Goddess_Fifi Posted July 22, 2023 Posted July 22, 2023 If your partner no longer greets you in the morning, gives you compliments or speaks to you with adoration, you should be addressing that issue before you invite a third person into your union in my opinion.
fr**** Posted July 22, 2023 Posted July 22, 2023 Simplest solution to this for guys: “let your partner pick a girl she likes, wants very badly and you tag along as the big di*k factor”.. of course, if you are in-tune with your partner, you definitely going to like any girl she likes because you guys would have ended up liking same kinda girl from being together for a while. The good thing about this approach is that this way you always give both of them some good loving and your partner will be more than happy to see you give the third good loving as she will like everything to go smoothly (she have probably told the third a lot about you and happy to see them play out) .. I say this because calling/feeling the third a “shining new toy” or “just temporary play thing” isn’t really ideal as they are people with feelings as well. So, yes, show endless affection towards your partner so that she is always happy with the dynamic and so that will always bring you into the fold but let’s give props to our thirds that always make everything much more fun (that is the unspoken truth in my opinion).
Wo**** Posted July 22, 2023 Posted July 22, 2023 4 hours ago, yupinthecup said: Wow it’s almost like non-monogamy doesn’t work..who woulda thought it does work for those who practice it properly….Dont shame a lifestyle choice
De**** Posted July 22, 2023 Posted July 22, 2023 6 hours ago, Goddess_Fifi said: If your partner no longer greets you in the morning, gives you compliments or speaks to you with adoration, you should be addressing that issue before you invite a third person into your union in my opinion. I suspect the third person is already there, in spirit if not in person, in that case...
je**** Posted July 22, 2023 Posted July 22, 2023 When there are only two , you get into an established routine of how to show affection and care with just the two of you When a third comes in, it changes it a bit because every person’s language is different and you are all discovering what that is again. It however applies that your foundation and communication precedes all else so come back to acknowledging things with each other instead of indirectly telling others how it should be. If yoh were able to discuss bringing in a third and what that means , then let this be a growth opportunity to solidify your communication foundation and practice expressing your needs and allowing the other to step up, before a throuple dynamic can go deeper. I can attest to that my Dom appreciate it when i express more of what i need than if I blame or shame and expect him to read my mind.
Gi**** Posted July 23, 2023 Posted July 23, 2023 Know yourself would be my best suggestion as well as be true to yourself. Check in with yourself and really pay attention to how something makes you feel. For me: I know that I don’t share well. I don’t see it as a character flaw but certainly a sincere and deep felt truth. While it made me uncomfortable to say these words to him because it was a *** side that I don’t share often. I would not enjoy the dynamic so I didn’t want it to become an issue or cause harm to myself or our relationship.
lo**** Posted July 23, 2023 Posted July 23, 2023 On 7/21/2023 at 2:56 PM, Jeneral_Whore said: Stuff like this would be a red flag for me, and make me want to end the dynamic with the third. Or the Dom, tbh. I have walked when such situations occured. Don't shove my face in it, and definitely don't make me feel like chopped liver while you are salivating over a steak(the new person.) I'm USUALLY ok with sharing my partners, unless they pull that crap. Then I'm like "well ok then, you can have each other since I'm an afterthought if that."
Je**** Posted July 24, 2023 Posted July 24, 2023 11 hours ago, locketheart said: Or the Dom, tbh. I have walked when such situations occured. Don't shove my face in it, and definitely don't make me feel like chopped liver while you are salivating over a steak(the new person.) I'm USUALLY ok with sharing my partners, unless they pull that crap. Then I'm like "well ok then, you can have each other since I'm an afterthought if that." It doesn’t say anything about dynamics that I recall. Just relationship lifestyle, of welcoming someone in. I don't do dom sub stuff and if I did, I'd be with someone who was a one to one interaction. But anyway back to what I was saying lol Yeh in the relationship sounds like this established couple here, has met someone together, but one of those in the couple is being left out, and the new person entertained more, can really give someone a knock to the confidence. Make them feel left out, ignored, not fun and exciting anymore and whatever else. This kinda thing is why in my opinion you need constant transparent communication and make feelings known. Me and my partner are looking for a lady together Certainly wouldn't be comfy if he was all over her and I was barely remember to be exist, nor would I be all over her and leave him out. And I certainly wouldn't be comfy with her being more interested in one of us than the other. Just couldn't do that. If have to walk. So I 100% get how you feel. Bad enough a new person being left feeling like their left our, but they can just decide to go if this was the case. An already established couple where you've bonded etc first... a lot harder to leave. So this situation would definitely hurt more.
Deleted Member Posted July 24, 2023 Author Posted July 24, 2023 19 hours ago, locketheart said: Or the Dom, tbh. I have walked when such situations occured. Don't shove my face in it, and definitely don't make me feel like chopped liver while you are salivating over a steak(the new person.) I'm USUALLY ok with sharing my partners, unless they pull that crap. Then I'm like "well ok then, you can have each other since I'm an afterthought if that." That's exactly how I feel !!! But just don't wanna be without him 😏
Deleted Member Posted July 24, 2023 Author Posted July 24, 2023 8 hours ago, Jeneral_Whore said: It doesn’t say anything about dynamics that I recall. Just relationship lifestyle, of welcoming someone in. I don't do dom sub stuff and if I did, I'd be with someone who was a one to one interaction. But anyway back to what I was saying lol Yeh in the relationship sounds like this established couple here, has met someone together, but one of those in the couple is being left out, and the new person entertained more, can really give someone a knock to the confidence. Make them feel left out, ignored, not fun and exciting anymore and whatever else. This kinda thing is why in my opinion you need constant transparent communication and make feelings known. Me and my partner are looking for a lady together Certainly wouldn't be comfy if he was all over her and I was barely remember to be exist, nor would I be all over her and leave him out. And I certainly wouldn't be comfy with her being more interested in one of us than the other. Just couldn't do that. If have to walk. So I 100% get how you feel. Bad enough a new person being left feeling like their left our, but they can just decide to go if this was the case. An already established couple where you've bonded etc first... a lot harder to leave. So this situation would definitely hurt more. Yes!! Perfectly said how I'm feeling
Deleted Member Posted July 24, 2023 Author Posted July 24, 2023 19 hours ago, locketheart said: Or the Dom, tbh. I have walked when such situations occured. Don't shove my face in it, and definitely don't make me feel like chopped liver while you are salivating over a steak(the new person.) I'm USUALLY ok with sharing my partners, unless they pull that crap. Then I'm like "well ok then, you can have each other since I'm an afterthought if that." Exactly how I'm feeling but I don't wanna be without him either
Je**** Posted July 24, 2023 Posted July 24, 2023 9 minutes ago, Angelboo said: Exactly how I'm feeling but I don't wanna be without him either So this is the lady of the couple? and He is showing Her, more attention than you, the primary? And doesnt see an issue? Am I reading right?
Deleted Member Posted July 27, 2023 Author Posted July 27, 2023 Monday at 06:45 PM, Jeneral_Whore said: So this is the lady of the couple? and He is showing Her, more attention than you, the primary? And doesnt see an issue? Am I reading right? We haven't did anything yet but yea
BruiseWayne Posted July 29, 2023 Posted July 29, 2023 On 7/26/2023 at 8:02 PM, Angelboo said: We haven't did anything yet but yea Simple solution then: Go to him and say 'Hey you're making me feel left out when you act like X,Y,Z with New Girl and not me.'. He might not even realize he's doing it. Like I said in an earlier comment, someone is always going to be more excited about the shiny new toy and maybe he feels like the dynamic/relationship is secure enough that it doesn't bother you. For real, people need to stop being so willing to bounce at the first little sign of trouble or advising others to do so. In all likelihood the guy in question is not doing any of this on purpose or to be malicious. Have a talk, then if he continues you have a problem and a valid reason to dip because blowing off your concerns and your feelings is a way bigger issue than simply getting less of a certain kind of attention than the new person does.
Deleted Member Posted July 29, 2023 Author Posted July 29, 2023 I mean this in all respect, you don't have to stay. Don't get me wrong commitment is a wonderful thing. But if your partner isn't willing to give you the same time, attention and care that was required before other partners then you don't have to settle. 😔
Wo**** Posted July 29, 2023 Posted July 29, 2023 1 hour ago, 165Sw33t said: I mean this in all respect, you don't have to stay. Don't get me wrong commitment is a wonderful thing. But if your partner isn't willing to give you the same time, attention and care that was required before other partners then you don't have to settle. 😔 Exactly…and there are important words here, like before other partner. I said it above, just because he does all this for X doesn’t mean he has to do this for Y. But if you had a dynamic and expectations, those should still be met. Sit them down….tell them your issues. Do not bring up other partner…this is not a meta issue but a primary issue.
Deleted Member Posted July 30, 2023 Author Posted July 30, 2023 21 hours ago, Wolftothemoon said: Exactly…and there are important words here, like before other partner. I said it above, just because he does all this for X doesn’t mean he has to do this for Y. But if you had a dynamic and expectations, those should still be met. Sit them down….tell them your issues. Do not bring up other partner…this is not a meta issue but a primary issue. I agree. Different partners/people have different expressions of love. So the new partner may need more kind words and that's more fulfilling for them. The author may need more touch. This is the beauty of poly which can take getting used to and possibly reconsideration of needs. I will say some poly relationships do like all members to be involved equally rather than primary. Did the author specify their poly model?
Deleted Member Posted August 8, 2023 Author Posted August 8, 2023 Never settle for less ! Demand it spiritually and you’ll find it ! The best will come for you ! 🌷💋🥰
Deleted Member Posted August 15, 2023 Author Posted August 15, 2023 August 8, Deleted profile said: Never settle for less ! Demand it spiritually and you’ll find it ! The best will come for you ! 🌷💋🥰 Thank you 🥰
Fa**** Posted December 15, 2023 Posted December 15, 2023 On 7/23/2023 at 2:04 AM, Devon286 said: I suspect the third person is already there, in spirit if not in person, in that case... As a D/s couple, my submissive partner wants me to lead on finding appropriate females or couples to connect with. We both enjoy control, *** and discipline and my primary filter is whether a new connection will meet her needs. Men are all too ready to rationalise their choices on the basis of, 'If I like her / her kinks, then my partner will too (or I will persuade her).' As her Daddy dom, I am responsible for our relationship and her emotional security comes first. From experience we know what she likes; either being mildly humiliated and disciplined by a woman, or to be humiliated & disciplined by me in front of another woman and to then watch that woman being disciplined in turn. So to meet her needs and mine, we play with switch females, or those (incl couples) who take pleasure in being disciplined alongside another woman. Any sexual component of play is considered very cautiously There is a a slightly different dynamic when we act in a parental role, but the essential criterium, of her needs being met, remains. Luckily, age and long experience means that now my d**k leads less than my head (just !)
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