Afiegel22 Posted July 3, 2023 Posted July 3, 2023 So as of last night me and my wife has decided to go polly it was her decision just wondering how many people are on here who is also polly and how does it feel?
Go**** Posted July 3, 2023 Posted July 3, 2023 I’m also interested in this. I’ve always thought a thrupple situation would be a great idea. Nothing without some growing ***s but I think it could work out very well for everyone.
li**** Posted July 3, 2023 Posted July 3, 2023 She decided, or you decided together? Going poly isn't a one-partner decision.
Deleted Member Posted July 3, 2023 Posted July 3, 2023 Going poly is a joint decision, if it was her alone, my good man, there is something not working.
Vaxis Posted July 3, 2023 Posted July 3, 2023 I'd be thinking about a divorce lawyer if it was "her decision"...
Deleted Member Posted July 3, 2023 Posted July 3, 2023 My husband and I Poly for a year now and it is going well and we feel closer emotionally and our sex life is much better. We really love it. Sometimes things are challenging and communication is key.
Deleted Member Posted July 3, 2023 Posted July 3, 2023 We decided together after being monogamous 40 years
Deleted Member Posted July 3, 2023 Posted July 3, 2023 My ex wife offered that or divorce. Glad I said no as things did not work out for her. It works for some people, and if you have an open discussion about it. I know people who are in a beautiful poly relationship because they are open and involved with each others choices.
Afiegel22 Posted July 3, 2023 Author Posted July 3, 2023 We been taking about it and i think it would be something we would try
Ta**** Posted July 4, 2023 Posted July 4, 2023 5 hours ago, thebeardedbull said: She decided, or you decided together? Going poly isn't a one-partner decision. Sounds more like cheating tbh
Afiegel22 Posted July 4, 2023 Author Posted July 4, 2023 No we talk about it and it just comes down to communicating
ja**** Posted July 4, 2023 Posted July 4, 2023 Hubby and I have been poly for around 3years we were monogamous for the first 6 years we were both open minded when we started and was a conversation we had over many months. Nothing is without its bumps and hurdles though. And we put back up plans in place to make sure if something happens and our communication starts to struggle or one of us has trouble voicing our concerns we write a message or letter and go into other rooms and come back to the table to communicate how or why. Also if your in a position to find a poly friendly couples therapist they will defiantly help always work three thing before it becomes a problem not after.
Afiegel22 Posted July 4, 2023 Author Posted July 4, 2023 Communicating is key me and my wife knows this
Nylon-Nellie Posted July 4, 2023 Posted July 4, 2023 Wouldn't this thread work well where comments are from people in a similar poly relationship?
Je**** Posted July 4, 2023 Posted July 4, 2023 17 hours ago, Afiegel22 said: So as of last night me and my wife has decided to go polly it was her decision just wondering how many people are on here who is also polly and how does it feel? Depenss on the poly stye you two aim for. Some have nsa /unicorn/bull play and stay as a couple. Some date others romantically as a couple Whether that's a single person or multiple, some couples date seperately from their own relationship. Firstly your marriage neeeeeeds to be strong and secure. Dont use poly to open a door to make things better for yourselves if there are underlying issues. It requires a lot of strength, communication and trust. And if not strong, adding others can complicate things and hurt the person/s you have involved with you. I met my partner on here, and I've tried solo dating (seperately from him) and I haven't managed a connection as of yet. So we talked and have agreed to try and find someone for us to date joint as a couple. I personally don't find it fair to being someone in for just play incase someone gets attached and its not suitable for the other, so from the get go, we want someone who's willing to date us both romantically and intimately as well as kinky sexy play. This feels more promising for me, as I am not interested in any other men but him, he's not into guys, but we both like women so it will work for us. As long as you both talk, and agree on a type of person and what you hope to find from them, and that any potential for you knows what you want and need and is happy to join you, then go for it. There's not one size fits all, it can take a while to achieve, like any relationship but the rewards will be worth it. Review boundaries regularly, even if everything is going smoothly, not just if or when as issue arises. And just be honest on top of that. Wishing you both luck xx
Je**** Posted July 4, 2023 Posted July 4, 2023 10 hours ago, TallBastard said: Sounds more like cheating tbh Its not cheating if he is ok and consenting and in the know. However I do agree with other comments which state it IS a joint decision. OP you did say it was "her decision". I read this as it was put across by both but she was the one who decided indefinitely? However if you do have any doubts or issues, best discuss them in depth now before proceeding. Its definitely a joint decision and if one has any issue at all, it won't work in the long run
ey**** Posted July 4, 2023 Posted July 4, 2023 the thing with any form of non-monogamy is it's a very big web polyamory is a part of non-monogamy and is still a big web underneath it there is a lot you are going to have to unpack and deal with together. for example if one of you is having more dates than the other - how does it make them feel? are you still making time for each other? how would each of you feel if one of you came home and announced they had a new partner? are you equipped to deal with the new relationship energy this brings? Can you support each other if one of you is having problems in another relationship, or it ends? You really do have to be strong together because there are a million little things can go wrong.
Je**** Posted July 4, 2023 Posted July 4, 2023 27 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: how would each of you feel if one of you came home and announced they had a new partner? I mean, I'd be concerned if this happened. Surely there would be extensive communication about any potential partner, and long chats and getting to know each other between people before getting involved. I'd worry if someone I dated came back out of the blue announcing someone new all of a sudden. Its likely it happens, but I guess my preference is to know if and when someone is talking to someone new and how thats progressing and things. Than just showing up mentioning it one day. I also do understand what you mean on the coping with unexpected things, more attention and new energy. I won't lie I might end up a bit sad if someone is giving out all that new energy to someone which they once gave to me, but those moments only last a short while before the happiness for a partner sets in. I'm still relatively new to it all and learning. Peoples insecurities and issues and whatever else can come into play, as can jealously but again, plenty of communication for reassurance and putting a mind at ease is beneficial there. It can be hard to support someone grieving an end of a relationship for someone else too but I reckon the love and compassion for a partner can kick in and help you support them. I can't speak for married couples, but when my partner isn't my partner (depending on the discussion), they're my best friend. I find it helpful to support them from both sides of our relationship with one another. Thankfully I've not had to deal with hard fallout as of yet but I guess one day, it'll be inevitable
Je**** Posted July 4, 2023 Posted July 4, 2023 (edited) 36 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: the thing with any form of non-monogamy is it's a very big web polyamory is a part of non-monogamy and is still a big web underneath it there is a lot you are going to have to unpack and deal with together. for example if one of you is having more dates than the other - how does it make them feel? are you still making time for each other? how would each of you feel if one of you came home and announced they had a new partner? are you equipped to deal with the new relationship energy this brings? Can you support each other if one of you is having problems in another relationship, or it ends? You really do have to be strong together because there are a million little things can go wrong. I've also come to realise some of these what ifs, are for more solo dating in poly. In the form of a throuple situation, it can be easier to date, communicate and manage anything that comes up or goes wrong, as your partner is right there in the exact same boat. Same struggle and heartache. Not one or the other dealing with things when its tough so to speak, but both having same feeling and processing. For me this is my safety net and comfort zone. Couple dating one other person, doing it together. Managing time and space with that partner and new person at same time. Makes me feel more assured and find my feet. Perhaps OP can feel similar if they wish to date along side their wife Edited July 4, 2023 by Jeneral_Whore
ey**** Posted July 4, 2023 Posted July 4, 2023 2 minutes ago, Jeneral_Whore said: Surely there would be extensive communication about any potential partner, and long chats and getting to know each other between people before getting involved. I'd worry if someone I dated came back out of the blue announcing someone new all of a sudden. I think in the ideal. Certainly I'd be worried if something was a complete surprise, but that's not an impossible scenario. But yeah, there is a good possibility for a conversation to be prepared for which starts with "I was talking to someone and we're going on a date", which is something to deal with emotionally, to then perhaps a few dates down the line "so this person I've been seeing, I'd like them to be a partner" for that to be something dealt with emotionally. In my current situation. I am married. My wife has a girlfriend who they see fairly ad hoc (their girlfriend is also married and also has other casual hook ups and partners) I presently have no formal relationships, although was a sub to a Mistress for a few months. I do have of course have informal play partners, some who are more regular than others who there's somewhat of a relationship there in all but name. Some are one off. We've had challenges to overcome. For sure.
Je**** Posted July 4, 2023 Posted July 4, 2023 1 minute ago, eyemblacksheep said: I think in the ideal. Certainly I'd be worried if something was a complete surprise, but that's not an impossible scenario. But yeah, there is a good possibility for a conversation to be prepared for which starts with "I was talking to someone and we're going on a date", which is something to deal with emotionally, to then perhaps a few dates down the line "so this person I've been seeing, I'd like them to be a partner" for that to be something dealt with emotionally. In my current situation. I am married. My wife has a girlfriend who they see fairly ad hoc (their girlfriend is also married and also has other casual hook ups and partners) I presently have no formal relationships, although was a sub to a Mistress for a few months. I do have of course have informal play partners, some who are more regular than others who there's somewhat of a relationship there in all but name. Some are one off. We've had challenges to overcome. For sure. Oh no question of a doubt everything has challenges. For me personally, my insecurities due to my past come into play so much. So much so, partner and I communicate even if we find someone attractive and sort of say, "reckon I should/would/could message this person?" And that way we are completely in the know of anything before it even starts. But we usually sit down and look at Fet together in bed, discuss anyone who appears interesting who's viewed us, or is on newsfeed, or even sit and browse tinder together. So we can see each others types and anyone potential. Sometimes there is a conflict in attraction, which has its s***d bumps since we are dating joint as a couple, but there will always be a compromise. But we always discuss things upfront and stuff so nothing is a surprise Or we people watch and point out attractive people we think is nice etc. It honestly helps with ease on the mind and better understand a partner. I have tried personal solo dating men and none have been a true fit so I all but gave up, and I am not super excited to start a couple thing with my boyfriend. Means we both have that same excitement and experience and can get soppy about someone together than one being excited and the other left out. One day I hope to be comfy enough to solo date again but for now it's not on the cards. I wish to do things with him, as my best friend and learn as I go. I admire married couples going from mono to ENM and exploring. Takes a lot of strength x
Je**** Posted July 4, 2023 Posted July 4, 2023 3 hours ago, Jeneral_Whore said: and I am not super excited to start a couple thing with my boyfriend *now. Didn't meant to say "not"
Ta**** Posted July 4, 2023 Posted July 4, 2023 5 hours ago, Jeneral_Whore said: Its not cheating if he is ok and consenting and in the know. However I do agree with other comments which state it IS a joint decision. OP you did say it was "her decision". I read this as it was put across by both but she was the one who decided indefinitely? However if you do have any doubts or issues, best discuss them in depth now before proceeding. Its definitely a joint decision and if one has any issue at all, it won't work in the long run Yeah, I was responding to the other gentleman, who pointed out that “going poly isn’t a one-partner decision”. That’s why I quoted that person, and not the OP saying “we decided together” several comments above.
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