Nothing compares.... to You.

[Je****]

Most people here know me, they see an energetic full of life confident person. But sometimes this can be further from the truth. 

Like any human being, I have my issues, worries and lack of confidence, but mostly I compare myself to others. 

 

I scroll on here daily, or on facebook, any social platform, magazines, and so on... and what do I do?!

Why can't I have a body like that. Why can't I have the *** for nice tattoos like that. Why does this person suit a peircing I would long for, but be told my body is unsuitable. Why are they slimmer than me, I want that. Why do they have curves there, and I cannot achieve this. Why is my body different. Why doesn't my hair sit that way, or be as thick and have as much volume... The list goes on. 

 

Dysphoria is rife in me, from body issues to identity issues, longing for male body parts, wanting to be more feminine, all sorts of contradictions. It is a lot to do with upbringing, comments made my family, friends, passers by, society in it's full form. Why can't I be more than I am. 

Why do I suffer with such mental and physical ***, why did God make me this way. 

I am always comparing myself. I people watch, taking in so many beautiful human beings, male and female alike, wondering if they know how lucky they have it to look how they do, to live the life they do. To be going on holiday or living abroad, hell even sometimes how well off they are when they don't have responsibilities that tie you to home. Down to job envy, education envy and all sorts. 

 

I've spoken briefly through time with some friends, about these things, and was shocked that many have the same thoughts and notions when they look at others. That most people aren't happy in their own skin, in their own lives and so on. It really made me sad. 

But then a comment was mentioned, "But Jen, what if someone else looks at You and asks themselves this very same thing?".

It made me think, yes it's possible someone can look at me in that way. It's normal for everyone to make some comparison, unless someone is extremely lucky to have the perfect life and body, which we can all admit is rare.

If someone looks at me, and thinks "why can't I be like Jen?", let me tell you it's not easy. I know the ins and outs of my past, my life, my struggles, my body and why it is how it is, as well as all the hurdles I have faced and burdens I carry. Those are the things we don't see. 

I often used to wish so hard that I was certain celebrities when I was growing up. To get to the age I am now, a lot of them have had tragic accidents, cancer and family devastation. 

It really made me think, had I traded places with someone, or wished I was them, my time on this earth would be done now. I didn't know the issues they faced behind the scenes. I didn't know their illnesses and struggles. But I know my own. 

I know my time on this earth is precious, and so is yours. Do not compare. Be the you, the You who was brought into this world, raised and has become value to this world. No matter how small a difference you make, you matter. Don't wish your life away. So many people love you, care about you, worry about you and are glad you exist. Just as you are. 

You can make changes in your life to be damn near perfect to your ideal, but please know a rare few if any ever make it to perfect. You don't need to compare yourself. Those who matter and know you, value you just as you are. you are enough. you don't need to change, unless you are taking a step into an identity and form you've oh so longed for. Don't think anyone is better than you and certain don't think anyone is beneath you. We are all human, we all live, we all die, and we all need to support and love one another on this earth with what little time we have, to the utmost of our ability and just Live. Make the most of the life you have been given. Don't give up. 

 

You are great, you are strong, you are worthy, you are important. Remember that every single day. 

 

Love, Me. 

[Ch****]

I try to make you smile and feel loved every time we speak . We all do this to ourselves. We shouldn't ❤️

[Chloebear]

I often think this about your hair for reference :)

[kree90]

I like to look at pictures of you. Legit. I love looking at beautiful things. So when I see something you've posted on Facebook, I ALWAYS check it out. I may forget that liking posts or loving them is a thing (how does one forget this? I dunno, but I do lol) but I always check out your content. I know my opinion of you doesn't fix your struggles, as I have my own body issues so I understand, but I want you to see this perspective: When you look at me, what do you see? It isn't the same as when I look at myself, but you STILL see it despite whether or not I do, so the same has to be true for you. 

I literally have to repeat "I love me, and every inch of me is me" over and over when I have a negative thought about myself. Challenging those thoughts is a start to changing them.

<3 you're amazing and beautiful and worthy of love and admiration just as you are.

[ro****]

Hey happy fourth of july! So I read what you wrote and I can totally relate! I've Been Told numerous times that I am unapproachable but here's the thing you are absolutely gorgeous! And whatever negativity people are putting in your ear they don't need to be in your life! Everybody is so quick to judge because we are edgy but that's what makes us us. You are perfect from what I can tell

[Deleted Member]

It’s sad and tragic that you can’t see yourself the way others see you. The irony is that you will look at your photos ten years from now and realise how beautiful you were and wonder how you didn’t see it. I know I felt that when I looked at my photos from years ago. I hope you get to that place of self love faster than I did. There will never be another one exactly like you x

[ne****]

You are worth it my friend. I wish you the best on this journey, whatever that may look like for you. Win the little battles that we fight every day. In that I mean do the things that make you feel attracted to you. If you do the things you love for yourself eventually you will might start to like what you see in the mirror 🙂. Nothing I can say will make you feel attractive. But your confidence on this site is attractive, you are attractive.

One day at a time.

[Mi****]

Hey friend... I too, think and feel the same from time to time... self reflection has helped me A LOT! I used to write uplifting messages to myself on my mirror and read them daily... slowly, I learned to love MYSELF... and THAT is the key that unlocks EVERY door... you are a beautiful human. Journal. Draw. ***t. Make music.. it's all helpful in regards to loving YOU. You will get there... and you will feel AMAZING when you do.. much luck to you lovely lady!

[Ro****]

Great post! We all gotta learn how to appreciate ourselves. You go girl 😉

[Ta****]

Those completely unrealistic “standards” of “beauty” are anything but. It’s vanity, not beauty, and it’s anything but the standard, but rather the rare exceptions, and even then it’s all airbrushed. This brainwashing that happiness is only for the beautiful, that beauty somehow defines a woman’s worth, makes me ***ful and angry as a father of a little girl, knowing the pressure society will put on her. All I can do is teach her the truth: that happiness, like beauty, comes from within.

[Lu****]

You are loved

[DeviantInside]

I think the idea that we are one singular entity is flawed. My personal viewpoint is that we are all many different things. We are different depending on who we are with, where we are and the circumstances. It’s entirely possible to feel completely invincible at one moment to the most fragile and *** we can conceive the next. The primitive brain (hippocampus, amygdala, and hypothalamus) is naturally predisposed to seeing all the worst case scenarios. And we naturally gloss over the positive counterparts. We also never know someone else’s perspective, troubles or turmoils. We may see someone else’s life as amazing but we don’t actually know what is effecting them. Similarly what is trifling to one person may be completely debilitating to another. It is completely natural to think that everyone else is the same or similar to us (after all we have all only ever had one perspective to look out from), but the reality is everyone will have had different motivators and building blocks to work from.

Another aspect is that you and only you are the person that hat will have seen you every day. Every aspect of you (and as I say the primitive mind is naturally worst case focused for survival purposes). So you will see 1000 flaws and failures that 99.9999999% wouldn’t even notice… and even if they did would probably dismiss anyway.

The happiest and most at peace people I have known in my life really don’t spend any time judging others or worrying what they are doing or looking like. If others are happy then they they don’t concern themselves with what or why. It is amazing. If you focus on making sure you are happy, generally two things happen. You gravitate towards those of a like mind and find fulfilment there, you will also start not worrying about what others think do or say (which you have no control over anyway). And t can be a process but ultimately I would say worthwhile.

[Je****]

The sexy and most attractive thing a women has to offer is her mind ironically the same applies for a man. Your looks / body is shell .. a lure if you will. Maybe there is something to body chemistry but other then that it’s all the same.

Based on how you expressed yourself I would say you are a very attractive person for any intelligent partner

[FreddieJobbs]

I fully agreed we need to learn to love ourselves. We also need to learn to be open-minded too because there may be a time of that you may end up in a catastrophe that you can’t get out of because you refused to listen. We need to listen to those people because they probably love us, and don’t want anything bad happen to us. Normally these kind of people are our parents but this can be your co-workers and your friends as well. And being loved defeats any jealous traits imho.

[Deleted Member]

3 godziny temu Jeneral_Whore powiedział:

Większość ludzi tutaj mnie zna, widzą energiczną, pełną życia osobę pewną siebie. Ale czasami może to być dalsze od prawdy.

Jak każdy człowiek mam swoje problemy, zmartwienia i brak pewności siebie, ale przede wszystkim porównuję się z innymi.

 

Przewijam tu codziennie lub na Facebooku, dowolnej platformie społecznościowej, czasopismach i tak dalej... i co mam zrobić?!

Dlaczego nie mogę mieć takiego ciała. Dlaczego nie mogę mieć pieniędzy na takie ładne tatuaże. Dlaczego ta osoba pasuje do peircingu, za którym tęskniłbym, ale powiedziano mi, że moje ciało jest nieodpowiednie. Dlaczego są szczuplejsze ode mnie, chcę tego. Dlaczego mają tam krzywe, a ja nie mogę tego osiągnąć. Dlaczego moje ciało jest inne. Dlaczego moje włosy nie siedzą w ten sposób, albo są tak grube i mają tyle własnej objętości... Lista jest długa.

 

Rozchodzi we mnie dysforia, od problemów z ciałem po kwestie tożsamości, tęsknotę za męskimi częściami ciała, chęć bycia bardziej kobiecą, różnego rodzaju sprzeczności. To ma wiele wspólnego z wychowaniem, komentarzami, które sprawiły, że moja rodzina, przyjaciele, przechodnie, społeczeństwo w pełnej formie. Dlaczego nie mogę być kimś więcej niż jestem.

Dlaczego cierpię z takim bólem psychicznym i fizycznym, dlaczego Bóg mnie tak uczynił.

Zawsze się porównuję. Ja ludzie patrzę, przyjmując tak wielu pięknych ludzi, zarówno mężczyzn, jak i kobiet, zastanawiając się, czy wiedzą, jakie mają szczęście, że wyglądają tak, jak wyglądają, żyją życiem, jak żyją. Wyjeżdżać na wakacje lub mieszkać za granicą, do diabła, nawet czasami, jak dobrze im się czuje, gdy nie mają obowiązków, które wiążą cię z domem. Aż do zazdrości o pracę, zazdrości edukacyjnej i wszelkiego rodzaju.

 

Rozmawiałem krótko przez czas z niektórymi przyjaciółmi o tych rzeczach i byłem zszokowany, że wielu ma te same myśli i wyobrażenia, kiedy patrzą na innych. Że większość ludzi nie jest szczęśliwa we własnej skórze, we własnym życiu i tak dalej. Naprawdę mnie to zasmuciło.

Ale potem wspomniano o komentarzu: "Ale Jen, co jeśli ktoś inny spojrzy na Ciebie i zada sobie to samo?".

To sprawiło, że pomyślałem, tak, możliwe, że ktoś może na mnie patrzeć w ten sposób. To normalne, że każdy dokonuje jakiegoś porównania, chyba że ktoś ma ogromne szczęście, że ma idealne życie i ciało, co wszyscy możemy przyznać, że jest rzadkością.

Jeśli ktoś na mnie spojrzy i pomyśli "dlaczego nie mogę być jak Jen?", powiem ci, że to nie jest łatwe. Znam tajniki mojej przeszłości, mojego życia, moich zmagań, mojego ciała i dlaczego tak jest, a także wszystkie przeszkody, z którymi się borykam i ciężary, które dźwigam. To są rzeczy, których nie widzimy.

Często tak bardzo życzyłem sobie, że kiedy dorastałem, byłem pewnymi celebrytami. Aby dotrzeć do wieku, w którym jestem teraz, wielu z nich miało tragiczne wypadki, raka i dewastację rodzin.

To naprawdę sprawiło, że pomyślałem, gdybym zamienił się z kimś miejscami lub chciałbym być nim, mój czas na tej ziemi byłby już skończony. Nie znałem problemów, z jakimi borykali się za kulisami. Nie znałem ich chorób i zmagań. Ale znam swoje.

Wiem, że mój czas na tej ziemi jest cenny, podobnie jak twój. Nie porównuj. Bądź sobą, Ty, który został przyprowadzony na ten świat, wskrzeszony i stał się wartością dla tego świata. Bez względu na to, jak małą różnicę zrobisz, masz znaczenie. Nie życz sobie życia. Tak wielu ludzi cię kocha, troszczy się o ciebie, martwi się o ciebie i cieszy się, że istniejesz. Taki jaki jesteś.

Możesz wprowadzić zmiany w swoim życiu, aby być cholernie bliskim ideału, ale proszę znać kilka rzadkich, jeśli w ogóle, uda im się udoskonalić. Nie musisz się porównywać. Ci, którzy cię liczą i znają, cenią cię takim, jakim jesteś. jesteś wystarczający. nie musisz się zmieniać, chyba że robisz krok w kierunku tożsamości i formy, za którą tak bardzo tęskniłeś. Nie myśl, że ktoś jest lepszy od ciebie i na pewno nie myśl, że ktoś jest pod tobą. Wszyscy jesteśmy ludźmi, wszyscy żyjemy, wszyscy umieramy i wszyscy musimy wspierać się i kochać na tej ziemi tym, jak mało czasu mamy, jak najbardziej potrafimy i po prostu żyć. Wykorzystaj w pełni życie, które ci dano. Nie poddawaj się.

 

Jesteś świetny, silny, godny, ważny. Pamiętaj o tym każdego dnia.

 

Miłość, Ja.

Well, I agree 100 percent that being yourself is the most rewarding, uplifting, and amazing thing. If you are yourself and follow the path of your soul, the whole universe helps you with everything you get with ease. It's strange that I started my path of a conscious way intuitively from literature rather for women, but I realized it only years later. THE SECRET OF HAPPINESS IS A TRUE WORK, and I think everyone should read it. By Shimo Marci and Charles Cline. Nice examples of happiness are given. I would never have figured it out on my own be the biggest secret to happiness is to be happy just for no reason. It is hard ? I know but you can work it out. Control your thoughts and mind. We only limit ourselves by the mind. It's the only way to annoy us, make us sad, and judge us. The second book that I can recommend is The Magic of Failing by Mrs Sarah Knight, I reached for this reading because there are strict examples of how to ignore without damaging relationships with loved ones or distant people. Valuable knowledge because sometimes I move like an elephant in a china warehouse. .In order not to compare ourselves with others, it is worth mentioning that each person is unique and we should be proud of ourselves. Now that's a number. Sometimes a friend or colleague learns faster. Someone is successful and we are not. Someone is wasting *** and we are missing it. Everyone struggles with something. Quite a long time ago, the Human Design Application was created. apparently it comes from channeling I don't know but this application perfectly explains our bodies, i.e. the vehicle we drive. There are four types of aura and why someone else is different and I am so there are answers I recommend Human Design for android for iOS for all operating systems.

[Deleted Member]

Give it to God and go one day at a time we are all equally beautiful in his eyes!
Pray every day right as you open your eyes give the day and your life to him wishing only for God's will to be done.

I think 99% of us here are pretty self inflicted with demons of lust and addiction so honestly I wouldn't trust anyone's advice here but trust God's voice inside you. Just do the next right thing.

[4R****]

10 hours ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

You don't need to compare yourself. Those who matter and know you, value you just as you are. you are enough. you don't need to change

It took me literally years to have this epiphany.

I see myself as balding, short, overweight, not ugly but not I'm no oil ***ting, have a horrid smile and to top it all off, I now add "old" into the mix. I've seen myself that way for so long that I can't remember a time when I didn't. When I look at those who I've been close to over the years (including now) I wonder what they see in me and How on earth I attracted them.

BUT.......

I don't care!
I'm me!
I know what I bring to the table!
Those who I'm / have been close to must be / have been attracted to me for a reason.

I'll always see myself as I've described above, but regardless of how I see myself, I have so many others around me that I don't really get time to disappear into my own self loathing. I'm too busy living life and enjoying every moment to worry about it!

 

[Je****]

12 hours ago, Chiana said:

I try to make you smile and feel loved every time we speak . We all do this to ourselves. We shouldn't ❤️

So much love for you,  my dear friend. 

12 hours ago, Chloebear said:

I often think this about your hair for reference

I wish my hair was as good as I wanted it to be. It just went brittle and dry, needed redone all the time. I envied those who had whimsical hair healthy and thick, such good condition even though they did the same methods as I. I shaved one side but now I want it back. I'm sad its not instantaneous.  I've had to dye it dull black to all grow to a normal decent length which will take months to achieve before I am content with it again. Makes me feel so ugly and look as though I don't take care of myself

[Je****]

12 hours ago, kree90 said:

I like to look at pictures of you. Legit. I love looking at beautiful things. So when I see something you've posted on Facebook, I ALWAYS check it out. I may forget that liking posts or loving them is a thing (how does one forget this? I dunno, but I do lol) but I always check out your content. I know my opinion of you doesn't fix your struggles, as I have my own body issues so I understand, but I want you to see this perspective: When you look at me, what do you see? It isn't the same as when I look at myself, but you STILL see it despite whether or not I do, so the same has to be true for you. 

I literally have to repeat "I love me, and every inch of me is me" over and over when I have a negative thought about myself. Challenging those thoughts is a start to changing them.

<3 you're amazing and beautiful and worthy of love and admiration just as you are.

I do try affirmations in my head. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. I'm very flitting in what my brain will allow me to feel that day. I am glad to have you, you're a wonderful voice of reason and always so down to earth and help keep me there too 😊 

[Je****]

12 hours ago, rockstarjay74 said:

Hey happy fourth of july! So I read what you wrote and I can totally relate! I've Been Told numerous times that I am unapproachable but here's the thing you are absolutely gorgeous! And whatever negativity people are putting in your ear they don't need to be in your life! Everybody is so quick to judge because we are edgy but that's what makes us us. You are perfect from what I can tell

I'm sure you're not unapproachable. And as for gorgeous... soem days i feel it some not. 

I'm heavier than most would believe so this creeps into mind when I get compliments. But I've also heard this from many others.

Bitter sweet to know I'm not alone. 

I don't think its people putting negativity in my ear,  I'm my own worst critic haha.

[Je****]

10 hours ago, LuckyMan1937 said:

You are loved

As are you xxx

[Je****]

11 hours ago, peoria693 said:

Hey friend... I too, think and feel the same from time to time... self reflection has helped me A LOT! I used to write uplifting messages to myself on my mirror and read them daily... slowly, I learned to love MYSELF... and THAT is the key that unlocks EVERY door... you are a beautiful human. Journal. Draw. ***t. Make music.. it's all helpful in regards to loving YOU. You will get there... and you will feel AMAZING when you do.. much luck to you lovely lady!

Thank you xxxxx

[Je****]

Thanks to all who commented. I'm currently out so cannot reply to anymore personally but I appreciate you all. 

 

Appreciate yourselves too. Youre all wonderful xx

[Deleted Member]

I understand where you’re coming from, everyone deals with it, even more now that social media is such a big thing. But know that you are perfect already. Any changes you make to better yourself, makes you more perfect, and nobody lives your life, in your body, but you. So take care of you, and be the best you!

[zr****]

Your beautiful as you are