New Dom trying understand her sub 😅

[Rivers-3435]

I started seeing a guy who introduced me to the femdom life. But he's so incredibly flakey. He goes from one night texting me scenarios and roleplaying, to the next day ignoring me totally. I don't want to leave, since he's my perfect body type and we get along so well when he's in a good headspace. How do I broach the topic of "get your shit together"? Thankfully he's in another state for work for a week, giving me time to play without him as a distraction and time to cool down. If you were being scolded by your Dom for this, how would you want it brought up? Of course we'd do it "collar's off". Or maybe I shouldn't say anything? Let him fall down his own rabbit hole and figure it out?

[Deleted Member]

I am a Dominant, and if I had this issue I would have them alone with me, making sure I have their full attention. I would have them assume the position I use to teach them something (a formal position, if you like), and then I would be honest and upfront with them. How they react, and the following consequences, are down to them

[ey****]

there's multiple options here to what is going on with the sub.

ultimately though whatever is going on it's creating a situation you're not really happy with - and something has to change.  If things don't change, then trust me they will only get worse.

Some options

(1) When he's texting you scenarios and roleplaying - he's masturbating.  He's using you for a quick wank and so the next day he's probably got something else going on.  Because of this there may well be no intention on following through, that it's much easier to talk about the fantasy when he wants to knock one out.

If this is the case then he's just going to continue to use you.  The solution is simple to tell him what you expect from him 

(2) He's ignoring you in the hope you will punish him

If this is the case then playing-to-be-punished is something that often needs certain boundaries and the way this makes you feel is outside of this

Solution : tell him what you expect from him

(3) He's actually struggling himself to follow through. He might be worried about being pushy and contacting you too much

solution : tell him what you expect from him

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If I was acting in a way that was making my Dominant unhappy I'd want them to tell me sooner, rather than later, so I could make the correction.  How to raise, the next time he suddenly appears to role play, explain that you've been unhappy about the lack of contact between times.  

Ultimately, regardless of his looks or the occasional good feeling - this is going to get to a point where the bad outweigh the good and there'll be less to cling onto

 

[Rivers-3435]

Thanks everyone. The sub is currently going through his own journey of medication and therapy for intense ADHD. So I do tend to give him a lot of leeway in his behavior. Outside of the bedroom, I often act as a support for his disability - helping him refocus and channel fidgety energy. I'm just trying to walk that line between collar on/full obedience and collar off/free range, free to be a beautifully flawed human.

[ey****]

I think it's good to use discretion - I think there's a good thing to not treat all subs the same because not all subs are the same.   

There is a risk of this creating a lot of emotional labour for you; but if you can provide him with a framework to stick to that could be something that helps you both.

[Fishbicycle]

Chastity! I find it concentrates my mind and as a plus is a constant reminder of my boss and to whom I can go with issues, help eyc

[Deleted Member]

Rivers , he is lucky to have your understanding and love , wish you both well .