Cognitive dissonance of being a switch.

[he****]

I love being a submissive and dominant, but something about loving both makes me uncomfortable.

The traits, attributes, and personality of both ultimately are contrary to each other. When I feel submissive, I worry about my partner and their pleasure, become very empathetic. On the other hand, when I feel dominant, I worry about my pleasure and become more selfish. I'll admit there is an element of selfishness when I am submissive. However, it feels less important while in that head space.

Now, I realize that both of those feelings are valid. I just can't help but feel uneasy over it. I haven't figured out how to reconcile both sides of me to the point where I feel comfortable being both. My mind wants one or the other, but my feelings say otherwise. I don't know if this will ever stop, but I hope I can accept myself more soon.

I had no point. I simply felt like venting.

Anyone else feel the same way?

[Deleted Member]

Nope. When I'm submissive, it's all about pleasing her in any way possible or whatever is requested from me. When I'm dominant, it's all about pleasing her in ways that I know she enjoys, and forcing her to do things that keep her wet and horny. I'll get mine eventually 👍

[ni****]

I absolutely feel the same. Being a switch is exactly as you describe and it's based on how you're feeling. But it's also important to describe to your partner how you're feeling and what you want, managing clear expectations is important

[Je****]

I like to try and remember that whilst dominant, you're pleasing them, by allowing them to please you. It's an exchange, and I think you're over thinking a little. Just relax and let yourself enjoy the moment, no matter which side of the coin your on.

[Tr****]

The duality can be daunting at times. I was confused about my feelings for a long time. I second guessed everything I did and had doubts all the time. Now what being a switch means to me is letting go. When being a sub it's to let go of all control to someone else. When being a dom it means to let go of all hesitation and go for what i want. Thought I'd share my perspective as a fellow switch.

[Deleted Member]

Definitely an overthinking moment, my friend. Regardless, you are pleasing your partner and by extension pleasing yourself. There really is no dichotomy in you. Whether sub or dom you care about your partner's pleasure and well-being. Just my 2 cents.

[Deleted Member]

It's crazy cause I'm more dominant than anything. When I sub it gets complicated cause I don't physically enjoy it, but I enjoy the girl liking it. Like I hate pegging, but when I'm alone and think about her face in the mirror as she fucks me the image turns me on. In the moment I just feel this is kinda wack. I don't even understand why

[as****]

Whoever gets physically serviced more is pretty irrelevant... no mater which way the power play occurs both parties should be pleased and get something out of the actions taken, as well as have some concern that the other person is getting those as well....
Indulging one person's desires more for a set time is just what play is, it's not selfish and if done right self indulgence should be pleasant for the other party too!