Deleted Member Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 Okay I'm gonna spill it since I really don't have anyone that has been through this. We all have a real life lol if we didn't we wouldn't be human. Things are changing in my life and mostly for the better. My husband and I are separated THANK GOD! I'm moving from Topeka, KS to Olathe, KS which is awesome! I'm also a college student but one thing that I'm having a hard time dealing with is I'm also a caregiver with my mom with dementia. She's 77 years old and don't get me wrong, I love her to death! She lives with me. The more it gets worse though, the more I'm thinking about putting her in a nursing home. When I live on my own, I don't think I'll be able to handle thing. My Master will be coming over VERY OFTEN and my friends. I don't want mom to see this and as you can imagine.........the dementia is getting BAD! Also I have a job and that brings with it wacky hours. So between all of this, and for the respect of her, do you think I should do this? I know my husband said he would help, friends say they would too......but something tells me they wouldn't be able to deal with it and also how she says weird things at the most weird and inappropriate times. Would love to hear advice please!
ey**** Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 I think sometimes difficult decisions (putting her in a nursing home) can be the correct ones - to balance ensuring both you and her get the support needed.
Deleted Member Posted June 23, 2019 Author Posted June 23, 2019 I have a relative who desperately needs to go to a care home, but his wife refuses because as his betrothed it is her duty to care for him. She's stubborn. The trouble with this is she is physically damaging herself trying to care for a man three times her weight and height, and he is only getting worse (lack of muscle control). He needs to go to a care home, she needs the respite, and everyone knows it except the two of them. At least you have that awareness. Perhaps I am biased, but I relate to this a lot and I believe it is for the benefit of everyone to get the support you both need
BigPolly Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 There’s a saying - ‘you cannot pour from an empty cup’ In order to be the best version of ‘you’ you need to make sure you look after yourself first, only then can you give the help & support that others need. If you are tired & worn out & worn down then you will be of no use to your mum or anyone else. You have to live life to the full & enjoy everything along the way. Allowing someone else to care for your mum from here on in allows you both to be happy. Also allowing yourself time with your Master will be the perfect stress-buster!
Mz**** Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 Don't think of it as "putting her in a nursing home" try to think of it as getting her the care she needs in an environment that's safe and accepting..dementia is one of the cruellest things that can happen to anyone, and their families..it probably won't be long before she doesn't know you, and starts to turn "nasty" save yourself and her, as much of that as you can, in her lucid moments she will be grateful to spare you that, and you can visit as often as you'd like to and give her the quality time which you can't do now as you're spread so thinly. My mother died from vascular dementia, the home she was in gave her the routine she needed, the safe place she needed, the medication she needed, the company of others and so on..you may feel guilty that you're even considering a nursing home, please don't do that to yourself, as I say, think of it as providing her with the best, most appropriate care for her benefit.
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