves? THE SISSIES ....oh say it isn't so!!!

[Re****]

A Dom, a domintrix a mistress a Goddess. To all of you that are about that. You know why you're really offended? The eyes are the well to the soul. That costume you are wearing as a Dom or a mistress, don't ever take it off. You don't want the world to know the truth. You're less than a man. You're less than a woman.
Truth is I was crying in my Wheaties about the issue of integrity among the mistress. There's no reason to cry...none of you are women . I know 2 subs right now that.....well they know who they are.
The truth hurts doesn't it? How does it feel? If it's good enough for your victims, it's good enough for you.
And now we've discussed you, I want you to go to your room, bend over spank your selves and say thank you redamusontheheadamus may I have another.

Besides all that this is your world. I don't have any business here. So, take care I'll see you in the funny paper

[FETMOD-BD]

I've seen enough - thread locked!