Ki**** Posted July 2, 2023 Posted July 2, 2023 (edited) This is the 4th and final installment of the story begun on March 14, 2023 (BEGINNINGS) & posted in BDSM Stories and Kinky Sex Confessions, in the forum. It's about the growth of a friendship between us, developing and building a relationship over many conversations, online and in person. The second installment was posted on March 17, (THE WAIT), and the third installment was posted on March 25, (THE WANT). This is the final post to this story. ***************************************************************************************************************************************************** The sun has set on my colors, and I mourn the loss. MY failure? I'm not sure, I'm still trying to figure that out, but I think so. It seems the door has closed on the possibility of a relationship and the beautiful colors on my breasts have disappeared, removing that last lingering memory trigger. As the fading yellow-green fingerprints changed one last time before disappearing completely, I felt a strong tug of regret. There would be no more colors from this relationship. The pale white of my breasts would no longer be the canvas for his ***tbrush. Nor will my bottom ever feel the guidance or discipline of his strong hands. I ache for his touch and his strong grasp securely holding me in place and I already miss that brief taste of his confident strength and his gentle control. But I know that these lingering memories are the past. I can't help it, I still fantasize. I didn't come to this alternative lifestyle community easily, but I came with an open heart and mind. Although it took some time to develop the trust that was built with our conversations, our meetings rein***d the belief in that trust. My feeling of security was immediate and strong. That overwhelming feeling of safety with him is simply right, and completely satisfying. When you feel it in your gut, and the chemistry is exciting and enticing, what more can you hope for? WYKYK However, as we progressed, I felt a different energy. I began to feel unnecessary. The daily messages became redundant, erratic and irrelevant, with no real feelings, no aim or goal. I felt ***. I allowed my confusion to get in the way of what we were building. I found myself unable to comply with his simple requests. I did not help when I tried to speak with him about my concerns. I *** he misunderstood my intentions. I just knew I didn't want to be making things more difficult for him. My words failed me. I stumbled, and I ran away with the conversation, speaking of nothing important rather than addressing my questions. I shut down by removing myself from the picture. But in doing so, I lost an opportunity that I truly wanted to explore. I don't know how to recover that opportunity. So I watch from the sidelines, immersing my imagination in a life experience of which I am not a part. The unknown, the tease, the want. It's sad how desires don't disappear with the lost possibilities. I would be easier. I'm jealous of those who discover, explore and enjoy the learning process. It must be fulfilling to be able to satisfy these delicious, decadent desires that we hold so close to our hearts. But the frustration in the search can eclipse the joy tof the discovery. It can cause insecurity and confusion and maybe even a slightly bruised ego and heart. I understand the need to be able to accept rejection. There can be many reasons two souls don't meld. But without any explanation, the questions lead us back to ourselves. What did I misunderstand? What did I imagine? What did I miss? The truth of the matter is, it all needs to be considered, and I wonder was I looking for the wrong thing? In the wrong place? With the wrong person? I don't think so. I still have may fantasies about those encounters and the possibilities. Unfulfilled. I so wanted to go to a party.... with him. But I don't want to be part of a "swingers" scene. I need to at least get my footing with just one person who gets to enjoy all the pleasures to be discovered. I like him holding the keys to my submission in his hands. I adore that feeling of being his, even if only in the moment. Everyone's want is different. I'm not looking to encompass someone's life. I can't immerse myself completely in someone's daily existence. I only want to be a part of it. To offer the singularity of connection to someone is a wonderful gift that I am unable to give. But I can be the most sensual, naughty obedient participant in all of those delicious fantasies. When I started this journey, I thought I wanted someone to dominate my entire existence. In my search I discovered that while I believe I want to be a submissive partner and I want to be controlled sexually, I still do want someone who wants me for more than just one experience. I guess that's part of the learning curve. Finding out what is really being sought. And I guess that speaks to the good reason to take the time to find out what is real, instead of rushing into a relationship too quickly. But, I never felt we moved too fast. Patience was his virtue. I do want to be important to the person with whom I share my most intimate desires, especially physically. I at least have to feel as if I bring value to the relationship. It's a confusing situation when my mind is imagining all kinds of kinky ideas that I want to explore. We all have busy lives. and sometimes all the pieces do not fit together smoothly. We just do the best we can with what we have. If I am to continue my journey into this interesting, exciting lifestyle, I must begin again. My search remains the same, to find that willing dominant soul to help me to fulfill those kinky, naughty and slightly nasty desires that tease at the edge of my soul. And so this story has run its course and come to an end, albeit not the ending I had imagined. Things don't always turn out as we hope. My wish is that the journey will be a good one. Sometimes our dreams NEVER manifest. As for me I can only hope that the next possible partner warms my heart and tickles my toes as he did. Edited July 2, 2023 by KinkyMinx2023
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