Ma**** Posted July 2, 2023 Posted July 2, 2023 I’m in a weird situation that I’ve never encountered before. My little/sub, who I’ve been dealing with for a few months is trying to re-define her kinky identity and become a switch. Which in itself is not a bad thing, so I volunteered being a test subject every blue moon. Problem solved right? Nope! The issue is that it makes me very uncomfortable when I’m asked to do certain things to further the experiment. This in turn leads to little spats, and I’m a nice guy outside of the bedroom so I usually end up losing said spats. All of this is coming to a head and I’m not sure how to proceed because we do have a lot of fun and chemistry. Any suggestions from anyone with experience in this type of situation?
ey**** Posted July 2, 2023 Posted July 2, 2023 the kinda issue you got is simple she might wish to explore as a switch, but it isn't going to work with you on the sub side this might be worth working out if she can explore that side with someone else.
Do**** Posted July 2, 2023 Posted July 2, 2023 I'd be just straight forward honest with her and tell frankly that it's enough I am no longer you test subject and if you wish to carry on being a switch then that's fine carry on but do it with another person, being too soft on her will only give her more confident to Dom you instead. Let her know where you stand ,for sure ,she will understand if she does also treasure the chemistry you've both built. All the best -Ryu
MsDrawers Posted July 2, 2023 Posted July 2, 2023 We all have our boundaries and limits. There's no reason to expect you would be the same submissive as you're looking for. Or, no reason to assume your sub comes in the same flavours as your dom. This is assuming you are happy to switch with her at all which you may not be (as alluded to below). If you are then you need to negotiate and set boundaries she can observe and respect, just as one hopes you would, and do. You're negotiating your limits from the strange side of the slash and that takes some work but you should both be comfortable and happy or its a non starter.
ge**** Posted July 2, 2023 Posted July 2, 2023 If you're not submissive you're not submissive ultimately - know I could never be dominant for much the same reasons. . So you're left with a number of choices: . - Your submissive explores their dominant side separately from you if you're both in agreement to do so. . - You explore together with a third person with your submissive taking a dominant role to the third, perhaps under your guidance. . - May depend on whether it's the D/s angle you're uncomfortable with or the physical aspects or both, but if it's the D/s angle you can still explore the physical aspects just without the D/s . - You agree submission is not for you and they accept that
Th**** Posted July 2, 2023 Posted July 2, 2023 she is not a sub, if you are a Dom that would explain the uncomfortablility. Many conflate being a bottom with being a sub. A sub could never switch. As a Dom could never switch. A Master could absolutely never sub or bottom for another. So, for the sake of your mental well-being, walk away. Furthermore/although this could be a cry for help. she may be wating you to step up your Dominance. she may want you to Tell her No, you will not switch. "Alpha" subs do oftentimes challenge their Dom to reasurt His Dominance. To prove He is Worthy.
un**** Posted July 2, 2023 Posted July 2, 2023 Well very rarely does a man win arguments with a woman in general so that particular experience isn’t new. However my best suggestion is if she happens to be bi bring in a second sub who is submissive not only to you but also to her so she can explore her switch tendencies if this doesn’t work i’d find a way to amicably end things there is no reason to burn bridges you don’t have to
An**** Posted July 2, 2023 Posted July 2, 2023 Having a conversation about your limits and how they should be respected no matter what sounds to be in order. Otherwise, you won't play because you can trust her to be a good Dom.
An**** Posted July 2, 2023 Posted July 2, 2023 *can't. And maybe make her read "The Topping Book" before she plays with you again so she can understand the importance of her responsibility as a dom.
CopperKnob Posted July 2, 2023 Posted July 2, 2023 I think it's rather telling that you've choosen to use the phrase "my little/sub who I've been dealing with" as opposed to, in a relationship with/dating... That phrase says a lot more than I think you probably realise.
Deleted Member Posted July 2, 2023 Posted July 2, 2023 Two yes’s or one no. This entire thing is about consent. She has to respect that or move on. End of story
jj**** Posted July 2, 2023 Posted July 2, 2023 As a switch that leans more submissive, I can honestly say that your situation sounds more like disrespect for you than wanting to explore further. She should be understanding when you tell her you're uncomfortable and should never want to cause discomfort if she truly respects you and enjoys your chemistry. I wish you two the best though and hope things work out.
Mr**** Posted July 2, 2023 Posted July 2, 2023 34 minutes ago, Levinagain said: Two yes’s or one no. This entire thing is about consent. She has to respect that or move on. End of story *Ding ding ding* If you don't want to do it, don't do it. At the end of the day, it all boils to consent and communication.
MxyBunny Posted July 2, 2023 Posted July 2, 2023 It seems to me that the logical solution is to allow her to practise her dominant side with another individual. Maybe it could be in context of you being at the top of the hierarchy. She's your sub, but you allow her to hold dominion over another sub?
jamielawson Posted July 2, 2023 Posted July 2, 2023 The hardest thing in life is having a good thing but being untrue to yourself or your other. All to often in life people walk unwilling into commitment when growth changes a person. Its unfair for both parties to string things along knowing that a road block ahead will cause hurt and *** to one or both. The most important part of kink and being a good partner is transparency regardless of how difficult or how much you are losing. A professional dom can see if the relationship has outgrown the dynamic and a real caring dom knows they must reevaluate terms and if they cant be agreed there must be amicable parting of the ways. This separates those who are genuine and those who are disingenuous. It sounds to me like your submissive has come to you with a growth moment to negotiate terms. The only valid response is to find mutual ground or accept crossed paths and part ways.
So**** Posted July 3, 2023 Posted July 3, 2023 Well shew trying to Dom you. Sounds like you have communicated well with her so far but if it has become that she's not interested in doing things the way you both can agree then perhaps break it off? Or perhaps negotiate with her to be submissive with you and she can experiment with her Dom stuff elsewhere?
hrafnblod Posted July 3, 2023 Posted July 3, 2023 You could discuss introducing a third into your relationship. A sub for her to D when she is in that headspace, and for you to D both when she is in s space.
ma**** Posted July 3, 2023 Posted July 3, 2023 I’m a switch and the moment I could let go and gave total control to my master-friend was the beginning of many new experiences for us
ch**** Posted July 3, 2023 Posted July 3, 2023 A few questions need to be answered to give you the proper fitting answer. What is the relationship dynamic? Are you both monogamous? Everyone is so quick to jump to additional partners that they forget there is an answer that pertains to your specific dynamic and needs for each other.
ch**** Posted July 3, 2023 Posted July 3, 2023 You as the dom are to facilitate your subs growth and curiosities. While she is desiring a shift in power play start off with the simpler forms first. Also remember the best leaders also know how to follow. Ease yourself into trusting her with control over you. Remember at one point you had to earn her trust in order for her to surrender as well.
De**** Posted July 3, 2023 Posted July 3, 2023 If you don’t want to be submissive and you don’t like it you shouldn’t have to do. If someone wanted me to be dominant it would make me miserable. Just talk it out, and explain this isn’t working for you. Maybe other partners or going separate ways are the next step forwards. You both deserve your wants and needs.
Deleted Member Posted July 4, 2023 Posted July 4, 2023 Sounds like she’s violating your boundaries and you’re not enthusiastically consenting. If she can’t wrap her head around that she might not be mature enough to handle being dominant. I personally don’t give anyone the time of day if they disrespect me like that.
Setrion Posted July 4, 2023 Posted July 4, 2023 On 7/2/2023 at 11:29 AM, TheBigGentleman said: she is not a sub, if you are a Dom that would explain the uncomfortablility. Many conflate being a bottom with being a sub. A sub could never switch. As a Dom could never switch. A Master could absolutely never sub or bottom for another. So, for the sake of your mental well-being, walk away. Furthermore/although this could be a cry for help. she may be wating you to step up your Dominance. she may want you to Tell her No, you will not switch. "Alpha" subs do oftentimes challenge their Dom to reasurt His Dominance. To prove He is Worthy. Okay, I REALLY shouldn't poke this bear but I have to know... If doms can't switch, and subs can't switch... who CAN switch? Can switches sub? Can switches dom? If switches can dom, doesn't that make them at least sometimes a dom, and therefore mean that doms can switch? Are you trying to claim that switches don't exist at all? I don't think I can make sense of this cosmology.
Deleted Member Posted July 4, 2023 Posted July 4, 2023 If she she’s a real sub and your a real dom it won’t work let energy come out how it does and find it sexy
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