Boundaries Outside of Dynamics

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, spyder89 said:

I have read what I have seen on the app are there things missing I'm not sure my point is not targeted at whether you had foreknowledge or not if you didn't it is another matter but that is something else.

The thing that I am getting at is when you get involved with honestly anyone in a dynamic to some extent you do have to conform to some of the preset things in said dynamic but it is a give and take kinda thing as it is in any form of relationship.

Communication is going to be a key thing here. And so is compromise at least to an extent. You want transparency that is fine but my point was more geared toward the fact that if you come into a position where that transparency turns to problems you stated at one point that you ran into problems with you being transparent my question for you and I think someone else asked the same question did you inform the person you were going to contact their partner or did you just do it. Did you talk to them about your need for transparency or not. You keep stating that you feel a dynamic shouldn't control an outside individual and you are right to an extent. It shouldn't. But the question remains is there proper communication there or is neither side really truly communicating.

You said you had no foreknowledge why not was it that they had lied was it you not asking questions a combination.

I am not trying to upset you but I am asking questions to try to get you to think

Yes, in my multiple encounters, there was lying, omission and deception. I think the conversation about open relationships was more of a side topic than the main content but, I am happy we got to navigate it.

I do agree about communication being necessary. Since everyone has their own protocols (dynamic or not), I think, ideally,  it would be each individual's responsibility to disclose their expectations and requirements.

But I do agree about staying away from dynamics/relationships that won't allow all the members to consent for themselves. That for me is extremely risky. I also set up my own protocols for vetting to avoid more interactions with folks in dynamics intending to harm (ex. Cheaters).

For me, asking for transparency is how trust is built. I am not seeking to control anyone. It is a requirement of respect. Being on the other side, I was never offended when a woman needed to verify with me. I did not feel they were violating my consent by wanting to make sure they didn't overstep. Tbh, I felt respected even more. They cared about my well being. They were exploring a new type of love and intimacy that might really benefit them in their personal growth. And I was honored that our dynamic could serve them. 

I know not everyone thinks like that. So, ultimately, I do think it's wise to include in my protocol that if I cannot verify with both partners, I will not engage.