First BDSM club visit

[Deleted Member]

Having re-watched one of my favourite song videos "Boy Epic - Dirty Mind" (watch it and you will understand why) I have rekindled my motivation to visit a BDSM club. Having never been to one, I do not even know if it is called a BDSM club, and I do not know the etiquette or rules (though I believe this is bespoke to each venue).

 

Essentially I seek a venue within a close distance of where I live, where I can meet Submissives. I would like to converse, so I hope that there are clubs with low-volume/no music, and I would be in a place where the atmosphere is quite open and friendly.

 

Would anyone be able to point me in the correct direction and give me some tips? I appreciate that this wil provide no guarantee of taking a Submissive home with me, but after a year of being on this website I think it is time to break out of my vanilla daily life.

[ey****]

I think a partial question is around how far you define as "close" - what is reasonable travel distance, etc.

Events can vary wildly - a lot of this can depend a lot on whether they're held in night clubs, in dungeons, in swingers clubs, or in someone's house... a lot of the factors on etiquette remain the same though.

But, my point is you may have to decide on the sphere in which you're willing/able to travel in and research clubs that may be closer to what you are looking for. 

A good starting point is a munch - because this will not only give you a good opportunity to talk to people in a no-music setting for conversation, it would also mean that you'd be able to discuss their recommendations and descriptions of clubs/events - and it'd also mean that when you do attend you have a chance of already knowing someone, which makes it all a lot less daunting.

Etiquette.  No means no.  Even if someone is clearly submissive they're not your sub. No touching with consent.  If you use the play equipment then clean after use.  Don't hog the equipment and don't interrupt somebody's scene.

Guys who float from person to person looking for play are very obvious.  If nothing else it means that people who might have been interested don't feel special, merely next in line to try.

I like to go easy on the drink.  This means I've got my wits about me should I play - and also really after more than a couple of drinks, consent is a little jaded.  But, of course, it's often a venue with a bar - have a good time - don't nurse a half of pepsi all night for *** it might otherwise ruin chances, just keep things sensible.

It may take a few visits before anyone builds trust with you to play - but - this is OK, if you're enjoying yourself, meeting people, making friends and relationships you often find a lot falls in place.   I recently played with a young Lady I'd met in a club a couple of times - and I don't deliberately play a long game, I just respect that sometimes things take time. 

[Wo****]

Fiy free....

[Deleted Member]

9 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I think a partial question is around how far you define as "close" - what is reasonable travel distance, etc.

Events can vary wildly - a lot of this can depend a lot on whether they're held in night clubs, in dungeons, in swingers clubs, or in someone's house... a lot of the factors on etiquette remain the same though.

But, my point is you may have to decide on the sphere in which you're willing/able to travel in and research clubs that may be closer to what you are looking for. 

A good starting point is a munch - because this will not only give you a good opportunity to talk to people in a no-music setting for conversation, it would also mean that you'd be able to discuss their recommendations and descriptions of clubs/events - and it'd also mean that when you do attend you have a chance of already knowing someone, which makes it all a lot less daunting.

Etiquette.  No means no.  Even if someone is clearly submissive they're not your sub. No touching with consent.  If you use the play equipment then clean after use.  Don't hog the equipment and don't interrupt somebody's scene.

Guys who float from person to person looking for play are very obvious.  If nothing else it means that people who might have been interested don't feel special, merely next in line to try.

I like to go easy on the drink.  This means I've got my wits about me should I play - and also really after more than a couple of drinks, consent is a little jaded.  But, of course, it's often a venue with a bar - have a good time - don't nurse a half of pepsi all night for *** it might otherwise ruin chances, just keep things sensible.

It may take a few visits before anyone builds trust with you to play - but - this is OK, if you're enjoying yourself, meeting people, making friends and relationships you often find a lot falls in place.   I recently played with a young Lady I'd met in a club a couple of times - and I don't deliberately play a long game, I just respect that sometimes things take time. 

As always, Blacksheep, very helpful thank you. Do I just Google "munches near me"?

Edited June 30, 2019 by Deleted Member

[ey****]

1 hour ago, DanteReign said:

As always, Blacksheep, very helpful thank you. Do I just Google "munches near me"?

google "find a munch" - that will take you to a website with a whole bunch listed. It's not exhaustive, but should give a rough idea  

[Ra****]

Fetlife is really good to find events

[Deleted Member]

32 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

google "find a munch" - that will take you to a website with a whole bunch listed. It's not exhaustive, but should give a rough idea  

... That is actually extremely helpful. Wow. Thank you. (Genuinely, no sarcasm)

[ey****]

For my next trick

I've been scouring the fetish dot com magazine for an article on munches as I thought there was one - I might have just not seen it.

So, for the risk of shameless self promotion... another google ; eyemblacksheep munches back to basics

[PranksterBtch]

Check for events near you here: https://www.fetish.com/locations/

[Phoenyx]

I have to second the motion, that Black Sheep's advice hits the nail on the head.  He pretty much covered all of the basics.  I really only have a couple small things to add.

The "munches" sound like the best idea for leads.  Back in my day, they were called "support groups".  Shows how old-school I am.  Glad to see that things have become more refined and relaxed.  These get-togethers may also be a great place to hear about free local classes, covering play techniques and safety tips.

Just found one typo in Black Sheep's post.  It should be "No touching withOUT consent".  Still, I'm sure everyone understood what he meant.

True, floating from person to person can give you a bad rep.  But, don't let this scare you into being a wall flower, either.  Plus, be prepared to talk to the person for a while---get to know their likes, dislikes, limits, etc.

Definitely, it will take a few visits, to build trust.  But, there is also another factor.  During your first visit, you may feel overwhelmed by your own emotions.  This can be a paralyzing experience.  No matter how much you psyched yourself up, it will come as a shock to the system.  You will be feeling things that you never felt before.  At the end of your first stay, you may even feel hurt and left-out.  Don't let this deter you!  It should get easier with each new visit.  I know---I can still recall my own beginnings (damn, that was a long time ago).  If you're lucky, you'll meet an experienced domme, who will take your hand, and lead through the emotional maze.  Of course, it can't be just any domme.  She needs to have likes and kinks very similar to your own, and a play style similar to yours.  This will help you to acquire experience and empathy, for when you're the one on top.

Hope this was of some help.