Advice and thoughts please.

[AsahinaMika]

is that called gaslighting?

[TheBookCollector]

13 hours ago, ShropshireDom70 said:

Slaves don't make rules. However an element of respect to the slave. After all she is a woman and has given her everything to him.

Incorrect, during the negotiation phase of a relationship both sides set out the rules for the dynamic, also even identifying as a slave she can walkk away free and clear at any point

[do****]

19 hours ago, ShropshireDom70 said:

Slaves don't make rules. However an element of respect to the slave. After all she is a woman and has given her everything to him.

Slaves do not make rules? What is this 1492? Master and slave come to an consensual agreement and understanding. Can they agree that master makes all the rules, yes. The slave still has a choice

[littlemiss37]

19 hours ago, ShropshireDom70 said:

I'd like to point out. That she has a young daughter and can not move for obvious reasons. He was also seeing the woman and went on holiday with her. While still seeing his slave. He still says he remains her owner and wants others to service her after he has vetted them. To preserve her safety
😂😂

what he is doing isn't right.i would personally end it tbh xx

[4R****]

Interesting situation but I don't think it's as completely cut and dried as many (including you) have suggested. 

 

On 7/22/2023 at 3:25 PM, ShropshireDom70 said:

She remained loyal committed and trustworthy throughout the relationship. He however did not.

That right there is a red flag at first glance, but was the agreement for monogamy? If not then he was not unfaithful. 

 

On 7/22/2023 at 3:25 PM, ShropshireDom70 said:

He has now moved the 250 miles to be with this women to carry on their Vanilla relationship.

Something which he is perfectly entitled to do. 

 

On 7/22/2023 at 3:25 PM, ShropshireDom70 said:

Now he still expects to retain ownership of his slave.

Again, this being an M/s relationship he is entitled to expect that if he hasn't released her.

 

On 7/22/2023 at 3:25 PM, ShropshireDom70 said:

To expect her to carry on as if nothing has happened.

He can't expect her to do this - something has happened to fundamentally change the dynamic and he can't expect her to act as if it hasn't.

 

On 7/22/2023 at 3:25 PM, ShropshireDom70 said:

He has said he is going to arrange meets for her. After vetting other Dom men on other sites..

Is being shared with others something she agreed to when entering the dynamic? Has this ever happened in the 6 years they were together? Even if it was agreed, if it's never happened in the past 6 years she can reasonably expect it not to happen now. 

 

On 7/22/2023 at 3:25 PM, ShropshireDom70 said:

Surely he has relinquished ownership as he has left the lifestyle and relationship to be with another woman.

Within an M/s dynamic unless he's released her then he retains ownership.

You've said "he has left the lifestyle", but has he stated this or are you/her assuming it? Without this information you can't assert this position.

Has the new partner agreed to him owning a slave? 

 

On 7/22/2023 at 3:25 PM, ShropshireDom70 said:

She is confused and wants out but worried about the promise she made to him as his slave

If she wants out she should ask for release.
 

Within the M/s world, He owns her and she is His property. He can do pretty much whatever he wants as long as he's not breaking negotiated limits. Of-course, as a slave, she hs the option to ask for release at any time.

However, let's get real........
Every dynamic is based on consent and as she is a human being first, she can withdraw consent at any time. So M/s dynamic aside if she has chosen to leave the dynamic then she can just walk away without a thought about the promises she made, and with her head held high - and there's nothing he can do to stop her.

 

 

[TheBookCollector]

@4RCH, the thing is any slave contract or agreement is not worth the paper its written on as its not legally binding ans cannot be en***d. So she is able to walk away without the permission of the master.

[Ge****]

Yesterday at 11:28 AM, TheBookCollector said:

Incorrect, during the negotiation phase of a relationship both sides set out the rules for the dynamic, also even identifying as a slave she can walkk away free and clear at any point

You assume that there was a negotiation stage. However there was not.

[TheBookCollector]

1 minute ago, ShropshireDom70 said:

You assume that there was a negotiation stage. However there was not.

Regardless of a negotiation or not no slave contract is valid in most western jurisdictions. In fact going the legal route in the uk and us would see you laughed out.of court and probably arrested and charged with human trafficking.

[Ge****]

8 hours ago, 4RCH said:

Interesting situation but I don't think it's as completely cut and dried as many (including you) have suggested. 

 

If she wants out she should ask for release.
 

Within the M/s world, He owns her and she is His property. He can do pretty much whatever he wants as long as he's not breaking negotiated limits. Of-course, as a slave, she hs the option to ask for release at any time.

However, let's get real........
Every dynamic is based on consent and as she is a human being first, she can withdraw consent at any time. So M/s dynamic aside if she has chosen to leave the dynamic then she can just walk away without a thought about the promises she made, and with her head held high - and there's nothing he can do to stop her.

 

 

Nothing was agreed or spoken about. Its her first experience has a Slave. She wasn't aware of any contracts or written agreements, documents or paperwork that should have been available to her. She went along with what he told her. Obeying his every word. He is now living some 250 miles away in the vanilla lifestyle. With his new vanilla lover, living his happy ever after

[Setrion]

On 7/24/2023 at 3:23 AM, AsahinaMika said:

is that called gaslighting?

No, gaslighting is a much more specific term and we should reserve it for those uses. Gaslighting refers to a breakdown of reality where you convince someone that their understanding of what is real is incorrect, and that they can't trust their own senses and/or perceptions and must rely on you to tell them what is true.

 

This is just garden-variety lying. 

[4R****]

5 hours ago, TheBookCollector said:

@4RCH, the thing is any slave contract or agreement is not worth the paper its written on as its not legally binding ans cannot be en***d. So she is able to walk away without the permission of the master.

I’m well aware of that, perhaps go read my comment again. 

[Setrion]

5 hours ago, TheBookCollector said:

@4RCH, the thing is any slave contract or agreement is not worth the paper its written on as its not legally binding ans cannot be en***d. So she is able to walk away without the permission of the master.

This is completely irrelevant. This isn't a matter of law, is a matter of personal honor. The agreement is real *to her* and therefore en***able. To quote the matrix, your mind makes it real. 

What is at issue here is whether she feels betrayed in a way that has enough legitimacy to void their agreement. 

[Pe****]

2 hours ago, ShropshireDom70 said:

Nothing was agreed or spoken about. Its her first experience has a Slave. She wasn't aware of any contracts or written agreements, documents or paperwork that should have been available to her. She went along with what he told her. Obeying his every word. He is now living some 250 miles away in the vanilla lifestyle. With his new vanilla lover, living his happy ever after

Then he has taken complete advantage of her. Hopefully you’ve advised her to do a lot of research into the lifestyle before getting into anything in the future.

[Ge****]

44 minutes ago, PervyPenelope said:

Then he has taken complete advantage of her. Hopefully you’ve advised her to do a lot of research into the lifestyle before getting into anything in the future.

I have indeed and told her to take a break for a while.

[4R****]

6 hours ago, TheBookCollector said:

Regardless of a negotiation or not no slave contract is valid in most western jurisdictions. In fact going the legal route in the uk and us would see you laughed out.of court and probably arrested and charged with human trafficking.

A BDSM contract has no legal standing in any country across the globe. The only person talking about the legal side of things is you. My comment earlier was about the traditions of the M/s dynamic and I went on to say (if you bothered to look before teaching me to suck eggs) that in the real world she is a human being and can walk away. 

[4R****]

3 hours ago, ShropshireDom70 said:

Nothing was agreed or spoken about. Its her first experience has a Slave. She wasn't aware of any contracts or written agreements, documents or paperwork that should have been available to her. She went along with what he told her. Obeying his every word. He is now living some 250 miles away in the vanilla lifestyle. With his new vanilla lover, living his happy ever after

Thanks for the additional info. It sounds to me that this person has taken complete advantage her and used her lack of knowledge to *** his victim.

I think I saw in one of your comments that you’ve advised her to take a break. That’s very sound advice and perhaps when she’s feeling ready she could take some time to read through the plethora of information available to those who engage in this lifestyle and arm herself with knowledge on what to look out for in the future.

I don’t take away from the *** she is feeling however this is unfortunately a common story where someone new has been picked up by an individual claiming to be a Dominant with the sole purpose of abusing his victim.
 

As I said before, she can walk away, head held high and not give a second thought to any ‘promise’ she made. I hope she’s feeling better in herself soon and wish her luck for the future.

 

[Ge****]

2 hours ago, 4RCH said:

Thanks for the additional info. It sounds to me that this person has taken complete advantage her and used her lack of knowledge to *** his victim.

I think I saw in one of your comments that you’ve advised her to take a break. That’s very sound advice and perhaps when she’s feeling ready she could take some time to read through the plethora of information available to those who engage in this lifestyle and arm herself with knowledge on what to look out for in the future.

I don’t take away from the *** she is feeling however this is unfortunately a common story where someone new has been picked up by an individual claiming to be a Dominant with the sole purpose of abusing his victim.
 

As I said before, she can walk away, head held high and not give a second thought to any ‘promise’ she made. I hope she’s feeling better in herself soon and wish her luck for the future.

 

Than you so much for your sound advice and kind support
It's been very much appreciated 😊😊

[Ge****]

I would to say a massive Thank you. On behalf of myself and also my Female Friend. To each and every person Who has offered advice and kind words off support. It's very much appreciated ❤️❤️

[AsahinaMika]

11 hours ago, Setrion said:

No, gaslighting is a much more specific term and we should reserve it for those uses. Gaslighting refers to a breakdown of reality where you convince someone that their understanding of what is real is incorrect, and that they can't trust their own senses and/or perceptions and must rely on you to tell them what is true.

 

This is just garden-variety lying. 

thanks~^^

[MasterDarcy1979]

If she wants out then she have every right to leave.

If a Poly element wasn't discussed prior to the declaration of the D/s relationship then the judge rules on her side and she has every right to dissolve the relationship.

Looking behind the curtain a wee bit here, she might consider herself a "slave" and identify as one, but he doesn't literally own her.

Another issue, what kind of a Dominant would go against the wishes of a submissive or a slave.

Answer: A bad one.

[4R****]

2 hours ago, MasterDarcy1979 said:

Another issue, what kind of a Dominant would go against the wishes of a submissive or a slave.

Answer: A bad one.

Not necessarily true! 
 

I'll give you an example:

sub has an intolerance to dairy and cocoa says - "I want a bar of chocolate"
Dom knowing about how sick the sub will be if he allows her to eat chocolate denies her request - ergo he "goes against the wishes of the sub" (your words) - is he a good Dom or a bad one?

 

here's another whilst I'm on a roll

sub is brand new and has never been restrained or been involved in any kind of BDSM play says she wants to do an extreme *** scene with inverted suspension, water ***, breath play and an extreme whipping and doesn't want a safe word.

What would a good Dom say?
What would a bad Dom say?

If the Dom "goes against the wishes of the sub" is he a good Dom or a bad one?

 

Whilst the scenario in the OP and the additional information make it clear that this particular 'dominant' (and I use this term loosely) was not of good character and has no integrity you can't use this to make a blanket sweeping statement about ALL Dominants in ALL situations.

 

[MasterDarcy1979]

20 hours ago, 4RCH said:

Not necessarily true! 
 

I'll give you an example:

sub has an intolerance to dairy and cocoa says - "I want a bar of chocolate"
Dom knowing about how sick the sub will be if he allows her to eat chocolate denies her request - ergo he "goes against the wishes of the sub" (your words) - is he a good Dom or a bad one?

 

here's another whilst I'm on a roll

sub is brand new and has never been restrained or been involved in any kind of BDSM play says she wants to do an extreme *** scene with inverted suspension, water ***, breath play and an extreme whipping and doesn't want a safe word.

What would a good Dom say?
What would a bad Dom say?

If the Dom "goes against the wishes of the sub" is he a good Dom or a bad one?

 

Whilst the scenario in the OP and the additional information make it clear that this particular 'dominant' (and I use this term loosely) was not of good character and has no integrity you can't use this to make a blanket sweeping statement about ALL Dominants in ALL situations.

 

Look up reductio ad absurdum.

The slave in question isn't making a decision thats going to be bad for them, on the contrary. It's a relationship that they no longer wish to be a part of.

To *** a human being to do something against their will, which would ultimately be detrimental and would impact their mental health, is ***. And can lead to prison.

Edited July 28, 2023 by MasterDarcy1979

[Si****]

Unless she agreed to this new arrangement then the dynamic has become frustrated and is void. It's time she made her own mind up and decide if she wants this new relationship. If she doesn't then he should with all good conscience release her from his ownership. Not doing so is a reflection of him and his lack of concern for her.

[Ge****]

As I've said in previous quotes. NO Agreements were mentioned, spoken about, agreed. That was her very first Master/Slave Dynamic. She was an extremely Willing Loyal Slave. Who followed rules and directions meticulously. She knew know difference.